Can You Miss What You Never Had?

Can You Miss What You Never Had?

Harry had to talk to Hermione about all these new spells he'd been learning from his Potions book. He couldn't keep it a secret any longer. After he had tried out that one spell on Ron, he couldn't get it off his mind. What if the spell had been dangerous? He could have hurt Ron out of ignorance because he hadn't known what the spell he was casting would do. He thought he was becoming addicted--to his Potions book.

He never expected to hear that thought cross his mind.

She came through the doorway all flustered and frustrated, most likely because Snape had been teasing her about her non-verbal spells in Defense lessons the period before--the only reason he could obtain to mock her and he exploited it harshly. Silence just wasn't Hermione's thing.

"Listen, Hermione, I've got to talk to you about something," Harry started, but after looking at her expecting expression for a mere five seconds, he could think of no way to continue.

"What is it, Harry?" she asked, trying not to allow the malicious venom she was feeling to accompany the kindly-meant words. "Did you and Ron put Belch Powder in Seamus' pumpkin juice again? You really should learn to make the antidote yourself..."

"That's," said Harry, smirking at the memory, "not what I wanted to talk about."

Hermione slid her wand into her back pocket and took a step forward, placing her hands on her hips. She sounded like McGonagall asking him to explain the Inanimatus Conjurus. "What is it then?"

Harry took in a deep breath before he spilled his emotions all over her. He knew she would be upset, and her current mood wasn't helping matters. He seriously considered pretending he'd forgotten what he'd wanted to talk about, calling himself a coward for even trying that escape route. He could face Hermione. It was just Hermione.

But that was the problem, wasn't it? It was Hermione.

Harry glanced at her quickly and then averted his eyes. "I...well, I jinxed Ron."

It took a moment for Hermione to register the statement and after that moment had passed, she went bug-eyed. "You WHAT?"

Harry winced at the tone and was quick to step back a few paces. "I jinxed Ron. It was an accident--"

"It was?" she asked, giving him a harshly questioning stare.

"No," Harry answered lamely. "But I didn't really know what the curse did..."

Hermione stepped forward and poked him in the soft spot of his shoulder. "You used a curse when you didn't know what it DID?"

"I know--it was irresponsible of me and I never should have done it. But, look, Moine, you have to help me. I...I think I might be...addicted."

Still fuming from finding out her best friend had jinxed her boyfriend on purpose, she narrowed her eyes. "To what?"

"My Potions book."

"I thought I told you to throw it away, Harry!"

"I can't! Didn't you hear me? I'm addicted!"

"Find a way to un-addict yourself! You can't go around jinxing people, especially your friends, and not know what the spells you're using do! Someone could get really hurt! What if that curse was harmful? You could have killed Ron, you stupid, stupid prat!"

Hermione was close to crying now. She was yelling in Harry's face and suddenly she could feel his arms surround her. She curled into his body and softly cried. Once she could control herself again, she looked up and saw Harry giving her a sympathetic smile. She wiped her eyes, though most of the tears had seeped into Harry's shirt, and pushed gently away from him.

"Hermione, I'm really sorry," he apologized.

She wiped her sleeve across her face. "It's all right. Just...promise you won't do it again."

"I promise," he said, putting a hand across his heart in an oath-taking fashion. "But, can I keep this one?"

Hermione let a laugh escape her. "What does it even do?"

"Pulls people upside down in mid-air."

"Really?" she asked enthusiastically. "Can--can you show it to me?"

Harry grinned. "Will you stop being angry with me?"

It took her awhile to say, "Oh, all right."

Harry held out his wand hand and showed her the movement to make and taught her the incantation. She flicked her wand like he'd told her to and he nodded.

"Levicorpus?"

"Exactly."

She grinned at him and before Harry could guess what that expression meant, he was hanging in mid-air by the toes, and to his vision, Hermione--and the floor--was upside down.

The shirt of his uniform and his tie fell over his face. His hands went to his temples in an attempt to sooth his aching brain from the head rush.

"How do you like it?" Hermione asked with a satisfied frown--no, wait, that was a smile.

"It's actually quite cozy," Harry lied from underneath his shirt. He tried to blow the tie out of his face, but that was declared a failure when it settled back down in the same exact place it had been before.

He could barely see her through the thin fabric of his shirt but watched her smile--gah! That was a frown.

"Cut it out," she said, stepping closer and lifting the shirt out of his face. She was inches from his face when he regained full vision again, so his eyes had to blur in order to focus. "You know, you boys always have to be smart about everything. You always have to ruin my fun. And every time I try to..."

Harry watched her lips move, watched her eyes gazing at him, at the ceiling for emphasis.

Impulse. Strange, wicked, unbelievably strong impulse.

"But it's not like you ever--"

Hermione's sentence came to an abrupt halt due to Harry's lips covering her own. He had grabbed the sides of her head awkwardly, since his position really wasn't ideal for what action he was performing. He felt her breath catch and he sucked the rest out of her mouth to make her go weak in the knees. She didn't fight back. She complied--and even kissed him back.

She moved her hands to rest on his cheeks, their noses brushing against each other's chins. Harry didn't even have to force her lips open to glide his tongue into her mouth, but as soon as he touched hers, it was like a warning spark went off inside their mouths. Both pairs of eyes shot open.

They looked at each other for several seconds before quickly pushing away. Then they stood looking at each other form three feet away. Hermione made a small gasp.

"I--" she whispered, not knowing what to say. Her eyes almost went as wide as a House-Elf's. "Ron!"

Harry released the spell with the counterjinx and fell to the floor, knocking his head and bruising his back. But he was too late to stop her once he regained balance and footing. Hermione was gone.

And, without thinking about how incredibly horrible what he had just done was, he missed her already.