A Letter That Cannot Be Read

     ~A Letter That Can Not Be Read ~

~I watch the walls around me crumble

But it's not like I won't build them up again

    Dear You,

I miss you. I would never say it out loud but I do. It hurts to know that you left me. I sometimes wonder if you ever cared. It hurts like hell, and there’s nothing I can do. You left me. You broke my heart, and no matter how many books I read, no matter how many times I analysis it, I can’t fix it. I know that.

~So here's your last chance for redemption

So take it while it lasts cause it will end

I can’t stop looking at you. I can’t stop remembering. Did you know that I remember everything? I remember the first day you told me you didn’t hate me, we were in potion’s class. We had to work together to make the draught of peace. Both of are hand touched the same jar. I moved mine back; you just went on with business like nothing had happened. I started at you. I didn’t mean to but I couldn’t help it. You noticed. You asked me what was wrong. I asked you why you took the jar before wiping it off because it had Mud-blood scum, and we all know how much you hate muggle-born people. You looked at me with you storm gray eyes and told me you didn’t hate me. It made me feel something I never felt before.

~My tears are turning into time

I'm wasting trying to find

a reason for goodbye

After that things became better. True you still hated Harry and Ron but not me. Some how that was okay. I remember how you stared at me. You thought I didn’t see, but I did. I stared at you as well. I don’t think you noticed. Once I turned at caught you staring at me. We locked eyes for a few seconds before you smiled. I will always have a picture of that in my mind.

~I can't live with you

can't breathe without you

I remember the night at the beginning of seventh year when we went patrolling as Head Boy and Girl. I couldn’t forget even if I wanted to. We were walking down the staircase to the grate hall. We weren’t speaking but I had never been more aware of another persons' presence. We were half way down the stairs when we heard a noise. We both spun around quickly and I lost my balance. I began to fall backwards when you strong arms came around me. You pulled me close to your chest and held on to me while I regained my footing. I looked up from you broad chest to your face. I saw you silver eyes looking back at me with an emotion I had never seen before. You didn’t let go immediately, you just held me long after I had my balance back. Although being in suck close contact with you was making me dizzy. Only after the noise was made again did you let go. You went up the stairs to see what made the noise, and I followed. It was a Ravenclaw first year that had lost her way back to her common room. You were nice to her. I startled me, in a pleasant way. That was a magical night that I still dream about.

~I'm dreaming about you

Honestly, tell me that it’s over

I miss that night. I miss all the others as well. I miss the night that I was studying in the Astronomy tower the night before a test. It was a chilly night and I was just wearing jeans, a shirt, and a jumper. I was shivering, but I wouldn’t go in. I had to study plus I liked it outside. When the cold finally became too much and I was about to go inside, I felt some heavy fabric being draped on my shoulders. It was a black cloak with the Slytherin symbol on it. I looked up for the cloak to see you. You wore black pants and a black button down shirt. You just stared at me before finally setting down beside me. I didn’t notice the book you cared with you left hand until you lent against the same wall I was sitting against and opened it. I never noticed the title. Of course as always I was aware of you presence. We sat beside each other in comfortable silence. Most of the time when someone sat close beside me it made me nervous, not you. You calmed me; you made me feel at peace. You cloak kept me warm. I was content. It made my head spin that I could be at peace setting next to someone I once hated.

~Cause if the world is spinning

and I'm still living,

it won't be right if we're not in it together

I finished studying, but I didn’t want to leave. I glanced at you to see you still reading. You looked content, content but cold. I still had you cloak wrapped around me. I couldn’t let you set here and be cold, but I couldn’t leave you. I didn’t want to leave you, ever. So I did the only thing I could think of. I sat my book beside me and took the cloak off my shoulders. You glanced over at me. You looked sad. Was it because you didn’t want me to leave? I had no idea. I smiled at you before pulling out my wand and placing an enlargement charm on your cloak, and then I slipped it around both of our shoulders. You placed and arm around me to bring me closer. I snuggled into your side and rested my head on you shoulder. The last thing I remember is feeling your lips on my forehead before sleep took me over. I woke up the next morning in my bed in the head girls’ room with you cloak laying over me.

