Wounds

Where was everyone? Sirius sat up tiredly, shaking the shaggy black hair out of his grey eyes. Looking around at his surroundings gave him pause for a moment. Dusty, half rotted boards covering floor, walls and ceiling, boarded up windows showed the tiniest bit of light through the cracks. He remembered that last night had been the full moon. Full moons meant that he, Sirius Black, transformed into the great black dog he called Padfoot. He and his friends had become illegal animagi last year so they would be able to run around once a month with a werewolf. This particular werewolf was their friend Remus Lupin. So if last night had been a full moon, why weren't he and the others, including a re-formed Remus, sitting in the hospital wing talking in excited whispers about the night's events? Why was he still in the Shrieking Shack? It didn't make sense. He had no recollection of the events of last night. Attempting to stand up sent him falling back to the floor with a small grunt.

"Bugger," he whispered, lifting a hand to the back of his head where he felt a huge lump. A creaking sound brought his attention to the trapdoor on the floor. First James Potter's unruly black hair emerged from the shadowy passageway, and then came the rest of his tall, skinny figure followed by the not so skinny Peter Pettigrew.

"Are you okay?" James asked, crouching down next to Sirius.

"Y-" Sirius tried. His throat felt sore, like he had been screaming at the top of his lungs. Coughing a little, he tried again. "Yeah, fine. Where's Moony?"

"We don't know," Peter said quietly from behind James.

"What happened? Do you remember?" James had been sick all week and Remus had insisted that he not go with them that night. He still looked ill, his eyes tired and his limbs weak. Remus had been right to make him stay behind. Running about the forbidden forest was dangerous enough at the height of health. To go into the woods when you were feeling "only under the weather" (as James has called it) was suicide.

"No, I can't remember," Sirius shook his head, causing his vision to blur. "Pete. What did happen? Where's Moony?" He had the impression that he'd already asked that last question.

"There was a person in the forest. Moony, he saw him and went crazy," Peter looked scared. Well, Sirius amended, more scared than usual. His blue eyes were wide and his eyebrows seemed to disappear into his thin blond hair. "You tried to stop him..."
Sirius didn't listen to the rest. He remembered now. The memory washed over him, and he lay back against the cool wood of the floor.

They were running fast. Fast was good. Padfoot liked running. He especially liked running with the wolf. The trees seemed to rush at them as they bobbed back and forth. There was a clearing up ahead. When they got to the clearing, Padfoot would jump in front of the wolf in a mock attack so they could play. Padfoot liked to play. The trees ended and the two canines emerged into the clearing. Padfoot could hear Wormtail squeaking around the undergrowth. The boy had been sitting in the clearing when they arrived. The wolf let out a low growl and began to walk forward. Padfoot tried to distract the wolf by carrying out the play attack. The wolf raised his hackles and growled louder. Sirius returned to his own form and waved his arms at the wolf. "Oi, Moony! Here!"

The wolf had turned to him then, momentarily forgetting the other person. That's when Sirius had actually thought of the finer details of his plan. He was a human boy standing in front of a fully grown, crazed werewolf. He couldn't run or the wolf would catch him before he could even turn all the way around. If he changed back into Padfoot he would be safe, but the boy, who was still sitting there, would be attacked or even killed. Now the wolf was taking slow, steady steps toward him. Sharp, white teeth glinted in the moonlight. Seconds that seemed like hours passed and the wolf was still coming.
"Please Moony. Remus. It's me, Sirius. Moony," Sirius whispered, trying to plead with a Remus who was no longer in control. The pale wolf eyes looked at him with a mix of curiosity and hunger. Sirius cowered, hating himself but cowering still, as the wolf raised one huge paw. The blow had sent him headfirst into a tree.

Sirius blinked and looked from the worried face of James to the nervous face of Peter. They were looking at him expectantly as though they had just asked him a question.

"Did you guys ask me something?"

James and Peter exchanged worried glances.

"I asked you where else you were hurt," James said. "We need to make sure the wolf didn't bite you. Take off your shirt."

Sirius thought of dozens of clever comments but was too tired and weak to do anything but pull his shirt over his head. His chest was mottled purple and blue along the side. There were darker stripes where his ribs had been hit. It looked terrible, but there were no open wounds. James breathed a sigh of relief and ran a hand through his hair.

"You need to get to the hospital wing."

"Not yet. We have to find Moony," Sirius stood up again and was pleased to note that he only stumbled a little. He took one shaky step, dimly wondering how badly he was actually hurt.

"Sirius, you can't go out to look for him when you can barely walk," James reasoned.

"Peter and I will go-"

"Good idea," Sirius interrupted. "The forest is big. It'll take all three of us."

"No, that's not what I meant."

