Rating:: R
House:: The Dark Arts
Characters:: Draco Malfoy Ginny Weasley
Genres:: Drama Angst
Era:: Multiple Eras
Stats:: Published: 03/10/2003

Updated: 03/10/2003

Words: 3,912

Chapters: 1

Hits: 462

Looking Through Glass

dark__luna

Story Summary:: Ginny Weasley seems like a happy little girl who has recovered fully from her experience with the dark side... But all is NOT as it seems. Draco Malfoy feels alone...

Chapter 01

Chapter Summary:: Ginny Weasley seems like a happy little girl who has recovered fully from her experience with the dark side.... But all is NOT as it seems. Draco Malfoy feels alone....

Posted:: 03/10/2003

Hits:: 462

Author's Note:: This isn't going to be a happy story, so if that's what you want then don't read it... It is rated R for a reason, and it will only get worse from here. This story contains self abuse and I am in no way saying that it is a good thing, in fact by the end it should be evident that cutting yourself is an extremely BAD thing!

Draco Malfoy was sitting at the head of the Slytherin table in the Great Hall. He was flanked on either side by his ever present body guards Crabbe and Goyle. Crabe and Goyle were his loyal if not dim witted side kicks. All though they were both abnormally large, their brains were NOT.

Crabbe and Goyle were in deep conversation (if you call an exchange of grunts that Draco took as words a conversation) about desserts. When ever Crabbe and Goyle weren't cramming food into their mouths they were thinking and quite often talking about food. Draco just rolled his metallic gray eyes at them and tried his best to ignore them. The only thing that they were good for in his opinion was muscle.

Draco let his eyes wander to take in the whole room. It was the last day of term before Christmas holidays and the room was decorated in colourful garlands and decorations. There were several pine trees spread out through out the large room and they seemed to shimmer and twinkle all on their own. The ceiling was enchanted to look like the night sky as always, but now there were fluffy snowflakes falling amongst the stars and clouds. The whole effect was rather festive.

His gaze was soon drawn to the Gryffindor table. They were all celebrating as the rest of the school was, but the noise from their table surpassed the noise of the rest of the tables combined! They all looked so damn happy. Draco let his gaze travel down the table until his eyes were locked on Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. He glared fiercely at the dream team, but they didn't notice.

Granger had one arm slung around Potter's shoulders and the other around Weasley's. The three of them were grinning stupidly and would collapse in fits of laughter every once in a while. Draco wanted to wipe the grins off of their faces so bad right then, but he remained at his table glaring at them. They looked so picturesque, the perfect best friends, the dream team. It was enough to drive Draco insane.

Draco couldn't stand how happy everyone in the room was, especially the Gryffindors. It didn't seem fair for everyone to be happy but him, what had he done to deserve his life? To deserve all of the pain that was constantly wracking through his brain? The dream team's happiness was about enough to push him over the edge. What had those three done to make them deserve it all? They were happy, they had real friends. And what did he have? He had a horrible father and Crabbe and Goyle. Sure all of the Slytherins liked him, but he couldn't help but wonder if they liked him or if they liked the fact that his father did things like buy their quidditch team the best and latest brooms. Sure the dream team had saved the school as well as the rest of the world countless amounts of times, but still, why did they deserve happiness more then him? Normal people who didn't do anything wonderful were happy every day, why not him?

Harry Potter should have been Draco's friend, Draco should be the one to help save the world, and not Granger and Weasley. Potter would pay someday, and so would Weasel and mudblood. They would all pay.

Suddenly Draco noticed the small red head sitting next to Potter. He immediately recognized her as the youngest Weasely, Virginia. She was gazing at her older brother and his two best friends and listening intently to their conversations, not that they noticed. Draco could tell that she desperately wanted to be part of their little world, but Draco also knew that it would never happen. The dream team didn't let anyone else in.EVER.

As he watched Ginny hung her head in defeat letting her long unruly red hair fall in front of her face, concealing her expression. A moment later she looked up, revealing a deep frown etched on her delicate features. Her face was distorted in a great pain that no one but her would ever understand. A few tears made their way from her golden brown eyes and down her freckled cheeks.

