Mindgames

Chapter 1 -- Occlumency 201

Professor Snape stalked around his Sixth Year Potions classroom. He didn't pause beside Hermione's workspace, but did beside Harry's. "A bit too green, isn't it, Mr. Potter?" Snape pointed out. Harry flinched strangely when his professor said his name but he didn't have time to think about that as Snape was still going. "I distinctly remember telling the class that the Poison Elm root must be fresh or the potion will not work out."

It was the best one left, Harry thought to himself. He hadn't fought his way to the supplies table today. His head hurt too much to fight anything. It was time to add the freshwater pearl powder, so Harry ignored his teacher and started to do that.

"Fine then. You may continue wasting your time," Snape said and walked away.

Harry scowled at his cauldron and glanced up at Hermione. She gestured to the coal extract and held up two fingers. Harry added two drops and the color improved a lot. Smiling in thanks he looked back at the instructions. At least Snape hadn't just made it all disappear ungraded like he had done several times last year. Harry sighed. He wouldn't have taken this class if Hermione hadn't insisted that one of her friends take it with her. That and if Harry still didn't have inklings of becoming an Auror, or he hadn't lost the game of exploding snap with Ron to decide which of them it was going to be.

At the end of class, Harry was one of the last to bring his potion up, carefully jarred and stoppered. Snape held it to the light. "Well, you managed to salvage something, Potter," Snape said. Harry found himself flinching again and almost dropped his books this time as something snaked through his mind. He turned away from his professor and stumbled back to his bench. His knapsack was there. He focused on that and managed to not gasp when a strange thought ran through his mind. Ungrateful little bastard, isn't he?

Harry had a hold of the edge of the bench, completely unaware now of the rest of the room. Get out, Harry thought at Voldemort and then swallowed hard as his breakfast seethed in his throat. Surprisingly, that seemed to work. Harry collected up his stuff. Hermione always had to rush out of Potions to get to Arithmancy and Harry looked up, surprised to find himself alone with Snape.

"Having difficulties?" Snape asked. He was leaning casually against the next bench although he wasn't relaxed at all.

Harry bowed his head. He had been trying to hide this but it was getting worse and scaring him more and more. "Voldemort," Harry explained.

Snape's brow went up and he asked, "That bad?" Harry nodded. "Perhaps we should try a little Occlumency again," Snape suggested.

Harry nodded again. He loathed the notion but desperation pushed him harder than that.

"Tomorrow then, Potter. First thing in the morning," Snape said.

############

"Once again," Snape said the next morning as they sat in his office.

Harry closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind as best he could. Snape's mind plowed into Harry's once again.

"Stop!" Harry said, wincing. "I'm tired of this; I can't practice anymore. I get too tired and I have no defense at all."

Snape tapped his fingers on his arm and considered him. "Your progress is slow enough already, Potter."

Harry flinched again and threw himself backward out of his chair. "No, leave me alone!" he said to no one.

"Does that actually work?" Snape asked sarcastically.

"Seems to," Harry said and took hold of the chair back to hold himself up. "When you say my name that way. . ." Harry stopped.

"What way?" Snape said with an air of defensiveness.

Harry thought about it. "I feel this stab of hatred from you and I lose it in that moment," Harry explained then shook his head in self-disgust.

"Hmmm," Snape said. "If true, that would be counterproductive. What do you want me to call you instead? 'Wonderboy,' maybe?" Harry rolled his eyes. "'Hey you,' is always popular," Snape sneered.

"I'm just telling you what it feels like." Harry met his teacher's glare with his own. "If you want me to pass on the messages I keep getting from him, I will. Most of them are for you," Harry pointed out. Snape had been revealed over the summer and was lucky to have Hogwarts to live at for protection. "But I would get detention for a year for many of them."

Snape's fingers tapped some more. "All right then. . . Harry," Snape relented then paused. "That is not nearly as poisonous a name, is it?"

Harry frowned and looked down at the desk between them. His stomach complained. "Can I go to breakfast now?" he asked.

"Yes."

With relief he picked up his books. "Tomorrow morning?" Harry asked.

"I have a staff meeting. Tonight instead," Snape said and at Harry's look of annoyance added, "if you insist that the lessons be short, they must be frequent."

Harry frowned at that and left.

############

After dinner, Harry knocked on the Potions master's office. A few Slytherin Fifth Years gave him rude faces which Harry ignored. The door swung open. "Yes, Harry, come in," Snape said then glared at the Slytherins hanging nearby. "If you have nothing to do there are potion bottles to be scrubbed; detentions have been a little lean lately." The students shuffled off with explanations of schoolwork to complete.

