The Silver Cauldron

Chapter 21 - Dandelion Roots

The next few months passed like some terrible nightmare. I could not share the misplaced happiness of my colleagues that spring was coming. I removed myself from the staff room and spent all the time I could alone. So many times I thought of telling Dumbledore what I'd done, make a cry for help, but each time I saw, like an afterimage, Snape's collapsed form on the ground. "If I suspect even the slightest wavering of your loyalty he will be killed instantly." Snape evidently expected me to break down and tell Dumbledore within the first few weeks, he was ignorant of the bargain I had made. When he saw that I was not going to change my mind he stopped talking to me altogether. After I had snapped at some of the other teachers one too many times they left me alone, which was precisely what I wanted. Instead, I absorbed myself in exploring the intricate links into the world of immortality. It was a great challenge, and I even began to enjoy the work. It helped me to forget.

One day the class was in the middle of a practical - I forget what they were making - when I felt a sudden wave of dizziness close in on me. I lent on the edge of a desk until my head had stopped spinning. I felt really, strangely ill. I craved fresh air; the light smoke of the dungeon seemed suffocating. I plucked up the courage to ask Snape if I could leave. He glanced at me over the top of the papers he was marking.

"You look perfectly healthy to me Miss Almanay".

"Please. I really don't feel well."

"No. I'm sure you can wait until the end of the lesson. You know I don't allow students to leave on such feeble excuses so I don't see why I should let you."

"Please." He put his face threateningly close to mine.

"Get - back - to - work."

I went back to my dandelion roots. There was only half an hour to go...maybe I could have a rest during lunchtime...I just needed to keep control of myself and keep...focused. I could hardly see what I was doing however...as I crossed the room to put the roots on his table I stumbled...I caught a quick glimpse of the room flashing before me when my head hit the hard floor...

***

When I came to I found I was lying on a bed in the hospital wing. It was late at night; I could tell because the lamps were turned down, leaving only the shadows of what must be other beds around me. There was a glass of water on a table and I drank it gratefully. What had happened? I couldn't remember anything except the stains on the dungeon floor. There had been one that looked like a rose...I wished my head would stop pounding. A sudden panic gripped me; what if one of the nurses had noticed my tattoo? I scrutinised my arm, but the mark had vanished. I smiled a little in spite of myself; it just demonstrated how clever the Dark Lord was. Cruel but clever. But I felt a little disappointed at the same time...if they'd seen it I wouldn't have to explain...

I wondered if I would be able to go back to my room. I had to get back to work...there was that large pile of essays to be read, I needed to finish my own assessment piece...I knew Snape would fail me at the slightest provocation...I got out of bed and began to look for my clothes. Another wave of dizziness gripped me. I gritted my teeth and stood up, but at that moment Madame Pomfrey came into the room. She gave a short gasp of horror when she noticed me.

"What are you doing up? Get back into bed this instant".

"But..."

"No buts. You shouldn't be out of bed at all. What were you thinking?" She tucked me in forcefully. I struggled against her. It was a bit like fighting a weakening potion.

"I feel much better..."

"Wandering around the wing. In your state too. It's just not safe."

"I'm OK. Really" I lied. "I just need to get back to work."

"Well, I'm sorry, but you won't be working for several days, not if I can help it. I don't know what this world's coming to I really don't. Teachers out of bed..." She continued along this vein for some time until she was interrupted by a knock at the door. She bustled over, starched apron rustling like parchment.

"She can't see anybody! - oh, hello Professor Dumbledore."

"Good evening Poppy. I wondered if I might have a word with your patient?" She sighed impatiently.

"If you must. I don't approve though. She was trying to get up...wanted to work of all things..."

"Hmm." Dumbledore's face appeared above me. I made to sit up, but he gestured for me to lie where I was.

"Please don't move yourself on my account Philoma."

"Honestly sir, I'm fine." He shook his head.

"You don't need to worry about work. I have spoken to Severus and he assures me that you will easily be able to catch up on it later. It is your health you need to be worried about."

"Oh, I'll be all right" I said. "I can't really remember what happened".

"You have been unconscious for nearly two days, Philoma." I blinked.

"Two days?" he nodded gravely.

"We were all very concerned. Severus especially, He seemed to somehow think it was his fault "he smiled serenely. "He's been giving us all a hard time over the last two days. Most unsociable to be with." I didn't trust myself to speak. I thought I might start to cry if Dumbledore kept on about Snape. Dumbledore looked serious again.

"But my real purpose in coming here is to find out what it is that has triggered this off. Madame Pomfrey says you have been crying out in your sleep. Is there something that has been worrying you lately? I have noticed that you never seem to socialise in the staff room any more. What's the matter?" I felt myself go a little pink.

"Nothing. I'm probably just a little overworked, that's all."

"Whatever it is, no matter how terrible you think it is..." here he fixed me with a penetrating stare "...I will help you. We all make mistakes, but I have the utmost faith in you. I know you are a good person, however misguided. Tell me." It was as if he knew...he was being so kind, the thing I wanted to do most in the world then was to tell him. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I shook my head.

"No Sir. There's nothing."

Dumbledore sighed deeply and stood up.

"I hope you feel you can trust me should you ever need to tell me..." he paused..."anything. In the meantime, concentrate on getting better. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Sir" I said, and added as an afterthought "And thank you".

He smiled at me rather wistfully, and went off to find Madame Pomfrey. I head them talking together in low voices; a conversation of which I only caught a few fragments;

"I think we should tell her".

"She's in no fit state yet..."

"She has to know. There's no escaping it. Then she can act as she feels fit."

"When she's better".

"Yes. But Poppy...?"

"Yes?"

"Don't tell anyone else. She won't want them to know."

The door closed and I couldn't hear any more. What were they talking about? As soon as Madame Pomfrey came back I sat up.

"What don't I know about?" She looked rather taken aback.

"Oh, nothing. It doesn't matter. Now, you have a nice rest. I shouldn't have let Professor Dumbledore talk to you; he's got you all agitated again..."

"Please tell me."

"Hush, You've had quite enough excitement for one evening. Go to sleep". Tears spilt from my eyes.

"What have I done wrong? Is something the matter with me? Please tell me; it's cruel not to tell me." She looked worried.

"I really wanted to leave it until you're feeling better. This isn't good for you."

"Not knowing isn't good for me" I said, barely concealing the panic in my voice. "What is it?" She sighed and sat heavily on the chair next to my bed, her apron sounding like a rattlesnake. With a sense of cold dread I heard her say these words;

"Philoma. You're pregnant."