Sirius ignored the continuing protests of James and walked over to the trapdoor. Hoping he would still be able to walk when he was on four legs he transformed into Padfoot.

"Damn it Sirius, you're hurt. You could have broken ribs or a concussion."

"Or both," Peter put in helpfully. Sirius left them both crouched down where he had been sitting and hurried down the passageway toward the forest. Emerging out into the growing light, Padfoot scented the air. He was searching for the warm mix of books, chocolate, and earl grey tea that was the scent of his friend Remus Lupin. A breath of wind brought the familiar scent to his nose. He took off at a trot, ignoring the biting pain in his chest. By the time he reached the clearing he was limping badly and fighting off dizziness.
Remus was kneeling in the middle of the bare ground. He had his hands folded in his lap. Sunlight was shining down through the trees onto the spot where he sat, making his soft brown hair gleam golden. Padfoot approached him slowly, holding his tail and ears down. Remus jumped when the cold nose touched his ear.

"Pads," Remus looked as though he'd been crying. Sirius returned to his own form and sat down a little further away. Remus noticed a hesitation in his friend's movements. Sirius' eyes were circled with dark bruises. When Remus saw the injuries covering half Sirius' chest he let out a small sob.

"Sirius. I'm. I," he couldn't quite find words. He reached out a tentative hand toward the large bruise and brushed his fingertips across hot skin. Sirius shivered and caught Remus' hand in his own.

"Sorry," Remus whispered. Sirius shook his head slightly.

"Didn't hurt," he released Remus' hand.

"I meant about last night. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"You didn't."

"Yes I-"

"No," Sirius cut him off. "Remus, you didn't hurt me. The wolf hurt me."

"But I am the wolf," Remus felt his eyes brim with tears yet again. He hated himself for crying in front of someone. More specifically, he hated crying in front of Sirius, who was sure to make fun of him now. He was surprised when he felt Sirius' arms curl around his thin shoulders.

"How can you stand to be near me?" Remus' voice had gone back to a trembling whisper. "Aren't you afraid?"

"I'm not afraid of you."

"But you're afraid of the wolf."

"Yeah, when I'm me in front of the wolf, I'm scared," Sirius could feel Remus trembling. He was still weak from the change. Trying not to show how much pain he was in, Sirius pulled Remus' body against his, wincing in spite of himself. Remus shrugged out of Sirius' arms and scooted away, shaking his head.

"I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have," he stood up and took a few steps away from where Sirius was still sitting.

"Moony. Remus. You didn't. It's okay."

Remus shook his head again and turned away from his friend, fleeing the forest. Sirius started to sigh but stopped abruptly when the pain in his side flared. His chest was really starting to hurt. He struggled to his feet and once again dropped back to the ground with a cry of pain. Determinedly, he stood once more and grabbed a tree branch to steady him. It took what seemed like an eternity to reach the forest's edge. Remus was nowhere in sight. After donning a pair of trousers picked up from behind the rock where he and his friends hid extra clothes, he hiked up the sloping lawn and into the castle. He walked down the halls and pretended not to notice the stares of the other students. Arriving at the hospital wing, he collapsed on the nearest bed and passed out.

***

"Merlin's beard! What happened to you?"

Sirius opened his eyes to see Madam Pomfrey standing over him, looking worried.

"Fell down some stairs."

"Stairs indeed!"

"Yeah, threw myself down a flight of stairs," Sirius smiled weakly. "Just wanted an excuse to come and see you."

"I wasn't aware that we offered drama classes at this school," said a venerable voice from the corridor. Madam Pomfrey puffed up like a mother hen as she turned to face the voice.

"Oh, headmaster," she deflated. Albus Dumbledore strode over to Sirius' bedside, revealing Remus, who was still standing in the doorway.

"Mr. Lupin has told me what happened."

"I'm a clumsy git. I know," Sirius said. "Watch out for those staircases. Where're James and Peter?"

"They are in class at the moment. I thought it better that at least two of you hand in your assignments on time," Dumbledore said with a little smile.

"What Moon-er- Remus told you wasn't true," Sirius explained, wincing as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. "I stayed in the dormitory taking care of James. He's sick, you know. I was there all night. Except for when I was busy falling down the stairs. Bugger, my head hurts."

At this, Madam Pomfrey hurried off to fetch one potion or another that would mend Sirius' broken ribs and concussion. Dumbledore regarded Sirius in silence for a moment.

"Much as I admire your attempt to keep your friend out of trouble-"

"Remus isn't in trouble is he?" Sirius cried. He was doing it again; endangering Remus and his secret. This is just like last time, Sirius scolded himself. Why don't you just make a bloody great banner and string it up in the great hall? It'll say: 'Remus Lupin is a werewolf who hates Sirius Black for betraying his secret.' Good one Sirius. He sighed angrily and hit the back of his head against the headboard, forgetting his already existing injury. The world swam in and out of focus.

