Tea and Chocolate

Harry Potter resembled nothing so much as a skinny, scrawny owl as he glared toward the front of the empty Potions classroom. Every student present had noticed the teacher's discomfort while waiting for the day's lesson to end; Snape was so certain of it that he had tried to compensate by pacing among the cauldrons, snarling at anyone who was not following his directions to the letter. Even Draco Malfoy, who had a fair aptitude for potion-making, had been unable to impress the head of Slytherin House this day.

Snape resented Potter's wide-eyed, indignant, "But I've done nothing wrong...sir," which had followed his own request that the boy remain for a few minutes after the lesson. Heat from the cauldrons had left the classroom too warm, and Snape found that he was sweating as he paced behind his desk, then decided that such a vantage might appear too condescending for the conversation he wished to have and strode in front of it again. It was not an auspicious beginning.

"Mr. Potter. I wish to speak with you about a matter of concern to us both." At least he had the boy's attention; Potter stood straighter, though he still glowered, shifting his books from one arm to the other. "Why don't you sit down." Gesturing at the nearest desk, Snape sat behind its neighbor, which had the dual advantage of putting them at the level of equals for the purposes of the discussion and allowing them both to gaze at the front of the classroom, avoiding one another's eyes.

Though the boy continued to stare suspiciously for the moment, he did put down his books and sit. Snape began, "It's about Prof--" But Lupin was no longer Potter's teacher, and Snape thought it would be best not to remind Potter of how that had come about. "Remus" seemed too casual, whereas the use of "Mister" might go too far toward formality. With a small shake of his head, Snape said, "It's about Lupin."

Potter, who had been fidgeting with a quill, suddenly went rigid. His voice quavered as he asked, "What about him?"

"I'm certain you've noticed that he was not well after..." How to phrase it? "...after what happened to Sirius Black." With a stiff nod, Potter dropped his eyes to a spot on the desk behind which Snape was sitting.

Was Potter perhaps embarrassed at the reference to a relationship between the two men? With his head bent so, he looked very like his father. For all of James Potter's judgmental tendencies, he had never seemed disturbed that his two closest friends shared a bed and had probably done so in the dormitory where they all slept; did his Muggle-raised son harbor prejudices the elder Potter had not? Or had the boy failed to guess at the bond between Lupin and Black?

"I assume you know that they were very close," ventured Snape.

"If he's worse -- " Potter flinched. "He is, isn't he? He's ill. There's no reason to try to make it easier for me. You can just say it."

The interruption did not follow logically from what Snape had been saying, forcing him to make an effort to keep irritability from his voice as he continued. "You know that Lupin suffers from lycanthropy, and if you paid attention while writing your essay on the condition, you know its effects upon the metabolism of a person so afflicted." With a sigh, Potter started tugging at his quill again, giving Snape a bitter glance. "But that is not the only reason he was doing poorly. Do you know why Lupin went into such a decline after Black fell?"

Flushing a bit, Potter nodded. "They -- Remus and Sirius -- were -- " Opening and closing his mouth a few times, he clasped his hands together over his heart. The gesture indicated a certain degree of understanding, though Snape could not be certain that Potter had given any thought to the physical nature of their relationship. Looking even more embarrassed, Potter added, "I know that they lived together. And I know he wasn't doing well after Sirius -- "

The word that Potter wanted had apparently eluded him again, or perhaps he simply could not bring himself to describe Black's death. After a moment, Snape nodded, encouraging the boy to continue.

"He was in a bad way, even if everybody was trying to pretend he was fine. And his health is worse now, right?"

"In point of fact..." Snape began, but Potter cut him off again.

"He sends me owls telling me that he's feeling much better, but I haven't really believed him. And now you, of all people, come to tell me..." It was obvious now from the shake in his voice that Potter was upset. "Not even Dumbledore. He sent you." Frowning, Snape studied the same spot on the desk as Potter, unable to follow his train of thought until he burst out, "Lupin is dying, isn't he."

For a ghastly moment Snape thought that Potter was going to cry; he was already shifting, hunting for a handkerchief, when he noticed that the boy was not tearful but furious. "Listen to me, Potter..."

"He's dying, and he couldn't even tell me himself. Could he? Did he send you because he thought I wouldn't care?"

"Potter..."

"Is there something that could have been done, or did he just decide that with Sirius gone he didn't want to..."

"Harry," said Snape, gritting his teeth to force out the name, if only to interrupt this diatribe. "Calm down. He is not dying. In fact, he appears to be much stronger than he has been for months."

It took a moment for the words to register. Though Potter looked initially relieved, his anger did not diminish; it simply refocused, as if Snape rather than his own suppositions had led him to an incorrect conclusion. "He's not dying," he repeated slowly, studying Snape, who could not keep aggravation from his tone this time.

