Undefined

Chapter 13

Within or Without

"You look tired," Harry commented as they sat outside on the grounds together a few days later, the weather far too cold for most of the other students to venture out.

"I'm fucking exhausted," Draco said, leaning his head against the trunk of a tree and closing his eyes. "Snape keeps pushing me harder; wanting more and more, and telling me to probe deeper."

"I can only imagine how horrific it is to go inside his head every night," Harry said, laughing darkly.

"He controls everything I see, but it's still exhausting," Draco said, his eyes still closed as he felt Harry's hand close over his own.

"You're not going to try any of that mind reading stuff on me, are you?" Harry asked.

"No, and Snape would flay you alive if he heard you calling it that," Draco said. "He claims only the most uneducated of minds think of Legilimency as mind reading."

"He also says that he's loyal to Dumbledore."

"I don't want to talk about that," Draco said.

"What do you want to talk about, then?"

"Nothing," Draco said.

And so they sat, side by side on the cold earth, Draco moving Harry's hand onto his lap and squeezing it slightly. The wind picked up, scattering dead leaves across the grounds and stinging their faces. Draco looked up at the gray sky, watching as clouds shifted and twisted together in perfect shapeless masses like forgotten memories in a Pensieve.

***

"Again!" Snape said as Draco lowered his wand, dark circles under his eyes.

"I need a break," Draco said.

"No," Snape said. "If you want to be--"

"I want a break!" Draco spat.

"How do you expect to move onto Occlumency if you can't even master Legilim--"

Draco raised his wand and nonverbally cast Legilimens on Snape, sensing his surprise, and also something else...something strong...a strong emotion that Draco could not define before it just as suddenly stopped and his surroundings swam vividly back into focus.

"That was impressive," Snape said. "Quite impressive. That's all for tonight."

"Really?" Draco said, slumping slightly from relief.

"Yes, and no lessons tomorrow night, I have other matters," Snape said, looking very sour.

Draco left, walking wearily down the corridor back to the common room. As strong as his desire was for blissful slumber within his lovely soft bed, his desire to see Harry was even stronger. He wandered toward the seventh floor, making up his mind to sit outside the Gryffindor common room if necessary and wait on Harry. Draco was mildly surprised when he ran into him on the landing of the fifth floor.

"I thought you had lessons," Harry said.

"Snape let me out early," Draco said, rubbing his eyes.

He knew how haggard his appearance had grown over the past few weeks despite his every effort to hide it.

"Come on," Harry said, turning down the corridor.

Draco noticed something shift in the shadows near the statue of Boris the Bewildered. He stopped and turned, grabbing someone out of the shadows. Nott looked up at him with wide eyes. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I might be asking you the same thing," Nott said, glancing at Harry who stood quite still.

"Are you following me?" Draco asked, appalled.

"I was told that you seemed to be distracted by someone and I'm supposed to find out who it is," Nott said slowly. "That way it could be taken care of."

"Lovely, you couldn't just ask like a normal human being?" Draco asked, his eyes boring into Nott's.

"Why are you with Potter?" Nott asked, looking once again to Harry.

"I'm not with Potter, you nosy little prick," Draco spat, furious that Nott had interrupted them. "I just happen to be walking down the same corridor."

"Why are you up here anyway?"

"Since when do I have to present a permission slip to you?"

"It just seems odd--" Nott began.

"I don't give a fuck how it seems," Draco growled. "The point is, it's none of your business where I choose to go in this castle." He turned to Harry. "What are you looking at, Potter?"

Harry shrugged and walked off, glancing over his shoulder as he turned down the corridor leading to his common room.

"It just looks suspicious," Nott said. "You walking with Potter."

"Goddamn it, you thick-headed idiot, how can I spell this out for you?" Draco said under his breath. "I wasn't walking with Potter, he just happened to turn up as I got to the landing."

"All right," Nott said. "Just let me go and we'll forget about it."

Draco realized he still held fistfuls of Nott's robes. Nott slowly backed away and turned, and just for good measure Draco hexed him with a Stinging Hex as he walked past. "I'll do worse next time."

Draco fell into a deep slumber as soon as he collapsed into bed that night, sleeping through breakfast and barely making it to his first lesson on time. The rest of the day passed in a haze; only when dinner rolled 'round did Draco remember he had no plans for the evening. Well, not with Snape at least. After spending a few hours in the common room, with the sun hanging low in the sky and casting long shadows on the grounds, Draco shooed away Crabbe and Goyle and walked through the corridors and out the front doors. It was a chilly evening, and Draco realized too late he'd forgotten to bring a coat.

Unable to make himself go back, he shoved his hands in his pockets and walked nowhere in particular finding himself by the lake, missing Harry more than ever. He sat down and threw pebbles in the water, practicing nonverbal spells for a while, seriously wondering why'd he'd agreed to any of this O.S. rubbish to begin with, then thinking of Harry and suddenly feeling as though he'd done the right thing. He heard footsteps and turned, half-expecting to see Nott hiding behind a tree, but instead saw Harry, Ron and Hermione walking in a perfect line towards the lake. Ron's face grew visibly livid once he saw Draco and he made a beeline for him. Draco stood, too tired to put up a front, but determined to do so anyway.