No one around her seemed to notice, and that made Draco's heart wrench. He knew what it was like to be miserable while everyone else was so god damned happy. He couldn't stand the fact that all of the Gryffindors just ignored her. Rage boiled through his veins. Even her older brothers didn't notice. Sure Draco didn't like the little Weasely brat, in fact he despised her and her entire dead beat family, but he could relate to her, she didn't seem to have friends or a great family either.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next night Draco sat alone at the head of the Slytherin table. The rest of his house mates (aside from a few first years) had gone home for the holidays. Draco's father was away on "business" which meant that he was up to something that concerned the dark lord and he had taken his mother with him so Draco had had to remain at Hogwarts for Christmas.

The remaining students at Hogwarts were scattered around the Great Hall. Each table only having three or four students at it.

Potter had stayed at Hogwarts because as all of Hogwarts knew he only had that muggle family to go home to, and from what Draco had heard they weren't all that used to the idea of magic. "And naturally his loyal side kicks mud blood and Weasel had stayed back to keep him company." Draco thought bitterly. Ginny had remained at Hogwarts as well. Draco couldn't fathom why, because odviously she could of gone home since all of her brothers other then Ron weren't present. She must of thought that she could spend Christmas with the dream team. "She's delusional if that's what she thought. It's pathetic." Draco thought.

Harry, Ron and Hermione were all sitting in the middle of the Gryffindor table and were crowded around some huge book that Hermione was reading aloud from. They were all completely oblivious to Ginny's presence. It was obvious to Draco that the dream team was planning some heroic scheme to save the world from some unknown danger again, and it was even more painfully obvious that the youngest member of the Weasley clan was NOT included.

Draco couldn't see Ginny's face, but he was sure that it would be twisted in pain. He was positive that this would all upset her to no extent. Her little dream of spending Christmas with them and becoming a member of their little group had been shattered and she knew it.

From what Draco could tell Ginny didn't have any friends of her own, so she just desperately followed her big brother around. It was also commonly known that she had quite a thing for Potter. All though he knew that it was pathetic of her, he still felt sorry for her. He big brothers ignored her, wonder boy wasn't even aware that she existed and Hermione was to wrapped up in books and things to notice her. It was extremely sad for some reason.

When the meal ended Harry, Ron and Hermione all jumped up and dashed out of the room leaving Ginny behind to gape at their departing backs. They were off to work on their latest plan no doubt. Ginny slowly shuffled out of the room with her head hung low.

Draco could again picture her face, but this time it would be even more pained. He knew that she would look desperate for someone to notice her. She would undoubtedly be crying again. She looked so small and alone as she left the room. He couldn't stand the sight of her looking like that, but there was nothing that he could do.

"She's a pathetic little Weasley brat with no friends." He thought with a smirk.

But soon the smirk was replaced by a frown. For some reason he felt really bad for her and he had no idea why. Since when did he care when a little Gryffindor's feelings were hurt?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Over the break Draco continued to watch the little red head. He told himself that it was because he was bored, but he knew that that wasn't it and that it was something more She was always around her big brother and his friends, but she was never really with them she was more just sort of there.

Ginny was never actually included in their conversations or activities. To some it might seem that she was, since she was always around them, but if you watched closely, Potter, Granger and Weasely never paid attention to what she did or said. Ginny just stood to the side and looked longingly at the group. Draco could tell that she desperately wanted to be with them, and it killed him that she never would. He could feel her pain.

By the end of the break Draco had Ginny's every feature memorized. He could picture in his mind her too big second-hand-hand-me-down robes draped loosely over her too skinny figure, her long wild fiery hair that needed trimming, her innocently sweet golden chocolate eyes, her tiny freckle dusted nose, her rosy and also freckled cheeks and her small delicate mouth. He could also picture the pained expression that so often crossed her face. She definitely wasn't beautiful, but there was just something about her.

It drove Draco crazy that he cared about her. Ginny was a shy muggle loving Weasley! She was a Weasely for god sakes! The poorest wizarding family he had ever heard of! He couldn't explain it, but there was just something about her. He felt like he could relate to her on some weird twisted level. Over the holidays she had been the only one who was miserable just like him. That was probably why he was interested in her, they had something in common --- constant misery.

Sometimes while Draco was watching her he felt like he was watching her through a thick pane of glass, because he couldn't get to her. He couldn't talk to her and he couldn't help her. He was too different from her even if sometimes he felt like they were the same. It was the worst feeling that he had ever experienced, to care but to not be able to do anything about it.

But every time that he felt like this he would try to brush it off because Draco Malfoy just didn't care about people, especially not stupid Gryffindors. But every time he told himself that he knew that it wasn't true. He felt like talking to her and helping her. Not because he was interested in her sexually, but just because he thought that he would understand her and she would understand him, and he had never felt like that about a girl before.

