I Don't

Hi!

Well, I wrote this one afternoon when I was an inch from dying of boredom, and I only submitted it because of Mari/Pheonixflame-- Your comments and suggestions made this so much better. Thanks for everything!

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How can I love some one I don't even like? Severus Snape asked himself as he relaxed by the Black Lake. As he sat alone, he appeared to be studying. But to an examining eye, one who looked closer would see that studying textbooks was the last thing he was doing. Inky letters written on fading parchment couldn't hold his attention for long. Not when Lily Evans was mere feet away from him.

Severus sat, completely alone, underneath a large oak tree. The thick leaves and shade shadowed him from the glaring afternoon sunshine, as well as the eyes of the other Hogwarts students.

She's a Mudblood. She's nothing but filth, he told himself as he struggled to regain his attention. But as he watched her swimming in the lake with three of her smiling friends, his heart melted as a burning candle would.

Her red hair was slightly damp from splashing and swimming, but to Severus, she only looked even more beautiful. Her laugh was so soothing, so peaceful to hear.

I could listen to her laugh all day long. He sighed while gritting his teeth. But she's a Mudblood. She's only a filthy, dirty Muggle-born.

Sighing, he gathered his books and packed them into a book bag as he tried to sneak unnoticed from underneath the tree. But when he heard one horrible voice, he retreated behind the shadows, which offered shelter.

"Oi, Evans!" James Potter called, running and splashing into the lake.

"Potter," Lily said defiantly as she nodded to him, her smile suddenly fading. "Pity you showed up," she spat. "Because I was just leaving." Sighing, she swam to the edge of the lake and jumped out. An echoed charm came through the air, and Severus identified it as a drying charm.

Severus' eyes followed her as her graceful steps walked to the castle. How can anyone be as beautiful as she is? he asked himself. For a moment, the thought of darting from the tree and chasing after her entered his mind. He might actually be able to hold a conversation with her, talk to her. Smiling, he decided just to go. He had to. Who knew when another opportunity like this would present itself?

But as he secured his bag on his shoulder and inhaled a deep breath, his hope was dashed.

"Oh no you don't, Evans," James called after her, racing towards her and grabbing a hold of her. He threw her over his shoulder and ran back to the lake with her flailing in his arms.

"You put me down right now, Potter!" she demanded, punching her fists into his back and screaming.

"Yeah, James, put the lady down," another voice said. When Severus peered back to the source of it, he saw Sirius, Remus and Peter.

"Sirius! Make him put me down!" she screamed to him, continuing to let her arms wave.

Sirius laughed. "Sorry, Evans. No can do." He shrugged and gave her a mischievous smirk.

He and his other two friends continued their walk to the lake, and they dove in, chasing after Lily's other friends. "Hey, ladies!" Sirius called, swimming to them as they giggled.

Severus couldn't move. If he did, not only would he be seen by perfect Potter, but he would also be noticed by Lily. And she couldn't know that he had been watching her.

I mean, it's not like I was stalking her or anything. He sighed as he thought. But she just wouldn't understand. She doesn't know how much I care about her. She just... wouldn't understand.

"James Potter, you put me down this instant!" Lily fought. James laughed at her and secured her higher once again.

"Sorry, Lils," he laughed, walking back to the lake as she refused to stop struggling.

How can he do that do her? Doesn't he respect her at all? Severus thought, fuming. But a voice that wondered its way into his thoughts sneered as it whispered, Is he disrespecting her as much as you did when you called her a Mudblood? With his fists clenched, he wanted to scream. Never before in his life had he felt such emotion, had such feelings for another human being.

What is this? he asked himself as he watched the two of them head back to the lake. Love, the other voice whispered. You love her. You might be able to hide it from everyone else, but not from yourself.

Huffing at his thoughts, he made his mind up. I have to help her. Who knows what he'll do to her if I don't?

