loyalty

loyalty

James followed Sirius out into the cloisters, sucking in a grateful lungful of autumn air. The air in the dungeons was stifling at the best of times, but after double Potions it developed a thick and poisonous quality that stung his nostrils and the back of his throat. Beside him, Sirius seemed to be similarly glad of their escape, standing with his chest thrust outwards as he stretched his arms high above his shoulders, turning his head first to the left and then to the right, as though to loosen a stiff neck. He smiled at James as he dropped his arms, nodding in the vague direction of the Quidditch pitch.

'Do you have practice this afternoon?'

'Tomorrow,' James replied distractedly, his eyes suddenly fixing on a figure that was partially visible just beyond his best friend's shoulder.

Sirius watched him for a moment, eyes narrowed, before suddenly jerking his head around, immediately spotting the object of James's interest.

'I should have guessed,' he remarked, a noticeable taint of exasperation collecting in his voice. 'Every single time you neglect to pay full attention to me, that Evans is to blame.'

James smiled apologetically and patted Sirius on the shoulder. 'There there, mate,' he said mildly. 'You're still the centre of the known universe.'

Sirius brightened again at that, subconsciously adjusting the line of his robes. 'Too right I am,' he agreed. 'Evans may be a nice challenge, James, but will she help you string Snivellus's DADA homework from the ceiling of the girls' bathroom on the second floor?'

James cringed a little at the thought. He could just imagine Lily's response if he should ask her to be a part of such a prank. Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked back over to where she sat, reading, on a shaded bench. 'Not likely,' he agreed, not without a touch of mild regret.

Appeased, Sirius grinned. 'Go on, then,' he said, flinging an arm loosely around James's shoulders. 'Abandon me to solitude. You know you want to.'

'Martyr,' James accused him, untangling himself from the embrace. 'You'll be alone for a grand total of a minute before you find yourself a cute fifth year to bother and you know it.'

'Bother is not the word, Prongs.' Sirius adjusted his school tie and smiled benevolently. 'Thrill, perhaps, or even mesmerise, but never bother.' Giving James a light push in Lily's direction, he tucked his Potions textbook under one arm and made a beeline for a small group of Ravenclaw girls at the far side of the cloisters.

James wished for about the millionth time that he possessed his best friend's generous allocation of natural charm and boundless confidence, before loosening his own tie a little and raising one hand to carefully ruffle the back of his hair.

---

Lily didn't look up from her book as James sat beside her, the only indication that she was aware of his arrival being the small crease that formed at the bridge of her nose. They sat silently for a while, James staring at the smooth white skin that stretched across the fine bones of her left hand as she moved to turn the page.

'What're you reading?' he asked finally, when the heady torture of watching her became too much to bear.

'Violet Hinklewater's exposition of the role of traditional Celtic magic in modern transfiguration,' she replied, her gaze remaining firmly fixed upon the page.

'Sounds tedious.' James leaned a little closer, stretching his neck towards her so that he could make out a few of the rambling sentences that stretched across the page. 'Why do you always read such boring things?'

Lily snapped the book shut, turning to glare pointedly at him until he moved back out of her personal space. 'We're supposed to read the first three chapters before tomorrow's Transfiguration class,' she said coolly, her fingertips curling around the thick book's spine. 'You would, of course, know that if you hadn't been too busy throwing Peter's quills at Remus in Monday's class to write down the homework.'

'Oh.' James smiled broadly, not at all flustered. 'I didn't realise you meant that exposition of the role of traditional Celtic magic in modern transfiguration. I was getting it confused with a whole other exposition of the role of traditional Celtic magic in modern transfiguration.'

'Really?' Lily replied. It was more an accusation than a question.

'Yeah,' James went on, casting a surreptitious glance at the book's cover to see if there were any helpfully enlightening pictures etched into the leather. There weren't. 'I read it on Monday,' he continued, undaunted. 'I particularly liked the bit about, uh, the Celts. And, um, their traditional magic.'

Lily affixed him with an unimpressed stare. 'So I take it that you'll be demanding a verbal summary from Remus in the common room tonight,' she said, then added, 'as usual,' as an afterthought.

'I've read it,' James insisted, but it was only a weak protest.

He watched her silently again for a while, one leg jiggling erratically so that his robes began to gather in wrinkled pools at his sides. Lily seemed to be intently staring at a crack in a block of stone in her immediate line of sight, her only concession to the tension of the moment being a slight whitening of her knuckles as she gripped the book a little tighter.

'Are you here for any particular reason,' she asked finally, 'or did you just feel the need to disrupt my homework?'

'I thought I'd come over to say hello,' James replied, a little defensive.

'Like at lunchtime?' she offered, her brows rising. 'Or after Charms this morning? Or in the hallway before breakfast?'

James blinked a couple of times, then stretched a smile across his features. 'Just trying to be friendly to a fellow Gryffindor.'

'Hmm,' she said, then remained quiet for a few seconds, as though trying to gather her thoughts before continuing. 'You know,' she began slowly, her gaze still fixed on the crack, 'if this renewed fervour is in response to any sort of advice from Sirius Black, I suggest that you tell him that stalking is a crime in the United Kingdom - and, indeed, most Western countries - and is therefore rather unlikely to assist in any attempt to win me over. Moreover,' she continued as James opened his mouth to respond, 'moreover, I can assure you that any of his tactics are more likely to land you in the hospital wing than in my good books.'