"Are you feeling more in control?" Snape said as he sat across from Harry.

Harry did feel more relaxed now. "Yes."

"Good. I have been considering apprising the headmaster of the situation."

"It is up to you, sir," Harry said, although the thought made his stomach flop around.

Snape sighed lightly. "He is rather busy. And we have been through this before. . . Well let's try something a little easier this evening. I want you to close your eyes and blank your mind completely until I tell you to stop. Let no distracting thoughts in, Harry, that is important. This is your most defensive mode, it gives an intruder no hooks into your mind."

That sounded easy. Harry did as he was told. It worked for a few seconds and then a stray thought about polishing his broom before practice invaded. Harry squelched that and another thought popped up about finishing an assignment he was not looking forward to. This sequence of momentary clarity and distraction continued with Harry gradually gaining ground until Snape said, "Stop." Harry looked up at him. "Enter that state again," Snape said.

Harry did so, finding it easier this time. The office was very quiet and Harry had eliminated already all of his concerns by simply deciding they weren't very important anyway. Snape's mind swooped at him and through. "Much better," Snape said.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief.

"Practice that at every opportunity," Snape said. "That way when you need to drop into that mode as a last resort it is there for you to escape to."

Harry scratched his ear and tried not to panic at that thought. He didn't relish the notion of becoming totally passive to ward off an attack.

"You may go," Snape said.

Harry looked at the clock, amazed at the time that had passed. He was going to have to make up some explanation for his friends when he found them. The Slytherins were still in the hall as he left, just a little farther down now, out of the view of the office door.

"Long detention, Potter," Sweeney, a fifth year, said. "How did you get out of scrubbing bottles?"

"It wasn't detention. . .it was lessons," Harry said as he walked faster away from them. They followed.

"Reeaaally?" Sweeney said suggestively. "Snape hasn't given those in a while, I hear. Wait until Malfoy hears that, he'll be livid."

Harry stopped and looked at the boy. Sweeney had short red hair and a square face. The two girls with him, whom Harry didn't know, tittered at that. "I have no idea what you are talking about," Harry said, which was the truth.

The girl on the left scoffed. "No wonder Malfoy was out. Figures Snape would like them stupid and innocent." She looked Harry up and down with odd interest.

Harry looked at her with the same confused expression. He shook his head and decided that they were not worth dealing with and walked away. They left him alone this time.

############

The next day as Harry and Hermione walked into Potions, it occurred to Harry that this name thing was going to be a little sticky. As it turned out it was better than expected. Snape simply didn't call on him at all and when the Professor made the rounds he just ignored Harry completely.

Harry grinned at Hermione and winked as Snape swept past and over to a Hufflepuff whose potion bubbled hard even though it wasn't on the burner anymore. Hermione gave Harry a look of question and Harry just shrugged.

Malfoy stared furiously at Harry all through class. Even when his Potion needed attention and began billowing steam.

############

This routine continued for the rest of the week and into the next. Harry gradually improved his defensive mode and his thought blocking. His frequent visits to Snape's office were not going unobserved, however. Whenever Harry left, he didn't always see anyone but he thought he could hear someone dashing away down the side corridor toward the Slytherin common room. As long as they didn't come out to harass him, Harry couldn't care less what they did.

The Slytherins cared though. Harry was walking alone on his way back from visiting Hagrid one afternoon when they cornered him. Sweeney grabbed Harry's hands and forced them around behind him before steering him behind one of the buttresses for the Great Hall. Harry looked up at Malfoy's pointed little face.

"Hanging out with fifth years now, Malfoy?" Harry said, trying not to gasp at the pain in his shoulders. "I wouldn't have thought you would stoop that low."

"I wouldn't have thought you would," Malfoy came back. His voice had grown into something like his father's with a controlled anger underneath everything he said.

Harry's brow furrowed in confusion. Malfoy mistook it for consternation. "Oh, we know all about it, Potter."

Harry forced his face to go blank in defense since he had no idea what the topic was. Unless Malfoy was talking about Harry's weakness in keeping Voldemort out of his thoughts. But how would Malfoy know about that? Unless his father knew from Voldemort himself and told his son.

"Want to talk to him?" Harry asked, trying for a friendly tone. His arms were going prickly and numb.

