The Silver Cauldron

Chapter 10 - Twisted Parchment

Snape sat at his desk; pieces of parchment, instruments and bottles scattered around him. I fleetingly wondered how someone who was usually so orderly could stand such a mess. He looked up from his work and his mouth twisted a little. He mastered himself again however and gave me his usual long stare.

"Please sit down Miss Almanay." he indicated a chair by the desk. I did so, and he returned to his work. While I was waiting I looked around the room. It was full of shelves and jars. Strange creatures captured forever in crystal liquids. Dark, viscous looking substances marched regimentally across the shelves. Candles burnt to their stumps threw a pale hostile light over everything. Pile upon pile of papers covered in his spindly handwriting; curved on the vowels but with strangely sharp points. He looked up and caught me staring.

"My room interests you, does it not, Miss Almanay?" I nodded.

"You are wondering, I think, at the mess it is in." I went a little pink, but said nothing. He put the quill he'd been using back into its holder.

"That is your fault."

"My fault?" I was surprised. Nowhere in my list of duties was there any mention of tidying other people's offices.

"Your fault" he repeated softly. He stood and put the paper he'd been marking away. It rustled nervously as it joined its fellows; it sounded like rushing water.

"Do you know what I hate most about you Miss Almanay? Your know-it-all, arrogant, argumentative attitude." I stood up.

"I'm going Professor. I did not come here to be insulted."

"Well, what are you here for then?" he snarled. "You are not going anywhere Philoma. For once in your life you are going to listen." I fought the hysteracy that was threatening to engulf me.

"The last time I listened to you you...you..." I broke off, unable to finish.

"And do you know why I did that?" he hissed with such venom I backed away.

"Because you're cruel. You couldn't stand the fact that I'd shown you up. You lust for power."

"No. I did it because I love you."

Silence. I gave a short derisive laugh.

"Love? That's love? You don't know what love is. You're so full of hatred you could never feel anything as good as love." The piece of parchment he'd been holding was crushed into a ball.

"I can love. And I love you. I want you Philoma." He reached for me but I was too quick for him.

"Desire is not love. You don't love me, this is just another mind game, another bid for control. You have never known what it is to love somebody because you're too embittered, too twisted, you..." I stopped as I saw a silvery tear fall from one of his black eyes.

"Get out" he said, turning away. But I had had enough. All the pent-up anger, the weeks of frustration suddenly erupted in a fiery outburst.

"Hatred is the only emotion you have. I bet you even hated your parents didn't you? Well, I'm glad I'm not a pure blooded wizard if that's what they're like. Cold, cruel, insensitive-" he hit me hard across the face, sending me sprawling onto the floor. The sound of the blow echoed like a whip - crack around the room.

"How dare you" he screamed through tears of rage and pain. As I picked myself up I suddenly saw his expression change from one of fury to one of horror.

"What have I done?" he whispered faintly.

I suddenly felt terrible. I shouldn't have said that. I had touched a nerve; reached the unreachable, broken through the cold wall he'd been hiding behind all of his life. For the first time ever I saw him as he really was; frightened, insecure, bitter. Exactly like me. We became mirrors.

"I'm sorry."

It was if I'd transcended an iron curtain. He looked at me with such a deep passion it took my breath away. The next minute he had pulled me into the folds of his cloak. There was something deliberate in the way he held my face in his hands, almost brutal. His lips were held inches away from mine and our breath mingled into one.

"Professor, I really don't think we should..."

"I will not hear of it. You will submit to me. You are mine" he said hoarsely. "You have always been mine." He forced his mouth onto mine and kissed me deeply, savagely, holding the back of my head so I couldn't pull away. A shiver, like lightening, ran down my spine when his fingers tangled in my hair. Papers fell like petals as he pushed me onto the rough wooden desk, soft, subtle notes as I surrendered to my fate.

Hatred became desire, pity gave way to passion and I breathed in his sharp, bitter scent, the rough cloth of his robes clenched tightly in my hands. I shuddered inwardly as the full realisation dawned on me; he loved me. His lips moved downwards...coarse material...soft skin...warm breath...open heart...pounding blood. Blood.

I am walking through a forest. The tree trunks either side of me glisten wetly in the semi-gloom. Their branches are thickly tangled together, shutting out the stars. Suddenly I hear a voice. My own voice. Faint and far away. It echoes between the dead branches calling his name. A sharp pain fills my chest and I cry out loud, screaming, falling.

"Please Professor, stop" I gasped.

"Am I hurting you darling? Can't you take the pain?" he murmured, running his lips across my cheek.

"I can't do this. I mustn't." I tried to disentangle myself from his arms.

"Why not?" He held me tighter, painfully tight, his eyes flashing with excitement.

"Because..." how could I have told him that I didn't want to fall in love?

"You are afraid. It doesn't matter. You are even more beautiful when you are afraid."

"It's not that. It's...I'm sorry." I clung to him shakily, wanting but unable to tell him why.

"Do you know what I am going to do with you?" he hissed into my hair. "I am going to make you mine. Here. Tonight. I must have you...all of you Philoma." I shivered deliciously as he softly bit my lower lip. There was something...his possessiveness, cruelty, power - something I couldn't describe and knew I should hate but it pulled me like a magnet towards him. In that single hour all my former self respect, ambitions and prejudices were stripped away. I stood naked, in my simplest form, to Earth and Sky.