When I Go

James remembered wanting to run after Lily. He wanted to run after her and tell her it was okay. He was screaming though. He was screaming at her while Death Eaters and Voldemort came for him and his family.

"Take the baby and yourself, lock the door!"

"No!"

"Dammit Lily, take Harry and go!"

The white light blinded them both as he pushed Lily toward the door that would lead her into the house and safety. When you loved people, you pushed them away from the danger. Every hour you spent watching your family, you want to protect them.

He could still hear Lily screaming. He could see Voldemort with his minions of white masked nightmares. Red eyes danced while the wand was raised. James remembered how much he loved his family and the little boy that looked remarkably like him.

"Avada Kedavra!"

James had heard the words although they would seem a million miles away. He looked at Voldemort's lips, but his mind concentrated on Lily and Harry. He saw the flash of green light. It seemed to take years to reach him.

The saying that before you die, "your life will flash before your eyes" was true, James thought. He closed his eyes and the memories rushed forward, threatening to overtake his senses.

James saw himself as a toddler and his parents, smiling at him. His letter came from Hogwarts and he met Sirius, Remus, Lily, Peter, Snape and the rest of the people with which he had become acquainted. He did not want to lose his life.

He remembered when he and Sirius had played the practical joke on Snape that had almost killed him. Where they had humiliated Snape by--

Oh Merlin! What if Snape was one of the Death Eaters that had penetrated his home!

James could see the jet of green light coming closer to him. All the summers, and Christmases he would miss when he was gone. His thoughts turned to the day he proposed to Lily and the day they were married. He saw Harry right after he was born and--

The streak of green hit him in the chest. James felt no pain, only a ripping sensation that started at his skull and quickly spread through his body. He began a journey upward through the layers of his home. His vision was starting to fade to a blurry whiteness. He saw Lily and his son.

James willed his soul to stop. He watched as the bedroom door exploded and the woman turned her body to protect herself. Voldemort entered and Lily became hysterical.

James attempted to make his jaw work as he tried to scream. No sound came from his throat. He could hear everything Lily was screaming at Voldemort.

This is not happening, he thought. That is not my wife and this is not I; I have not died yet. James could still feel the strong pull upward. He did not want to leave. He needed to see what was going to happen with his family.

"Not Harry, not harry, please not Harry!"

"Stand aside, you silly girl... stand aside now..."

"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead--"

And Voldemort stood there cackling like a lunatic. Again he raised his wand and spoke those devastating words. The green light snaked out of the end and hurtled toward Lily. James had to wonder if her life had flashed before her eyes. If she was feeling the same things that he had moments before.

She screamed and fell to the ground silent. James wanted to howl with rage. He watched as the monster of a man advanced to kill his son. Voldemort looked at the smiling child and sneered. James watched the wand being raised for the third time, but before Voldemort could cast the spell, a voice spoke.

"Perhaps sir, we could take him with us. You could train him to follow you," a male behind the mask spoke.

James' eyes went wide as he recognized the person who spoke. He realized that Severus Snape was trying to rescue his son. Voldemort did not even lower his wand.

"Avada Kedavra!"

He prayed that it would miss or something would go horribly wrong; the third time was always a charm. The light exited the wand again and rushed towards the toddler. James knew that his own soul could not survive through another Killing Curse.

He took his last few moments to look for his wife. James saw her floating a few spaces from where he had stopped. Lily appeared ghostly and translucent. He tilted his head and thought about how beautiful she looked even in death.

They were meant to be together. Even in death, they would be together. James would not be lonely in his departure from the living. Every second he had spent with those he loved, James knew that they would still live within the hearts of others.

She loves me.

Of course I do.

He blinked, still staring at his wife. She was staring at Harry.

When I go--

You always wanted me to go with you.

The room erupted in a blinding green light show and James knew someone had answered his prayer. He shut his eyes to block the offending light. Nothing that dark should be so bright, he thought.

When it was dark again he opened his eyes and saw black. James knew it was now the time to let go. This was what he had to do. Everything would be all right; Harry was safe. James looked at Lily again; she was looking back at him. She stretched her hand out toward him. James smiled and took her offer.

And that's where James forgot to remember things.