"What do you mean?" Malfoy asked, suspicious.

Maybe that isn't what Malfoy was on about, Harry reconsidered. In his mind he was trying to actually find Voldemort. He had never, ever done that before. The Dark Lord was obliging, if nothing else. Harry felt him snake in and take a look at the blonde boy. In an odd voice Harry said, "Your father told you to leave this boy alone, Draco Malfoy. And if he didn't, he will be punished for it."

"Let go of him!" Malfoy screamed and jumped back. Sweeney dropped Harry's arms in surprise and then shoved Harry hard against the stone buttress. Harry twisted to make his shoulderblade take the blow. As he fell to the ground he was relieved to be alone in his mind again. He hadn't thought about how he was going to get rid of Voldemort after letting him in. His inward focus left him defenseless when Sweeney kicked him hard in the side. Harry doubled over in shock with a gasp.

"Leave him alone!" Malfoy shrieked at Sweeney and dragged his fellow Slytherin away.

Harry knelt on the ground trying to catch his breath. His side ached abominably. He thought about going to the hospital wing and even stood and started in that direction when he remembered Pomfrey warning him that his next visit was going to result in a formal report to the headmaster. Harry couldn't help it if the Slytherins liked to beat up on him or that Quidditch practice was rough since he was now smaller than everyone on all of the teams, so collisions and bludgers took a high toll.

Harry stopped. It wasn't that bad, really if he didn't take a deep breath. The last thing he wanted to do was explain to someone exactly what had happened. He headed for the Gryffindor tower instead, taking his time getting there.

He settled in with Ron and Hermione who didn't notice his extra-careful movements. They studied until Harry made an excuse to get to his Occlumency lesson. "I have detention with Snape," Harry explained.

"How did you get that?" Hermione asked with a wrinkled brow. "He ignores you in class now."

"I got in a fight with some Slytherins today," Harry said, the truth rolling out of him conveniently.

"Harry!"

"I have to defend myself. But I got caught at it," Harry grouched to hide the lie. He needed to take a deep breath but didn't want to attempt it here. He left his books stacked on the table rather than carrying them up, which he wasn't sure he could manage.

He walked, straightbacked, down to the dungeons. He was a little early and Snape didn't seem to be in his office. Harry found him in the classroom. Snape looked up from setting up ingredients for the morning Potions class.

"You're early," Snape commented. "This will be a few minutes."

Harry heard someone stop outside the classroom door. He thought about closing it then decided against it since they were probably leaving for Snape's office in a minute anyway.

"You can put away the potions on that tray while you wait," Snape said.

Damn, Harry thought. He walked over to the shelf and with great care, lifted the tray off the bench and set it on the floor, almost gasping in the process. He then proceeded to place the bottles in neat rows on the bottom shelf.

Minutes later, Snape commented, "You are really very slow at that."

Harry bit back a retort that would have gotten him into trouble. Snape came over and stood over him, hands on hips. His mind pried a little at Harry's. "Are you injured?" Snape asked sharply.

Harry scowled at him. "Yeah, funny thing happened: my side seems to have come in contact with someone's steel-toed boot." As far as Harry knew, Sweeney was the only student who wore them.

Snape's right eyebrow went up. "Harry, go up to the hospital wing," he said dismissively.
Harry didn't move. "Potter," Snape said in a hard tone, although it lacked its usual nastiness. Harry scowled and still didn't move. Snape stepped over and closed the door to the classroom. "What is it?" the Potions master asked in a voice that implied the explanation better be good.

Harry frowned. "Pomfrey said if I showed up again this term she'd file an incident report with Dumbledore."

"You've been injured that many times already?" Snape asked in disbelief.

Harry hadn't moved from kneeling on the floor. It wasn't a bad position really, he could almost breath freely. "Between rough Quidditch practices and the students in your house, yes."

Snape crossed his arms. "So what are you going to do? Broken ribs will take a month to heal on their own," Snape said. "You have a match in two days, don't you? You are going to play like that?"

Harry sucked in his lips in hesitation. "It is just Hufflepuff. I was thinking of staging an accident during the game. That way I wouldn't have to go through all the annoying meetings and having to explain to teachers . . . I hate that."

"I cannot believe you," Snape said in disgust.

"Hey, how would you like to meet with a bunch of teachers and explain that you are too small to defend yourself?" Harry snapped. "Wands can be traced, fists can't. I pull mine out, I get detention. Nothing ever happens to them." Harry felt a burn in his cheeks as he continued. "Besides, Dumbledore will just talk to you and you won't do anything." Harry turned back to the bottles and continued placing them on the shelf. His shaking hands made it a little harder though.

