Losing my Ground

You used my heart

So you killed me again

Because of you

I'm crawling back to start

I don't know how you did it. How could you live two lives at once. I thought I was the one with two identities, human and monster. I was wrong, it was you. You acted caring friend, responsible godfather and loving fiancé - and all you were was a spy who betrayed everyone I thought you loved.

My fiancé, a Voldemort's spy? You must know how hard it was for me to believe it. James, Lily and Peter dead and still, it seems impossible. But well, maybe I just need to face the facts. It was you, and there's nothing that can change that.

Do you know what you did to me? Do you? First time in my life, there were people who loved me. You know my parents and relatives hated me for being what I am. I ruined their perfect pure-blood wizard family. Anyway, I wasn't alone. I got friends. And now, because of you, they are gone.

That's not even the worst. I could stand life without James, Lily and Peter if I'd have someone with whom I could share my sorrows. That would, of course, be you. But you're not here with me. You're in Azkaban, where you belong, for the rest of your life. And I'm alone, as alone as I was before I met you first time in Platform 9 ¾.

Wicked as you are

I think you could do it again

Don't you know you hurt me with your lies

Don't hurt me

With your lies

How could you lie to me? We shared everything. You were my fiancé, we were going to get married! We were planing future together. Where did all that disappear? I wish I knew. You seemed so happy, our life was full of joy. I can't believe you just threw it all away.

Maybe you never meant anything. Maybe you didn't want to marry me. You didn't want to spend the rest of your life with me. Fine with me. I understand it, for you would want to live with a werewolf. Still, I thought you wanted.

It hurts me so much that you lied to me, all the time. Was I just a toy for you? Someone you could fuck and someone you could fool? Once again, I don't know. I can only guess and there's no answer I would like.

Maybe fooling me was just your idea of fun. I've heard that Dead-Eaters have very twisted sense of humor. Oh Siri, how could you do this to me? Did you ever love me at all?

I thought that you could be

The one for me

The shining star in the sky

And the lunar light

I really loved you, no matter what you felt. Or what you didn't feel. I truly loved you, I really wanted to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you.

You know, Siri, I'm still wearing my engagement ring. I can't take it off. I still want to believe you are innocent, no matter what Dumbledore and the others say. You were the love of my life, no one could ever take your place. No one will. Light of my life, Sirius, the brightest of all of the stars.

I almost started to like full moons because of you. Almost enjoyed them, because you were with me. The mornings after full moons were ones of the best moments of my miserable life. Your naked body curled against time, your soft hand gently stroking my hair and your voice quietly telling me that once again it was over.

Had you already sold your soul to darkness at those times? I want to believe those times were real but I'm not sure if I can. All the precious moments of my life are destroyed. Every single one of them was with you and now I have a damn good reason to believe that they were all faked. Why, I cannot say. Only your little wretched mind knows.

The burden of your lies

It descends on me

Now I waste my time without your love

...Can't help it anymore

My mind is confused with grief and anger. I can't even rejoice the fall of Voldemort. Because of him, I've got nothing left. I think I should be happy when he is gone but I'm not. I would be happy with war still going one if I just had you by my side.

I'm so alone. Before I met you I never knew what friendship was. I didn't know what to long. Now I know and I'm damn sorry about the fact that I ever met you. You destroyed my life.

These tears they keep on falling down on me

There tears they won't be gone with autumn leaves

I cry Sirius, I cry because of you. And I hate my self because of that. I just can't help it anymore. After all, I really loved you.

Rivers of tears are cascading down my cheeks, I'd need you to wipe them away. I'd need you to tell me that everything will be okay. But there's no one to do it, so I keep crying nights after nights, I think I won't be ever able to stop.

With every tear one more happy memory comes to my mind, moments we shared. I would like to forget them, but I can't. I can't, because the memories are all that I have left.

My present is full of sorrows. I don't want to think about my lonely future so the past is only that matters. No matter what you did, for me only past is important. Only past is happy, for I know there won't be any joy in my future. I only found joy with you.

You taught me how to love. You taught me the importance of friends. And then, after everything, you betrayed me.

How can I fly when I fall

I'm losing my ground because of you

My life has no meaning anymore. You made the ground under my foot disappear. I don't know how long I will last. I can't kill myself, even if I wanted. I just need to wait my sorrows do it for me.

Why didn't you kill me, too?

***

You used my heart

So, you killed me again

Because of you I'm crawling back to start

Wicked as you are

I think you could do it again

Don't you know you hurt me with your lies

...Don't hurt me with your lies

I thought that you could be

The one for me

The shining star in the sky

And the lunar light

The burden of your lies

It descends on me

Now I waste my time without your love

...I can't help it anymore

These tears they keep on falling down on me

These tears they won't be gone with autumn leaves

How can I fly when I fall

I'm losing my ground because of you