Daddy's Favorite

I, SIRIUS ORION BLACK, in accordance with the laws and regulations of the Ministry for Magic of Great Britain, and within the metes and bounds thereof, do hereby ordain the following last will and testament.

To REMUS LUPIN, know that I have loved you as much as any friend could love another. That our time together was cut so cruelly short I will regret for all eternity, as I know you will as well. Although it is little enough, I leave you the sum of one hundred thousand galleons, with the hope that it will ease your path of the unjust pain you have suffered. More importantly I leave you the most precious thing in my possession, the guardianship of HARRY JAMES POTTER, my godson, who has been the only bright thing in a very dark life these past many years. I also leave you the property known as Number Seven Dawnhope Gardens, in the City of Dublin. This property was acquired by my mother as an investment a few weeks before her death , and to my knowledge has never been touched or sullied by the family Black. Although I have never visited the house, I am told that it is very pleasant and that, like 12 Grimmauld Place, it is unplottable. It is my dear wish that you may one day make a home for Harry and yourself there, far from the foul memories you both carry. I go to my grave with the hope that the two people I love most in the world may find joy and peace in each other.

To ARTHUR AND MOLLY WEASLEY, I leave my gratitude for the love you have shown my darling Harry. You and your family have provided him with the support and safety he has needed so badly through so many dangers and so much pain. I name you the guardians of HARRY JAMES POTTER in the event that REMUS LUPIN should for any reason be unable to fulfill his duties. I also leave you and your family the sum of fifty thousand galleons in a small effort at expressing my gratitude.

To RONALD WEASLEY and HERMIONE GRANGER I leave my respect and profound gratitude for the love and friendship they have given my Harry. To each of you I leave the sum of ten thousand galleons, to be used for your own personal needs and pleasures.

To NYMPHADORA TONKS I want to say that you have been the only one of my relatives to have earned my love and regard these many years. To you I leave the sum of twenty-five thousand galleons.

Finally, to HARRY JAMES POTTER, I leave you with the profoundest love I can give. No father could have treasured a child as much as I have treasured you. I await joyfully the long distant day when you may join me again, in a place where I may finally show your parents what a wonderful son they have. In the meantime I give you the remainder of my worldly goods, possessions, and property, detailed in full in the appendices to this document. This consists in general of the property known as Twelve Grimmauld Place, otherwise known as the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black; the contents of Gringotts Vaults 324, 891, and 783; and various properties, both corporate and real, both Wizarding and Muggle, located throughout Great Britain and Europe. It is my wish that you make Twelve Grimmauld Place fully your own. Let all reminders of my foul family be erased, let the Most Noble House of Potter be created on the ashes of the Black legacy. Should you find it too painful to continue possession of the House, I understand. I only ask that you allow our mutual friends to make use of the property as long as they require, and that you then have the House completely demolished and the lot sold with proceeds donated to an appropriate charity of your choosing. Just make sure the donation is in your name, not that of my family.

I also direct that ALBUS DUMBLEDORE examine all contents of Gringotts Vault 783 prior to HARRY JAMES POTTER taking possession. ALBUS DUMBLEDORE is to use what means he finds best to render the contents of said vault safe for my godson or any other innocent. In the event that any item cannot be rendered safe, I direct ALBUS DUMBLEDORE to destroy the item if practicable, or to remove it to some undisclosed location for safekeeping if not.

I have enclosed personal letters for all of you. I hope that these better convey the messages I wish you to understand.

SIRIUS ORION BLACK

The following letter was among those enclosed with the will. It was addressed to Albus Dumbledore.

Dumbledore,

I will not pretend that we have ever been the closest of friends, therefore I will not take the liberty of using your first name. Dumbledore you have been to me since the first day I entered Hogwarts, and Dumbledore you will remain, even as I go now to a place of which even you have no knowledge.

I do not know the circumstances of my death, obviously. Whatever my talents, divination is not among them. However it seems likely that I will have died at the hands of Voldemort and/or his minions. I will assume this is the case and press on accordingly.

First you should not blame yourself for what has happened. I do not know if you will, but in case you do, I ask you to stop. I have never been one to listen overmuch to advice, instruction, or orders from anyone else. I suspect that I have died as I have lived, that is as a consequence of my own decisions.

Secondly you must make sure that Harry and Remus do not blame themselves. Not knowing the circumstances of my death, I must necessarily be somewhat vague in this discussion. But once again I am sure that my death has been in large part a result of my own choices. If they are blaming themselves you must exert your utmost effort to get them to stop. Both of them have suffered quite enough without carrying the burden of my life and death.

But that is the very thing about which I must speak now, Dumbledore. You see, I have a certain suspicion, or perhaps it would be better to say a set of suspicions about the way you regard my godson and my best friend. About the one I hope fervently that I am right. About the other I hope that I am wrong, although I do not believe that I am.

First with regard to Harry. You love him, don't you Dumbledore? I don't blame you, I suppose it goes without saying. It would take a dark miracle for anyone this side of Severus not to love Harry. He is the most remarkable boy I have ever known. James, wonderful as he was, could not hold a candle to his son. That hurts for me to admit, but it is true. James was the best friend I ever had. I used to believe that I would never find anyone to match him, much less to surpass him. I was wrong. Harry has all of James' nobility, his courage, and his wits, with none of his arrogance.

I am afraid that I have not been the best of godfathers to Harry, or the best of friends to James. It has been all too easy for me to confuse the two of them. I might have argued with Molly about that, but I know that she is right. I even scolded Harry for refusing to take chances the way James would have done. Yes, I have been a very poor friend and godfather. For that I blame the dementors. You see, when you are in their clutches time has little meaning. Twelve years of my life might as well not have existed, and another two were spent dodging the Ministry. I suppose emotionally I am all of nineteen years old.

