Pride and Prejudice

As high as my hopes rose during that night, as high they fell in the following week. I didn't hear, see or smell Malfoy, not to mention Severus.

I didn't know what to do with myself.

I would teach the whole day and in the evening, I would lock myself in my rooms, drinking my wine and trying to figure out what I did wrong. It wasn't helping much, as I couldn't think of anything. I was positive Severus looked at me while we were in the baths. Could it really be that because Malfoy couldn't have Hogwarts, Severus would deny all connection to me?

By Friday I couldn't even look at my rooms, and on top of everything, I was getting extremely lonely.

I decided that I might as well seek out one of my coworkers, except maybe Padma, who was glowing with happiness these days. I didn't think that would make me feel better.

I checked the teachers' lounge and the Great Hall, but they were both empty. I couldn't really look for Oliver or Hermione in their private rooms, which was inappropriate, so I settled on checking their classrooms. Those were empty as well.

I was short from total despair when I passed by a window and saw someone sitting by the lake. It was as good a try as anything.

It turned out to be Oliver, sitting on the grass with a half empty bottle of scotch next to him. I stared at him for a moment.

He looked up and half way smiled. "Hello, Harry."

I nodded my head. "Oliver."

"What brings you here in thins ungahha -" he got a little tongue tied for a moment, but managed eventually. "Ungodly hour?"

"A lot of things." I looked at the lake.

"Perfect!" He was extremely drunk. I had never seen him like that before. I couldn't imagine what might have happened to bring him to this state. "Have a seat."

I sat next to him. "What happened?"

He grabbed the bottle and drank from it, then shoved it in front of my face. "Fancy a drink?"

I took the bottle from him and took a small swallow. Gods, that stuff was strong.

"Do you know what's it like when you look for something your whole life and then realize it was under your nose the whole time?"

"Hmm," I said, taking another sip from the scotch.

"Or when you find out that all those sayings like, you never miss something until it's gone, are actually true?"

I cocked my head to the side and handed him back the bottle. "You didn't find a lady between the Lord's friends, did you?"

He took several gallops from the bottle. "How could I? With - with - with her?"

He passed out.

I sighed. "Padma."

I sat for a short moment where I was, just breathing in the fresh air, then I sighed again, got up and lifted Oliver's body off the ground. I started carrying him back to Hogwarts and, ultimately, his quarters, if only I could find out where they were.

Luckily, I ran into Hermione in the entrance hall.

"Harry! What happened?"

"He got drunk and passed out. I was going to take him to his rooms."

"Harry!" she had the most outraged look on her face. I was starting to get really annoyed with her.

"Would you stop that already?" I snapped. "Help me get him to his rooms and I'll tell you. I was going to look for you anyway."

She looked hesitant for a moment, but then nodded and started walking in the direction of the kitchens. I sighed and followed, still carrying Oliver.

After we settled him into his bed, we backtracked through the whole castle and came to a stop in my rooms.

"Well?" Hermione said. Sitting on the couch. "What happened?"

I sank into my armchair and started massaging my temples. "Padma happened."

Her jaw dropped. "What?"

"You heard me." I looked up at her. "Apparently, when Padma caught Malfoy's eye, she also caught Oliver's heart."

Hermione continued to stare at me in shock. "Oh, good Lord."

"I know."

We sat and listened to the cracks of the fire in the hearth for a long while.

"Good angles in the heaven," Hermione said at last.

"Yes."

"Poor Oliver."

"You don't say." I started massaging my temples again.

"And she's been so happy, bragging to everyone and everything -"

I nodded.

"I feel so sorry for him."

"That's fine," I said. "But we have to, somehow, make sure he won't drown himself."

She turned to look at me. "But - how?"

I smiled bitterly. "Good question."

We sat in silence again, only this time it was clear Hermione was thinking something up.

"You know," she said. "I recon every Saturday he goes to the Dragon's Head down in the village. Why don't you go there too?"

"And do what? What could I possible tell him?"

"I don't know. You could just be there for him." She looked pleading.

"You mean I should get drunk with him?" I was extremely skeptical. " I don't think that's a good idea."

"Right. When you're drunk, you get all quiet and go to sleep."

I grimaced. "I didn't know you had private detectives spying my every move."

She made a face. "Not now, alright."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. You want me to go talk to him in the Dragon's Head, fine. I might as well make up some lovely story about how my heart was broken once, but I managed to live through it."

Her face shone. "Yes, do that."

I groaned.

~*~

There is no way around Hermione, so I found myself on my way to the Dragon's Head that Saturday.

The Dragon's Head was Hogsmeade's least respectable establishment. That didn't say much, considering Hogsmeade didn't have that many establishments in the first place. It was darker than the others, people came there to get drunk and not be asked questions. That's exactly what happened: the owner didn't ask questions, she just went to the town's gossipers and told them everything the next day.

I didn't like it much. Nobody asked questions in my house and the whole town didn't know about it in the morning.

I reached it and stood looking at the door. I really didn't want to be there.

I opened the door and went in. The bartender looked up from the counter and gave me a knowing look. Otherwise my entrance was unnoticed.

Ignoring Tom, I scanned the lounge's occupants. To my surprise, I found that Oliver was not there.

Sighing to myself, I took up a booth at the far end of the room, where I could watch the door and the room as a whole, but few would be able to see me.

Mrs. Flamel came to my table and asked for my order. I declined firmly.

"Are you sure?" she asked, giving me a look.

"Yes," I answered. "I'm not here to drink."

"Of course you aren't." That damn look again.

"Have you seen Oliver Wood here today?" Might save me sometime, that one.

"I don't give away information about my clients," she answered preparing to leave.

I stopped her. "Listen, I need to find Oliver. If you tell me where he is, I'll go and find him. If you don't, I'll be forced to sit here the whole night and wait for him, occupying a booth and not ordering anything."

I could see the wheels turning in her head. "Very well. He's been here, left some hours ago. Don't know where he went."

"Thank you," I got up and left some money. I wasn't sure it would buy her silence, but reluctance was good enough.

My work there was done, and I could happily return to Hogwarts and tell Hermione that I couldn't find him.

I walked out of the lounge and resolved on walking purposefully to Hogwarts. It was as I was rounding a house at the outskirts of Hogsmeade that my resolve crumbled.

At first, the only thing I heard was voices. But that in itself was highly unusual. This was a part of Hogsmeade and the woods of Hogwarts that hardly anyone visited, especially at night.

Basically, I couldn't tame my curiosity.

I slowed my pace and took care of where I was stepping. I hoped dearly I wouldn't be discovered.

As I came closer to the place the voices where coming from, I could hear snatches of conversation.

"...You high class scum!" one voice said. It was followed by a loud noise, like something was hit.

"You think you can come here and dictate how we should live?" said another voice. More hitting sounds.

"You should think again," the first voice again.

Good Gods, they caught one of Malfoy's friends. I might have disliked Malfoy, but this....

I tried to go faster. Maybe if I could surprise them.

"Go back to your lord," the last word was spat out. "And tell him to get out of here." More hitting. A groan. I was almost there.

Unfortunately, I stepped on something. They must have heard it.

"Who's there?" called the first one.

"You better get out of here," called the second.

Suddenly, I heard a dried chuckle. "It's you that should get out of here."

Oh. Good. Gods.

That was Severus. They were hurting Severus.

My brain shut down completely. I grabbed the first thing that came to hand and started advancing on Severus' captors.

Again, they must have heard me, because Severus continued talking. "Did you hear that? Lord Malfoy has powerful friends. You don't want to be here when they get here."

It must have convinced them, as when I finally reached Severus there was no one there. I could hear the sound of two sets of running feet, though.

I dropped whatever it was I picked up and rushed to Severus' side.

"Are you alright?"

"I'll live," he grunted.

I helped him sit up and then stand up.

"Did they, by any chance, say who they were?" I asked.

"Pettigrew and Smith. Not very bright attackers, if one thinks about it." He was leaning heavily on me.

