Why Do I Love You?

New Year, New Responsibilities

Ginevra Weasley sat in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express, staring forlornly out of the window from an empty compartment. The trees and countryside flew by in a blur, reminding her of the summer and of the previous year.

Harry, Ron and Hermione were gone, along with many others, but they were off to find the danger where others were being hidden from it. Ginny felt betrayed, both by the trio and by her parents for making her come back without that.

Sighing, Ginny tried not to think about everyone she wouldn't be seeing this year, how alone she would feel, and the dark cloud of worry hovering over her like an impending storm.

Ginny jumped as the compartment door slid open following a soft knock. She glared at the pale boy standing in the door.

"You. What do you want?" she asked wearily, giving him one last withering glance as she turned back toward to the window.

"Is this compartment free?" he asked. His voice sounded as exhausted as hers, and her head whipped around. She stared at him, speechless.

"What?" Ginny really looked at him this time. Draco Malfoy looked like he had aged over the summer. New lines of worry weaved across his forehead, and the look of indecision he'd had the last time he'd been seen was now permanently frozen to his face.

Ginny peered around him. There was no one in sight. What had happened to Malfoy's bodyguards?

"Is anyone sitting here?" he repeated patiently.

"N-no," Ginny sputtered, glancing confusedly at Draco, who looked annoyed but resigned to his fate.

"Why are you here? Where is, you know, everyone else?" Ginny asked softly.

"They didn't come back," he said simply.

"Well then, why did you?" she said. It was a reasonable question.

"I can think for myself!" Draco said defensively. To Ginny, it sounded like Draco didn't want to be associated with his old friends. At the same time, he sounded like a typical teenager. Ginny resisted the urge to smile.

"I know," Ginny consoled. "It's just that you're usually surrounded by them, and with what happened at the end of last year--" Ginny stopped, waiting for Draco's reaction. He looked down.

"That was Snape. You know that. I did let the Death Eaters in, though," Draco said smugly. Ginny, however, could tell that he couldn't decide whether or not to be proud.

"Then you ran."

"But I'm back now!"

"But how long is that going to last, Draco?" Ginny said, frustrated, her voice growing louder.

"I'm back to stay," Draco responded collectedly, looking straight into Ginny's eyes as he said it.

Ginny almost believed him.

*~*

Over the summer, as fewer and fewer people decided to return to Hogwarts, Draco's resolve had grown stronger. To his parents, he insisted that his reasoning for going back to school was to play the part of reform as the Slytherins he used to know fell to the Death Eater's side like dominoes.

Draco wasn't exactly sure, however, what his real motivation for returning to school was. Maybe he wouldn't just play the part. He still felt resentful for being forced into trying to impress everyone--his task had been too much for him, and hadn't all of them known that from the outset? Besides, if he was at Hogwarts, Voldemort would ignore him. Draco would no longer be in an advantageous position there without either Harry or Dumbledore there.

So that meant that his job would be nonexistent--he hoped. It was hard to tell, and Draco wanted to find out so that he wouldn't have to live without ever knowing if or when he would be called. What would this year have in store for him?

Draco glanced over at the Weasley girl. She had lost her precious Harry Potter and his two little sidekicks to the mission upon which they had embarked. She had lost both her boyfriend and her family. Draco had lost himself, and he wasn't sure whether he wanted to find him again.

Leaning back against his seat and closing his eyes, Draco could still see the look of disappointment, confusion and betrayal Professor Snape had had. Snape hadn't known where to turn. He had betrayed Dumbledore and his trust. Now Snape had no choice. The Dark Lord would love him forever.

Draco could still see how relieved his mother had been, how apprehensive all of his friends were when he told them he was going back to school instead of staying and learning of service. Now he was fully free of them, and he had no one to rely on but himself.

*~*

Ginny spent the remainder of the train ride in silence, occasionally glancing over at Draco, who was sitting sideways on the seat with his knees up in front of him, arms resting on them.

Ginny tried reading for a while but couldn't focus on the words on the page, not taking in a single sentence.

What would Hogwarts be like without Harry, Ron and Hermione?

Less fun. Less interesting. Worrying.

Lonely.