Gallery of Evil

Gallery of Evil

Dead to me. That's what they all were. I saw them in my mind and they no longer spoke...no longer breathed...they were simply vessels with souls so wrapped in darkness they could not be found. But did anyone know? Did anyone realize what I thought of them? They couldn't possibly...the Boy Who Lived didn't entertain evil thoughts about those he loved. But I did. I imagined them dying...lying bleeding on the floor at my feet. I imagined them screaming...crying...pleading for their pitiful lives to be saved. I even laughed.

"Harry?"

Ginny...sweet, innocent Ginny. She was one of the people in my mind. But when I thought of her, I thought of naked, freckled skin beneath my fingertips. I thought of soft lips trailing kisses down my neck. Most of all, I thought of her sweat-slicked body beneath mine after a nice, long shag in the prefects' bathroom. No scenes of her death...no thoughts of her lifeblood making pools under her weakening body. No...only images of love did I keep for her.

"Harry..."she said again, and this time I looked up.

"Ginny..."

"Are you all right?"

All right...what in the bloody hell was "all right"? I haven't been "all right" in such a long time. Not since Sirius died. Nope. When my godfather fell through that blasted veil he took the living part of my soul with him...the part that held my happiness and ability to drown out depressing thoughts...the part that made me who I used to be.

"I'm fine."

Fine...probably not the best answer to get Ginny off my back, but it'd have to do. She wouldn't believe me...but right now I didn't care.

"Fine? You've never been 'fine', Harry."

"What does it matter to you? Why are you so damn interested in how I am right this second? Can't you leave me alone? Can't everyone just leave me alone?"

"If that's what you want. Be alone, then!"

She stomped out of Gryffindor Tower and I watched her go. I didn't care if she was gone. I suddenly felt nothing for her at all. Nothing. How could I go from loving her to feeling nothing for her in the span of a few moments? How was that possible? Ginny was my light...the only thing that guided me back to the land of the living when I felt ready to fall into oblivion. Now...now there wasn't anything. Why? Why couldn't I still love her? Why couldn't I still feel? Why wasn't I allowed to get off my arse and run after her? Why damn it? WHY? Because you don't care, Harry. You no longer care for anyone or anything. You'd be happy if they were all dead, including her. You want to be dead. That's why you are numb. Numb...yes...numb and cold...my whole body...inside and out...I was lost and alone and I didn't care. The voices in my head were right. I didn't give a damn about anyone. If they all died right now it wouldn't mean anything to me. I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't feel sad. I wouldn't show any sign of caring. My soul could be screaming for them and I wouldn't hear it. I'd lock the screams away...lock them away with everything I've ever felt, with every smile I've ever made, and with any vestige of my former self. All I'd have left were these thoughts of the dead and the dying. These thoughts of misery. This gallery of evil inside my head, taking over...taking hold...and never letting me go.

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