Fallen

Fallen

- I -

Firelight bathed the Gryffindor common room, falling warmly on well worn leather chairs and pooling on low tables. The hum of conversation from groups of students scattered around the room mixed with snapping and popping sounds from the great stone fireplace.

Remus Lupin squirmed as a shadow fell across his essay on the use of dragon's blood in healing potions. The essay wasn't going well, either in the dark or in the firelight.

"Hey, d'you mind moving?" he groused, squinting down at the parchment. The shadow did not take itself away. "What's the-" he looked up to see a wide grin on the face of Sirius Black, one of his best friends.

"Come on, Remus. You've worked long enough for one day. You need a break." Three- quarters of Sirius' face lurked in shadow, leaving a brilliant streak of gold defining the outlines of his cheek and jaw. Firelight set off a halo around the jet black hair. Remus grinned. A halo was the last thing anyone would expect to find over the head of Sirius Black.

"What I need to do is finish this Potions essay. You're good at Potions, so I suppose yours is already done."

"I'll help you finish it tomorrow morning before class." The outline of his jaw twitched in the firelight. Lowering his voice, not taking his bright, dark eyes away, he said, "I need your help with something."

Remus laid down his quill and searched his friend's face quizzically.

"I'll explain when we're outside," Sirius murmured, his hand lightly slapping his hip with excitement or perhaps nervousness. "You'll see."

"I suppose," Remus replied cautiously as he stood up and stretched, "that I'm not likely to finish anything tonight," Sirius turned toward the portrait hole, the only exit from the common room to the castle at large.

"And where are you two going?" piped a voice from a corner of the common room belonging to a boy with an unruly shock of black hair. He was studying a large volume with the girl seated next to him, a pretty girl whose dark red hair glinted gold in the firelight. She looked at Remus and Sirius with a mixture of amusement and warmth.

"I need Remus to help me with something, James," replied Sirius archly. "If that's all right with the Head Boy...and Head Girl." He nodded toward the girl, his eyes resting solemnly on her face for a moment.

Her laughter broke the silence among them and she said merrily, "Since when do you need my permission, Sirius? You always do exactly what you want, no matter what anyone says."

She kept her tone light, but Remus suspected that she knew more than she let on about the escapades of James and his friends. Sirius stared at her for a moment, then at James. Clapping his hand on Remus' shoulder, he said lightly, "We'll be off, then. Don't wait up, Lily."

As they turned back to the exit, the portrait swung open and a smaller boy came barreling into the common room. He had light brown hair and small dark eyes which looked up at both boys beseechingly.

"S-sirius. Where are you- can I go with you?" stuttered the boy, who broke off uncertainly at the reproachful look on Sirius' face.

"Remus and I have got some work to do," he whispered coldly, "You'd just be in the way."

A look of defiance blossomed momentarily on the boy's face, but withered. "Okay. Sure. I understand." The boy looked down at his feet.

Sirius was already through the opening as Remus put his hand lightly on the smaller boy's shoulder, saying, "Some other time. Good-night, Peter."

Remus emerged into the corridor and swung the portrait shut. Sirius had vanished, but he knew where to find him. Down the nearest set of stairs to the third floor, along a corridor to a tapestry, behind the tapestry to another set of stairs up to the fourth floor and a deserted classroom, Remus made his way unhurriedly, trying to look as if he were composing an essay in his head on the way to the library instead of heading for what would certainly turn out to involve little study.

Inside the classroom, as expected, he found Sirius who had taken off his school robes and was studying a square of parchment spread out on a table. He looked up at the soft scuffle of Remus' feet coming through the doorway.

"Filch's cat," he said tensely. "That mangy thing likes to stare at itself in the mirror for hours."

Remus moved next to Sirius and looked at the parchment, a map which showed the location and movements of all the inhabitants inside Hogwarts Castle, as well as marking all the secret passages out of the castle. He, Sirius, James, and Peter spent two years creating the Marauder's Map, as they called it. Sirius was the one who hit upon the idea of making their very own castle directory, although James had worked out the spell. It hadn't been easy; finding all the secret passages had cost them at least one detention each.

Even though they were all familiar with the castle after six years at school, the map proved very handy for avoiding detection, particularly when heading out of the castle through one of the hidden passageways. Tonight's destination, a mirror located around the corner from the classroom, was currently being guarded by the cat belonging to Mr. Filch, the Hogwarts' caretaker. No ordinary cat, this particular feline had sharp eyes and ears, always on the look out for students who were acting suspiciously. If they were spotted, Filch would know about this passage; they lost the use of one last year through carelessness and they did not want to lose another.

"I think you were a little hard on Peter just now," Remus said earnestly.