The worst thing was that he knew that she hated him. She probably despised him more then anyone else in the world. But why shouldn't she, he had been nothing but mean to her entire family. He really couldn't blame her.

Every time Draco saw her he wanted to scream, he hated her for making him care..

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ginny Weasley was sitting on her four poster bed in the 5th year Gryffindor girls' dorm. She was currently the only on occupying the dorm since it there was still one night left before everyone else got back from Christmas vacation.

She was sitting perfectly still, trying to make the world stop. She just wanted it all to end. She couldn't take her life any more. It was all just way too much.

Ginny was the youngest of seven children and the only girl. Being the youngest you'd think that she would be the one who got all of the attention, you think that her mother would baby her and treat her like her little pet since she was the only girl , but that wasn't the case at all.

Ginny rarely received a lot of attention because one of her brothers was always doing something stupid or important. There were Bill and Charlie who were out in the wizarding world making their parents proud, Fred and George who were always up to something that was bound to end up getting them in trouble, and then there was Ron who was constanly helping Harry to save the world. And what did that make Ginny? The quiet little boring girl who never did anything important and who stood off to the side watching everyone else.

Sure her family loved her, but there was always something more important happening then little Ginny losing a tooth or Ginny being sad. There was always something. Ginny didn't really blame her parents, she knew that it wasn't easy to deal with their family, but that didn't make it any less painful.

Ginny had always thought that when she went away to Hogwarts things would get better, that she would make friends of her own, but she had been very wrong! After the diary incident in her first year people pretty much stayed away from her. Even then in her 5th year everyone still kept their distance. All of her class mates thought that she was creepy. As much as it hurt her, Ginny didn't blame them for being scared of her, she had been possessed by the dark lord, she had sent an evil monster after all of the muggle borns, she had put the entire wizarding world in danger.

Since Ginny had no friends in her own year she would follow her older brother Ron around and try desperately to fit in with him and his friends because after all they were only a year older then her. She had tried for years, but they still just ignored her and went on with their schemes never including her. She knew how the whole school talked about how pathetic she was and about how she was just a silly little girl with a crush on Harry.

Sometimes Ginny felt like she was watching the rest of the world through one big sheet of glass. It was like she could watch everything that happened and could be close to everyone, but there was always that reminder that she wasn't really a part of everything, there was always that pane of glass. It was enough to drive her insane.

Ginny couldn't help but be bitter, she had been friendless and alone all of her life and it hurt. It hurt not to have any friends and it hurt to never get any attention, and it hurt to never be noticed by anyone. In her fourth year Neville Longbottom had asked her to the Yule Ball and she had been happy, happier then she had been in a LONG time. Sure she didn't have any romantic feelings for Neville, but she was just happy that someone had thought of her. She had spent hours carefully doing her hair and fixing her robe up so that it looked half decent. She had gone to the ball and she had had a good time, she didn't even mind that Neville had stepped on her feet over and over. It had been a wonderful night, however the next day a girl in her year informed her that Neville had only asked her on a dare. She had felt so stupid, how could she actually of believed that anyone would care about her at all? How could she have been so naïve? No one cared about her and after that she was sure of it.

How ever she continued to follow Ron, Harry and Hermione around and to harbor romantic feelings for Harry. She couldn't help but hope that one day they would let her join their little group. She couldn't help but dream that one day things would get better.

But after the week and a half that she had just had she knew that it would never happen. All of her dreams had been shattered. As soon as she had learned that Harry would be remaining at Hogwarts for the holidays and that Ron and Hermione would be staying with him she owled her mum requesting to be allowed to stay back as well. Her mother had protested claiming that she wanted her baby to be with her for the holidays, but Ginny had argued until her mother had grudgingly agreed to let Ginny stay. Now that she thought about it, perhaps her mother had known that this is the way things would turn out, but that really didn't matter now.

Ginny had spent the entire holidays alone roaming though the hallways of Hogwarts. Ron, Harry and Hermione were working on some top secret plan that was "too complicated for her to understand" , or at least that had been what Hermione had said. Ginny knew that that wasn't true, they just didn't want her tagging along after them.