I sighed and started leading him back to town. "They weren't expecting you to live through."

"The moment I say a word to Lucius -"

"Don't," I interrupted him.

He turned his head and looked at me. "Always listen to a school teacher," he mumbled. Louder he said, "Why shouldn't I?"

I sighed again. "Smith is our highest priest and Pettigrew - he does errands for Fudge. I, personally, think he's an assassin. Both keep Fudge in charge. He won't do anything against them."

We walked through the woods silently.

"He won't -"

"No. Hogsmeade is for sure. Fudge won't give it up just for a maybe. He'll always keep a back door."

Another silence.

"For someone who pretends not to be involved, you know a great deal," Severus said finally.

"Eight years is a long time to live on the road," I answered.

Severus came to a stop. Looking around, I realized we were a few feet away from Hogsmeade's main road.

"Well, thank you," he said.

"You're welcome," I answered, half smiling.

"You don't need to come further with me."

I raised an eyebrow. "You can't stand on your own."

He glared at me down his nose. I thought fast.

"You are not in a perfect shape. If you were caught when you were, imagine what might happen now."

He continued glaring at me.

I stood my ground. "I'm going to make sure you get to the mayor's house. There's nothing you can do to stop me.

He glared at me for additional five minutes. I looked at him, unfazed.

"Very well," he said at last.

When we were almost at the mayor's house, Severus looked at me again. "You live in this town, Potter. Tell me, is there a place where a man can drink quietly?"

"There is the Three Broomsticks, which is acceptable," I answered, not adding that my house is open for him as well.

"I see."

We stopped in front of the front door and he leaned on the doorframe instead of me. I missed that contact already, as little as there were.

He knocked on the door. "I'm here. You may go."

I half smiled at him. "Good night."

I thought of his body pressed to mine the whole way to Hogwarts. Maybe I should start visiting the Three Broomsticks. I've heard they have a fine collection of wine there.

~*~

"Harry!"

I turned around and saw Hermione running in my direction from the Great Hall. I just entered Hogwarts and was headed to my rooms for a bit of a lie down.

"Where have you been?" she cried as she reached me.

"At the Dragon's Head, like you asked me," I answered, looking questioningly at her.

"I know, but you were gone for so long and Oliver came back hours ago, saying he didn't see you. Lord, Harry, I was so worried."

I smiled at her. "I'm flattered. But I'm fine. I would like to go to my rooms, if you please."

She nodded, so I turned around and started walking to wards the steps. I only made a few steps when she called me back.

"Why do you have mud on your shoes and clothes?"

I sighed. "I went through the woods."

"But the road from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts was cleared yesterday."

I turned around again and looked at her. "Fine. Come on."

We started walking side by side in the general direction of my rooms. When I was sure we were far enough from praying ears, I looked down at her.

"One of Malfoy's people was attacked."

She gasped. "What?"

"Yes. I heard voices in the woods and went to see what it was. By the time I got there they fled. I found the man and made sure he got to Malfoy. He said they were Smith and Pettigrew."

Hermione thought about that for a moment. "You think Fudge sent them?"

"I don't know. Why would he do that?"

"To scare Malfoy away?"

"What for? I thought he wanted an in into politics."

"You're right." She pulled me into one of the unused classrooms in the hall. "Maybe they did it for their own benefit."

"Which is?" I leaned on one of the desks as she started pacing in front of me."

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"That Fudge doesn't give them as much attention as he used to?"

Hermione snorted. "Harry."

I smiled. "Yes?"
She exhaled sharply. "I just don't know. But keep up the good work. And tell me anything you find."

"Yes, Captain Weasley." I sidestepped her as she tried to hit me.

~*~

I decided I should go to the Three Broomsticks on Tuesday.

I took up a table in one of the corners, ordered a glass of wine and waited.

He never came.

I went back on Friday. No luck again.

It wasn't until Wednesday the week after that that I spotted him. He had a booth at a darker corner than mine. I might have missed him the previous times.

I took up my usual table and ordered my usual drink.

I came back several times again. Sometimes I saw him, and sometimes I didn't.

It took us another week to actually talk to each other, and even that was an accident.

I had bumped into someone going in, so I turned around to apologize when I was met with his hypnotizing half amused, half unreadable gaze.

"Interesting to meet you here, Mr. Potter," he said.

I nodded, smiling slightly. "I come here quite often."

"Do you?" his tone suggested he knew that already. Could it be that he was looking for me as I was for him?

We stood silently in front of the entrance to the lounge.

"I was just going in," I said finally, breaking the silence and trying to over come the fluttering in my stomach.

"Yes," he said, and was about to leave.

"Would you like to join me?" I asked, before he would be out of earshot.

He turned around and eyed me carefully.

I offered him a small smiled. "I would appreciate the company."

"I am supposed to meet with Cornelius in a short while, but I suppose I could spare some time."

I suppressed a grin. We were going to sit together. We were going to sit TOGETHER.

He entered first and led us to his own regular table. He took the seat against the wall, and I took the one in front of him, with my back to the room.

Rosmerta, the owner, came by and took our orders. He ordered scotch.

"So," I said, after a prolonged silence. "What are you meeting the mayor for?"

Severus looked at me. He said nothing and I was becoming uneasy, maybe inviting him for a drink wasn't such a good thing after all.

"We're planning the Christmas party." He startled me so much I almost jumped out of my seat.

I regained my composure quickly. "Christmas party? But Christmas isn't until -"

"Next week."

I looked at him and recalled he was right. Boy, did I live in my own little world.

I laughed. "You're right. Frankly speaking, I'd probably forget my own birthday if Hermione didn't remind me."

Severus gave me a quizzical look. "Who's Hermione?"

Was he jealous??? "Mrs. Weasley," I said out loud. "My employer."

He nodded.

"So," I said yet again. "What's with the party?"

"Cornelius wants to show Lucius how you common-folk celebrate the joy of Christmas."

I laughed. "Trying to impress Lord Malfoy again?"

Rosmerta came back with our drinks. I smiled and thanked her. She left.

Severus nodded. "He doesn't understand it's useless."

I sipped my wine and smiled at him. "People suck up to Lord Malfoy every day, Fudge doesn't understand he doesn't want people like that around."

"I knew it!"

This time I did jump. "What?"

"That you're behind that girl's scheme." His eyes were shining. I didn't know with what, but I liked it.

"What girl? What are you talking about?"

"Patil -" Severus waved a hand around. "Padma. You're behind her act of not caring. You're the one who told her to act like that."

There really was no use denying it. "It worked, didn't it?" I smiled and sipped some more wine.

His lips twitched. "Yes it did. Even I noticed her."

Even he? What does that mean???

I frowned a little. "Don't tell his lordship, will you? Padma is enjoying herself too much."

He smirked. "I won't spoil your game. I would rather like to see what happens next myself."

Damn the man for talking in riddles. And bless him as well. How I loved him.

We spent most of the rest of the night talking about the upcoming Christmas party. Severus liked to ridicule and degrade people so very much. I couldn't help but laugh.

Throughout the evening, I had one little question that was nagging to be asked. I finally managed the courage to ask it, as we walked out of the lounge and were heading to our respectable houses. That way I had an open escape route.

"You don't suppose I'll be invited to the party, do you?" I said half smiling at him.

"Why would you say that?" He didn't even look at me.

"Well, I'm not exactly in his lordship's favor since I told you about Hogwarts." I was still smiling. From the corner of my eye I saw him looking at me, trying to read me.

"Besides, Fudge doesn't like me much either." I looked at him then, but he was looking straight forward.

"I don't necessary think that matters." His reply was very carefully calculated.

"Oh, please," I snorted. "How many live messengers do you know?"

His lips twitched a little more than usual. I will make you smile, Severus Snape.

"I will see what I can do," he said.

"Oh, thank you. You can't imagine how much I enjoy these parties!"

This time not only did his lips twitch, but his eyes were twinkling too.