Sirius did not appear to have noticed, concentrating on the map instead.

"He's a little annoying sometimes, I know, but he's a good friend in his own way." Remus paused. "Remember the time you got caught and tied up by a Muggle who thought you were a stray dog and Peter sneaked into his yard and gnawed through the rope?"

Sirius looked up and grunted in assent. "Possibly the bravest thing he's ever done. But, you must admit, sometimes he gets in the way ...and he's a disaster around the Shadow."

"Is that what you want my help with?" Remus asked curiously.

"Yes," replied Sirius vaguely, drumming on the map impatiently with his fingers. "I want to get her flying tonight."

A question formed on Remus' lips, but was interrupted by a sharp "Aha!" from Sirius.

"Finally," he said triumphantly as he tapped the map with his wand to wipe it clean. Handing Remus a sweater he had brought, he said, "Take off your school robes and let's go before someone else shows up."

Around the corner in an otherwise empty corridor stood a large mirror on the wall, nearly eight feet high and flanked by two heavy silver candlesticks. Flames from the candles winked at them and danced in the air as they approached.

The two boys - tall enough almost to be men - stood side by side, reflected in the mirror: Sirius, the taller of the two, dressed in his usual garb for sneaking out of school - black jeans, black t-shirt, and black leather jacket - and Remus, half a head shorter, wearing a nondescript gray shirt and blue jeans, still carrying the sweater.

"Moony, will you do the honors?" Sirius flashed a grin at his friend's reflection.

"Certainly, Padfoot," Remus replied as he raised his wand, crying softly, "Canales Corpus."

The candles flared briefly and their images vanished as the surface of the mirror turned a dull, inky black, so dark that it seemed to absorb instead of reflect light. Sirius strode to the mirror and was swallowed by the darkness.

Here we go again, thought Remus, as he followed his friend through.

- II -

They emerged into the night through the doors of a root cellar under the Three Broomsticks, the pub in the small village of Hogsmeade which lay near the castle. Several tunnels ran from the castle to the village, but this one was the most convenient for tonight's mischief. Squares of bright light from the pub's windows splashed the ground at their feet. Skirting the lights, they made their way to a seldom-used stable located a few hundred yards behind the main building and well out of notice from the village. Here Sirius kept his current obsession, one which had not gotten him into trouble yet, although Remus thought it only a matter of time.

"Lumos," Sirius murmured when they entered the stable and a blue glow shone from the tip of his wand, giving Remus enough light to find the door. Taking out his own wand, he tapped the door in several places to release the binding spell. As the door swung open, Sirius brushed past him and began lighting lanterns inside.

In the room's center, a long, low shape lay shrouded under a black cloth. Remus tapped it with his wand, intoning "Non Capsicum" to release the burning charm. Anyone attempting to lift the cloth whilst the spell was in effect would find themselves itching and burning for hours. Remus was particularly proud of this charm.

Sirius tugged the cloth impatiently, sending it flying momentarily until it settled with a soft sigh on the floor. An enormous motorcycle lay underneath, entirely black from wheel to seat to leather saddlebags at the rear. The huge front wheel pushed forward like the paws of a beast; the once-shiny chrome had been turned a gleaming black that glowed in the lantern light. It always made Remus think of a monstrous black panther, crouching and poised to strike.

The motorcycle, a Vincent Black Shadow it was called, had turned up at the start of term. Sirius was uncharacteristically vague about how he came by it, saying only that he got it from a Muggle who didn't reckon he would need it anymore. My Shadow, he lovingly called it.

After talking the owner of the pub into letting him use the stable to store the motorcycle, Sirius set to work making it fly. At the start, they all worked on the flying enchantment - James and Sirius being the best at that sort of charm - and had made it fly several times so far, but not reliably.

Sirius spent most of his free nights tinkering with it, often alone. James increasingly preferred to spend his time with Lily; Peter had been forbidden from coming back after he accidentally drained all the oil from the engine. Sirius did have a point about Peter's help where the motorcycle was concerned. Peter usually made a mess of things, nervously dropping tools and scratching the chrome or losing vital parts. Remus was tolerated and tried to be helpful, although he was not as familiar with Muggle machines as Sirius nor did he care as much about flying.

"She's been acting up, but I think I know the problem," Sirius said excitedly as he began loosening bolts with a spanner. "She's definitely going to fly tonight."

"I don't think I'll ever understand your fascination with this motorbike."

"A Vincent Black Shadow is no mere motorbike," he retorted in mock indignation. A sly look came over Sirius' face. "Girls like it."

"Yeah, well, you don't have any trouble attracting girls, even without a motorbike."