She had even spent Christmas day alone. Ron, Harry and Hermione hadgotten up, opened gifts, gone down for breakfast and gone off somewhere, all with out her. She had opened her small pile of gifts by herself and had skipped breakfast and all meals that day. She had just sat up in her room feeling sorry for herself. She hadn't been able to bring herself to cry, she never cried, in fact Ginny could count on her hand the amount of times she had cried in the last 5 years. She had just sat there silently in her empty dorm room staring off into space.

Ginny began to tremble slightly as tears began to slide down her cheeks, soon she was shaking and sobbing violently. It was just all hitting her at once, the pain of years of being the youngest ignored child just hit her hard. It was like a punch to the stomache, it hurt more then anything she had ever felt before.

Ginny scrambled off of her bed and over to the mirror that was hanging on the wall next to one of the girl's beds. She looked into it and saw a crying too skinny girl in tattered too big robes, with an orange mop of hair, too many freckles and dull brown eyes. She saw an ugly unhappy little thing. She hated it and it made her want to scream. She hated herself more then anything right then. She hated herself for being boring, for being weird and mostly just for being her. Hating herself only made everything worse.

She slowly walked over to her trunk and opened it up. She riffled through her things while she continued to sob. Finally after a few moments of searching her hands closed on what she had been looking for. She wasn't sure what had made her search for it, or why she even thought of it, but all she knew was that she wanted it, that she needed it badly!

She pulled her hand out of her trunk revealing a small pocket knife that had a small silver dragon on the handle. Her brother had sent it to her from Romania for Christmas and at first she hadn't liked it, she didn't understand why she would want or need a stupid knife, but now she felt very differently. She slowly turned the knife over in her hands wondering why she wanted to hold it so badly.

Her tears began to slow as she gingerly flipped open the knife. She crouched down and admired the sharp blade. She slowly ran her finger across it and watched as a drop of blood began to form. She didn't know why, but it felt good, the pain in her finger was small and the blood looked so perfect.

The tears stopped and she moved the knife up to her arm and began to make small shallow cuts. She made cut after cut making sure to stay away from any veins. She didn't want to really hurt herself, she just wanted a distraction.

After she had begun she couldn't of stopped even if she had wanted to. After about fifteen minutes of constant cutting she came to her senses. When she looked down at her arms to see the damage that she had done and was horrified, her arms were just two bloody messes. She was covered in her own crimson blood. She panicked and ran to the bathroom.

She scrubbed her arms frantically in the sink in an attempt to wash away the act she had just committed. She scrubbed violently until her skin was raw before she gave up. There was no washing away what she had just done. She had hurt herself, and from the looks of things she had hurt herself bad. But what bothered Ginny was that she didn't mind the pain that was searing through her arms, in fact she almost liked it. She loved it.

Ginny sat down on the cool tile floor and leaned her head back against the cold stone wall. She pushed the sleeves of her robe back and looked at her cleaned up arms. They were still red from all of her scrubbing and they were covered in cuts, some deeps and still bleeding and others nothing more then a small red line. She counted them all, she had twenty-seven on her right arm and thirty-two on her left. She muttered comments about the large number of cuts as she ran her fingers along her arms tracing her little wounds.

She smiled suddenly when she realized that she wasn't hurting any more, she didn't feel like the stupid little Weasley that she was, she felt happy, she felt relieved. She slowly got up and made her way back to her trunk. She calmly picked up her knife and placed it back with her other belongings and closed the lid. She went back and sat on her bed.

Ginny looked down at her arms once again, she couldn't help herself, her eyes just kept being drawn to the wonderful little lines winding their way up and down her arms. This time she felt different, she gasped as she realized just what she had done. Sure she wasn't upset about her other problems anymore, but she was overwhelmed with terror. The kind of terror that she hadn't felt since she had been down in the chamber. She had just hurt herself, she had just actually picked up a knife and hurt herself. It terrified her, in the chamber Harry had been there to save her, but how could someone save her from herself? What if someday she just continued to cut until she died?

Ginny began to shake uncontrollably again, she was overwhelmed by conflicting emotions. In the one hand she felt wonderful and free because the cuts had saved her from her worries and pain, the beautiful sting that radiated from them was delicious, but then again with the cuts came a whole other set of worries.

Eventually her shaking stopped and she was still. In the end she was left right where she had began, feeling upset and sorry for herself only this time she had confusion mixed in with the whole thing. She sat on her bed silently and willed time to stop, and for her whole life just to stop.

A/N: Well that's the first chapter. I'll have the second up soon I hope so please review and tell me what you think!