Undefined

Chapter 22

Forgiven

An hour passed without either of them speaking. Harry spent most of that time pacing the room and kicking inanimate objects while Draco slid onto the floor, back against the wall, arms resting on his bent knees.

"Give it a rest," Draco said. "I can't take any more slamming."

"Really?" Harry said, picking up a desk and throwing it on the ground. "Does that bother you?"

"Stop it," Draco snapped.

Harry kicked another desk then grabbed a book from his bag and threw it across the room.

"Enough!" Draco screamed.

Harry began to pace, glancing menacingly over his shoulder with each turn. "Fuck you," he said lowly. "Don't you dare tell me what to do."

"It's not like you listen to me anyway!" Draco said, standing.

"Oh?" Harry said in mock surprise. "Since when have you tried to talk to me?"

Draco took a step towards him and crossed his arms. "Loads of times, you're just too fucking stupid to listen."

Harry made to move but stopped just as suddenly and began pacing again.

"By all means don't hold back now," Draco sneered, "Snape's not here to save your neck..."

Harry pinned him against the wall before he could finish. "I don't need Snape around, you bastard."

"No, you just need me to help you with your stupid lessons!" Draco yelled.

"And what about your stupid defensive magic lessons as you call them?"

"Defence Against the Dark Arts is only what those too weak--"

"Don't talk to me about weak," Harry said, now shaking Draco very hard against the wall. "You're the one who stormed out and then wouldn't look at me for ages! Next thing I know, you've gone and fucked Pansy!"

Harry released him and stomped away, clenching and unclenching his fists.

"I said I was sorry," Draco said hoarsely. "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU A HUNDRED TIMES!"

"IT'S NOT ENOUGH!" Harry screamed, wheeling around.

"THEN TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Draco retorted. "TELL ME AND I'LL DO IT THIS INSTANT!"

Harry unclenched his fists and froze, staring directly into his eyes. "You can't do anything."

"Oh right, because Potter leads such a terrible life that when someone fucks up it's too much for him to handle!" Draco snapped.

"You. Fucked. Her." Harry said, body trembling in fury. "Not even just a someone, but a her! You went out on me with a girl! You lying sack of shit! First Blaise then Pansy-- you really can't keep it in your pants, can you?"

Draco moved this time, shoving Harry to the ground as hard as possible, pinning him down and grabbing as much of his shirt as he could gather. "How many times have I got to tell you this, you stubborn bastard?" He shook Harry violently. "I didn't plan for it to happen! She's always been nothing more to me than an easy shag--but you!"--Draco gripped Harry harder and pulled him halfway off the ground--"you always meant more to me if you want the damn truth! You were the first to get under my skin and I fucking HATE YOU FOR IT!"

"NOT AS MUCH AS I HATE YOU!" Harry screamed back.

"You're IMPOSSIBLE!" Draco said, shaking him once more. The strength of his grip shook Harry's tie loose and skewed his glasses.

"You're so foul you can't hold onto anything you care about, can you?" Harry said, propping himself up on his elbows, Draco fists still grabbing his shirt. "You finally feel something real and it scares the shit out of you, so you run!"

"At least I'm not a stubborn son-of-a-bitch!"

"Oh-ho!" Harry said mockingly. "Not stubborn are we? How long did it take you to approach me?"

"How long before you finally showed any inclination you heard a damn word I said?" Draco retorted, his face inches from Harry's.

"I TALKED TO YOU!" Harry screamed. "But you were too fucking sore at me to listen! Then you go and land Hermione in the hospital..."

Draco punched him, without meaning to, without thinking he would. Harry immediately retaliated, punching him in the jaw and kicking, fighting to gain the upper hand. In their struggle, Draco felt his head crash into the back of a desk and realized they must have moved several feet from their original position. He saw stars for a moment then regained his senses and pulled the desk on top of Harry, finally kicking him away. Neither reached for a wand--neither felt the need to settle this any other way except through brute force.

Draco wanted to rip Harry limb for limb to make him feel the excruciating pain he'd endured--that he still endured. He wanted to make him bleed and yell in pain, torture him so he would have some inkling of what it felt like to be so utterly alone and empty that anything was preferable to that internal pain--that he would do anything to touch Harry and squeeze him and hold him, even if it was through a fist fight on the floor of an empty classroom.

He seized Harry by the back of his shirt and threw him against the wall, grabbing him once he fell and moving to knock his head against the door, but next moment Harry had maneuvered around and slammed Draco back against the door. When he looked up and saw Harry's face just then, all of his pent up wantonness and frustration finally burst forth and he was ready to forget his anger and his need to hurt Harry; it was suddenly replaced with a strong desire to pin him down and force him to willingly give himself once more.

"You asshole!" Draco screamed and threw himself headfirst onto Harry's chest, hearing a loud thud as they fell backwards, several desks flying in their wake. "You don't get it do you? You really don't get it!"

Harry struggled, trying with all his might to kick free, but Draco pinned him down.

"You just don't get it! I've been miserable!" Draco snapped.

Harry stopped struggling and looked up at him, his chest rising and falling, his shirt disheveled and his glasses still skewed.

"And I haven't been?" he said coldly and before he could protest or throw another punch, Draco covered his mouth with his own.

Harry immediately began to struggle again, but Draco steadied him with his arms and legs, pinning him down with every bit of strength he could muster as Harry fought to break free. He pushed Harry into a harsh kiss, and at last, feeling those lips and that body caused an immediate and, at that moment, completely undesired physical reaction Draco could not squelch. Harry unexpectedly gained enough strength to push Draco away.

"You can't just do that and think it makes it right!" Harry said.