"Do you believe that I would stoop to lying to you about his health?" Potter shrugged, but his eyes lowered as Snape insisted, "He is doing quite well. He is healthier than I have seen him in a very long time."

"Well...good." Evidently ashamed of his outburst, Potter behaved as though itching to leave; he had already slid his books beneath his arm. "Thank you for telling me. Is that all?"

"'Is that all?' Is that all the concern you have for him?"

Now Potter looked irritated. "No, it's not! But it's not as if I could see him, so I'd like to owl him at least, and since you know how much homework I have to do, I had thought that perhaps I might do it now."

This was not going well at all, but the tirade had given Snape an idea. "I'm certain that he would like to see you." Potter said nothing, yet he looked slightly mollified. "Perhaps since it is the weekend..." Now the boy's eyebrows were hidden beneath his unruly hair, and Snape was sorry he had allowed himself to think aloud; he was very nearly committed. Perhaps that, too, might turn out for the best. "If you can manage your homework and you can spare the time from Quidditch practice and your friends, perhaps I will invite Lupin to Hogwarts."

Potter's eyes behind the owlish glasses showed something close to shock. "Wait. Are you saying you'd bring him to visit? That he'd come here to see me? Isn't that against the rules -- like having guests when it's not a visiting weekend?"

"While I am delighted to learn that you have begun to pay attention to the rules, I must admit to being somewhat surprised. With Black gone, I suppose that Lupin is now akin to a godfather to you, which would allow his presence to be considered a familial visitation allowed under exceptional circumstances when it is not a visiting weekend. Even so, he would be here at my behest, not yours, and I can promise nothing. I have not yet asked him, and I imagine that he may want to speak to the headmaster before taking such a step."

"Please, Professor Snape." Now the boy was quite humble. "I would like to see him. Will you ask him? I would be very grateful..."

"I will contact him right now, if you care to wait." With a little impatient sigh, Potter nodded. "His welfare is important to you, I trust?" Snape received another nod, and noted, "It is to me as well." That appeared to be even more startling news. Deciding that it would definitely be best to save any additional conversation on the subject until after he had spoken to Lupin, Snape gathered his class notes to take with him into his office. "I shall return in a few minutes. In the meantime it might be in your best interest to start working on that essay on mortuary potions."

He would rather have used some means of communication other than the floo network, but it was the quickest method to safely contact Grimmauld Place now that the Ministry had lifted its restrictions. Fortunately Lupin was in the library, and he answered the summons at once. Though Snape had been concerned that his onetime colleague might have reservations about visiting Hogwarts, which held so many emotional memories for him, Lupin sounded happy at the prospect.

Leaving the privacy of his office, Snape found Potter in the classroom perusing the contents of a locked glass cabinet. Glaring mildly, he said, "After supper, meet me in my office. Don't be late. And don't tell your little circle of Gryffindors. Lupin does not need to be greeted by a chattering mob..."

"I won't tell anyone, I promise." Gathering up his books, the boy headed toward the door, turning almost as an afterthought and saying, "Thank you, Professor." It was a certainty that the creature would tell Granger and Weasley, but Granger could be counted upon for her cleverness if not her manners and would keep Weasley quiet for the evening, at least.

Sure enough, all three of the Gryffindors watched the potions master surreptitiously from their table as he hastily forced down his meal. He had not mentioned to Lupin during their brief conversation over the insecure floo connection that he had not yet told Potter anything of importance, and he still had no idea of precisely what he might say.

Potter was, naturally, late in arriving at his office, while Lupin came through early, before Snape had even spoken to McGonagall to arrange for a suitable guest room in Gryffindor Tower. "The talk went well?" he asked, smiling delightedly as he grabbed Snape in an exuberant hug.

"It did not." Instantly the grin faded, and Snape added quickly, "Nothing untoward was said. Potter was distracted. He feared that I had called him aside to tell him that you were terminally ill."

First shock, then shame crept over Lupin's features. "I should have kept in closer contact with him."

"Fretting about it now will not improve the situation, which I believe may work to your advantage, as he seemed extremely relieved to learn that you were not in mortal danger. Any lesser shock may not distress him so much. Lupin...I must ask you, did he know that you and Black were..." Unable to find a term that was appropriate and did not disturb him personally, he echoed Potter's gesture of the clasped hands from earlier, making a rather disdainful face.

Frowning slightly, Lupin nodded, though Snape couldn't have said whether the dissatisfied expression stemmed from the gesture itself or the question. "I had assumed that he did."

"But you never spoke about it."