"Good night, Mr. Potter."

I didn't notice w reached a fork in the road. I needed to go right, to Hogwarts, and he had to go left for Fudge's house. How I hated Fudge at that moment.

"You know," I said. "You could call me Harry. Considering I am only to call you Severus."

He smirked. "Very well, Harry."

If I were to die right there and there, I would have died a happy man. My name on his lips.... There were no words to describe it.

I managed to smile. "Good night, Severus."

I turned from him and started walking in the direction of Hogwarts. I imagined his eyes following me until he couldn't see me anymore.

I wished I could turn around and check if he did.

~*~

Severus and Malfoy must have been very close friends.

I wasn't fooled when Stewart came to my classroom the next day and delivered my invitation to the Christmas party. I knew that if I hadn't asked Severus about it, Malfoy wouldn't even think about me.

What surprised me was that at the bottom of the official invitation, there were a few words, written in a neat handwriting and black ink.

It read - As much as I understand you would find pleasure in refusing this invitation, at least as much as myself, I'm sure, I have no such option. Would it be too much of a bother to come and witness the idiotism that is other people?

S.S.

I reread those lines several times. Was that Severus-speech for: "I really enjoy your company. Would you like to spend an evening with me"?

I reread it one more time, just to make sure.

I remember someone saying that life throws surprises at you. Whoever said they couldn't be pleasant once in a while?

Naturally, I didn't refuse.

On the assigned day, I put on my suit, with minor changes, to make it look different, and went to the mayor's house.

I arrived about ten minutes after I was expected and was ushered in immediately. I bowed to Malfoy, nodded curtly to Fudge and went away to find myself a dark corner. It was only luck that Severus was already occupying it.

"Good evening, Severus."

He looked up from the glass he was swirling in his hand. "Good evening."

His voice betrayed nothing, but there was something in his eyes - something that hinted he might just be pleased to see me.

"May I sit?" I asked.

He made a by all means gesture with his hand. "Don't get too comfortable though. The banquet is to start shortly."

I smiled. "How did the planning go?"

"We accomplished everything we sought out to do. Although Cornelius did turn an interesting shade of purple the other day, when I wasn't there for our meeting." He gave me look.

I smirked. "It is one of my life's goals," I said.

"Yes," he said rather thoughtfully. "I presumed you'd like that piece of information."

He thought that -

One of the servants entered calling everyone into the dinning room.

As I expected, according to Fudge's arrangement I was to sit at the furthest possible seat from Malfoy, and consequently, Severus as well.

Ultimately, I didn't mind much. It gave me the opportunity to observe Severus and Malfoy. They were so very different, I couldn't phantom how they came to be friends. Malfoy was loud and probably lived on attention, everything had to be about him, everyone had to talk to him. Severus, on the other hand, preferred the shadows. He gave short answers when asked, and generally looked like he wanted to be left alone.

It wasn't until after the official part of the banquet was over that I could speak to him.

Everyone moved back to the lounge, and I went to what I was starting to call our corner. He was already there.

I sat down next to him, saying nothing. We stayed like that, silent, for a while.

"I imagine you enjoyed yourself these past few hours," he said at last.

I smiled. "Of course! So many people who had never seen a fork in their lives in one room. What is there not to enjoy?"

He smirked.

We sat in silence for another long while.

"Can I ask you a question?" I finally gathered the courage.

He looked at me quizzically.

"How did you and Lord -"

"Lucius."

"Lucius." I would have called him God if he wanted me to. "Meet?"

He lifted an eyebrow.

"I don't mean to pry. You are just so very different. I can't settle it in my head."

He smirked. "We met at his parents' funeral." I must have looked shocked, because his smirked widened.

"I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "Don't be. I didn't know them. Lucius was ten and I was nine at the time. The only reason my parents and I went was because we were his closest relatives and had to take him with us."

"How close are you?" I asked, fascinated.

"Very distant cousins." He looked very amused.

"Oh," was all I managed.

We spent the rest of the evening talking about some new inventions that the Americans had come up with.

The one good thing that came out of that evening was that Severus told me - in Severus-speech, of course - that he enjoyed the Three Broomsticks, and wouldn't mind seeing me there, that Wednesday, seven in the evening, meet you there.

Considering I gave him my word, I felt obligated to appear.

We spent a very pleasant evening together. His corner of the room was much more isolated than mine, and I discovered there was a huge mirror hanging behind the bar, through which I could observe the room quite easily.

Our conversation revolved mainly around the state of cricket and polo in our area and Britain in general.

The most eventful part of our conversation came to be as we were parting.

"Why don't you come to Hogwarts on Monday?" I asked, smiling half-drunkenly at him.

He gave me a stern look. "Whatever for?"

"I'll show you around a bit, plus I have a bigger collection than this establishment seems to have."

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Alright. I'll come by."

He must have been really, really drunk to accept. But unfortunately, I was too drunk myself to appreciate it.

To my complete embarrassment, I even managed to forget he was supposed to come.

One can imagine my surprise when, as I dismissed my last class of the day, a tall, dark figure entered the classroom and terrified the children. It took me a moment to realize who it was and why he was there. When I did, I smiled broadly at him.

"Severus!" I said after the last of the children left, or more accurately, fled. "Thank you for coming."

"You have promised some sort of entertainment, if I remember correctly," he said. "I might as well call you on your offer."

I continued to smile pleasantly. This was all Severus-speech for 'I'm glad to be here'.

"Just give me a moment then," I said. "I need to sort out through these papers."

Five minutes later, we were out of my classroom and I was showing him around. Severus seemed very interested in the aspect of teaching, and asked me endless questions about how I passed on knowledge to the children.

When we were finally seated in my chambers, in front of the fire, he with a glass of scotch and me with my wine, I laughed.

"You're talking like you're testing me, Severus," I said. "You're not planning on stealing me away and making me teach your children, do you?" Gods, I hoped he didn't.

"Children? Me?" he scoffed, much to my relief. "I don't like the nuisances."

I smiled. "They are. If you don't know how to keep them quiet."

"And you can?" he asked with a smirk on his face.

"Of course I can!"

That evolved into a lengthy discussion of how to keep little children busy.

I was surprised to find that Severus was quite knowledgeable in the subject, as much as he tried to deny it.

We ended up talking until a very late hour. When he prepared to leave, I asked him not to.

"It's passed one in the morning," I told him. "You can't go out into the forest this late."

"What do you suggest I do?" he sneered at me. "Stay here?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed. He looked taken aback. "Look." I rubbed my temples. "I have a spare room. Spend the night here and then leave in the morning. It will be on my conscience if you leave now."

He ended up staying.

It was the first night we spent under one roof. I admit, not in the same bed, but it was progress. I could honestly say I went to sleep a lot happier that night.

~*~

The next time Severus and I met was purely accidental.

After spending the night in my spare room, Severus left with a curt goodbye, no breakfast or nothing.

I didn't know what to do.

In all truth, I should have gone to Hermione. She would have given me the right advice in no time. But in my stubbornness, I had to convince her that I was not in love with anyone. The fact that that was a lie was completely irrelevant.

Anyway, I ended up spotting him in the Three Broomsticks the next week on Wednesday.

I sat in my corner alone again and waited for my chance. It took a while but it came.

When Severus looked like he was about to leave, I left my seat and my coat.

I stayed a little way away from the lounge for a few moments and then doubled back to retrieve my 'forgotten' coat.

I bumped into Severus just inside the door.

"Sorry," I mumbled, pretending not to pay attention to him. My heart was beating like mad in my chest, though.

He stopped me. I hoped so much that he would. "Harry?"

I turned around and smiled. "Hello!"

He was about to say something, but I stopped him.

"Just a second, will you? I left my coat here and I'm bloody freezing." This was a very public scene. No way was I going to have a conversation of any sort with him there.

He nodded and I went to my seat and took the coat.

Not saying a word, we both stepped out into the street. He must have realized what a mistake talking in front of the front door might be, as well.

