Surrender

Surrender

It is dusk, and the swirling clouds bordering on the horizon let through a faint glimmer of the last vestiges of sunlight, an ethereal glow.

I stand on the sand alone, watching, waiting.

Below me, the hungry waves lap impatiently at my toes. I inhale the tangy scent of the salt-tinged breeze, and I realise -

I cannot flee from your shadow - from the spell you have cast over me. It is omnipotent, omnipresent.

It is there, in the fading orange light now reflected on the rippling waves.

It is there, streaked across the sky, in the light clouds and the rising moon.

It is there, in the gentle whisper of the waves, in the innumerable pearls of sand around and beneath me.

And I abandon myself to the overwhelming tide of the days you were here with me - beautiful seashells sprinkled across the endless shore of my memories...

*

It is barely sunrise, yet we are already awake, seated at this very spot on the beach, watching the firstfruits of dawn bloom and ripen before our eyes.

Above us, the seagulls soar, silhouetted against the horizon, fleeting dark images that soon fade into the distance, leaving no trail but an indelible imprint on our memories -

You gently take my hand, and I lean closer, enjoying the subtle warmth in your touch.

*

It is noon, and it is as if we are infused with a new energy.

You challenge me to venture into the waves with that throaty whisper of yours, a dare I cannot resist. Though I fear the water, I smile, feigning indifference.

You wade into the sea, and I follow tentatively, taking comfort in your presence. I cannot swim, but I trust that you will hold me, that you will keep me safe no matter what.

We are standing shoulder-deep in the water when you take me in your arms. Though I can no longer sense the pull gravity exerts on me, I have never felt more secure.

*

It is night, and a strange calm has descended upon the earth.

We lie on the beach, watching the twinkling of the stars in rhythm with the gentle lapping of the waves on the shore. You talk endlessly about the constellations, describing those elaborate formations in the brilliant canopy above, and I listen, lulled by the hypnotic tones of your voice.

You point at two of the brightest stars in the sky, the two we were named after.

"Promise me," you whisper, "that the night sky will always remind you that Sirius and Bellatrix belong together."

And I sit up, and smile, and draw you close.

*

But now, I realise with a pang, you are gone. You now live in a world apart from mine, in a world when hatred and sorrow and pain are non-existent, and it is as if your parting has swept away all my joy and left a gaping void within my soul, and though all these emotions are contained within it, they cannot really fill it.

And I am at a loss.

*

And suddenly, even as the sun seems further west, I imagine - no, I know I hear your voice.

It is there, in the horizon, calling my name, drawing me -

It calls again, and this time I know it is you, and that you have been waiting for me all this while, and that neither of us can be totally complete without the other -

And I run towards you, leaving stumbling footprints all the way down the shore, but some invisible force causes me to hesitate as I enter the water, and I glance out again -

And I see your face there in the distance; you are beckoning to me with that deadly grin I could never resist, and all my inhibitions instantly disappear as if in a puff of smoke.

I strike out for the distance with what little energy I possess; I want to reach the horizon, to touch your face again -

But I am suddenly engulfed in a tidal wave, and I realise the hungry sea is desperate to claim me as its own, but also that through this we will finally meet again -

I fix in my mind the last eternal memory of ourselves on the beach under the star-studded velvet sky.

I watch as the last ray of sunlight fades away as I give myself up to the sea - and to your memory.

-fin-