"Not in so many words. But he saw us together, Severus. He saw how others treated us as a pair. I would think that he preferred the details left to the imagination -- or perhaps I should say I would think that he preferred not to imagine the details at all."

Privately, Snape echoed that sentiment. Aloud he asked, "Do you think it is necessary to risk embarrassing him? He is not a fool. If he observes us, it is likely that he will guess, very quickly..."

"I'm sorry, Severus, but I do think it is necessary to risk embarrassing us all." Lupin smiled apologetically. "Perhaps it's just as well that you didn't speak to him, because if we are both present, there can be no risk of his disbelieving you or thinking that perhaps you manipulated me. But if we say nothing at all and he learns on his own, he may feel that I was dishonest with him, too cowardly to come forward or being unduly influenced by you. It needs to be said."

While Snape considered this, Lupin walked around the office, occasionally touching some of the rarer objects. "Careful with that! It's rhinoceros," Snape warned as his lover lifted a horn from a shelf. He felt faintly embarrassed, as he was certain Lupin knew that rhinoceros horn was used in Asian aphrodisiacs. "It was a gift." Lupin raised an eyebrow at him, and Snape felt obligated to explain, "From long ago. I believe it was intended to be a joke. As you can see, I have not ground it into powder for use." Fumbling for a distraction, he lifted a series of items from his desk. "I believe that this tusk came from a pygmy flying elephant. And this phial contains water from an iceberg in Antarctica, said to be the purest in the world."

"How remarkable, Severus." Lupin examined both thoroughly. "You have quite the collection. Wherever did you get these?"

"The water was a gift from the parent of a student. I was not entirely certain whether it was appropriate to accept such an offering, but he was from one of the very old, wealthy Slytherin families and had acceptable though undistinguished marks. I thought that if it remained at Hogwarts as part of the Potions collection, there would be no harm in accepting." Lupin nodded. "The tusk I confiscated from a NEWT-level student; since the trade has been banned, there is no excuse to be using any sort of ivory in healing potions."

The horn, of course, had been a gift from Lucius Malfoy. As Snape wondered whether he should tell Lupin, he remembered something else that he had confiscated from a student and opened a cabinet. "Here. Chocolate liqueur. I discovered it in a Slytherin dormitory room and had not yet turned it over to Filch." Lupin's eyes lit up, and he gave Snape a teasing smile, clearly aware that Snape had not intended to turn in the alcohol with any speed. "Since it has already been opened, would you like some?"

He poured for both of them and had a mouthful of the sweet liquid when Lupin suddenly put down his glass and took one of Snape's hands in his own. "Thank you. Thank you for thinking to ask me to come here."

"I was unsure whether being here would bring back unpleasant memories."

"My time here was not unpleasant, Severus. Quite the contrary. I have far more good memories than bad ones, both as a student and as a teacher."

"I did not mean unpleasant memories of Hogwarts. I meant unpleasant memories of me."

Lupin shook his head, moving closer. He had set Snape's glass down beside his own and was clasping both his hands, moments from kissing him, when the door burst open without a knock and Harry Potter flew into the room. "I'm very sorry to be late, Professor, Peeves was...oh! Professor Lupin!"

"I'm not your professor anymore, Harry," Lupin said with a laugh, dropping Snape's hands and walking over to take Potter's. "You can call me Remus, you know. You always called Sirius by his name." The boy was staring from Lupin to Snape, who was certain that he had seen them holding hands, but after a moment he seemed to overlook it and beamed at Lupin.

"I'm so glad to see you -- I'd thought you were ill." Potter blushed as if recognizing that perhaps he should not have spoken so bluntly. "When Professor Snape said that he needed to talk to me..."

Then Potter looked somewhat puzzled, realizing that Snape never had told him why he had wanted to speak with him earlier. Before he could ask, Lupin interrupted gently, "Why don't we take a walk. The astronomy tower, perhaps." Snape was about to object when he realized that his office was certainly not an ideal place for the necessary revelation. In addition to the implication that he would be speaking as a professor, any possible association with the disastrous occlumency lessons was best avoided.

"Yes, let's all take a walk," Snape agreed. Potter cast him an incredulous glare, then turned to Lupin as if wondering what the man could be thinking, allowing Snape to come along, but he did not say a word as they left the room and began the long climb. The tower would be deserted and their conversation would not be overheard, nor might anyone chance to see an unhappy Potter fleeing if all did not go well. While they climbed, Lupin and the boy chatted quietly about the latter's studies and how Granger and Weasley were faring during the term, ignoring Snape's presence in their conversation, though both occasionally shot inquiring glances back at him.