"Maggie likes it. I've taken her flying a couple of times."

Remus looked sharply at Sirius, now bending his head over the engine to tighten a bolt. He detected an odd note in his friend's voice, one he had never heard before.

"Maggie from the Three Broomsticks?" he asked, inclining his head toward the main building.

"Yeah," Sirius replied lifting his head and meeting Remus' eyes. "She gets off work at ten. Sometimes she stops by to...see how I'm doing." The spanner dropped on the worn wooden floor with a sudden thud which made Remus jump. Sirius wiped his hands with a rag and, without taking his eyes from his friend, said quietly, "She's a lot of fun."

"What...do you mean?" Remus asked slowly, feeling suddenly flushed.

Sirius grinned broadly in response to the growing panic on his friend's face.

"You don't mean to say that you - " he stammered," That she - How could you?"

"Oh, come on, Remus. Don't give me that look of yours!" Sirius threw down the rag crossly. "You don't expect me to be saving myself, do you? Like James?"

Remus continued to stare at him with a mixture of horror and curiosity. Catching his breath, he replied, "But a girl like that? She's -"

"She's a lot of fun," Sirius finished forcefully. "It's a lark, nothing more." He crossed his arms angrily. "Well, I'm not like James, am I? Never could be." He started to say something more, but stopped himself and bent down to pick up the spanner.

"Let's clean up a bit," he said, changing his tone as he stood. "The girls will be here soon."

"Girls?"

"Maggie and her cousin, up from London. I promised to take them up on the Shadow tonight."

"You don't need me for that. I should go," Remus said weakly, looking toward the door, but unable to get his legs to move.

Sirius scowled at him. "Go? I thought you might like to stick around and go for a ride, too." His face softened as he said, "Come on, Moony, you keep to yourself too much as it is. You ought to have some fun once in a while. Stay, please?"

Any hopes Remus had for escape vanished as they heard laughter and high pitched voices down the passageway. A swirl of pink skin, colorful silks, and gold jewelry accompanied by giggles entered the room in the form of two girls.

He glanced quickly away as if he could still escape, if only he did not look. When he turned to face them, Sirius had his arm around the waist of a dark-eyed girl whose curly black hair fell loosely about her shoulders, swaying as she talked.

"Nice t' see you," she said slyly and nodded at the other girl, "This here's Tish. Up from th' city, she is. Come t' see the country."

The other girl regarded him cooly with green eyes that caught and held him fast. She had dark red hair, almost chestnut, that framed her face in thick waves. After a moment she smiled in a way completely new to him. He knew plenty of girls from school, but none of them ever looked like this or smiled at him like this.

"Hello," he managed to say as his insides knotted sharply and painfully. Clutching one of the handlebars for support, he swayed unsteadily on his feet and felt as if he were teetering on the edge of a very deep well, terrified of falling but fascinated by what might lie in the inky darkness at the bottom.

- III -

The girls screamed, then exploded with laughter as the motorcycle flew low over their heads and pulled up sharply. Both clutched Remus for support and giggled as they watched Sirius land a few feet away. He had already given them rides, but couldn't resist finishing with some solo acrobatics.

"Oooooh," Maggie squealed as she ran toward the bike, throwing herself at Sirius as he got off. "What a fright you gave me!"

"Yer friend's brave," Tish said, her hands still clutching Remus' arm, "I never been so scared as I was up on that bike."

"Yeah. He's not afraid of anything," Remus said softly, disapproval mingling with admiration in his voice. Recollecting himself, he broke free from her grip and said, "I guess we should put the motorbike away."

Since Sirius did not seem inclined to do much about it, Remus wrestled with the kickstand and handlebars and began pushing the motorcycle down the hill, through the stand of trees which lay behind the stable. Tish walked beside him, continuing to chatter. Behind them he heard Sirius' sharp laughter mingle with Maggie's soft voice, the words indistinct.

When he reached the stable, he was sweating and out of breath. He forced the motorcycle through the narrow opening of the room and picked up the black cloth, unfurling it with a sharp snap. Silently, it drifted down over the motorcycle like the shadow of a huge bird descending to earth.

Tish stood watching him, arms folded with hip and shoulder resting against the doorway. He swore softly to himself as the cloth became entangled in the mirrors on the handlebars.

"It's late," he said as he tugged at the cloth, trying to work out the tangle. "We should be getting back to the castle."

She crossed to the other side of the motorcycle and began smoothing the cloth over the seat. "Maggie tol' me you go t' school up there i' that castle." She leaned over the seat, propping herself on her elbows, and looked up at him. "You 'n him must know an awful lot o' spells."