"Hello, Weaselbee," Draco said tiredly. "Here on behalf on your loyal master?"

"No," Ron said, his face red. "I'm here to settle this once and for all."

"Ron!" Hermione said, tugging on his sleeve. "It's not worth it..."

Ron pulled away from Hermione and faced Draco.

"Isn't there a second hand store in need of a raiding?" Draco asked, looking to Harry who stood quite still with his hands in his pockets.

"Shut the fuck up, Malfoy!" Ron said, rounding on him and punching him hard in the face.

"Don't be stupid, Weasley," Draco said, feeling blood spill from his nose.

"Not so brave without your bodyguards, are you?" Ron asked, moving to punch Draco again.

"RON!" Hermione screamed. "STOP IT!"

"I don't need your help, you filthy Mudbl--" Draco fell to the ground as Ron tumbled onto him, realizing too late he should never have insulted Hermione in front of Ron.

"Ron," Hermione said, walking to him. "Ron, don't! He could kill you!"

"I wouldn't waste my time on a blood-traitor like him," Draco said rather hoarsely.

He looked to Harry before Ron's fist collided with his head and felt close to using an Unforgivable on him. Just as suddenly, he felt Ron topple backwards. At first, Draco thought he'd unintentionally cast a Leg-Locker Curse, but then he saw Harry standing above them, holding onto Ron's arm.

"Stop it!" Harry bellowed. "He's not done anything to me I haven't wanted!"

Ron's arm, drawn back to punch Malfoy yet again, froze mid-air. Hermione stood quite still, the wind whipping her hair about her face. Ron's eyes grew wide and he looked at Harry, horrified. Harry looked a bit confused for a split second before he caught on to what he'd just said. The scene was as still as one of the portraits hanging in the room Draco took lessons in: Hermione and Ron stared at Harry, completely frozen, while Harry looked miserably to Ron, as though understanding perfectly what he'd just admitted. Draco remained still, on all fours, listening to the lake lap against the shore as the wind picked up; he felt blood dripping down his chin but made no move to wipe it away. Finally, Ron lowered his arm, his face still horror-struck as he looked at Harry.

Hermione was the first to speak. "Well, it makes sense."

Ron looked at her, even more horror struck. "You knew?"

"I didn't know," Hermione said quickly. "But I certainly suspected."

"You suspected?" Ron asked aghast.

"Well yes," Hermione said, shoving a bit of hair behind her ear. "I mean, it makes sense. All those nights Harry's spent out of the dormitory, the looks they exchange; the way they talk and even move around one another is completely different now."

"Harry?" Ron asked in a voiced that begged Harry to contradict Hermione's observations.

Harry looked guiltily to the ground but did not respond.

"Oh, no," Ron said his face breaking into a smile. "No, this isn't true! It's all a sick joke, right?" He looked hopefully to Hermione but her face proved she wasn't sharing in on the punch line. Ron looked at Draco, who refused to look him in the eye, then to Harry, his eyes still downcast.

"Well," Ron said, finally lowering his arm and shaking his head slightly. "Well..."

Ron made to move as though to say something or do something to shake it off as nothing but a nightmare. "Well, Harry. Say something."

Harry refused to look him in the eye, his hands still shoved in his pockets, dead leaves swirling around his legs. "What do you want me to say?"

"Say it's not true!" Ron said.

"It is."

"It's not," Ron demanded.

"It is," Harry corrected.

"IT'S NOT!"

"Ron!" Hermione said, walking to him and placing her hand on his arm.

"IT'S NOT!" Ron bellowed again.

"Ron, stop it!" Hermione said firmly.

"No, Hermione!" Ron said, turning on her so suddenly she took a few steps back. "It's Malfoy! Not some random bloke, but Malfoy!"

"Ron, I knew this is exactly how you'd react which is why I kept my suspicions to myself, but now I realize I shouldn't have," Hermione said quickly.

"It's Malfoy, Hermione!" Ron said, completely ignoring Harry and Draco.

"Well spotted," she said tartly. "But you have to calm down!"

"I won't!"

"Ron," Hermione said, sounding as though she were trying very hard not to yell. "Listen to me, it's Harry's choice--"

"But it's Malfoy!"

"I'm still right here," Draco said, now standing. "I haven't gone anywhere."

"I know who it is, Ron," Hermione said. "But obviously if Harry finds something redeemable in him, then I don't think we should be so narrow-minded as to find it absolutely deplorable."

"Obviously Harry's been hexed!" Ron said.

"I haven't been hexed, Ron," Harry said lowly.

"Well, then why?"

Harry shrugged. "It just happened."

"Just happened? Like that? Just came out of nowhere?" Harry said nothing, but his eyes had met Draco's and they looked at one another. "How does Malfoy just happen? It's....it's...Malfoy!"

It was the most uncomfortable moment of Draco's life. For the first time, he had no idea what to do or say; he simply stood there silent as a grave.

"C'mon, Ron," Hermione said, tugging his sleeve. "C'mon, let's give them some time."

Draco watched as Hermione pulled Ron with her, and he swore as she left she cast him a sympathetic look. Draco watched them walk back towards the castle then sat back down facing the lake. Harry sighed heavily and joined him, throwing pebbles as far he could into the black water.