When they stepped into the great elevated room, they startled Justin Finch-Fletchey and a girl who shrieked and ran, covering her face. Trapped, the Hufflepuff explained, "Professor! We were just, ah, I left my notes here, and -- oh Professor Lupin it's good to see you sir -- I had to get them for homework, and, hello Harry, you know how forgetful I can be..."

"We are all aware of the manner of 'studying' that takes place in the Astronomy Tower after lessons have ended for the day," Snape announced in his most deadly voice. "Take your things and leave before I am forced to deduct points from your House. I suggest that you mention this encounter to no one."

That would prevent attention being drawn to Lupin's visit and to any questions that might have been directed at Potter, he thought with grim satisfaction as Finch-Fletchey raced away. Yet Lupin was grinning irrepressibly. "No detention? Why, Severus, are you feeling quite well?"

"I am as well as I have ever been," Snape insisted somewhat belligerently. "And I was just telling Mr. Potter how much stronger you had become. Perhaps I have been influenced by your regular servings of chocolate and tea."

"It's very true." Lupin smiled apologetically at Potter, who was staring between them, all the while pretending to be distracted by a floating model of the planets circling the sun. "I'm afraid my eating habits have become a bad influence upon other members of the Order."

"He has not become a bad influence on you, I trust, Potter?"

"Uh. No, no, he hasn't." The stammer was not lost upon Snape or Lupin, who glanced at him inquiringly. The twist of Potter's face held suspicion, tempered by his wide, incredulous eyes, exaggerated behind the glasses. "Professor, I'm sorry to change the subject but if you don't mind my asking...was there a reason you wanted to talk to me before, other than to let me know that everything was all right?"

"Since you rarely allowed me to finish a sentence, I never did come to my point." It took a great deal of willpower for Snape to keep annoyance from his voice. "Concerning what we were discussing earlier..." The owlish face nodded, and Snape discovered that he still had no idea of exactly what to say. "I wished to explain. That is, we wished to explain." Scowling slightly, he gestured at Lupin, which earned him an encouraging smile and nod, but no verbal assistance. Taking his cue from Molly Weasley, Snape continued, "You know what it is that protects you from the Dark Lord."

Potter opened his mouth and for a moment Snape had the impression that the prat intended to make a sarcastic comment, but he glanced at Lupin and mastered the impulse. Nodding, Potter muttered, "Yes. My mother died for me. But what does this have to do with..."

"Why did she do that, Potter?"

"Because she loved me." The words were surprisingly bitter, as was the recitation that followed. "She sacrificed herself to save me, and her love left a mark in my skin."

"Then you know that love is not merely a luxury."

"Yes. But I still don't..."

Without waiting for him to finish, Snape insisted, "Stop interrupting! We had thought we should tell you..." He gestured at Lupin. "That." Hearing his own awkward speech pattern, he stopped to take a breath, which allowed Potter to cut in again.

"But I knew that already." He looked puzzled. "Wait. You had thought you should tell me...what?"

Snape glanced pointedly at Lupin, who nodded a little and spoke in a rather uncertain tone. "Harry, Severus and I are...that is to say...oh, this is difficult. We, ah..."

So Lupin could not find the words either. Again Snape looked at Potter's blank expression and heard Molly Weasley's voice in his own head telling him to be unequivocal. Far more defiantly than he intended, he tilted his head toward Lupin and announced, "I love him."

Potter stood absolutely still, blinking at Snape for so long that he wondered whether somehow the words had not sounded as lucid to the others as they had in his own ears. He looked over at Lupin for affirmation and was taken aback to see that his lover had tears in his eyes over the phrase he had never uttered to him directly. Following Snape's gaze, Potter turned to Lupin as well. With a watery but unforced smile, the other wizard said gently, "And I love him."

The boy's eyes dropped to the floor, and Snape added, "We thought it best if we told you, instead of your hearing a rumor from someone else, as news of this sort does tend to spread quickly. Although I must ask you to keep the information to yourself -- I am certain I don't have to tell you that there are those who might make use of it to do considerable damage to either of us."

Eyes closed, Potter nodded, with his mouth hanging open as if he wanted to say something but did not know what. Feeling quite encouraged that he had not been attacked nor subjected to some other foolish gesture, Snape inquired, "You understand, then? I had expected you to be rather more...displeased."

Again Potter glanced at Lupin, flinched slightly, and looked back at Snape. His expression grew animated, even angry. Bowing his head, Snape waited to hear what he would say.

"You're a poof?"

Simultaneously, Lupin put a hand on Snape's wrist and spoke Potter's name in a chastising tone, while Snape -- who thought that surely he could not have heard correctly -- demanded, "Excuse me?" Peering at Lupin, Potter turned a bit red and mumbled an apology, though his eyes clearly conveyed his sense of outrage. Entirely calmly, Snape inquired, "Did you have the same revulsion for your godfather's affections?"

