Giving Into Temptation

Chapter Twelve: An Unexpected Visitor

To say that Ron was surprised to see Hermione on the front stoop of Harry and Ginny's flat when he opened the door would have been an understatement. They simple stared at each other for a long moment, before Ron stepped back and let Hermione inside. He went and took a seat on the sofa, while Hermione remained on her feet.

"I would have come to the twins' shop to see you, but Harry told me you didn't go to work."

"Shouldn't you be at the Ministry right now?"

"I took a break."

"Hmpfh."

"Ron...I need to talk to you, and if I don't do it now then I'll never do it."

"Go ahead and talk, then."

"Can't you be a bit more...I don't know...open to the idea, rather than sitting there not even looking at me?"

"You ask for too damn much, Hermione. Not looking at you is the only way I can bring myself to actually listen to you. So if you have something to say, say it already."

Hermione sighed, clasping and unclasping her hands as she tried to figure out where to start.

"I don't think I'm a stupid person, but what I did...I didn't use the best judgment. I'd been feeling isolated from you for a while, and instead of indulging in an affair while still with you, I should've had the courage to break it off. I've always let my mind rule over me, with logic and facts and help from books. Nine times out of ten, my heart was overruled. And the one time I gave into my heart...it ruined everything.

I thought we'd have forever, Ron. I thought I'd be in love with you till the end of my days. But once we left Hogwarts and started new lives, we drifted away from one another. You were always consumed by the idea of becoming rich and famous and I found I couldn't compete with that. Our love couldn't compete with that. You were so overtaken by the goal to get out of Harry's and your brothers' shadows that what we had didn't compare..." She stopped for a moment, swallowing over the lump that had grown in her throat. "My work never got in the way of us, Ron. I did everything possible to be done early so I could come home to you at night. But when I did come home you weren't there. There were letters filled with excuses and promises...but that was it. So I stayed at work more. I spent more time around Draco and I saw I him something I'd lost in myself." At this, Ron looked up, and now Hermione couldn't look at him. "I found love again. I found a reason to smile. He talked to me like I was the only one around that mattered. And even when his home life left much to be desired, with his contract bride and overbearing mother, he was constantly trying to make me happy. In a small way he put me first.

I wasn't used to it, Ron. After all the time of being ignored by you, it was a welcome experience. And even though I still loved you, I'd long since fallen out of love with you. I couldn't pretend that Draco's words didn't mean anything. I couldn't act as if I didn't enjoy it. I tried to. I tried desperately to put him out of my head. But when he came to our home...I just fell apart. Logic and facts and books couldn't help me in this. All I could hear was my heart screaming, 'let yourself be love, Hermione'... and so I did. I forgot about us, putting a shield around my conscience, and I slept with him.

He was gone in the morning and then there was your letter. And it all came back. My conscience assaulted me and I felt like the lowest form of life on Earth. Here you were, unsuspecting, still in love with me, telling me not to get mad. And it killed me, Ron. Because I'd let you go for that one moment in time, and now I couldn't get you back. You found out and you left and everything we'd had fell apart.

It didn't matter if I was sorry. It didn't matter if I wanted to take it back. I couldn't change anything. Our life together was shattered. I still didn't want to give up, though. A part of me inside said to fight. But what could I fight for? We had nothing, Ron. Nothing. Except old feelings buried too deep to find again. I was in love with you once, but I'm not anymore. And trying to bring you back to me...trying to forget what Draco gave me...it was impossible. Because even if you love me as much as I love you, you know we're not in love anymore. You don't want to face it and neither did I. But it's there -in our faces- and we can't turn a blind eye to it any longer. We can't deny it. We're broken, Ron, and no spell or words between us can make us unbroken. I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I know those words mean nothing to you but I mean them. You're my Ronald, and no matter where I am or whom I'm with, that'll always be true. You have a part of my heart and soul that can belong to no one else. No Draco in the world could take that away. Believe in this, Ron. Believe in me. I'm still your 'Mione...just look at me...I am..."

Their eyes met and both of them were crying. Ron got to his feet, covering the distance between them in three short strides, and pulled Hermione into his arms. And even though their love was no longer enough to sustain them, the familiar warmth of their bodies pressed against one another staved off the chill of the truth they were being forced to face. When Ron finally pulled away from Hermione, he reached up to wipe away her tears.

"I'm sorry, too, 'Mione. I'm sorry I let money get to my head. I'm sorry I didn't love you like you deserved. And I'm sorry most of all for making you think you weren't worth coming home to. I know that what we have can't be fixed, but you'll always be the love of my life. It won't matter who I meet in the future, they'll never compare to you."
This only served to make Hermione cry even more, and Ron embraced her again until her sobs ebbed.

"There's...there's one more thing...I need...to tell you." Hermione extracted herself from Ron's arms and made herself look into his eyes. "I'm pregnant with his child."

Ron's eyes widened just a bit, and then he nodded. "Well...congratulations. I'm happy for you," he said, though his strained smile spoke otherwise.

"Don't say it if you don't mean it. I don't want any more lies between us."

"All right...fine...I'm not really happy about it...not yet anyway...but I'll be able to be happy for you some time. Malfoy's a lucky man, and I hope her realizes that. They don't make girls like you every day, 'Mione. And I...I'm glad I got to love you...even if it didn't last. I'll never regret it...not one moment...I'll cherish the days I spent with you forever."

He stroked her cheek, and she closed her eyes briefly, taking in the gentle, familiar touch.

"You take care of yourself, 'Mione."

She opened her eyes again to stare at him, and his signature goofy grin was on his face, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. It'll be a long time till he's happy for me. I know it. But as long as he doesn't hate me...as long as this place we're at right now holds...I'll be all right with that.

"I love you, Ron."

"I love you, too, Hermione."

They hugged, tighter this time, knowing it'd be the last time they'd embrace like this, and Ron kissed Hermione's forehead. Tears fell from his eyes into her hair, his heart was heavy, and there was a painful lump in his throat, but inside, slowly, he was starting to heal.

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