"Bugger," Sirius slid down so his head rested on the pillow. Remus had covered his face with his hands and Sirius could see his shoulders shaking slightly. At that moment, Sirius wanted nothing more than to go over to his friend and hold him. He tried to get up again but Dumbledore restrained him with a light touch on the shoulder.

"Mr. Black, I advise you to stay in bed or Madam Pomfrey will most certainly have a fit."

"Moony," Sirius called out. "Please. Please don't cry for me. Don't cry. I'm alright. I'm okay."

"No, you're not okay. And it's my fault."

Madam Pomfrey came back over to Sirius' bedside with a goblet full of a deep blue potion.

"Drink this all," she instructed, handing Sirius the goblet. Sirius made a face at the liquid before gulping it down. He immediately began to feel sleepy.

"There," Madam Pomfrey took the goblet from Sirius' hand and pulled the blankets over him. "Headmaster, I'm going to have to insist that you and Remus leave Sirius to get his rest."

Dumbledore nodded and began to walk out of the hospital wing, ushering Remus out with him.

"Moony. Please don't leave," Sirius' voice sounded far away in his ears. He had closed his eyes when he felt someone sit down on the side of his bed.

"I'm so sorry Sirius," Remus' voice whispered. "I know you say it's not my fault, but that doesn't make you un-hurt."

Sirius was fighting a losing battle against the effects of the potion. He wanted to hear what Remus said and couldn't tell if the silence that filled the room was because he was asleep, or because Remus had gone. Then he felt Remus lean over him, felt Remus' breath on his face, felt Remus' soft lips as he gently kissed his forehead. The weight shifted and then was gone as Remus stood. Sirius heard the sound of footsteps retreating and finally slept.

***

The hospital wing was dark when Sirius opened his eyes the next time. He guessed it to be about two o'clock in the morning. The pain in his head had been reduced to a dull ache and somehow his side felt more whole. He tried sitting up and found that he could with only a slight soreness. Deciding that he had been in the hospital wing quite long enough, he climbed out of bed, stepping straight onto someone who had been curled up on the floor. Sirius let out a little yell of surprise and sat back down. The dark shadow of Remus sat up, rubbing his arm.

"Moony," Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. "What are you doing down there? You startled me."

"You stepped on me. You're not supposed to be awake until tomorrow morning."

"You're not supposed to be camped out by my bed," Sirius retorted. But I'm glad you are, he added silently. Remus climbed onto Sirius' bed and sighed.

"How do you feel?"

"Better. I'm at one hundred and ten percent."

"Lumos," Remus muttered, lighting the tip of his wand and holding it up. Sirius' eyes were still surrounded by bruises.

"Don't say you're sorry again," Sirius warned. "Or I'll raise hell and Madam Pomfrey'll kick you out. I accept your apology, however misplaced it may be. Now move on."

"I wasn't going to apologize."

"What were you going to say then?"

"I was going to say thank you."

Sirius was surprised. "Why thank you?"

"Because if you hadn't turned the wolf to you, it...I would have hurt that boy."

"Well, I'm glad it was me," Sirius laughed.

"No, I mean-"

"I know Moony. I know," Sirius took Remus' hand in his. Remus smiled weakly and abandoned all hope of talking in intelligible sentences. For some reason that was beyond him, the slightest touch from Sirius always caused Remus to loose the capacity for speech.

Before he realized it his fingers were on the small buttons of Sirius' nightshirt. There went the first two, then the third. Remus glanced up to see a slightly surprised look on Sirius' face. He took his hands away from Sirius' shirt and sat back. Sirius laughed again more softly as he finished unbuttoning his shirt and bared his chest. Remus trailed his fingertips across the bruises as he had done in the forest.

"I need to get hurt more often," Sirius murmured.

"No no," Remus whispered. "I don't ever want you to be hurt."

"How else am I supposed to get this kind of treatment from you?" Sirius stretched out under Remus' hands, sighing. Remus traced his finger around Sirius' belly button. This was killing him. He wanted more of his bare skin against Sirius' bare skin.

"What're you thinking about Moony?" Sirius asked in a quiet tone. Remus wanted to say something about the tempest of feelings crashing about in his mind, but was again failed by his throat. What came out was a sort of moaning sound, low and full of desire.

"Those," Sirius sat up and took Remus' hands in his again, "are my thoughts exactly."

He drew close to Remus and held his breath as their lips met.

***

"Oi, Pads, you alive?" James' voice woke Sirius from a deep sleep.

"Wha?" Sirius squinted at the three silhouettes before him. The room was bright with sunlight and he put a hand up to shield his eyes.