Furiously Potter retorted, "Sirius wasn't a poof!"

"Harry!" Lupin objected, with a hint of a startled laugh. Snape had to force a smirk from his own face.

"Perhaps I am unclear about the meaning of the term." While Potter turned a much brighter shade of red, Snape glanced at Lupin. "I had no idea that Black's interest in you was entirely chaste."

"Severus," Lupin warned, though his amusement had not entirely disappeared. Potter turned with a contemptuous look that the other wizard met calmly. "Yes, Harry?" But the boy remained stubbornly silent.

"What is it that you're upset about?" Snape asked softly. "That he is with me? Or that Black was with him?" The glare turned from Lupin to himself. "Were you happier when you believed that I had come to tell you he was dying?"

Potter's mouth twisted as he glanced at Lupin. "You're actually happy with him? Not just desperate?"

"I'm happy," Lupin replied softly. "Do you have any idea how rare a thing it is to ask someone who spends time at Grimmauld Place whether he is happy and to receive an affirmative answer?

Potter's expression still showed more than a hint of betrayal. "Black is dead," Snape told him bluntly. "He is not coming back. You cannot expect those who loved him to stop their own lives from continuing in his absence."

"Sirius is dead because you..." Lupin shook his head hard and Potter fell silent, but his narrowed eyes and clenched teeth finished the thought for him.

"Don't you think that Sirius would want me to be happy?" asked Lupin.

"But with..." The child did not seem to be able to say Snape's name. "Why not Tonks?"

Lupin sighed. "Because I'm a poof, Harry." Potter scuffed his shoe against a banister. "Is that harder to accept than my being a werewolf?"

"I guess not," snapped Potter, with another glance at Snape.

"I believe that his objection is not to your proclivities but to your choice of a partner," Snape said to Lupin, who caught his hand and squeezed it, looking unhappily at Potter. "Neither of us is asking for your approval. Only that you understand what is at stake: his life, and perhaps my life, and while the latter may matter little to you, the lives of others who would be put at risk should anything happen to me."

"Fine. I understand." Potter looked even more unhappy than Lupin. "I won't tell anyone." He sounded as though that idea was in fact quite repulsive. "I don't want anything to happen to him."

Though Potter jerked his head toward Lupin, he seemed quite unable to look at him. Snape returned the pressure of his lover's fingers wrapped around his. "Then we have that in common, don't we."

"I suppose we do." The tone sounded sour and begrudging. It took a great deal of effort on Snape's part not to snarl in response.

"Then I want you to believe me when I say that if I have any power to intervene, I am not going to let anything happen to him. I know how little you trust me, but I brought him here to see you because I thought it would do some good for both of you. Can you trust me that far, at least?"

Potter nodded shortly. "Yes. Fine. Can I go now?"

Lupin managed to keep his face impassive, but Snape could tell from his sharp indrawn breath that the words had wounded him, and attempted to withdraw. "I must return to my office to grade essays. Don't you want to catch up with Lu-- with Remus?"

"I'm very tired, and I'd like to go to bed." Potter spoke in a monotone, and Lupin squeezed Snape's fingers in warning.

"Very well. I will see you at breakfast, Potter."

"Goodnight, Harry," added Lupin. Potter glanced at him, raising his face for a moment that allowed Snape to see that while he might have been angry, he was also hurt, with flaring nostrils and a lower lip that wouldn't hold still. Nodding at them both, he blurted out a goodnight and fled.

Quietly, once he was certain the little brute was out of earshot, Snape asked, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Severus." Lupin's mouth twisted unhappily, but he sighed in resignation. "That actually went better than I'd expected that it might...though I will admit it never occurred to me that he'd say 'Sirius wasn't a poof.'" The two of them shared a small, mirthless laugh. "I don't think that he will do anything foolish; it wouldn't surprise me if he did tell Ron or Hermione, but I also think the subject may be too embarrassing for him to take up even with them."

"Weasley is certain to learn eventually from his brothers, and Granger may very well have drawn her own conclusions about each of us already. Do you think he understood? Was there anything I should have said that I did not?"

"If there was, I don't know what it could have been." Lupin wandered to the model of the planets that Potter had used as a distraction, staring at the bodies in orbit as if he expected them to yield up a clue. "I expected him to have a fair bit more to say."

"I was prepared for insults or even the possibility that he might attempt to disarm me. We may hear a fair bit more tomorrow, when he is rested."

"That's very likely. Perhaps we should go to bed as well." Moving back toward the door, Lupin took both of Snape's hands in his. "Do you really have papers to grade? Or may I stay with you?"

