Once in a Blue Moon

CHAPTER FIVE

Remus awoke with an intense hangover. This didn't really surprise him, as it was a common side effect of his werewolf transformation, but that didn't make the sensation any less unbearable. He felt as if he had challenged Hagrid to a drinking contest. Still, a Firewhisky hangover was nothing compared to the throbbing he felt in between his temples.

It took Remus a few minutes to clear his head and get his bearings. He was indubitably baffled by his surroundings. What was he doing in the Hospital Wing? Remus always woke up from his werewolf torpor in the drafty confines of the Shrieking Shack. If he had seriously injured himself during the course of the night, he was to see either Madam Pomfrey or Dumbledore for treatment immediately. So what was he doing already bandaged and resting comfortably in a hospital bed?

Two very angry, pale-faced adults were storming out of the room; the latter of which threw a livid glare at Remus before exiting. If looks could kill consistently, Remus was sure he would have collapsed then and there from the woman's icy stare.

After realizing that his friend had regained consciousness, James rose from his seat at the foot of Remus's bed and said, "Madam Pomfrey says you're well enough to leave. And Dumbledore suggested that you stay in the dormitory for the rest of the day. You can resume classes tomorrow."

Remus nodded silently. He was still too disoriented to formulate an adequate verbal response, let alone ask any questions regarding his curious state of awakening. Wearily, he sat up and put on the set of robes currently draped over his bedside chair. With Remus using James as a crutch, the two Gryffindor boys bid a short goodbye to Madam Pomfrey, and slowly made their way out of the hospital wing. Remus looked back just in time to see Dumbledore throw him a weak smile, and sullenly bend over a concealed someone in a nearby hospital bed.

They continued to walk up and down the winding and seemingly deserted corridors of Hogwarts. Twice James inhaled sharply and moved his mouth as if to say something, but couldn't find the necessary words. Remus stopped mid-step when James persisted with that same motion for the third time. Depraved of the opportunity to walk, James shifted anxiously from one foot to another. For the first time in years he seemed unable to look Remus in the face.

"Obviously you have something to tell me, Prongs," Remus said, placing a comforting hand on his friends shoulder. "And the carpet can't be that interesting, so just come out with it." James continued to stare at the floor, fidgeting with his hands.

"Look Moony," he began, "You...you..."

"What about me?" Remus prodded, disturbed by James's uncharacteristically nervous behavior.

"Damn it!" James erupted in a cloud of anger and frustration. "I could kill Sirius from trying to bring Snape down to you!"

Remus gasped, "What!"

James wiped his face in a defeated motion, and finally spoke to Remus face-to-face. There was a confusing, unspoken apology in his eyes. "Moony, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but..." he paused; a poor stratagem in an already lost battle over the control of his voice. "You bit someone last night."

Remus was in shock. Whatever messily shade that gave his skin color evaporated, and Remus had to swallow hard in order to quench his suddenly parched throat. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. He turned around and braced himself on the nearest wall. The horrible news seemed to engulf him like a black shroud; his worst nightmare had come true. He had given the curse to someone else...

"Merlin's beard," Remus swore under his breath. "I wouldn't have wished this on anyone...not even Snape."

"It wasn't me, asshole!" replied a sickeningly familiar voice.

Remus turned his head sharply, only to have Snape's fist make firm, undeniable contact with his jaw. Snape moved quickly, grabbing Remus by the collar and slamming him into the wall. Remus heard his head connect with the wall with a nauseating crunch. James pulled Snape off promptly enough, and would probably have continued to beat the shit out of him, if James hadn't ordered him to stop. James eyed Snape cautiously, letting him go with a galled reluctance. His hand itched for his wand as he made his way over to Remus's side, prepared to back his friend up if necessary.

"I'm sorry," was all Remus managed to say.

"Like I said," Snape snarled in response. "It wasn't me. I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

"I don't understand," Remus said, rubbing his jaw. "If it wasn't you, than who could it ha--" Remus closed his eyes as he was hit with another wave of nausea; the name of his unknown victim made its way up through the recesses of his subconscious. A human heart...beating fast, like the wings of a hummingbird...black hair...the metallic taste of blood...a young girl screaming... "Lyca," Remus whispered and collapsed on the floor. He felt hollow inside, as if he had just received the Dementor's Kiss. Remus buried his head in his hands, wishing away the unwanted tastes and the sounds that overwhelmed his senses.

Somewhere deep inside of him, Remus found the courage and fortitude to meet Snape's malevolent gaze. He tried to form an apology, but soon discovered that there were no words that could convey the unfathomable remorse and self-loathing he felt at that moment.

Snape knelt down so his eyes were level with Remus's own. "This is entirely your fault," he hissed. "I swear, you will pay for what you did to her. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I will make sure that you NEVER have a moments peace."

Remus noted the bloodshot eyes and dark bags that marred Snape's otherwise immaculately pale face. His heart wrenched with the realization that Snape mourned the loss of Lyca as intensely and genuinely as he did. Snape straightened his back, and shot the same Medusa-like stare at James before departing abruptly, his robes billowing out in an enraged swarm.

Remus tried to stand, but found his legs unable to support him. James caught him as his legs buckled, and somehow managed to drag Remus's semi-conscious body the rest of the way to the Gryffindor Tower, where Remus blindly found his way to his four-poster bed. James left without saying a word; sure that anything he said would only make things worse.

Remus tried to put Lyca out of his mind; to tell himself that it wasn't his fault and that everything would be all right. Nothing could shake the horrible feeling of guilt and disgust that had invaded his psyche. I don't deserve to live, Remus thought to himself. But you will live, said another, more sinister voice inside of him. You will live with the knowledge of what you did to the girl you love, and you will die miserable and alone. Remus cried himself to sleep, where Lyca's innocent shriek haunted his dreams.