"I know it doesn't make it right! I know I'll never be able to do anything to make it right or make you forget, but it happened!" Draco said, exasperated. "Can't you just accept it? You of all people should be able to accept that sometimes shitty things happen for no reason! I fucked up, OK? I royally fucked up! I have no excuse, nothing, except that I'm not some perfect little saint that you make everyone in your life out to be. I'm a fucking mess, OK? How many times do you want me to say it? I'll sit here all night if it'll make you happy!"

"Shut up!" Harry said, his chest still rising and falling as he sought to catch his breath. "Just stop it! You can't fix it! You went and did it and it's done! I didn't go off and do anything like that just because you weren't talking to me!"

"And I haven't done it since!" Draco yelled. "Or do you not remember when I told her to stay away from me?"

"I remember," Harry said grudgingly.

"What did you think that was?"

"How am I supposed to know? You always go and do whatever you want!"

"Think!" Draco said shaking him. "It was because of you, you moron! I did it because I couldn't bear to have her next to me when she was the reason you'd shut me out and threw me aside!"

"For good reason," Harry said lowly.

"If it'd been me and you'd done that I would have been livid! I wouldn't have been able to see straight for weeks, months even! But if you'd asked me to forgive you, I would have considered it because that's what you do when you love someone!"

Draco's arms had fallen back to his sides, the full weight of his previous sentence bearing down on him. Whatever happens next, he thought miserably, at least I've gone and said it; there's no backing out now.

"Finally, you've got the nerve to admit you feel something," Harry said with a piercing gaze.

Draco stood, wiping blood from his lip and pacing the room, waiting, just waiting, for Harry to speak again. Whatever it turned out to be, at least he, Draco, could always know that in the end he'd spoken the truth.

"How does it feel?" Harry finally asked, still on the floor.

"Fucking miserable," Draco said, feeling the puffiness in his lip and a sharp pain over his right eye.

And suddenly, the tension evaporated from the room as Harry stood, rearranging his glasses and tucking his shirt tails sloppily back into his trousers. "Yeah, I was fairly distraught as well," he said, joining Draco.

"Don't do that shit to me again," Draco said lowly. "At least give a one word answer."

"Don't fuck Pansy," Harry said, "or anyone else for that matter and I won't act like a bastard."

"I won't," Draco said quickly and Harry smiled slightly.

It was as though the last few months had never happened as Harry sighed heavily and his face finally softened. When he looked to Draco, his tone and body language suddenly reverted back to that which Draco found so safe and so familiar.

"You're bleeding," Harry said casually.

"So're you," Draco said as they crossed the room.

"Hermione!" Harry yelled through the door knowing full well she was sitting right outside. "Hermione, open the door! We have detention with Snape!"

The door burst open and Hermione and Ron stood side by side looking at them suspiciously.

"Look, it's done," Harry said. "It's over."

"About fucking time!" Ron shouted.

Hermione said nothing, grabbed Ron's hand and stalked off to the staircase, her face a mix of triumph and irritation. Draco felt an urge to shout an apology but decided he would wait for a more appropriate time. As it was, they were already late.

"Lovely of you two to decide to turn up," Snape said, eyeing their disheveled hair, clothing and battle-scarred faces. "It appears you two found time to take out some aggression. Perhaps four hours of detention will further help soothe your uncontrollable tempers!" He pointed down the hall to the classroom where heaps and heaps of records waited to be re-written and double-checked.

Draco found his task much more bearable now that he and Harry had finally got the worst over and were back to normal. They worked in silence, Draco pointing out mistakes to Harry or using a nonverbal vanishing spell to lighten their load. When Draco felt sure Snape was settled in his office or on another landing, he took over Harry's task to give his hand a rest. They left four hours later, walking side by side in much better spirits.

They met at the Rendezvous Room well past midnight, Draco waiting impatiently inside. When he heard the door swing open, he pulled Harry in and immediately smothered him with kisses, half-afraid the past few hours had been a dream.

"I need to breathe," Harry said, pushing him away lightly.

"Shut up," Draco said menacingly and pushed him onto the floor, having his way with him as he'd wanted to for so long, seeing him as he'd wanted to when he'd slept with Pansy. No, he thought as he approached climax, I won't think about that. It never happened.

"You really haven't done anything in months, have you?" Harry asked as Draco collapsed beside him.

Draco grunted loudly and shook his head. He changed the subject immediately, not wanting to venture anywhere near that topic for a very long time.

"You're really suspended from the Order, aren't you?" Harry asked, his arms folded behind his head.

"Yes," Draco said, shaking his head, finding he didn't remotely care. He'd willingly give it up so long as he could have this.

"What will you do?"

"I don't know. I don't really care. I didn't ask for it."

"Welcome to my world," Harry said darkly.

"They'll manage without me," Draco said, shrugging. "They'll find another poster boy."

"Don't you care?"

"A little," Draco said truthfully. "But it's not something that's going to keep me up at night. I look at this way: I have my evenings free from lessons."

"Yeah, but not from detention."

"God, re-writing records? What the fuck?" Draco said, rolling his eyes.

"Don't forget about checking them. I guess we're supposed to learn inter-house cooperation through the written word."

"What a joke," Draco said, yawning and pulling a cushion under his head. "All that inter-house unity shit is just a load of bollocks."

"You really think so?" Harry asked.

"Of course! Don't tell me you actually believe it."

"No," Harry said. "But Hermione reckons it's a good idea if everyone tried."

"Hermione's more optimistic when it comes to such things," Draco said.

"She didn't give up on us," Harry said lowly.

"No," Draco said. "But then, we weren't really a lost cause, were we?"

Harry shrugged but said no more on the matter as he settled down to sleep. Draco settled next to him, and fell into a sleep, peaceful slumber, the likes of which he hadn't felt in ages.