"There's a lot to learn. I mean, they keep us pretty busy," he said, thinking that he didn't sound at all like a smart wizard, but rather like an idiot. He stooped down to pull the cloth over the front wheel.

"They din' teach us nothing in school," she drawled. "Jus' a few old spells for this 'n that. Enough to get in trouble, my dad says." She moved around the motorcycle as she said this, standing over him and leaning back against the seat. "O' course, my Aunt Roz, Maggie's mum, she says I have the Sight, says I read tea leaves better'n anyone. Shall I tell yer fortune, then?"

"Huh?" He had not been listening closely, but now straightened up to find himself face to face with her.

"Yer better lookin' than Maggie tol' me," she said as she lifted herself up onto the seat, her skirt gliding smoothly over her legs as if it had a mind of its own. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came.

"Don'cha want t' kiss me?" she said playfully, her green eyes shining with amusement and something more.

He wanted to run, but instead he moved toward her, like a child's toy pulled on a string. She seemed to know spells they didn't teach in his school.

She touched his cheek with one hand, causing his face to flush almost painfully, and drew him closer. When their lips met, he thought he could break away, but was drawn in deeper. She took his hands, guiding them to her waist, pulling him nearer still.

He closed his eyes and felt himself falling into darkness, lost with no hope of return to light. Control slipped away. He saw himself from a great distance, as if he were plunging toward the bottom of a deep well and looking back at that small circle of light containing their entwined bodies.

This is wrong, he wanted to cry out. Instead - he watched himself in horror and fascination - he felt his body respond to her, raking his hands roughly across her back while she, in turn, wrapped her legs around his hips.

In an instant, he knew why he was falling and what lay in the darkness below: not void but two luminous yellow eyes, the eyes of the wolf. A sickening dread filled him, while up from the depths, the beast leaped toward the light. Remus watched, helpless and scared, fearing that he would vanish entirely, leaving the wolf alone, triumphant, to draw blood and make the kill.

No! he shouted, not sure of whether he had spoken the word aloud, and pushed himself away as he fought the wolf within. He staggered backward to his knees. With a loud clatter, the motorcycle fell to the ground and she lay, stunned, on top of it. Her eyes, reflecting his own like a mirror, were filled with terror.

He rose slowly to his feet, poised to strike or flee. She screamed.

- IV -

"You awake?"

The muffled voice came through the thick velvet hangings drawn tightly around the bed. Remus hunched on his side, his back toward the sound.

"Remus, are you all right?"

The bed creaked as Sirius climbed inside and settled heavily on the far end. "You disappeared so suddenly," he began haltingly. "The girls certainly had a fright. Tish actually believed she saw a wolf. She was ready to go back to the city on the spot." He paused and then continued uncertainly, "Did she see a wolf?"

Remus turned over and looked up at the hangings above his head, dark folds of cloth that seemed ready to close in on him, to smother him where he lay.

"Hey, Moony, are you okay?"

How could he explain? He barely understood it himself. The wolf had been there, all right. Inside him, fighting to be free. It hadn't been like the transformation - where the struggle with the beast was brief, painful, and inevitable and he shared little of the wolf's mind, remembered little - but more like his dreams in which he fought desperately to remain human. These were bad enough, filling him with guilt and horror, but to wage this battle with another person so close, in so much danger... He had to flee; there was no other way.

Remus sat up and drew his knees to his chin, hugging them tightly. Sirius was sitting cross-legged, his face in shadow.

"I don't know exactly what happened." He paused, searching for words. "I didn't transform..." Trying to be more objective, he said, "Perhaps it was a projection of...something from -" he faltered, "from inside me. Some witches have-can see that sort of aura. I think we covered it last year in Divination class."

He pulled the sheet tightly over his knees, smoothing imaginary wrinkles and holding himself very still, after a long time whispering hoarsely, "The wolf was there, trying to...I was afraid, Sirius... I might have hurt her..."

"But you didn't," his friend replied softly but forcefully. Hesitating, he whispered, "It's okay to be afraid sometimes, if it means keeping someone from getting hurt."

Sirius shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Remus, I'm sorry. Sorry I talked you into it...I just thought-"

"Padfoot," he sighed. "Next time you decide I should...uhm..have some fun, ask me first, okay?"

Sirius exhaled deeply and slowly, his form visibly relaxing. "Hey, my Shadow is all bloody scratched up and one of the foot pegs got bent. If I didn't know better, I'd have thought Peter'd been at it."

Remus grinned in spite of himself. Sirius could always make him smile. He sighed and stretched out his legs.

"I'll help you fix it. But not tonight."

Sirius unfolded his legs and slid off the bed with one backward glance.

"Goodnight, Moony."

The End