Heart in Agony

It was the Monday after returning to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and Hermione Granger had already settled into her old routine and was sitting in the library reading none other than 'Hogwarts a History'.

The only thing that was different was that this year it wasn't making her happy. It wasn't all she wanted to do. Ron and Harry were away with their girlfriends, Ginny and Parvati, who just happened to be two of Hermione's very limited group of girl friends. This year, the reason that she was here in the library was because she had nothing else to do.

Everybody assumed that the reason she didn't have a boyfriend was because she didn't want one. Of course it wasn't. Almost every girl in the world wants a boyfriends, it's just that some are more picky than others. She would turn any boy down who she didn't get butterflies with. So as a result she had only ever has only ever had one boyfriend, Viktor, and she had acquired the reputation of being a man hater!

What she really hated were boys who called their girlfriends 'monkey', or 'love', or something equally as stupid. She wanted an exciting boy who would show her things so wonderful she couldn't breath, who loved her so much he would die for her, who's kisses were so wonderful they would leave her begging for more, who made her heart sore when he left. That's what she wanted, not some pussy who tried to win her love by sweetness, he had to go after what he wanted.

Yes, that's right, Hermione Granger, member of the golden trio, wanted a bad boy! She would never tell Harry or Ron though, they would not approve and would try and talk her out of it. How can you be talked out of passion? And why should anyone ever want to, but they would! They were the 'monkey' type, the sweet ones, the boring ones. And she couldn't be bothered with it any more. Their mama's boys attitudes had appealed to her before. It's what made her stay for so long. But during the summer she had realised that they weren't what she wanted any more, that they probably never were, she was just playing it safe. During the summer she had begun to understand a lot of things, however some things still remained a mystery, such as why boys outside of school paid her much more attention than the ones at Hogwarts, why even although she now had beautiful, glossy hair thanks to ceramic straighteners and a whole summer of experiments she still hadn't had one compliment about it, and why....

"Mudblood? Is that you?"

"Look Malfoy I'm not in the mood for your bullshit today. What do you want?"

"Fuck's sake Granger, Potty's dick still up your arse?''

Why she hated it that he thought she was seeing Harry, why she got butterflies when she saw him, why her heart got sore every time he left, why she cried herself to sleep thinking about him at night, why she wished with all her heart that he'd kiss her, if only just the once, why whenever she heard a sad love song or watched a sad film she cried twice as hard as before, why she would die if he asked her to, why there were tears fighting to escape her aching eyes at this very moment. No, that wasn't true. She knew why she felt like this. It was because she loved him. The boy who had taunted her for years, who had made it quite clear he hated her. He was all she wanted. And as he turned to leave and the silent tears escaped, she hated herself for it.