"So," I said, when we were far enough from the Three Broomsticks. "How are you?"

"I'm -" he clearly didn't expect that question. He glanced at me, but I wasn't going to be of any help. "I'm fine," he settled finally. "Listen, about what happened -"

Gods, he was talking like we slept together. I gave him a quizzical look.

"I'm sorry I left like I did," he managed eventually.

I just had to laugh. "Are you drunk?"

"What???" Again, a question he did not expect.

"Are - You - Drunk?" I repeated.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You're not acting like your usual self."

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Well, for one, I didn't expect the words 'I'm sorry' to ever come out of your mouth."

"Oh," he gave me a smirk. "You should know, then, that there are a lot of things you don't know about me."

He should know I was going to find it all out, but I didn't say that.

I decided to let that particular topic go, for the moment. "You can make it up to me."

He gave me a quizzical look again.

"You said you were sorry, I'm saying you can make it up to me."

Severus thought about it for a long moment.

During our walk we managed to reach the fork that separated us. We just stood, not making a move in either direction.

"Fine," Severus said at last. "How can I do that?"

I grinned at him like a five-year-old with a present. "Come by again on Saturday. Unless our mayor has something planned, of course." I made a face.

"I presume I can manage." His lips formed half a smile.

How drunk was he? I wondered if I could get him drunk enough to smile completely. I nodded at him, though, not sure what to say next.

"Good night, Harry," he said and turned to leave.

"Good night, Severus," I answered and began walking in the opposite direction.

~*~

On Saturday evening everything was perfect.

I rearranged the couch and armchairs in the main room so they stood around a small table and in front of the fireplace. On the table itself, I placed two plates and some candles. We were going to have a date even if it was going to kill me.

Severus arrived at half past seven, wearing his usual black outfit. It wasn't terribly formal, but I felt like I should change, since I was barefoot and in a stained shirt, although he did look a little uncomfortable as well.

I smiled at him. "Come in."

He nodded and stepped in.

There was a long awkward silence as we sat in front of each other on the couches.

At last I laughed. "This is ridiculous. We're acting like two friends who grew apart and have nothing to say to each other.

He smirked. "You're right."

I nodded. "Good."

Another silence.

"Alright," this time Severus spoke. "Did you know that I know practically nothing about you?"

I snorted. "I don't know that much about you either."

"True. But you have been interrogating me since we met."

I smiled. "Fine. What would you like to know?"

"Tell me of the places you've seen during your traveling."

"That's not about me, now is it?"

"Still, I'd like to hear about it."

I cocked my head to the side. "What would you like to hear?"

Severus shrugged. He actually did a semi-casual gesture. I thought I might die of happiness. "Tell me something interesting. I haven't traveled much."

I smiled. "You still have the rest of your life. But I'll indulge you."

He leaned back in his armchair, his hair half covering his face and prepared to listen.

I wrecked my head for some thing interesting to tell him, as I got comfortable in my seat as well.

"There is this one story I think you'd like," I said at last and looked at him. He nodded.

"It was one on off my first teaching jobs, and as I was raised in a monastery, the only thing I'd ever read in my life were the holy writings. So, naturally, when I was asked to teach a nobleman's daughter in one of the towns southward from here, I asked for a Bible. You should have seen the look on that nobleman's face when I did that. I honestly thought his eyes would fall off of his face. He then told me that he had only one copy of the bible and that it belonged to his late wife so there was no chance he was going to give it to me. I, of course, apologized for his loss and asked where I could obtain one. He said that the local church must have one."

"Must have one?" Severus interrupted, raising an eyebrow.

I smirked and nodded. "Let me finish.

"I ended up going to the local church everyday with the daughter so she could learn to read and then come back to the man's house to study writing.

"One day, one of the priests stopped me and asked me how in the name of everything holy I managed to get that family inside the church." I laughed at Severus' expression. "It turned out that the man declined the church after they wouldn't give him a divorce from his third wife and found him guilty of the murder of his second one. On top of everything, the poor girl was from his first wife, who was found dead in the local river under mysterious circumstances."

Severus stared at me for a few long moments. "That sounds too bizarre to be true."

I continued to smile. "And it isn't over yet."

"Oh? What more could have happened?"

"Well, I was fired and chased out of town after the girl announced she was going to be a nun."

Severus actually chuckled then. I suppressed the urge to close my eyes and let the sound run through me. It was everything I imagined it to be - rich, powerful and soft at the same time, liquid honey.

Severus stopped and gave me a penetrating gaze. "You said you were raised in a monastery."

I nodded. "Yes."

"Your parents wanted a priest in the family?" He gave me a smirk.

"No," I shook my head. "I was found on the doorstep of an orphanage run by the ministry. As far as the note that came with me went, my parents are dead."

Another penetrating gaze. "I apologize."

I smiled. "It's fine. I don't remember them."

"So why didn't you stay at the monastery?"

"Because I hate the place?"

Another smirk. "Do tell."

"You don't want to hear about that! You'll lose all faith in our church," I said and got up. "Why don't I bring dinner instead?"

"Fine, but you won't run away from this." He had a glint in his eyes as he said that. I hoped it was a content one.

I busied myself with the dishes, plates and silverware. I felt like a good little housewife, bringing food for her man that came from a hard day's work. But I couldn't bring myself to care. I thought I could do it for the rest of my life, if he wanted me to.

We both sat on the couch in front of the table and the fire, since it was the most comfortable way to eat.

"I don't recon the food at Cornelius' is like this," Severus said at last.

Could that be a compliment? "I don't think we have the same cooks," I smiled at him.

"My compliments to whoever it is then," he said, giving me a sideways look. "I'd prefer this any day."

Would he? I cocked my head to the side. "I'll be sure to tell him then."

"Do that."

We continued to eat.

When we were done, I cleaned the table, gave him his glass of scotch and poured myself some wine.

We sat on the couch and I continued telling him about my traveling, avoiding the subject of the church like a plague.

Eventually, I mustered the courage to try and take our relationship a little further. I was sure I read all the signs right and I might be on the road to happiness at last.

I placed my hand on his knee as we talked. It rested there for about five seconds, before he leapt to his feet, mumbled something about the time and that he had forgotten something. He grabbed his coat and was gone. All before I managed to realize what had happened.

When I finally did, it was too late. He was already gone.

I sat and stared at the flames for a few moments. That could not have happened.

Severus did not flee the moment I tried to -

It wasn't possible.

What of the glances? The looks? Why did he show me a side of himself no one else ever saw?

I couldn't grasp that that happened. It was generally impossible.

We were supposed to continue talking. He should have put his hand over mine. I would have kissed him. We would have spent the night and the rest of our lives together.

That could NOT have happened.

I dragged myself to my bed, undressed and slid under the covers.

My last thought was that I would find out. I would find him.

Unfortunately, it looked like chance was against me again.

I couldn't find Severus anywhere and when I asked for him at Fudge's house, I was told that his lordship and his friends did not associate with common folk and that I should go back to whatever hole I crawled out of.

When I returned to Hogwarts, I was still speechless.

No way in any kind of Hell.

An unknown amount time and several glasses of wine later, I realized that I let myself sink into fantasyland again.

I didn't really think someone would love me, did I? That I would find some sort of happiness?

I had to snort at that. Really, Harry, what came over you?

The only thing that annoyed me, through the haze of drunkenness and all, was that I didn't get a straightforward rejection

Who did he think he was? Who did he think I was? I decided he wouldn't get rid of me that easily. If he didn't want me, he was going to tell it to my face and not that avoiding business.

Yes, I decided. I would find him, and he would tell me what his problem was.

It might not have occurred to me that that might hurt three times as much as what I was experiencing then, but I was too drunk to think of the finer details.

I had made up my mind, and when I did that, there was nothing that could stop me.

Then I passed out.

~*~

Like I already said, chance wasn't on my side anymore. Try as I might, I couldn't find Severus. It was like the earth had swallowed him.