"He's alive!" Peter said happily. "Now can we go to breakfast?"

"I already said you could go Pete," James replied curtly. Sirius looked at Remus, who was busy not looking at him.

"Well, get well and all mate," Peter said hurriedly as he scurried out of the hospital wing.

"So, how do you feel?" James asked.

"All healed up," Sirius was still looking at Remus. Did I dream that? He pondered this for a moment, before deciding that it could have been a dream. He had certainly been having very similar dreams for quite a while. But it felt so real, his mind reasoned. Sirius focused his attention back on James, who was now talking about transfiguration homework that had been assigned during the class he had missed.

"Did Madam Pomfrey say I could leave?"

"Not to us," James looked around. "I'll go find her. About time you were up off your lazy arse anyway."

"Good to see you're in the peak of health again," Sirius observed.

"Yeah, healthy as a horse," James grinned.

"Or a stag, rather," Sirius winked. Why isn't Remus talking? Sirius studied his silent friend and tried to catch his eye to no avail.

"Right then, I'll go find our beloved care person," James walked away, leaving Remus and Sirius alone. Silence settled over them like a thick blanket. Remus looked at his shoes, then at the coverings of Sirius' bed, then back to his shoes.

"Moony," Sirius began. "About last-"

"Your bruises look better," Remus interrupted.

"Er, yeah, they are," Sirius was confused by the outburst. He wanted to know if last night had been one of his dreams, or if it had been real.

"I suppose I'll go join Pete at breakfast," Remus shifted his weight uneasily, eyes never staying on one thing for more than a few seconds.

"I wanted to ask you something," Sirius started again. He opened his mouth to continue but James returned with Madam Pomfrey right behind him.

"She says you can go after she looks you over one last time," James reported. Madam Pomfrey sat on the edge of the bed and looked into Sirius' eyes.

"I'm right as rain, honest," Sirius said awkwardly as Madam Pomfrey poked and prodded at his neck.

"Lift your shirt," she instructed.

"Just have to get one last look at me chiseled abdominals before I go, eh?" Sirius said as he raised his shirt up to his chin. Madam Pomfrey rolled her eyes and went about checking to see that all Sirius' hurts were on the mend. Sirius looked up at Remus, still not able to catch his gaze.

"Your wounds seem to be almost completely healed. You can get dressed and go," Madam Pomfrey rose and walked briskly away. Remus seemed to emerge from some deep thought.

"So I'll see you two at breakfast." Without waiting for a reply, Remus left them. James stared after him with a raised eyebrow.

"What's gotten into him lately? Especially this morning; I practically had to drag him up here," James shook his head. "He's still feeling guilty about all this I suppose."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed distantly. He quickly dressed and the two boys went down to join their friends in the great hall. They found Peter easily enough; he was sitting at their usual spot, still eating.

"Where's Moony?" Sirius asked when he had sat down.

"Dunno," Peter said through a mouthful of toast. "He never came down here."

James pulled several dishes toward him and began piling his plate high with food. Sirius stared at the food around him and was suddenly anything but hungry.

"I'm not hungry this morning, truth be told," he stood again. "See you later."

"Right, see you," James frowned slightly. Sirius was always hungry. There was definitely something off with his friend. Putting this thought at the back of his mind for analysis when there wasn't food to be eaten; James turned his attention to the task at hand.

"Pass the marmalade."

***

Sirius found Remus in the library surrounded by piles of books.

"I thought I might find you here," he said, sitting in a chair opposite Remus.

"I'm sorry for being so predictable," Remus replied without looking up. Sirius got up and sat beside Remus' chair.

"Moony," Sirius reached up and turned Remus' face to him. "Remus."

"Sirius, I-"

"I need to know. Last night. Did that happen? Or did I dream it?"

Remus was silent, staring down at Sirius. Sirius, who meant more to Remus than any other person he'd ever known.

"Remus," Sirius whispered again. He rose up on his knees and pressed his mouth roughly against Remus'. The kiss was different from the one of last night. Instead of tentative it was hungry and full of need. Remus felt dizzy, as thought he would fall out of the chair he was sitting on at any moment. Then he did fall, with a little, strangled cry he tipped out of the chair and crashed down onto Sirius.

"Oof," Sirius untangled himself and laughed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Remus breathed, sitting up also. His head was still spinning and he couldn't seem to think of anything else to say. Sirius stood and offered his hand. Remus took it and was pulled to his feet.

"I'm starving. We're not too late for breakfast."

"Yeah," Remus said again, feeling stupid.

"You sure you're okay Moony?" Sirius squeezed his hand slightly before releasing it. Remus managed a nod. With a smile Sirius turned and led the way out of the library.

THE END!