~Tell me that it's over

and I'll be the first to go

don't want to be the last to know

For the next few weeks I seemed to see you were ever I went. Not that I minded. I liked spending time with you. We never spoke; we just settled into comfortable silence. Me studying, sometimes you would study as well or read a book. I went to the library one night to study. I expected to see you waiting for me at the back table, as always, you weren't there. Again you had made me feel another strange emotion.

~I won't be the one to chase you

But at the same time you're

the heart that I call home

I was hurt by you not begin with me and I found it hard to concentrate. I was just about to give up and leave when I noticed a note in the chair next to me. I opened and it read - Meet me in the Astronomy tower. ~D. I smiled as I gathered up my things and headed to the Astronomy tower.

~I'm always stuck with these emotions

and the more I try to feel the less I'm whole

When I reached the tower I saw the two most beautiful things I’d ever laid eyes on. Next to the wall there was a dark blue blanket lain on the cold stone floor. Folded up on top of the other blanket was a dark green one. At the head of the blanket there were three purple candles. I wonder if you picked those colors because they were my favorites. Of course that was ridiculous, you didn’t know my favorite color. Did you? You looked up at me from were you sat next to the blanket. You smiled at me. Not a smirk, not a sneer, but a real smile. It took my breath away.

~My tears are turning into time

I'm wasting trying to find

a reason for goodbye

We spent the night lying on top of the tower looking at the stars. You held my hand. To some that may seem stupid, to get so excited over something like holding a persons hand, but I did. Just being in contact with you body made my heart beat faster. It must have been around midnight when we left the tower. You held my hand and walked me to the common room. Just outside the common room you turned me around to face you. You looked deep into my eyes. When you do that I thought you could see into my soul. I felt you right hand on the side of my face. You asked me if I hated you. I thought it was a stupid thing to ask, never the less I answered. I told you that I didn’t hate you, I told you that I liked you and you made me feel special and I couldn’t understand why. You smiled at me. Then you asked me another question. This on took me by surprise. You asked me if you could kiss me. I had no idea why you asked. I had no idea what to say, I was still not sure about our relationship. Of course all I had to do was look into those storm gray eyes to see that you were nervous. Did you think I would say no? That was even more stupid.

~ I can't live with you

can't breathe without you

I dream about you

You kissed me. It was magical, and as I found the first of many to come. Each one was a soft, sweet and passionate as the first. I still dream about them. I still dream about a lot of things. Like the first time we worked together in potions class after we had began to like each other more and more. I remember when Harry and Ron found out. They were furious. They asked me how I could betray them. How I could have feeling for you. It killed me that I could lose two of my best friends. Ginny seemed to understand. I suppose that because she once fell in love with someone who was evil she understood. The only difference was you are not evil. After three weeks of not speaking to me Harry and Ron approached me in the common room. Harry had a letter in his hand.

~Honestly tell me that it's over

Cause if the world is spinning

and I'm still living,

it won't be right if we're not in it together

The letter in Harry’s hand was from you. He handed it to me. Neither he nor Ron said a word. I read it. It was not what I expected. It read-

     Potter and Weasley,

I know I’m not your favorite of people. Hell I’m positive you hate me, but this isn’t about me. It’s about Hermione. For some odd reason this wonderful woman, this vision of loveliness, this loving and caring person, is your friend. I don’t find it odd that she is your friend; I find it odd that after she is such a good friend to you, you throw her away as if she is nothing. I suppose it is all because of me. I can’t change my feelings for her, and I hope she can’t change her feelings for me. I’ve cared about her for longer then I would ever care to admit. I became fascinated with her in our 6th year. I finally began to notice how truly wonderful she is. I am grateful every night that she is with me, that she doesn’t hate me. She has brought so much into my life in such a short amount of time. She has been your friend for six years. I can only imagine what she has given you. She cried when she told me about the fight you had. I’ve never seen her cry. I hope I never do again. She misses both of you. I can never give her the friendship that she has with the two of you. I’m not writing this to threaten you. I’m writing this to tell you that I love her. I love Hermione Granger. I do not know if she loves me back. She has never told me. I don’t even know if she knows I love her. I don’t want to see her hurt. Potter, Weasley you and I will never be friends. I can’t even begin to picture that. I know I have been evil to both of you, but don’t take it out on Hermione. I don’t want her to have to choose between me and her best friends because I know she’ll chose you. I don’t think I could ever say I’m sorry. So this will have to do.