Of course, it was more likely that he had left Hogsmeade or just never left Fudge's house. But I didn't think about it.

The only thing that troubled my mind was the question why.

I could not have been that mistaken. It was impossible for me to be that mistaken. I didn't deny I could be wrong, but to that degree?

One evening, about two weeks after Severus fled, I sat looking at my glass, which stood at the table, and tried to think where I went wrong.

It was possible that at our first meetings I had imagined things. I had fallen in love with him; I couldn't get my mind off of him. I could have seen things that weren't there. But he was the one to start talking to me all those times.

And what of the baths? He had looked at me differently then, there was no doubt about it. I was too busy watching Malfoy to dream about Severus.

On the other hand, I was the one to initiate our talks at the Three Broomsticks. It was me that invited him to my house. I was the one who initiated the contact.

Could it be that he kept his contact with me only because I kept nagging him about it?

But why would he talk to me, then? Why would he tell me things about himself? Admittedly, it wasn't much, but it was something.

Frustrated, I drowned my glass, and many more that followed.

I was at a complete loss.

Eventually, I ventured to the teachers' lounge and found Oliver there, nurturing his own drink.

Things hit me then. I recalled Padma was still seeing Malfoy, and that Oliver was now in love with her but couldn't have her. His melancholy reached for me.

I sat next to him and poured myself a glass as well.

Oliver lifted his eyes. "Harry."

"Hey," I said.

"It's been a long time."

"It has."

We sat in silence.

"How are you?" I asked at last, my voice heavy with concern.

He smiled bitterly. "I haven't changed. Except that Hermione won't let me out of the castle alone any more. Thinks I might not come back."

I nodded my head solemnly and sipped my drink. "Feel like that myself."

"Oh? Your lady left?"

I let that slide, mainly because it brought a real smile to his face; I imagined he didn't have many of those. "Nah. You know me - I'm a loner. Just these holidays. Get to me every year."

"Really?" he took a sip from his own drink. "How come I haven't seen you like this before?"

I smiled bitterly. "Last year everyone else were a lot less cheerful, made being alone easier. Now, one keeps thinking about what one is missing."

"Too true." He sighed.

Another silence stretched between us. Though I didn't have the urge to fill it. It felt comfortable. We were two people with similar problems - although he didn't know it - sharing the time of day and a drink.

"Say, why don't we go in town?" I asked suddenly,

"But -" he started.

"Hermione told you not to go alone, and you're not going alone. I'd be honored to share a drink with you. I don't want to be alone anyway, and being out of here would do us both some good."

He looked at me for a moment. "Fine," he said. "I agree. Let's go."

And so, we started this kind of tradition.

Hermione was, naturally, furious. I actually got a lecture from her on how drinking ourselves unconscious was not going to help us. But when I asked her what might help, and whether we actually needed or wanted help, she couldn't answer.

So, practically every night - when we didn't have too much work from school, we were teachers after all - we went into town.

This pastime lasted over a month. That is, until I finally spotted Severus.

Oliver and I were at the Three Broomsticks. Oliver was telling me about a prank he pulled on one of his brothers as a little kid, when I felt a heavy gaze drilling into the back of my head. I turned around and found myself lost in a pair of too familiar eyes.

It was early in the evening, so I hadn't had a lot to drink yet, and felt very glad for it. If I had, there was no telling what I could have done.

As it was, I spent the night between half-listening to Oliver and keeping an eye on Severus. He was not getting away from me this time.

About half past eleven, Oliver announced it was a wrap, so we both left the lounge. I managed to find someone trustworthy, one of the servants from Hogwarts, to make sure Oliver made it back and stayed watching the Three Broomstick's door.

About half an hour later, Severus walked out. I followed him along one of the streets, and when he came out onto a bigger road, I called him back.

"Severus!"

He stopped and looked around.

I stepped out of the shadows and stood in front of him. "Hello." To his credit, he didn't run away screaming.

"What do you want?" he asked with a drawl.

"Nothing," I said. "Just to talk."

He stared at me in silence. After a while he said, "Well, talk."

I looked at him. "I guess I wanted to ask you what happened."

"And this couldn't wait till morning?" he scoffed and prepared to leave.

"Wait." I reached out to hold his arm. "Listen to me, will you?"

Gods, I sounded like a puppy begging for his owner's forgiveness. But he did turn around. "Fine."

I let go of him. "This couldn't wait for tomorrow, because I wouldn't be able to find you in the morning. Or did you forget about the no entrance orders at Fudge's?"

He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me. Ah, we were on Severus-speech again. That meant he was prepared to listen.

I raked my hand through me hair. "I simply want to know what went wrong," I said. "One moment we're sitting and talking, the next you're avoiding me like a disease and there are orders for my execution."

He snorted, ten points to the home team.

"Tell me what's wrong." I knew I sounded defeated, but I really couldn't help it.

"What you did," said Severus. "Was unacceptable."

So he was playing innocent. Fine, two can play that game. "What did I do?"

"Touch me. That kind of thing is not acceptable."

"That kind of thing," I repeated mockingly. "What kind of thing? I just touched your arm, was that unacceptable? When I gave you your glass, is that unacceptable? You do understand you're being unreasonable, don't you?"

He stared at me, hard. "That wasn't that kind of touch."

"Really? Then what kind was it? Do tell. I made it, I might as well know." I was killing every chance I ever had with him, and I knew it. But maybe, I might save myself a friendship with him.

He opened his mouth to speak, and then stopped himself, settling on a glare.

"You are reading too much into this, Severus." I smirked. "One might think you wanted it to have some kind of sinister meaning."

His glare intensified.

I laughed. "I'm sorry I took up your time. If you think of anything to say, you know where to find me. Good night."

And I walked off. Maybe this ignoring technique would help me, just like it helped Padma.

Thinking of Padma brought Oliver back to my mind. So, I hurried back to Hogwarts, to make sure he made it back all right.

One thing I could say though, was that I had a much lighter heart after my conversation with Severus. He didn't exactly reject me, and on top of everything, there was even some hope of salvation.

~*~

On Saturday night that week, I went with Oliver to the Three Broomsticks. He had wanted to go to the Dragon's Head, but I convinced him not to. I didn't exactly give him a reason, but he knew of my dislike of the place and didn't ask many questions.

The first thing I did upon entering was to quickly look for Severus, but I couldn't find him. Oliver continued talking about the children under our care, a topic we started on our way. I half listened.

It was evident that in the past month or so, Oliver had improved. It wasn't a dramatic change, he still drank too much and was too melancholy for his own good, but it was getting better.

He was a lot more sociable, for once. People could approach and talk to him. He also looked better, more well kept. Like he was taking care of himself.

It gave me a good feeling, thinking that I might have had some part in that transformation.

The evening, on the whole, was spent pleasantly. Oliver didn't drink himself to a stutter, and could actually get to Hogwarts by himself. Another sign of change. He couldn't do that before.

It came in useful as well, as this time, I was the one called back.

Oliver turned around with me and took a step to my side.

I smiled. "Go on without me."

"Are you sure?" he asked me, putting a hand on my shoulder. So he wasn't completely sober. But he always was on the melodramatic side.

I nodded. "Yes. I'll be fine. Go."

He gave a look in the direction the voice came from, turned around, and left.

"A close friend of yours?" asked Severus, stepping out of the shadows and crossing his arms over his chest.

"A fellow teacher." Who was he to interrogate me about my friends? I suppressed the urge to cross my arms as well.

He, in turn, just looked at me.

No way was I going to give in on this game.

Finally, he inhaled deeply. "I apologize."

"Oh?" I said. "And for what?" I might as well have some fun, shouldn't I?

"What?" He thought the darkness covered his surprised expression. He was wrong.

"What are you apologizing for? I want to hear it."

His expression grew hard. "You're making fun of me."

"Well, yes," I answered cocking my head to the side. "But I deserve to, considering you made fun of me."

He sighed. "Very well. I apologize for jumping to conclusions and blaming you for things you didn't do."

