Possession

Possession

By Dev-Aki Basaa

~~~~

Remus rested a knee on the cushioned window seat. He leaned in towards the glass, pressing his open palm to one pane. Cold. So cold, it sent a shiver down his spine. Remus leaned closer still, peering out the window. The moonlight made the grass below shimmer. It had rained earlier, heavy and thick with fat full raindrops. He wondered if it might rain full moon night. It was only two days away.

Remus shivered again, but not for the cold. At least, not any cold he could sense on his skin. The chill seemed to begin deep in his lungs and swirl up; it enveloped his chest and clutched at his heart until he exhaled it in a long shaky breath. He took his hand away from the glass, but he couldn't look away from the near full moon. Slowly, Remus sat down on the window seat.

The moon struck him like a cold malevolent mistress, greedy in her possession of him. He would never escape her. This was hardly some new thought, some revelation about his lot in life. He'd known the truth of his fate since an age where his greatest concern should have been convincing someone to buy him the fancy new toy in the store window. No, he knew and there were nights when he accepted it with a bravado that would make James proud. Sometimes the reality shook him to his core.

Oh Merlin. He would never escape her!

Remus fell back hard against the alcove wall, jarring his back. The slight pain didn't faze him. He couldn't look away from the moon; silvery bright and looming like a haunting spirit. Each passing phase held the promise of what was to come. He would lie awake nights, listening to the soft snore of Sirius so close and the more distant sounds of James and Peter asleep, and he would watch the moonlight slide across the dorm room floor. It was as if she searched for him every night, wanting to possess him a little sooner, a little longer.

Sometimes he thought she might already. Even if he were struck blind and never saw moonlight again, he would always feel her pulling at his blood, claiming little pieces of his soul. He would /never/ escape her. He pressed his hand to the window again, still cold enough to make gooseflesh rise on his arm. He watched the night sky, wide-eyed and transfixed, wondering with a touch of horror what might happen if she ever managed to own him completely, every night. What would become of him then? Would Remus J. Lupin cease to exist?

Remus hadn't known Sirius was there until he'd reached over him to grab the curtains and yank them shut. Remus jolted, shocked by Sirius' sudden presence, but he saw the anger in Sirius' face, the twist of his lips in a sneer. Remus reached out and grabbed Sirius' arm, stilling him.

Sirius meant well, but Remus shook his head. "It doesn't matter whether I can see it or not. I can feel it." Her, he didn't say. "It's..." She's. "...in my blood. Don't bother drawing them shut." She owns me.

Remus thought Sirius seemed defeated when he sat down across from him, leaning against the other side of the alcove. He had that look in his eyes that told Remus his mind was tumbling with thoughts, one after the other. Sirius wanted to fix this; he wanted to make it go away. He couldn't.

Remus leaned forward, shifting to his hands and knees. He crawled to Sirius until he could lay his head on his thigh, wrap his arms around his hips, curl his body between Sirius' knees. He put his back to the window, to the moon.

"Remus..."

Remus shook his head and tightened his arms around Sirius.

Sirius tried again. "But..."

Remus cut him off. "Hold me." He spoke very softly.

He felt Sirius' hand in his hair, caressing, comforting. The warmth of Sirius' body chased away the icy coldness of the moon. His presence became an anchor that wouldn't let the moon take Remus on the days he didn't belong to her. Even for those full moons, it was Sirius -- as Padfoot -- that could manage the beast which lived inside Remus.

However, Sirius couldn't erase the fear that twisted Remus' gut. Even the daring Sirius Black couldn't help Remus run from his fate. This boy who owned Remus in every other way possible -- heart, body and soul -- could never possess him completely. Regardless of how much Remus wished he could.

No, that Sirius shared with her. And Remus couldn't escape her, no matter how tightly he held onto Sirius, no matter how much of himself he gave to Sirius. Remus sighed and buried his face in the crook between Sirius' torso and thigh. He breathed deeply, relaxing at Sirius' familiar scent. For now, it was all the comfort he needed. In two days he would face her again.

And he would howl to her and beg for release as the pain of transformation hit him, but he would never be free. Never. She would never let him go.

~~ end