The Things We Do For Love

THE THINGS WE DO FOR LOVE CHAPTER 7

A gentle cloak of silence befell all those residing in the Headmaster's office. It was a fragile silence that allowed the three the time to absorb this new piece of information. Hermione understood this need for silence; it was very much to take in.

Her gaze remained on Harry, who had failed to show any reaction to her confession. The emerald green eyes that had been unable to conceal anything to her now seemed devoid of all emotion. Hermione had always been able to read Harry as if he were one of her many books, but now, she saw nothing. It was frightening.

"You-you're a, a spy?" It was Ron who was the first to speak.

Hermione carefully tore her eyes from Harry to stare gently into Ron's. "Yes, Ron. A spy, like in espionage, but less glamorous."

"Since when?" Harry asked in a low, calm voice.

Hermione turned her head back to what only seemed to be a cold, fake picture of Harry. "This summer."

He blinked his eyes shut with a tight breath, the only sign of emotion so far. "Why?" he asked, his eyes still shut as if fearing the answer.

Hermione looked down at the floor even though Harry wasn't looking at her. "For you."

A small intake of breath was inhaled by all others in the room. This was a very strained moment, but it was clear it was very an important moment and the fact that they were all witnessing it seemed to be rather surreal.

Harry opened his eyes to stare at the top of her head. As if feeling his eyes on her, Hermione took a deep breath to muster the courage to meet his stare. When their eyes finally locked, Hermione frowned in confusion.

Harry was mad. He was really *mad.* She could see it clear as day in those brilliant eyes of his. It was the first emotion he showed to her.

"All this time," he began in a tight voice. "They have known," he looked at a stoic Dumbledore and a silent Sirius. *He* knew," he sent a scathing look to Snape, who gently squeezed Hermione's shoulder tighter in reassurance. "You have been lying to me this whole time."

It wouldn't have hurt Hermione so much if it wasn't for the sound of betrayal in his voice. "Dumbledore was immediately informed, he *had* to know. Sirius, h-he found out after I caught Pettigrew," she broke the gaze there. "And Severus, he was the one who took me to the Dark Lord."

Silent tears were falling down Harry's face now. His enraged glare went to Snape. "You did this," he accused in a high-pitched, wavering voice. "You took her to him. You let her go. You *gave* her to him!" he shouted in furry.

Before Severus could reply, Hermione jumped out of her chair to give Harry a glare of her own. "Don't you *dare* blame him for my decision, Harry!" her voice shook in outrage. "*I* decided to go undercover; it was *my* choice!"

Harry's face twisted in what might have been in disgust. "You're a Death Eater."

Hermione blinked her eyes at hearing herself being called that for the first time by anyone besides other Death Eaters. Two small tears streamed down her cheek. Slowly she brought her right hand to her left sleeve and rolled it up for all to see. The Mark labeling her as a traitor was visible to all.

"In name only," she whispered in a pleading for him to understand. Harry needed to see. He needed to know. He needed to understand. *She* needed him to understand.

Harry's hands curled into fists that shook beside him. He was straight and rigid in his outrage upon seeing the Mark. Harry frowned through the never-ending stream of tears. "Who are you?"

It was another knife through her heart. "I don't know," she answered in all honesty.

Another silence fell over them all. Tired on Hermione's part, torn on Harry's and shocked on the others.

"I will never forget the sacrifice you have made for me," Harry began into the silence. Hermione smiled for a moment. Perhaps he *did* understand why she had to do this. She lifted her sad eyes to his and frowned. He wasn't finished yet. "But you *lied* to me. To *me,* Hermione. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again."

With that, Harry brushed past her and left the room and the stunned onlookers.

Angry tears leapt from Hermione's eyes. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. He was supposed to see; he was supposed to understand. She should have known Harry could never love a woman who went against everything he stood for, even if it was all for *him.* She should have known that *no one* could ever love *her.*

A small laugh came forward out of no where. It contorted into a bitter laughter, very similar to that of her master's.

"Hermione?" Elisa asked in a small, uncertain voice.

She laughed even harder then. Lily was very fond of the irony of Hermione's current situation. Hermione had sacrificed more than Harry knew all for him, and he had just turned his back on her in disgust.

Her laughter abruptly altered into sobs that shook her very soul. They came from deep down inside her.

"I-it-it's never en-enough," she managed. "I'll, ne-never b-be good en-enough f-f-f-for hi-him."

The sobs wouldn't stop and the sympathetic eyes on her made it all worse. She was suffocating under their eyes. She sucked in a great lungful of air that she only choked on. A girl could only take so much in one evening.

In this one night, Hermione Granger fell in love, was tortured to near death, lost her best friend and the man she loved most likely forever. She had given her life to him and he threw it back in her face. Hermione had met her wits' end. She could only be dealt so much and bear so much; she had finally reached her breaking point.

As the sobs rose, her body shuttered. 'So this is what it feels like when your heart is breaking,' was Hermione's last coherent thought before she fainted for the first and only time in her twisted, mocking existence others refer to as life. ***

Ron ran a tired hand over his face accompanied by a weary sigh. His steps were slow and heavy, he was in no apparent hurry. He had just said goodnight to Elisa after walking her to the Hufflepuff Tower and was now making his way to the Gryffindor Tower.

Small tears were leaking through his eyes as he remembered the events of this soul-wrenching night. It had started out so well with the dancing and Butterbeer. How could it have ended like this?