"And...." I encouraged him.

"And -" He stopped. "And what?"

"And for avoiding me and not giving me an explanation."

"And for avoiding you and not giving you an explanation," he repeated.

"Oh, good," I said, smiling. "Good night then."

"Wait." This time, it was he who grabbed my arm. "I'd appreciate if we act like we did before."

"And how was that?" I half turned to look at him.

"Talking, drinking together."

"Hmm."

We stood in silence.

"Well?" he finally asked.

I shrugged. "We did have insightful conversations. And I don't know many people with your kind of wit, which, honestly, I rather like."

"So what do you decide?" It was nice to hear someone else groveling for a change.

"Very well."

That was a full smile! I was prepared to bet my life that he didn't know I could see it.

"I'll see you at the Three Broomsticks, then," I said and, again, turned to go.

"Good night," he called.

I turned and smiled. "Good night, Severus."

~*~

He did end up meeting me at the Three Broomsticks the next week.

Conversation was strained at first. Severus looked rather nervous. We just sat in silence for more than an hour. Until Rosmerta came by our table and commented on how quiet we were.

"I don't know how you stand it," she said. "This is not the place for low spirits, you know."

"How a person spends one's time is none of your business," snapped Severus. "All you care about is that we pay."

She shrugged. "I do care if you're wrecking the mood for everyone else."

"Oh, off with you, woman," Severus answered.

I couldn't suppress a snicker as Rosmerta went away.

"She irritates me," said Severus, giving me a look.

"She, or the whole female race?"

"You're mocking me.'

"How perceptive we are today."

He glared at me, but there was a certain glint in his eyes.

We ended up discussing our favorite pastimes. And I discovered that Severus really enjoyed listening to music.

"No wonder you made me play that horrible piece that night!" I scoffed at him.

"Well, yes," he smirked. "Though I didn't imagine you know it by heart."

I shrugged. "Agrabella believed in pushing her students head first into the water to see if they could swim."

That earned me a whole half-smile. It was a very productive evening.

We met again from time to time, generally talking and getting to know each other better.

I didn't have the courage to ask Severus to Hogwarts again. Every time I thought of bringing it up, I kept getting the image of him running from my rooms. I just couldn't do it again.

In the meantime, I was beginning to distance myself from Oliver again. I wasn't doing it in one blow, and I was feeling extremely bad about it, but I couldn't help it.

I had found Severus again. And although all hope for a future with him had been extinguished, I had a friendship to fall back upon.

I wished that Oliver could see he had that too, but, like previously said, he had his melodramatic streaks and wouldn't listen.

We didn't go as much to town as we used to. I much preferred to go alone, in hope of encountering Severus.

To my great luck, Oliver understood. He even went as far as 'release me of my brotherly duties'.

I laughed, and told him he was not a duty, and that I enjoyed spending time with him.

He just smiled and clapped me on the back.

~*~

One night, another month later, Severus and I sat in our usual corner in the Three Broomsticks and discussed life.

As that line of conversation came to an end, I made my mind to ask Severus a question that had been interesting me for a long time.

"Remember when we first spoke together, and you had asked my name?" I asked.

He sipped his drink and looked at me. "Yes?"

"You said you heard of me before. When was that?"

"Oh," he waved in an off-hand manner. "The Malfoys wanted a tutor for their son, and someone said there was this renown tutor named Harry Potter. It was nothing."

I nodded and the conversation went on.

The evening was spent rather pleasantly, but there was something about that bit of conversation that wouldn't leave me alone.

I excused myself rather early, telling Severus I was not feeling so well. He was concerned in his own way, and even managed to get away with walking me as far as the forest around Hogwarts.

I was thankful and pleased, but I needed time alone to think.

As I went through the woods the line 'the Malfoys wanted a tutor for their son' kept running through my head, again and again and again.

The Malfoys.

The Malfoys, the Malfoys, the Malfoys.

The Malfoys.

What was it about the Malfoys that bothered me? I couldn't figure it out.

Just the Malfoys.

There was something wrong with that sentence. What could it possibly be?

The Malfoys.

It was coming back to that again and again.

The Malfoys.

I had finally reached Hogwarts when I realized.

Good Gods above! The Malfoys!

I had never run that fast in my life like I did then.

The realization of what was happening didn't even hit me the, but I knew I had to get to Hermione.

Hermione.

The Malfoys.

Hermione.

Hermione, Hermione, Hermione.

Oh Gods all mighty who look upon this wretched earth.

"Hermione!"

It wasn't very late and I had the fortune to find her straight away - in the Great Hall. The only problem was that Padma was with her.

I ran towards them and tried to tell Hermione everything, but I was too out of breath.

"Down... Pub... Severus... Talk.... Lucius... Malfoys!"

"Harry, calm down," said Hermione with a concerned look on her face. "You're not making any sense."

"No... Time," I panted, flopping on an available stool.

'What are you talking about?" asked Padma. "What's going on with Lucius?"

Hermione shushed her. "Tell us everything. By order."

"I was down in town at the Three Broomsticks, talking with Severus -"

"Who's Severus?" frowned Hermione.

"One of Malfoy's friends, I talk to him. Never mind that." I waved my arm around to get her back on topic. "He told me before that he had heard of me before we met. Tonight, I asked him when. He told me that the Malfoys wanted to hire me as a tutor for their son."

That didn't cause the affect I was looking for. The two women just continued looking at me.

"So?" Hermione finally asked. "There might be lots of Malfoy families."

"That's the thing," I sighed rubbing my temples and not looking at Padma. "There aren't. A while back Severus told me that he met Malfoy at his parents' funeral when they were just kids. Severus' parents had to take Malfoy in because they were his only living relatives."

"That doesn't prove anything," said Hermione. "In fact -"

"His name is Severus Snape," I interrupted.

There was no breaking to the silence that stretched between us.

After a few moments, I risked lifting my head.

Hermione's face was unreadable. She was just staring at the far wall as if it held all the secrets of the universe. Padma's eyes, on the other hand, were drilling into mine. I hoped she could see how sorry I was.

Several long moments later, Padma broke her stare and ran way from the Hall. I could see her wiping her face as she did so.

~*~

I sat at the far end of the table in the Great Hall and watched Padma cry on Oliver's shoulder.

It was two days after I told her of Malfoy. I knew that she had made a scene at Fudge's house, and that now he and all his entourage were leaving. This was not a scandal they wanted to spread.

"You did the right thing." I almost jumped at the voice. It turned out to be Hermione.

"I know," I said. "But I still feel bad for her."

She took the seat next to mine. "I know you do, but it would have been much worse if you hadn't told her."

We watched Padma and Oliver in silence.

"That's why they were laughing then," I said suddenly.

"What?" Hermione looked at me quizzically. "When?"

"At the first party. Remember I told you Fudge was trying to convince Malfoy to leave Padma and take one of his girls instead."

"Oh." Hermione sighed. "They all laughed because of this."

"Yes."

Another long silence issued between us.

"So tell me about Severus." Hermione had a playful look in her eyes.

I sighed. "He's no one. Let it be."

"Was he the reason you started hanging with Oliver?" She just wouldn't give up.

"Hermione." I glared at her. "It doesn't matter. Even if he was, he's leaving with Malfoy."

We didn't say much to each other after that.

~*~

Although I didn't go to Malfoy's arrival, I had to watch him leave.

It wasn't that I gave one damn about him, but the thought that Severus was sitting in one of those carriages was shattering my heart. I just had to be there.

At least Oliver and Padma were happy again. Padma had leaned on Oliver for support after her row with Malfoy, and they were beginning to be very close to each other.

It still didn't ease my pain.

What selfish creatures we all are.

The last of the carriages disappeared from my view. I sighed heavily and turned to go, but was halted by a hand on my shoulder.

I slowly turned around, and stared in amazement.

There, in front of me, stood Severus. He looked uncomfortable.

"You -"

He nodded. "I stayed."