Snape stepped away. "Come here," Snape said. Harry looked up and saw that Snape had stepped farther into the classroom rather than toward the door. Snape gestured with his head into the back room where more dangerous potions were mixed since there was no storage there.

With care, Harry stood up and followed. "Take off your robe," Snape said and went back into the classroom. Harry stood hesitating with his hands on his robe front as Snape returned with a bottle of bone healer. It occurred to Harry that since Snape mixed everything for Pomfrey, that was the same stuff he'd get anyway. He pulled his robe over his head carefully. He winced as he dropped it onto the floor. The pain made him breathless.

"Shirt as well," Snape said, tapping his wand against the potion bottle impatiently. Harry unbuttoned his white shirt and tossed it on top of his robe. "Can you get up on the bench?" Snape asked, referring to the stained but cleared workbench in the middle of the small room.

Harry braced himself with several breaths to prepare for the pain and hoisted himself up. He rolled onto his side as stabs of agony shot through him. As he lay gasping, with his eyes clenched closed, he realized that he must trust Snape more than he would have admitted. He was, at the moment, as defenseless as he could imagine.

"Can you make it to your back?" Snape asked.

"Yeah, yeah," Harry answered, gasping. In slow motion, Harry moved over and rolled onto his back with his knees bent up to help relieve the strain in his side. He breathed out in relief as the pain subsided. For an instant he thought he felt Voldemort slip through his thoughts. Harry blanked as well as he could.

"Quite a bruise," Snape commented at the glaring purple blotch on Harry's side. He ran a thumb along one of Harry's ribs near the bruise, tapping his wand against the back of his knuckle. He repeated this with the next lower rib.

Harry almost commented about that not being the way Pomfrey did it, but realized just in time that would be a mistake. Snape handed him a teacup full of bone mending potion which Harry managed to raise his head to swallow.

"Don't move for twenty minutes," Snape commented.

"Yeah, I know this routine," Harry said.

Snape handed him another cup of something else. Harry drank that as well. "Very trusting, aren't you?" Snape observed. "How do you know that isn't a Veritaserum?"

Harry scoffed at that as he rested he head back on the hard bench. "Professor, you want to ask me something, just do so. You don't need a serum."

"Really? Did you take the gillly weed from my personal stores?"

"What?" Harry asked incredulous. "That was Dobby, didn't anyone tell you? Crouch Junior got him to steal that." Harry narrowed his eyes as he looked up at the arched ceiling of the dungeon. "I can't believe you still care about that. Like I wouldn't have preferred to have lost that stupid tournament. That grand prize of being tied to a tombstone while Voldemort used a Cruciatus Curse on me--that was great." Harry rubbed the bridge of his nose under his glasses. "You got anymore of those? I'd love to hear them." Harry asked sarcastically.

"How did your ribs get broken?" Snape asked. "I assume there is more to the story than you not wanting to meet with the headmaster."

Harry sighed, Snape was too damn sharp. "Sweeney grabbed me when I was walking back from Hagrid's. Malfoy was angry about something as usual. I don't know what he was on about."

"Didn't you have your wand?"

Harry paused. "Are you telling me, Professor, that I can use magic between classes without getting into trouble?"

"Hmmm. Perhaps not." Snape said.

"Wouldn't have helped this time. Sweeney had my hands behind my back from the start. Anyway, Draco had his say and then Sweeney shoved me into the wall and kicked me before they took off."

Snape didn't respond, just stood considering Harry as though deciding whether to believe him. After a pause, he asked, "Why did you take my class again? It is only optional for you."

Harry chuckled a little and regretted it immediately. "I lost a game of exploding snap with Ron," he explained. "Hermione didn't want to take the class alone." He didn't feel like mentioning his intention of becoming an Auror.

Snape restoppered the bottles and didn't comment.

"How much longer?" Harry asked.

"Ten minutes."

The sound of a knock on the classroom door brought Snape's gaze up. He left the room, closing the heavy, metal-clad door behind him but not completely latched. Harry could hear Hermione's voice in the classroom asking where he was. Harry's heart raced a little as he considered his position here on the bench, shirtless. Snape told Hermione Harry was running an errand for him. Then their voices faded out of range.

A few minutes later, Snape reentered. "I have a message from Ms. Granger," he said. "She said the SA are at the gate. I assume you understand that."