~Tell me that it's over

and I'll be the first to go

don't want to be the last to know

You signed your name to the bottom. I was at a loss for words. You loved me? I couldn’t believe it. Harry and Ron, however, could. We started talking again. Everything went back to normal. True they still didn’t like you, but they didn’t hate you as bad as the use to. I was truly happy. I had my two best friends back and I had the man I love.

~ Over, over, over

My tears are turning into time

Many wonderful things followed. Like the first time we went to Hogsmeade together. It was magical. I remember on Halloween morning you sent me a pumpkin pastry with a note that told me happy Halloween. It was so sweet. The memory always makes me smile. I remember in early November, you told me for the first time that you loved me. You said you weren’t good with words and feeling, but you knew that there could be know other name for the way you felt about me. I told you I loved you too. I still remember how the kiss that followed felt. It was so full of love.

~ I'm wasting trying to find

a reason for goodbye

In late November was when every thing fell apart. Voldemort attacked Hogsmeade. He was trying to get to the school. He under estimated the charms on the school so his planed failed.

~I can't live with you

can't breathe without you

I dream about you

We were at War, and the whole wizarding world knew it. People were choosing sides. I, of course, chose to fight with Harry and Dumbledore against Voldemort. I didn’t know which side you were on.

~ Honestly tell me that it's over

Cause if the world is spinning

and I'm still living,

it won't be right if we're not in it together

You sent me an owl one week ago telling me to meet you in the Astronomy tower. I had hoped are meeting would be you telling me that you had joined my side. I was wrong.

     ~The Event~

You stood at the edge of the wall, looking out over the grounds of Hogwarts. You blond hair hung around your ears and you gray eyes seemed sad. You still wore your school robes and you seemed tense. I walked over to you and placed my hand on your back. The muscles tightened instead of relaxing as they normally did.

“Draco,” I asked. “What’s wrong?" You still didn’t look at me. You just sighed.

You took a deep breath and said, “Hermione, do you love me?”

I was a little confused by your question. “Of course, I love you. You know that right?”

You sighed again. “You can’t love me. It will only make things harder.” You finally turned to face me. “Hermione this can’t work between us.”

I was taken aback. I felt like I couldn’t breath. “What do you mean,” I whispered. I didn’t think I could talk any louder.

“Don’t you get it?” You spat your words. “You’re a good little Gryfindor and I’m not. You’re in Dumbledore’s golden trio, I’m not!”

I felt the tears spring in my eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Gods don’t you get it? My family has been dark witches and wizards since the beginning. That’s not going to change.”

I let the tears fall. “Draco, you’re not like your family. You’re a good man. You’re the man I love. The man that loves me.” I saw a change in your face at my words. Whatever it was you quickly masked it.

“I’m exactly like my father, Granger.” I shuddered when you said my last name. Some thing was wrong. “If you love me then that is entirely your problem.”

I tried to hold back my tears; I tried not to scream out in pain. “Draco, what’s the matter with you?” I reached out to touch you but you backed away. “Why are you doing this to me. You love me.” My voice was breaking.

You laughed. It was harsh and bitter. I had not heard you laugh like that I a long time. “Draco, why are you doing this,” he mocked me. “It was what I was born to do Granger. I was born to serve the Dark Lord, and I will gladly. There’s nothing you can do to change that.”