He shut his eyes, hearing Hermione's racking sobs. Things had changed so much since their first year. Why couldn't things go back to the way they used to be?

Ron's breath caught as he realized the answer. They had lost that youthful innocence that every child has. They weren't sheltered anymore. The world was a cruel, terrible place, and now they all know it from *experience.*

In a weird twisted way, Ron probably understood Hermione's predicament more than most would. He was Harry's best friend too, and if he had been given the chance to help save him in one way or another, he would have taken it without a second thought for himself. Of course, it had to be Hermione and not him, though. Hermione was the smartest most capable witch to ever attend Hogwarts and was Harry's best friend; she was the perfect and logical choice.

And then to see Harry throw it all back in her face. Ron's hand shook as he recalled Harry's harsh, unyielding expression as he walked out on Hermione when she needed him the most. Well, he wasn't going to stand by and watch years of friendship crumble down to nothing.

Reaching the portrait of the fat lady, Ron whispered the password and took long, purposeful strides to the boys' dormitory. He opened the door and stepped in, breathing hard. His frigid glare swept across the sleeping boys to fall upon a shadowed Harry standing with his back to him, gazing intently out his window.

"Harry," Ron said, stepping forward.

"Don't say anything. Just...just leave me alone," was the reply he heard.

Ron narrowed his eyes at Harry's back. "Don't say anything?" he began incredulously. "Harry, you practically destroyed her when you walked out!"

Harry had the grace to drop his head. "You don't understand."

Ron cast a worried glance around at the sleeping boys and continued in a hurried, urgent whisper. "How can you say you don't trust her? After all that she has done! All the hell she has no doubt been through! How can you just turn your back on her like that?"

Harry, too, Ron was now about to see, could only take so much. He spun around and for the first time, Ron saw the tears streaking his face.

"It's not her I don't trust, Ron! It's me!"

Ron crossed his arms over his chest and fixed Harry with his most calm, trusting and rational gaze. "Explain," he said firmly.

Harry ran a frustrated hand through his hair and stepped over to Ron. "I don't know if I can. It's hard to say really," he began in a whisper. "Being around Hermione is what has kept me sane these last few years, and don't get me wrong, Ron. You're like my brother, but you have Elisa to be with, and well, I guess I have Hermione."

Ron's eyes widened at what was being implied. "Wait a second. Are you saying that you're in love with Hermione?"

Harry ended up breaking Ron's level gaze. "Yes," came out in a coarse whisper.

"Since when?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know. I only realized it tonight, though. When we were dancing, and I, well, sort of kissed her."

Ron grinned sheepishly. "I saw."

This didn't seem to bother Harry, who continued as if not hearing anything. "I guess it was inevitable, really. But when we kissed, it was the most terrible feeling."

A frown crossed Ron's face. "Terrible?"

Harry nodded. "I knew, that after that moment, that if she didn't feel the same, it'd destroy me. I knew that things could never be the same after that. And Ron, that's what I want! I wish that we could all just go back to the eleven year old kids, butting into things that we weren't supposed to! Things were so much simpler then."

A sigh escaped Ron as he sat on the edge of his bed. "I had that very thought minutes ago."

Harry sat on the end of his bed so that he was facing Ron. He bravely met his gaze, but then looked away. "When she looks at me, I want to die."

"Die?"

Harry nodded, still refusing to meet Ron's gaze. "When I think of the hell she endured for me, I want to die so that she can give it up. Just knowing that the woman I love sacrificed her very innocence for me, tares me up inside."

A sudden thought hit Ron. "Will you tell her?"

"No. She must never know, Ron. Never," was Harry's sure answer.

"Why not?"

Harry sighed. "Because it will only make her want to do more to help me. She's done enough. She can't give anymore; there's nothing else to give."

Ron studied Harry's averted face. "Except her love."

It was then Harry met Ron's eyes. "That, I doubt she will ever give me. It is my fault that she no longer has a life. By all rights, she should despise me and what I've turned her into."

Ron shook his head gently at Harry. "No, Harry. You're wrong. It was her choice. You didn't make her do anything, she chose to. I would think that her sacrifice alone would be enough to convince you that she feels the same for you."

It was now Harry's turn to shake his head in a negative. "No, Ron. She felt obligated to do what she did."

With that, Harry crawled into a little ball on his bed, not bothering with the trivialities of undressing or getting under the covers. He lay there, breathing steadily, seeing everything and nothing at all.

When he thought Ron had fallen asleep, he heard him ask from behind his bed curtains in a drowsy voice, "Things will never be the same again, will they Harry?"

Harry let his eyes fall shut and his tears flow freely. "No Ron, they won't be."

Silence now descended. It was a silence that had become very familiar since earlier that night, and in a strange way, comforting. Silence was the one thing that was forever constant and would never change. Harry could always count on the silence.

Even though Harry was dead tired, it was a long time before he would eventually fall asleep to dream about the simplistic times and youthful innocence they had all taken advantage of in the first years of their friendships.

(A/N): Well...this is certainly coming along nicely. For those of you who are completely baffled by Harry's reaction....DON'T WORRY!!! It all becomes clear in the next chapter! Thanks to the Reviewers of this fic and all my other ones *cough*readmyotherfics*cough* Rock on HP fans! Hey, you guys keep readin' them, I'll keep writing them...