Regretfully Snape replied, "Perhaps it would be best if we did not sleep in the same room." Lupin looked distinctly unhappy, so he added, "It would not surprise me if Potter wished to speak to you in the morning, alone. I hardly think that the situation will be improved if he finds that we have spent the night together. Nor, should there be an emergency requiring us both to exit, would I wish to bear the gossip." With another sigh, Lupin slipped his arms around Snape, who concluded wearily, "I am trying not to make things worse than they are."

"Do you think there would be much harm if I accompanied you for a little while? I know every secret passageway in this castle -- I could vanish very quickly later."

"You are incorrigible, Lupin." But he was also smiling, and Snape found that he had no wish to resist the request. Withdrawing his hands to find his wand and snuff the candles, he followed Lupin from the great height of the astronomy tower down to the dungeon where he had slept more often than anywhere else in his life, though he had never spent an entire night with any lover there.

In bed later, lying thoughtfully awake, he asked Lupin softly, "If it's true that love confers protection, why have we lost so many?"

"I don't know, Severus. I wish I did." Turning, Lupin brushed his hair back. "Harry was only a baby when his mother died. Whatever vestigial memories he has of her must be entirely of receiving love and comfort, and he has been told repeatedly that she gave her life for him. No matter how painful that might be, I think he believes in that love without any possibility of doubt. For the rest of us, there is probably always some doubt, or fear, or disbelief, and perhaps that prevents us from being marked by love so deeply."

It must have been a terribly unhappy thought for Lupin -- the fear that he had not cared for Black enough to keep him safe. Snape felt an instant of deeply selfish pleasure, followed by the inevitable guilt, though he clung to the belief that Lupin had not loved Black so completely that there would never be room in his heart for another. Aloud he said, "I know we had agreed that I should speak to Potter alone, but I am not sorry that you were there. I am sorry if I have made you doubt...I meant what I said to him."

"I know you did, Severus." Lupin gazed at him in the dim light, his eyes bright once more. "Thank you." Their lips came together, and it became unnecessary to rely upon words.

Several hours later Snape awoke at the sound of a knock. Lupin was still asleep in his bed, curled against his chest; shaking him, he breathed in a nearly silent voice, "Wake up." There was very little doubt in his mind about who would have breached his privacy in such a manner and at such an hour. In a loud, clear voice, he called, "A moment, please," flinging Lupin's clothes at him from where they lay scattered. Returning to a whisper, he said, "I suggest that you leave by way of the fireplace and use one of the more usual methods to return to the astronomy tower; I will find you there before breakfast."

Tugging on his own robes as Lupin struggled to dress and disappear, Snape waved his wand to make the bedcovers straighten themselves and attempted to hide all evidence that he had had a visitor. When he had done all he could, he stepped into the outer room and called, "Come in." Just as he had anticipated, Potter opened the door and stepped inside, looking around uneasily. In an awkward voice, -- awkward because he allowed himself neither to scold nor to fume -- Snape said, "Ah. Potter. Sit down. Would you like tea?" The boy sat on his sofa, twisting his hands together, as Snape found his teapot, filled it, put a spell on it to warm it and brought over fragrant-smelling cups. "Would you like sugar?"

"Yes, please." That was kept in a small hidden drawer in the end table, but Snape's pleasure at making the secret compartment appear was quickly diminished as he and Potter both noticed the large quantities of chocolate beside the covered sugar bowl, which Snape had quite forgotten. In a neutral tone, the boy observed, "I guess spending time with Remus would give anybody a sweet tooth."

The casual way Potter said "anybody" made Snape narrow his eyes. Molly Weasley's words came back to him once more, as well as his own concerns from the night before. "Perhaps I was not emphatic enough," he said to Potter. "This is not a dalliance. I've no idea what you perceived of Lupin's relationship with Black, nor what you might have assumed about myself, but I assure you that we are not merely indulging a whim."

Potter stared down into his teacup. "You really...love him?" Snape had to bite back a retort at the dubious tone, and simply nodded. "But I thought you hated him. You told everyone that he was a werewolf. You drove him away from here." The shame of it was so acute coming from James Potter's son that Snape had to take several sips of tea to master himself before he could speak, while the boy stared at him in bitter triumph. "That doesn't sound like love to me. I'm smarter than you'll give me credit for."

"I'm afraid that intelligence wasn't what I was crediting you with, Potter," sighed Snape.

"Then what? Why have you always hated me so much? Because you can't forgive my father for dying before you could have revenge for things he did when he was my age, or because you can't forgive me for surviving when they died? Is it because I'm supposed to have a weapon against Voldemort and you envy it, or resent it? Do you just hate me for being The Boy Who Lived?"