I tried to stop sobbing and find my voice. “You said you would never hurt me. You said you loved me.” Again I saw that emotion on your face, but again you masked it quickly.

“Granger,” you began, your tone condescending. “There is this thing called lying. Perhaps you’ve never tried it. It’s when you say something that it’s true.” You took a deep breath for what reason I don’t know. “I don’t love you. I don’t care if you’re hurt. You mean nothing to me. The only reason I stayed with you for so long is because I hoped you’d lose some of you virtue and let me in your pants. It would have been the perfect way to get back at Potty.”

You words shocked me. “What? How could you?” I looked into your eyes. “You don’t mean it. You can’t mean it! Damn it Draco don’t do this to me!” I managed to choke out my words in between sobs.

“You’re pathetic Mud-blood,” you said that to me as if it was easy.

Your words caused me to do something I hadn’t done in four years. I slapped you. “How dare you!”

You touched your face were I slapped you, and smiled. “It was fun while it lasted. If you ever want to,” you raised your eyebrows. “Come and play I’m sure I can find someone can to help you.” You made a mock bow. “See you, Granger.” With that you turned and left.

I tried to remain standing, but it was no use. I’m just glad you didn’t see me drop to the floor a defeated, broken hearted, little girl.

     ~Present~

I’ve lived a week with out you. Only Ginny knows what you did to me. I don’t think Harry and Ron could take it.

~ Tell me that it's over

and I'll be the first to go

don't want to be the last to know

I love you Draco. I always will. One day I wish that you would come back to me. I, of course, know that can never be. So I’ll try to pick up the pieces of my life. I’ll pray and hope that you’ll be all right, that you won’t die fighting in this War. I’ve tried to stop crying, but some nights I dream of you and what we use to have and I can’t take it. I miss you. I miss you so damn much, but there’s nothing I can do. I love you, I suppose I always will, you never get over your first love after all. I have to put my life on hold. There’s a War going on. I can’t fall apart now. I’m needed. After the War, if I survive, then I can fall apart.

~I can't live with you

can't breathe without you

I dream about you

Honestly tell me that it's over

Cause if the world is spinning

and I'm still living,

it won't be right if we're not in it together

Tell me that it's over

and I'll be the first to go

don't want to be the last to know

                                 With all my love,

                     Hermione

                ~*~

I set down my quill and look at the letter. I’ll never let him read it. He can never now how much he hurt me. I fold up the letter and place it in the box on my desk. A box that is full of all the things he gave me. A box that can never be opened; a box I will never allow to be opened.

There’s a knock on the door. I wipe my eyes of the telltale tears, and go to answer it. I’m not surprised to see who is there.

“Hi Ginny.” My voice is flat and broken as I greet her.

“Hermione.” Her voice tells me she knows something.

“What is it Gin?” She pauses. I can tell she’s trying to find the word to tell me something.

“Hermione,” she began, her voice full of sadness. “There’s been talk around the school. Silly rumors you know? Well with the War going on there have been a lot of talk about students who have the Dark Mark.”

She didn’t need to finish. “Ginny,” I cut her off. “He has the Mark doesn’t he?”

She nodded sadly. “Hermione I’m so sorry.”

Not for the first time I had to hold back tears that sprang into my eyes. Ginny must have noticed because the slightly shorter redhead embraced me. My arms stayed by my sides. I couldn’t break down, not now.

“Hermione please cry please do something. I’m here for you. Hermione I care about you. Please don’t shut your self off.”

Her tone was pleading. I couldn’t do much anymore but I could give my best friend her request. My arms went around her as I began to sob. “I miss him,” I choked out. “God help me Ginny but I do. I love him. I want him back.”

Sobs shock my body as my voice died. I held on to Ginny as if she was my link to stay alive. In a way she is. I have lost every thing. I, Hermione Granger, am in love with Draco Malfoy, and I miss him.

~Honestly tell me, honestly tell me, don't tell me that it over don't tell me that its over.

     The End?