"Yes," Harry admitted.

"She implied that she was supposed to be your escort for the evening but that Cho would be picking you up instead at the end of your detention."

"Hrm," Harry mumbled. "I ran out of excuses for disappearing."

"As opposed to simply telling your friends why you are here," Snape said condescendingly.

Harry laughed sarcastically and realized his ribs were feeling better now. "Like they need any more reasons to be afraid of me. Oh yeah, guys, I might just turn into Voldemort and kill you all in your sleep. But no worries. . . really." Harry swallowed hard. He hadn't meant to spill his greatest fear to Snape of all people.

"Arranging an escort is not a bad idea," Snape commented, changing the topic.

"Gryffindors do that before games for the team. Otherwise we'd all be spelled into the hospital wing before the game even started."

"I would not have expected such from the Hufflepuffs," Snape commented.

Harry looked at him as if he had lost it. "Uh, you aren't following. The Slytherins would spell us into the hospital wing before the game with Hufflepuff." He gave Snape a significant look.

"Hmmm," was all Snape said. He crossed his arms and leaned against a stool without sitting on it.

"Fine, don't believe me. Like I said before, I wouldn't expect you do to anything anyway. How much longer?"

"Four minutes."

Harry took a deep breath of frustration.

"Feeling better?" Snape asked.

"Yes," Harry grudgingly admitted. In a quiet voice he added, "Thanks."

When time finally passed, Harry jumped up and dressed quickly. "Oh," he said as he pulled on his robe. "I still have my lesson."

Harry took the seat in the classroom Professor Snape indicated with a sweep of his arm. Snape sat across from him. "Ready?"

"Yes."

"I want to try something different. I want you to think of something you don't want me to know and try to keep me from seeing it." At Harry's nod, Snape said, "What is the SA?"

"I don't care if you know that," Harry commented. "I'm surprised you didn't figure it out already."

"Snape's Army," Snape guessed carefully.

"Mm hm," Harry said. "She was warning me that the Slytherins are waiting at the bottom of the stairs."

"Let's do this differently then." Snape stood up and pulled a book down. "Open it to a random page and pick out a thing or a concept and try to hide that from me." He handed Harry the book.

############

Fifteen minutes later there was a knock on the door and Cho put her head in. "I'm sorry, Professor, when is Harry done? Dinner is about to be served."

"He can go now if he wants," Snape commented.

"Yes!" Harry cheered quietly and jumped down from his seat.

"Same time tomorrow, Potter," Snape said as Harry reached the door. Harry nodded and gestured for Cho to lead the way.

As they walked down the corridor, Harry whispered, "You got Hermione's wa-"

"Ha, Potter. You call this a guard," Sweeney said as he looked Cho up and down after he stepped out from an alcove. "Another detention, Scarface? You really are making a habit out of this. Professor Snape must really-"

"Must what, Mr. Sweeney?" Snape asked from behind Harry and Cho. He didn't sound pleased. At all. "My office, Sweeney. Now."

The boy looked worried and sheepish suddenly. "Uh, Professor it really isn't nothing. Isna Potter?" he said. He reached out for Harry's arm which Harry stepped back from quickly. Cho stepped neatly between Harry and the other boy and dared Sweeney to try something with her large-eyed gaze.

"But. . ." Sweeney started to say as he wrung his hands.

Harry thought this was much too much theatrics even for a Slytherin. He glanced at Snape and saw the same confusion there. "Come on, Cho," Harry said and walked away and started up the stairs.

"Everything all right, Harry?" she asked in confusion.

"Yeah, it's fine. Let's go," Harry said, glancing back down only once to see Professor Snape leading Sweeney away by the back of his robe collar. "At least I think so."

"What a baby," Cho commented as they made their way to the Great Hall.

"Yeah," Harry said thoughtfully.

Dinner was quiet with everyone deep in their own thoughts.

They did their schoolwork in the library that evening. Harry's head was spinning from too much assignment writing. He had started confusing Goblin warriors from his history text with Goblin spines from his Potions assignment. "I have to finish this tomorrow, I'm really beat," Harry said.

"It is still early, Harry," Hermione said with a hint of accusation.

Harry stopped and looked at her. "I'm still tired and I'm still quitting now," Harry snapped back. Harry wondered what was with her. All through the evening she had been very quiet.
Harry decided he didn't have the energy to care and left with goodbyes to Ron. Hermione didn't look up at him as he left.