~*~

Severus had rented a room above the Three Broomstick's and we continued meeting periodically.

I was becoming used to being just his friend. At least I was getting to know him better.

Hermione had annoyed me at first with her questions, demanding to know about this Severus person. I managed to dodge her. Mainly, what I said was that it was none of her business. She did leave me alone, but started looking at me with a smug look on her face. It was really unnerving.

Oliver and Padma were happy. Padma even went so far as to thank me for telling her about Malfoy.

"I would never have found my true love otherwise!" she said.

All in all, life was beginning to remind me of normal. It was a nice change. I had feared I had forgotten what that felt like.

It didn't last long, though.

One warm March day, I was preparing to go to town, in hopes of meeting Severus.

I had taken a bath, and was trying to decide what to wear when a knock sounded at my door.

I called for whomever it was to enter and that I was in my bedroom, thinking it was Hermione. We had an agreement that in situations like that, she would wait for me in the main room.

It wasn't Hermione.

Actually, I found that out when my bedroom door was opened and Severus stepped inside. He then froze completely.

A natural reaction considering I wasn't wearing much - um, anything.

Severus just stared at me.

About a moment later, when I regained my ability to think, I realized he was actually checking me out. Severus' eyes were traveling up and down my body, occasionally pausing at certain places, and his mouth was hanging open. It was quite uncharacteristic of him.

But then he too realized what he was doing - or that I noticed - and looked away. "I'm sorry. I'll - I'll wait out side."

After he closed the door I allowed myself a slight smile.

All was not lost after all. If I played my cards right this time and didn't scare him, I might have a chance.

Feeling very happy with myself, I quickly dressed and went out into the main room.

I found Severus pacing nervously in front of the fireplace. I hid a smile.

Coughing lightly, I made my presence known. He looked up.

"Harry!" He looked like a rabbit, totally scared and extremely adorable. "I'm sorry - I didn't mean -"

I waved my hand and smiled openly at him. "It's fine. I thought you were someone else."

"Somebody else?" Was that jealousy I heard in his voice?

I nodded. "Hermione usually drops by here, to see how I'm doing."

He nodded.

We stood awkwardly in front of each other.

"Good Lord," I finally said. "This is ridiculous. Severus, please sit. Would you like something to drink?"

He sat in an armchair and nodded, looking rather relieved.

I poured him a glass and sat opposite him.

"So, what brought you around?" I asked.

He drowned his drink. "I wanted to spend time with you without the whole town listening in."

Severus just gave me a straightforward answer without me having to labor over it for at least a month. Wow.

He must have noticed how speechless I was, because he smirked. "Don't worry, the world isn't coming to an end. I just got sick of the Broomsticks."

Oh, Gods, he shouldn't scare me like that!

I managed a lopsided grin. "And here I was hoping everything would finally end."

He sipped his refilled glass. "So sorry to disappoint you."

The rest of the evening was spent in light conversation. It was refreshing to be able to talk without fearing someone might overhear you.

That night was the beginning of a new era. Or at least, that's how I thought about it.

Severus came by to visit Hogwarts very frequently, and even spent a few nights in my spare room.

We were actually becoming closer friends, and I could see him starting to trust me and relax in my presence again. I could tell, since he was starting to tell me jokes and even chuckle lightly of some of mine.

At one point he even encountered Hermione.

I couldn't help but laugh at his description of it.

He told me she had approached him in the hallway, as he was headed to my quarters, and demanded he tell her where he was going. He, not thinking much of it, told her he was meeting with me. He said that a most peculiar look came over her face then, a cross between amazement, relief, happiness, smugness and disagreement.

It was quite hard to imagine that, especially considering I was laughing uncontrollably at the time.

Severus didn't quite understand Hermione's reaction, or mine. But I was laughing too hard to explain it to him.

Eventually, I even managed to offer myself again.

It was late on a Saturday evening, after Severus had agreed to spend the night in my rooms and we were both properly tipsy that I said it.

"You know, there's nothing to be afraid of."

He looked up at me and stared. "Really?"

"Really. There's nothing wrong with being different," I assured him.

"Different," he repeated and looked back at the flames.

After a relatively short silence he turned back to me. "You know, I have no idea what you're talking about."

He was determined to make things difficult. I felt like growling.

I switched my seat, sat next to him on the couch, and looked him in the eyes. He looked sobered.

"I just want you to know that I'm here and that I'm not going to hurt or harm you. I need you to know that."

He looked at me for a long moment and then looked away.

"Severus?" I lifted my hand to touch him, but I was afraid it would scare him. I let it drop back into my lap.

At last, he nodded.

A spark lit in the pit of my stomach. I had a chance! I had a chance! I had a chance!

Severus finished his drink and excused himself to my spare room.

I was left staring at the closed door of the bedroom.

But the only thing that went through my head was that Severus did not say 'no'!

~*~

I dropped the subject for the next few days. Severus seemed a little tense and I didn't want him to run again. So I kept my silence.

I had come up with millions of fantasies in my head though, each wilder than the last.

I imagined how I would storm into Severus' room in the Three Broomsticks and demand he gave me an answer. He would then dramatically turn away from me and tell me it could never be, but I would rush to him and kiss him, and he would melt into my arms.

In another fantasy, it would be Severus who came charging into Hogwarts and interrupting my class. He would demanded to speak with me at once, and when we would be in my office, he would sweep me into his arms and tell me it was all just an act to test me, and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

But those were all fantasies and fancy wishes. I couldn't wait for Severus to make up his mind.

It came faster than I thought.

On one of the evenings Severus was supposed to come and visit, I went outside to have a walk before I met him. On my way back, I met him by chance and we walked to Hogwarts together.

We were entering the castle, discussing the mayor's resent decision concerning Hogsmeade's businesses, when we encountered a most peculiar sight.

More to the point, we found Oliver and Padma in a rather compromising position under the main staircase. We wouldn't have noticed them, if it weren't for the noise they were making.

Severus and I carefully passed the staircase and practically ran to my rooms, where we collapsed on the couch, laughing like children. Well, I laughed. Severus chuckled a little.

When we calmed down, I realized we were in a rather compromising position of our own.

When we collapsed on the couch, we managed to do so, so we were practically spooning together. I had my head on his shoulder, and his right arm was draped across of me.

I carefully looked up at him, and he turned his head to look at me.

We stayed like that for a few precious moments, as I managed to get lost in his eyes.

What broke it was me finally mustering the courage to kiss him.

I kissed him!

His lips were soft and gentle, although he didn't respond at first. But a moment later he did, and his arms came around my back and mine sneaked around his neck and Good Gods!

Unfortunately, he stopped.

He broke away and distanced himself from me a little. Well, only a little because my fingers were entangled in his hair - Gods, his hair! - and I was too numb and too shocked to let go.

"Harry," he whispered, a little breathlessly.

My heart skipped a bit. No body ever said my name like that before.

Then it dawned on me. He could be trying to push me away! No!

"No!" I said out loud, disentangled one of my hands and put it of his mouth. "Don't damn this, and me. Don't. You don't know how this could be. There's nothing wrong with this. The church's corrupted, what they say and think doesn't matter. Don't push me away again. I'm sorry. I don't care what people think. They're wrong. This is right. Don't push this away -"

I was babbling and talking to fast for him to stop me. Gods, if only I could change his mind about me.

"Harry!" he took my hand off of his mouth. But it didn't manage to stop me.

He sighed and kissed me.

That stopped me.

When we broke off again, I looked at him with dazed eyes.

"I just -" he stopped for a moment, averted his gaze and then looked back at me. "I just wanted to tell you that I've never done this before."

I looked at him for a moment. "With a man?" I asked gently.

He nodded.

I smiled. "Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you. And I won't do anything you don't want me to."

He nodded again.

"Good." This said, I kissed him again.

This time I introduced tongue. He opened his mouth immediately and sucked me in.

I explored his mouth lasciviously. It was so worm and hot and wet. I felt like I was drowning.

