Bonds

~*~

The first flush of youth was upon you when our eyes first met

And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get

I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand

An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand

From that first moment, I was drawn to you. I don't know why, or how, but I was. Something just emanated from you...magic, I suppose, but not a power controlled by some 'foolish wand-waving', as Snape once said. Something that no one could control; especially not you.

I ignored it...passed it off as something trivial. But inside, I think I truly knew all along. I bottled it up, and it rematerialised as hate...a hatred that I shared with you...a bond, even at that early stage.

Even when you hit me, I felt it just as strongly. Your desire, mixed up with fear and rage...did you understand it, too? Is that why you offered me your friendship back on the Express, all those years ago? You couldn't have seen me as an ally...Harry Potter, famous for ridding the world of your beloved Voldemort. I still wonder.

But later, as we started to become close - behind closed doors, of course. What could it have done to your reputation, everyone knowing that you were shagging a Gryffindor - you teased me with a feather-light caress in the corridors, a glance across the halls...you made me hate you more. You still had that power, making my life hell. All I wanted was you, and you were the one thing I could not have.

~*~

Cos you came at a time

When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall

Was the be-all and end-all

That's all everyone was on about...One True Love. Hermione had Ron, Ginny had Dean. Even Blaise had Pansy.

And when I saw you, I believed.

Like never before, I believed in True Love, as I had from the first day I set eyes on you. Childish fantasies. You assured me that there was no such thing as True Love. Just sex. You made sure of that.

But, at the back of my mind, I still believed. I watched what was going on around me, and I yearned for that with you. But you still used me, and I could not stop. That magic was entrancing me, calling me onwards, and I could not stop.

I could not stop.

~*~

Love is only a feeling

(Drifting away)

When I'm in your arms I start believing

(It's here to stay)

But love is only a feeling

Anyway

And yet, for all that assuring, I doubt that you truly believed what you were saying.

Then one day, when Pansy walked in on us, you seemed to change. You knew what was going to happen, and you pushed me away.

I missed those caresses in the corridors, and the hisses in the Great Hall. When I was near you, you blanked me, like I didn't exist. I yearned for you until I thought I would die of pain; my heart was being ripped further every day we did not speak. I would set a silencing charm around my bed and cry myself to sleep at night. I was growing ill and yet you still did not notice me.

I loved you, but your narrow-mindedness did not allow for that.

~*~

The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved

I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed

But I still felt drawn to that old magic lingering around you...once again, I felt my hatred for you ignite. Acrimony crept in, tainting my every word. No one could help me. No one would. I was isolated by everyone, feared and scorned by my friends. My love had backfired, plunging me down into darkness.

There was no cure but you, and you would not come.

~*~

That the light of my life
Would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by

Just to beam on you and I

But Pansy came to me. She watched me suffer and she came. But she came for you...because you were suffering, too.

So you did love me, somewhere in that cold, unfeeling heart of yours. You ignored me because you couldn't bear to acknowledge me, nor could you back down. Your pride or your love; you called it. But you were too proud, you couldn't taint yourself with me, a mar in the flawless image. So you suffered.

You shared a bond with me. You did when we were younger...you still do. And you will never shake it, however hard you try.

~*~

Love is only a feeling

(Drifting away)

And we've gotta stop ourselves believing

(It's here to stay)

Cos love is only a feeling

Anyway