But as he pushed himself from the shade of the tree, ready to curse the very skin from James' bones, he gasped. Long before, the screaming and refusing of Lily's voice had stopped, but Severus hadn't noticed, as he was listening to his own thoughts. His eyes looked at the sight in front of him, and it felt as though a knife had been plunged into his heart at the same time fire ants had penetrated through his skin. Lily stood on the ground once again, and James' arms were wrapped around her, holding her close as he whispered something softly in her ear.

He had always known that James had fancied Lily, but she had always been nothing less than rude and hateful to him. Nothing of the scene in front of his eyes made sense to him.

As much as he wanted to look away, he couldn't. The sight in front of his eyes had grabbed his attention; no matter as much as he tried to avert his eyes, an invisible glue held them firmly in place.

When did this happen? he asked himself as he continued to watch them, his eyes bulging in disbelief. She hates him.

After what seemed like hours of watching, they returned, hand in hand, back to the lake.

Severus' jaw was nearly on the ground when he watched them laugh and talk during their short journey back. How could she love him?

But he sneaked as quietly as he could back to the castle, hoping that he wouldn't be spotted by Potter or any of his friends.

"Oi, Snivellus!" someone called to him, sneering. "You weren't hiding in that tree, were you?" He then heard laughter and decided to ignore the other students.

"Yeah, Snivelly," a voice he identified as James' laugh called, "aren't you coming to swim with us? It would do that hair of yours wonders!" he laughed.

"Yeah," Sirius taunted, "how about you come wash that grease from your face?" He took a fist full of water and flung it at him. Drenching him, it hit him square in the back. His face turned in place to face the others in the lake. After he had snarled at them once, he turned and continued walking.

Although he wanted to curse them and retort, he couldn't. There were far more of them than he could handle, and they would only make a fool of him in the eyes of Lily.

"What's the matter, Snape?" James called, jumping from the lake and chasing after him. "Are you scared of a little water?" Before he could blink, James was upon him, holding his arms behind his back.

"Come on, Snivelly, let's go swim!" he laughed.

"James!" Lily reprimanded firmly. "Let him go." It made Severus' heart flutter to hear Lily standing up for him, but embarrassment and anger were the dominant emotions he felt as James forced him to walk in front of him.

"Ah, but Lily, we could just have a little bit of fun," he answered, laughing, leading Severus to the lake and feigning throwing him in.

"No, James. Let him go," she said, making eye contact with Severus.

"As you wish," James laughed, releasing him. In an instant, Severus had fallen into the lake. His long, black robes were saturated with the lake water, and his greasy hair fell into this eyes.

The others were laughing at him as he pulled himself from the lake, dripping with mud and water.

"James, not again!" Lily whined as she glared at him. She jumped swiftly out of the water and struggled to fall in step with Severus as he stormed back to the castle.

But he was so furious, and so thankful that it hadn't been worse, that he didn't even notice Lily's voice calling for him.

"Hey!" He turned, and his black eyes met with her green ones. "I'm sorry about all of that. James was way out of line," she said.

But before Severus could reply politely, displaying how thankful he was for her kindness, a horrible, furious part of his temper took over.

"Look, Mudblood, I don't need your condolences! I could care less about you or your pathetic boyfriend. Now just leave me alone before you make me do something I regret!" he snarled, leaving her standing on the grass blankly. But as soon as the words had left his lips, he kicked himself for it.

Well done, Severus, he mocked himself. If that's how you treat the woman you love, woe to any of your enemies, the little voice hissed once more.

But once he had stormed to the front doors of the castle, every emotion tried to control him as he took one last look to the lake. Lily had returned to the others, and they were only dots now, splashing and laughing in the afternoon sunshine.

But in his heart, he knew that his last words he would ever speak to Lily Evans were the ones he had insulted her with that afternoon. No matter ho much he loved her and wished that things could be different, he knew that they could never be. She was more than happy just being with her friends and James (however mad she was with him), and things couldn't be different. Severus wouldn't let them be because the threat of getting hurt even more than he all ready was would be too great. And with one last thought, he entered the castle, refusing to take another glance at the only woman he had ever loved.

I don't love that Mudblood.