Bound, Unbroken

It hurts. A vise holds my heart of stone in place. A prison. I should not feel. I am not allowed to do so.

And yet...

It is her... that which I breathe... and through her do I live.

Everyday, I stare into her eyes and I wonder if she can see my soul. I wonder if I still have a soul, for long ago was it forfeited. Beneath my well-constructed mask of indifference I gaze at her smile.

How can she smile?

How can I smile?

What would it be like to act out of feeling? A moment of spontaneity... nothing pre-meditated. Nothing calculated.

To just... be...

Some people dream of money.

Others dream of fame.

People dream of other people.

I dream of dreaming.

I lay in my cold bed every night, eyes wide open, a random female body slumbering at my side. Where is sleep? Where are the dreams that will make me smile? The dreams that will make me forget who I am?

It is a curse. This name I bear brands my skin like liquid silver. Cursed to a life of single-mindedness. A life of revenge.

A life of evil.

A life of slavery.

I am cursed. My hands are fists at my sides and I keep myself from touching her. Her innocence emanating from the core of her being that I can smell the very essence of her purity.

She shall never be mine... and for that I am thankful. She shall remain in her beauty this way. No cold hands to touch her warm cheek. No soulless beast to...

I walk down these halls for a last time. I freeze. She's standing in front of me. I open my mouth willing the hurtful word to come out. But my throat is dry...

She looks at me. No derision. Just the mild curiosity that is so a part of her and I watch it slowly dawn on her small face.

And something that is almost understanding... and... love?

Is this what love looks like?

I wouldn't know...

My hand lifts of its own accord. I do nothing to stop it. Outside of myself, I watch as my fingertips gently touch her cheek. Something surges throughout my body.

I hurt.

Her softness is drawn into me... her warmth... it tingles under my fingertips until I ache. All of me aches... even my helpless heart that was long ago forgotten sealed away in a cage of loneliness and misery.

And then a realization...

I am bound to her.

Ridiculous the notion...

A being without heart or soul... a slave to him...

A willing slave to her.

"Why?"

She finally asks the only question that she doesn't know the answer to.

"I don't know..."

Neither do I.

But one thing is certain.

She is my salvation. My angel.

With her, I shall find myself.

We shall break down the walls of my heart.

We shall find my soul.

And perhaps then...

I shall be able to truly love her.

She cries like a child in need

a glass dome that makes her feel

Beyond the stars lies

the possibility of elevation

In some degree of faith and subliminal unreality

she closes her eyes and dreams

of milk and cookies

hugs and kisses

and love