Snivellus and I have that in common. Both of us are only nineteen in our hearts. Both of us believe that Harry is James. I was in the clutches of dementors. Snivellus tortured himself almost as badly as a dementor might have done. Both of us have looked to Harry, grasping him as our emotional foundation. In my case Harry has been the foundation of my love. In Snape's case Harry has been the keystone of his hate.

We have something else in common; we are both to blame for our fates. I know you have shed many tears of worry and pity for Snape and me. It is a futile exercise. I chose my own fate through anger and haste. Snivellus has chosen his through bitterness and resentment. I know, I can hear you now. You trust Severus Snape. Oddly enough, so do I. That is I trust him not to betray you or the Order so long as Voldemort remains a threat. But I do not trust that he has the same goals or intentions as the rest of us. Never forget, whatever sniveling he does, that Snape follows no one's agenda but his own, he holds no good paramount but his own, he pursues no advantage other than his own. Although I have no confidence that you will listen, I send you one piece of advice from my side of the grave - once Voldemort is dead, waste no time in removing your beloved potions master from Hogwarts. His loyalty is secured only by the threat of Voldemort. Once that is gone forever, he will not hesitate to employ whatever treachery he must to secure his own ends.

But back to Harry. I know that you love him Dumbledore. I am afraid, however, that you will destroy him with that awful innocence of yours. I was amazed this year when I realized just how naive you are. I had thought that surely 146 years of life would alert you to reality. But I suppose you have never known the touch of the dementor have you? Nor, if I had to guess, would I say that you truly grasp the depths of the emotion that motivates Snivellus.

I came to understand that just this past Spring. It was the day Remus and I informed you that Snivellus had refused to give Harry any more occlumency lessons. I had thought you would expect such a development. Well, maybe not expect it. I have to admit that I was amazed when Harry first told us. I had not thought that Snape would so casually disobey a direct instruction, even if you were no longer in residence at Hogwarts. But you are Dumbledore the Great and Wise, and after I calmed down (which I grant took quite a while) I thought surely that you would have planned against such a contingency. Therefore imagine my horror when I saw the surprise and dismay on your face, and I heard you say that matters had entered a dangerous pass. I believe your comment was something to the effect that "We must now practice Alastor's advice about constant vigilance, and hope that Tom makes no move before we can retrieve Harry from Hogwarts."

In other words, you didn't have a plan. You had pinned everything on your belief that Snivellus could act like an adult, even Merlin help us like a teacher, for once in his wasted and worthless existence. In spite of everything, in spite of the repeated protests of Remus and me, in spite of Snape's five years of showing nothing but contempt for Harry, in spite of Snivellus' own continued commentary concerning James, you thought that, when push came to shove, Snape would be able to somehow put everything aside because it was the right thing to do. I have to admit that the realization left me breathless.

And that memory what truly terrifies me when I think of leaving Harry and Remus in your care. Have you ever heard of the wisdom of dementors? Neither had I, actually. It was something I read about in the Prophet, a theory put forward by someone who once served time in Azkaban for petty theft. This worthy thief argued that subjection to the dementors left you in possession of a truth generally denied to most men. He mentioned a Muggle philosopher named Nietzsche, who once said "That which does not kill you makes you stronger." I always thought that a wizard said that, but evidently not. In any case the dementors teach you that the Muggle was wrong. Things that do not kill you often leave you weaker; scarred, bitter, vulnerable, and weaker.

I am afraid that you don't understand this, Dumbledore. Bloody Hell, I'm sure that you don't understand it. You have this romantic idea in your heart that everything can be made right, that all memories can be used as a foundation to healing.

But that is a dangerous belief. Harry and Remus both bear far too many evil memories. They are hampered by this, weakened by it, drained by it. I am very afraid that you will try to insist that they face their pasts, that they draw strength from overcoming so much pain. I think perhaps you even believed that about me. Did you not say something very similar to me when I first took up residence in this thrice-damned house?

The past cannot always be faced, Dumbledore. It cannot always be overcome. It cannot always be transfigured into something useful. Often the past is only an open wound, a story of horror and humiliation that saps strength and poisons the soul.

Some pasts must be faced, Dumbledore. Others, however, must be denied. Harry and Remus cannot face their pasts. Take this piece of wisdom from one who has known the caresses of the dementor. They each have pasts that can only be fled. That is why I have left Remus both the guardianship and the house in Dublin. I hope that he will be able to craft a safe haven there, a place where evil spirits do not abide.

I warn you Dumbledore, do not interfere with their flight. You, in your awful innocence, would probably urge them not to hide from their pain, but to face it. You would urge them to use their agony as the foundation for future strength.

But the wisdom of the dementor reveals this to be a vain and destructive delusion. Let them flee Dumbledore. Let them deny the horrible memories that would cripple them. In your well meaning meddling you will destroy them, as yes, you have come close to destroying me.

I have told you not to blame yourself for my death. I also forgive you for my misery. I realize now that you were an innocent, and did not know what you did when you condemned me to this place. I think now that you have been curiously innocent in much that you have done, naively confident that all wounds can be healed, all damage undone, all pain turned to strength. But now you have been warned, and know that I, at least, will hold you innocent no longer should you ignore my warning. In whatever world to which I now journey, I will await your account of my beloved godson and my wonderful friend. And if I find that you have allowed your horrible optimism to ruin their lives, I shall spend all eternity to achieve a reckoning.

SIRIUS BLACK