Disease

I got a disease

It has to be; a disease. I mean, I can't possibly be able to love. No, she did something to me. She had to. She had to! It just could be lust... Yes. Lust. I lust her. I don't love her. How could anyone possibly love her? Those eyes... That smile... That laugh...

Merlin that laugh...

Deep inside me

Yes. I love her. That love is deep inside my heart, my mind. I'll love her until the day I die. No, wait... I think I have all ready died. I have died. I died the day she left. She left and I died. There's no other way to say it. I could rephrase those two words left and died thousands of times, but it will still end the same. She left me and I died at that moment.

Makes me feel uneasy, baby

She always made me feel uneasy. Only because of whom I am and who she is. She'd tell me, "I love you," in the truest, simplest way. Me? I'd tell her nothing. You heard me. I would tell her nothing. Probably just turn my head away and smile like the stupid idiot I was. Oh, or I would hug her quickly and send her off her way. Merlin...

I can't live without you

I'm shaking my head now in shame. Her little smiles, her little laughs, her lovely beautiful eyes, her angelic voice... All gone. Poof! Disappeared into thin air. Like "magic". So, you want to know what happened. How did she leave, the whys, the who's and the its?

There's no way other to explain it.

I didn't tell her I love her. I didn't appreciate her enough, basically, not at all. She grew tired of waiting for me to grow up and sweep her off her feet. She found him or he found her. He opened his eyes, rubbed them and saw her. They found each other.

How bloody insane!

Tell me
What am I supposed to do about it

Come on now, tell me you bloody bastard! Am I just supposed to give up? Well, damn it; it seems I have given up. I didn't fight for her. No bloody chance. Why should I fight for her? Nobody fucking knew we were together. Nope. Not one person. Not Potter, not Weasel. Not those damn twins with those Extendable Ears. Not even bloody fucking Moody.

It's all her fault. She expected me to be her knight and shining amour. Do I look like a knight? Or even shining? Merlin sakes no!

Keep your distance from it

She had kept her distance from me. So much that I hear things she does with him from Hermione Granger. Hermione fucking Granger. Its bad enough I hear it, but its worst when its Granger. If that witch only knew that months ago she was mine and no one else's, she wouldn't be talking about how cute they are. Cute? Cute? They are not cute!

He may worship the ground she walks on. He may tell her sweet things to keep her smiling, or tell her funny jokes to keep her laughing. But, he won't ever make her feel the way I made her feel.

I know. I know everything. I know how to make her skin raw from the hard flesh to flesh sex we've had. I know how to bite her nipples to the point of little pebbles of blood trickling from her. I know how to make her come so hard she grabs the sheets and wrap them around her - around us. I know everything he'll never know.

Don't pay attention to me

Go ahead. Hide behind the happy faces. Hide everything I worked for. Or lack of. Don't look my way. Don't even think of my name. In fact I bet she washed away the sweat and blood that made up our so called relationship. Go ahead. I'll let her be with him.

But I'll be waiting.

I'm watching.

I know her ways.

She'll come back.

She has to.

In fact I'll just make the reservations for the wedding she wanted with me. Come to think of it. I have that list she made. And the top of the list said: The Marriage of Pansy Parkinson and Draco Malfoy.

Yeah... I got her.

I'll just let her have her fun with Neville Longbottom.

Just so you know... I got a disease...