Then the stakes rose. Not only did he push his tongue against mine and wrestled it inside my mouth - nothing I didn't enjoy immensely - but one of his hands also slipped inside my shirt.

This time when we broke off, we were both breathless, more than a little flushed and definitely aroused.

I grinned at him and pressed closer to his side.

"Would you like to take this somewhere - more comfortable?" I purred in his ear and ducked my head to lick his neck.

Severus gasped slightly, pulled my head up and kissed me again.

"Yes," he whispered against my lips when we broke away.

I smiled, kissed him lightly again and got up. I shed my jacket and shirt and was about to rid of my under-shirt as well, when I looked at him.

Severus stayed in his place, looking at me as if mesmerized.

I smiled again and extended my hand. He looked at it for a second and then took it. I pulled him up against me.

"Why are you so shy?" I whispered, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "You've seen me naked before."

"Hmm." He kissed me. "It wasn't all for me then."

That alone deserved a kiss.

I took his hand again and led him to my bedroom.

~*~

The next time I woke up, it was already morning. I basked in the warmth of the sheets around me and turned around to pull Severus closer. It took me a moment to comprehend that I was alone in the bed.

I sat up hurriedly, dread filling my stomach. He didn't leave me, did he?

My desperate question was answered when the bathroom door opened and Severus walked in.

He walked through the room and sat on the bed next to me. He was half dressed and I pouted at that.

"You're insatiable," Severus said with a glint in his eyes as he leaned forward to kiss me.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him back on the bed and on top of me.

"Harry," he murmured as I kissed and licked his neck.

"Hmm," was my response, as I was unwilling to leave his neck alone.

"We have to get up," he said.

"No," I whined and moved to his ear. "Stay here."

He chuckled a little and I placed my hands on his naked chest to feel the vibrations. "You have to teach and I have to go back in town."

I let go of his ear and moved my head to look him in the eyes. "I don't want to."

"Neither do I," he assured me and kissed the breath out of my lungs.

I sighed and pulled him closer, trying to give him better access.

"Get dressed," he said when we broke away. I nodded and he left the room.

I got out of the bed and went straight to the bathroom to wash away the mess that was my body, a pleasant mess, but a mess after all.

After the quick clean up, I got dressed and joined my lover in the sitting room.

He, apparently, found the few edible items I had, for when I slept in and missed breakfast, or didn't want any company, and was half way into a decent breakfast.

I sat on the chair next to Severus, smiled at him and started eating.

"This is delicious," I said after a while. "Thank you." I kissed him on the cheek.

He looked a little surprised and I laughed.

"What?" I had to ask. "Were you expecting me to throw you on the table and have my wicked way with you?"

He hurriedly looked at his plate.

I smiled and leaned closer to him. "Would you have minded?" I asked in a husky voice, straight in his ear.

Severus shivered. Then looked at me. "You're amazing."

I blushed and he chuckled.

"Finish your breakfast," I mumbled. It was my turn to look at my plate.

We finished eating quickly, and in no time at all, it was time for him to go.

I walked him to the door and kissed him.

I smiled when we broke apart, leaning my head against his shoulder. "I'll miss you."

He kissed the top of my head in response.

I lifted my face. "You'll come back this evening?"

"Of course." Half smile, the little things that made my happy.

"I'll see you then," I whispered and kissed him again.

When the kiss was over, we disentangled ourselves and he turned to go. But then he immediately turned back around. Severus looked as if he wanted to tell me something, but couldn't gather the courage. That was a first.

"What is it?" I asked gently.

Severus looked down, then an me and then he grabbed my hand in his own. "Come to London with me."

"What?" I laughed. "On a trip?"

"No." He brought my hand to his lips. "Live with me in London."

I stared at him for a moment. "Severus, you know I can't do that. I have to finish the year. Besides, I hate big cities. You know that."

"Please," he said and started kissing my forearm. "I'm quite wealthy, you'll be living like a prince."

I laughed and stroke his hair. "I'm not that poor either. Severus, what's gotten into you?"

He stopped his ministrations and looked at me. It was a different look than the one he usually gave me, even before last night. This one was evaluating, judging, cold and harsh. I felt like a horse in a contest.

A moment, and it all passed. Severus squeezed my hand.

"I'll see you this evening."

I leaned over to have another kiss, but he was out of the door already. That left me quite confused. But I shrugged it off.

The one important thing was that I finally had Severus, and we were going to be together.

Finally, something in my life was right. And was going to stay that way.

I filled my lungs with air. That feeling, of true happiness, was so utterly -

I didn't even know how to describe it. And I'd be damned if I was letting it slip away.

My day passed in a perfect shade of bliss. Even Oliver, who only noticed Padma, commented how I seemed to smile more than usual.

Hermione kept looking at me strangely. I smiled at her.

By the time the evening came, though, I was on pins and needles.

What did Severus expect of this evening? Did he want to talk? Eat? Shag? Everything?

I couldn't decide what to do. I didn't want to seem over eager, for fear of scaring him away. I didn't want to appear too casual. Severus might think I didn't want him as much as I did.

Gods, what could I do? What could I do?

I resolved to take out a bottle of wine and whisky and putting them on the table in the sitting room, and pace around until Severus came.

Severus appeared at eight and I suddenly couldn't shake off a horrible feeling of dread in my stomach.

I pushed it away and smiled brightly. "Severus!" I exclaimed and started walking towards him for my kiss.

He stepped back.

I stopped in my tracks and looked at him, confused. "What's wrong?"

"I didn't come here for what you think." His voice was quiet and deadly.

I took a step back in shock. Severus never, never spoke with me like that.

"What did come here for then?" I asked, my voice a little shaky.

"To tell you I'm leaving."

"What???"

"You heard me." H looked me in the eyes and I was shocked at the utter coldness in them.

"You can't leave." He raised an eyebrow. All right, I was familiar with that, at least. "What about us?"

"There is no 'us'." Again with the deadly tone that was killing me alive.

"What about last night?" I cried out. I would not cry. I would not cry. "You can't tell me you didn't enjoy it."

"Last night was something that would never happen again. I was seduced and deluded."

My heart flared with anger. How dare he?

"You wanted me," I screamed at him. "You wanted me, you asked for me. You begged."

"I was deluded. You probably dragged me."

Severus was - Oh, Gods.

"You didn't drink or even touch a drop of my wine," I murmured, not knowing what to do, how to convince him.

"And your point would be?" He smirked at me.

He. Smirked. At me. That got me going again.

"My point is that I'm not letting you go. You can tell yourself whatever you want, but I know the truth." During my speech I advanced toward him, trying to make him see reason.

But I was caught by surprise when he slapped me so hard that I fell on the floor.

I looked up at him, clutching my burning cheek, on the brink of tears and not daring to stand up.

He snarled at me. "Don't dare come near me again." He took a deep breath and glared at me. "You can cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war, but I will never set foot within twenty miles of your filthy soul."

That said he turned around on his heals and strode forcefully away.

That was when the tears came.

"And that's how I found you."

I look up at you. You sit on my favorite armchair. I'm still on the floor where Severus left me, utterly broken. I nod.

"Good," you say.

"What are you going to do?" I ask.

You look into the flames I lit for Severus and I feel a fresh wave of tears and despair.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. We should be happy. We should be together.

Should.

"I'm not sure of everything yet." Your words bring me back to the present. "But I sure am glad that the Easter holidays start tomorrow."

I continue looking at you, in hope that you will explain yourself.

"It will give me enough time to find a new teacher."

I hand my head against my chest and let the tears roll down my cheeks. I should have expected this.

Should of, should of, should of.

You get up and walk to the door.

"Everything that is still in these rooms at the break of dawn tomorrow will be burned."

The door closes behind you.

O Rose, thou art sick!

The invisible worm

That flies in the night,

In the howling storm,

Has found out thy bed

Of crimson joy,

And his dark secret love

Does thy life destroy.

The Sic Rose, by William Blake.