Putting down his cup so forcefully that it made a clinking noise, Snape folded his hands and looked into the fireplace rather than at Potter. "Has it ever once occurred to you that I treat you as I do for a reason other than loathing? Can you not recall that the headmaster kept his distance from you for a year and required you to learn occlumency against your wishes for reasons he could not at the time explain? Can you conceive of nothing you might learn from one who does not grovel before Harry Potter, who must be treated with deference and allowed to start trouble wherever he wishes..."

"I do not start trouble," Potter retorted furiously. "It comes looking for me. Do you think I like having newspapers calling me crazy? Do you think I wanted my name put forward for the Tri-Wizard Tournament when I was too young? Or that I wanted to confront the Death-Eaters? Nobody will tell me anything, nobody will let me help, nobody's explained anything to me for six years! How do you expect me to stay out of trouble when I don't even know what's going on half the time?"

"I have repeatedly asked Professor Dumbledore whether you should be better informed or better warned, but it has been his decision to allow you what innocence may be left to you. The fact that his methods and mine differ does not make me your enemy. Can your adolescent brain come up with a single reason why it should be in my advantage for things to have befallen as they did, or do you believe the headmaster to be such a fool that he would allow me to destroy you within these very walls?"

"I don't think you need to be a Death-Eater to hate me. You hated Sirius!" cried Potter.

"Contrary to what you may believe, I had neither the time nor the energy to despise Black during the past year, whereas he had a great deal of spare time to spend treating me with contempt. He spent many years in prison, and I did not think of him at all; apparently the reverse was not the same, as I was a particularly unpleasant memory for him and thus safe from the ravages of the dementors. It is exceedingly arrogant of you to believe that I would waste my time despising either of you. Have your other teachers warned you away from me -- has Professor McGonagall suggested that you skip my classes? I know very well what your friends think of me, but do the other students show concern -- has Malfoy been visiting to express his shock at my maltreatment of you?"

"Malfoy!" Potter's eyes grew wide. "Oh, please, the entire time we've been here he's been too busy taunting me to do anything else."

"Have you failed to notice the way Malfoy treats everyone who is not a member of his inner circle, and often those who are? I don't suppose the special treatment your little group receives might have anything to do with the fact that one of you is always correcting him, one of you is always insulting him, and one of you has older brothers infamous for playing pranks on his House?" Though Lucius' son had little of the subtlety and less of the refinement of his father, Draco interested Snape both as a reflection of Lucius and as a likely follower of the Dark Lord. While Snape did encourage the young Slytherin's skill at potions -- somehow young Malfoy failed to notice the lack of sincerity in his professor's smile -- he also paid close attention to the attitudes of Draco's peers. "I do suppose that ignoring him would be impossible. You are, after all, only a teenager..."

"It's hard to ignore somebody who insults your best friends!"

"Is it really." Snape crossed his arms. "Certainly nothing like that ever happened to any wizards of my generation. No one ever called anyone a name, nor used magic to torment him, and certainly no one ever played dangerous pranks that could have got someone killed. Tell me, Potter, whom do you believe was the Draco Malfoy of my own era?"

"So I should 'ignore' Malfoy the way you ignored Sirius?" Potter snapped. "And the way you ignored Remus, getting him sacked from a job he loved, more than ten years later, because it's so easy to forgive and forget?"

Strange that Lupin should have been more willing to absolve Snape of that choice than was Potter. "If you think that I mentioned the nature of Lupin's condition out of a petty desire for revenge, you are mistaken," Snape said as coldly as he could. "I had persuaded myself that if Dumbledore would not take steps to protect those at Hogwarts, someone needed to find a way. You do understand that he very nearly killed you the night of Black's return? That might have killed all your friends, all because he did not take the potion with which I diligently provided him? You saw what he was capable of!"

Potter looked directly at him, lips compressed so that they were pale, and Snape could not decide whether he saw fury or fear there. "Yes, I saw. But I'm not the one who was terrified, Professor. I'm not the one who hated him for it. Which is why I hope you understand that I have trouble believing you now when you say you love him!"

"Is that the basis of all your unhappiness -- that you doubt my feelings for him?"

"Of course that's not all!" Potter's anger spilled over along with his tea, which splashed across his lap as his hand shook. Snape uttered a quick charm to clean his clothes, concerned that the hot liquid might have burned him but uncertain whether Potter might resent him for asking. "Remus and Sirius were...they were in love!"

It was unpleasant to be reminded of that at all; even more so to be reminded by Black's godson. Snape took a sip of his own tea, again willing calm. "And you think I have betrayed Black's memory."

"Not you," Potter said softly. All the fight went out of him, and he sank back against the cushions, holding the cup in careless fingers that allowed more tea to spill. At once Snape understood why the boy had come to himself and not Lupin to talk. He was amazed, and regretful that he had been so confrontational.

"Then it is Lupin you blame. Would it have made a difference if he was involved with someone other than myself? If it could have been Tonks, or perhaps Shacklebolt?"

"Shacklebolt's a...?"

Potter managed to bite down on the question, but not before Snape had raised an eyebrow. "Not that it is any of your business, but I do not wish you to spread rumors based on erroneous assumptions. I chose Shacklebolt merely as an example. To the best of my knowledge, he has always dated women." There was mordant amusement in Potter's shrug. "I am surprised to learn that you share the pureblood prejudice against couplings between two wizards or two witches..."

"I don't. Well, I grew up hearing things, or at least my uncle always said them, but I've never listened to him about anything anyway. I didn't mean anything by that word, I just said it because I could. It seemed more sensible than calling you a greasy git."

Snape found that it was his turn for amusement. "I see. Then is your objection to Lupin being close to anyone other than Black, or is it that you resent me in particular?"

"He hated you," repeated the boy stubbornly. "I don't know if I'd be able to be happy right away for Remus no matter who it was, but I would think Sirius would think anyone was better than you." Penetrating eyes suddenly fixed his own through their rounded glasses. "Wouldn't you think so?"

"It cannot have escaped your attention that in the last months of his life, Sirius Black was a very unhappy man," Snape noted. "Wrongfully imprisoned for so much of his life, robbed of as many of his memories as the dementors could touch. What is it that you think he would have wished for Lupin once he was gone?"

Potter looked down into his teacup again, scowling, because there was only one logical and acceptable answer to the question. "I hope he'd want Remus to be happy."

"Do you think it would please him to know that you begrudged Lupin what joy he might find?" In truth, Black might very well have begrudged Lupin this; Snape could read the thought in Potter's expression as well, and changed tactics. "In any event, do you think it might be possible for you to turn whatever hostility you may be harboring against Lupin upon me instead, and spare him? He has certainly suffered enough."

"I probably could." The boy's look was defiant, though decidedly unhappy. "You're here. And Sirius isn't. And if you'd done what Dumbledore asked, he might be. I know you probably think it's as much my fault as it is yours, but no one would tell me what I needed to know, and there's only so much I..."

Snape could not bear to hear the self-absorbed sufferings of the Boy Who Lived. "We all made a great many mistakes last spring," he interrupted. "Myself, you, and others." He would never have spoken ill of Dumbledore in Potter's presence, but Potter was nodding, seeming to understand. "It is not necessary that you like me, nor even that you treat me with the courtesy that is due my position, as you so rarely have. But if Lupin and I were able to put aside much graver conflicts, I do not think it is asking too much to expect you to treat him with respect."

"It hasn't even been very long, since Sirius...since he fell." The ongoing refusal to speak of Black as dead troubled Snape: did Potter believe that his godfather could somehow come back and reclaim his life? "At least tell me Remus spent some time mourning, first."

This was a truly astonishing statement. "You saw him," Snape reminded Potter. "When I mentioned his name to you, your first thought was that he must have been on his deathbed. Not everyone mourns with public lamentations. I had thought you understood this, after what happened to Diggory."

Perhaps this was treading on ground better avoided, yet again Potter nodded a little. "It did take awhile for it to sink in. And I was barely even Cedric's friend." His expression had grown somber. "I guess Remus was in shock?"

"In fact, your initial supposition was correct. He was dying. There are many ways to put an end to one's own life. Failing to eat, going mechanically about one's work, placing oneself in danger unnecessarily..."

"And no one else was doing anything to help him?"

"On the contrary, many people were doing all they could. Mrs. Weasley, for one." Snape felt a ghost of a smile threatening. "She enlisted me, over quite a lengthy period of time. I only agreed to speak to Lupin because I had a similar fear to your own; I was not certain that he would have chosen to live." Finally the boy was listening wholeheartedly, and Snape pressed on. "Would you rather that I had let him waste away and die? Would that have better served the Order, or done greater honor to the memory of Sirius Black?"

"No." Potter's face had gone white. "It wouldn't have. I'm -- thank you."

Abruptly Snape was reminded that he was speaking to a child, not an adult wizard, even if this child was The Boy Who Lived. Reaching into the drawer from which he had retrieved the sugar, he pulled out a chocolate bar and put it in Potter's hand, taking away the teacup with the other. He said only, "Will you go and see him?"

"Yes. I will." There was still no warmth in Potter's eyes, but the implacable rage was absent as well, and Snape very nearly managed a smile.

"I believe that you will find Lupin in the astronomy tower. Please remind him not to be tardy for breakfast, or there will be no more chocolate for either of you later."