'Noted,' James said when he was certain that she had finished. 'But Sirius has nothing to do with it.'

She turned to give him a withering look. 'You're not helping your case, James.'

He shrugged. 'Just telling it like it is.'

Sighing, Lily sat motionless for a moment, her shoulders stiff and her grip on the book tight enough to swell the veins on the back of her hands. James let his gaze play over her profile, following the sharp line of her cheekbone and lingering on the impossible green of her eyes. She had beautiful eyes. James often told her so, but she never seemed to appreciate the compliment.

'Look,' she snapped, as he was taking in the slight lift to the tip of her nose, 'are you going to sit there and stare at me all day?' Her voice softened, possibly in response to a shift in James's expression. 'I really do need to get this reading done, James.'

'I can take a hint,' he said generously, clambering to his feet.

'No,' she said firmly. 'You can't, actually. Life would be a lot easier if you could.'

She opened her books again and began to read, a hint so obvious that even James was unable to ignore it.

'See you in the common room later, then?'

'I don't suppose I'll have much choice,' she muttered, not looking up from the book.

He lingered for a few more seconds before turning to leave, pausing at the entrance to the main building to cast a final glance in her direction. Lily's hair had fallen forward to shield her face, more fiery than auburn in the light of the setting sun.

---

A firm hand dropped onto James's shoulder, squeezing gently. 'You're obsessed, Prongs.'

James smiled as he tore his eyes away from Lily, turning to greet Remus. 'I have no idea what you're talking about.'

'If you don't stop following her around like a lost puppy, I'll start to question where your loyalties lie,' Remus said lightly, letting his hand drop to his side.

'Rubbish.' James grinned at his friend. 'You three come first and you know it.'

'But what if it ever came down to a choice between her and one of us?' Remus pressed, his eyes holding James's gaze but his tone remaining light.

'What choice?' James shrugged. 'There wouldn't be a choice.'

Remus smiled. 'Good.'

James gave him a gentle shove as he moved past Remus and through the open doors. 'Have a little faith, mate,' he shouted back over his shoulder.

Remus's responding laugh echoed from the cloister walls.

---

Autumn evenings at Hogwarts were crisper than those of James's childhood. The Scottish air had a stark briskness to it that James had soon grown to love and he liked nothing more practicing his flying during the early evening, even after he had already spent an hour or two on a broom during team Quidditch practice. Remus often scolded him lightly for his dedication to flying - and complete lack of dedication to the night's homework - but James rarely listened. There was something about speeding through the night air that he found himself quite helpless to resist.

The Quidditch pitch was usually abandoned after dark, and James would usually confine his activity to that area, often releasing a stolen Snitch to provide a decent challenge to himself. Occasionally, however, James grew tired of his usual routine and flew to other areas of the school grounds, whether he would pay a visit to Hagrid's stone cottage or soak the bottom of his robes whilst flying low over the lake.

The evening after he had met Lily in the cloisters, James grew quickly weary of the endless release and capture of his battered Snitch, feeling twitchy and full of frenetic energy in the thin evening light. Catching sight of the Forbidden Forest in the distant corner of this school grounds, James turned his broom sharply to the left, shoving the Snitch deep inside his pocket and leaning forward on his broomstick to urge it to fly even faster as the shapes of the individual trees began to take form out of the overall green of the forest.

As he reached the edge of the circle of trees, he pulled the broom into a tight circle, feeling the wind whip his hair against the side of his face as he spiralled down towards the ground. He tucked his broom under his arm once he'd landed, taking a quick glance behind him before heading into the shade of the forest, confident that no teachers had noticed his detour and quick descent. Stashing his broom in the forked lower branches of the nearest tree, James easily transformed into his animagus form and trotted swiftly into the depths of the wood, twigs bending and snapping beneath his weight.

As he moved further through the densely growing trees, James slowly became aware of the sound of distant voices. Curious, he followed the noise, straying a little from his usual paths and pressing through unbroken foliage, leaves and twigs catching in his antlers and tugging at him until they eventually fell, torn, to the ground.

It was only once he spotted a break in the trees ahead of him that he recognised the voices. Moving as silently as he could, he circled around the sound, finding himself at the edge of a small clearing, ringed by thick undergrowth but only metres away from one of Hagrid's trails. Stretching his neck around the solid trunk of a knotted oak, James watched, ears held high and attentive, as Remus laughed at something that Lily had said.

'We're told that to keep us out of here.' Remus's voice drifted towards him, amplified by the circle of trees that surrounded the small patch of grass and bracken upon which Remus and Lily sat. 'Sure, there are a few dangerous creatures that live deep within the forest, but they're no more interested in being found by us than we are in being found by them.'

'How can you be so sure?' Lily argued. 'Dumbledore says - - '

'Dumbledore knows what his students are like,' Remus interjected. 'He's not a fool, Lily. What better way is there to keep us where we can be monitored than to overemphasise the dangers of any areas he might wish to declare out of bounds.'

'Still...' Lily looked up, staring right towards the tree behind which James was hidden. He froze, relaxing only when she looked back towards Remus and continued speaking. 'It doesn't feel right.'

'I come here all the time,' Remus argued, unusually flippant. 'It's the only place at Hogwarts where I can be guaranteed some peace and quiet.'

'What about the library?'

Even from James's distance, Remus's smile was clearly evident. 'Have you ever tried to study with Sirius on one side and James on the other?'

'Point taken.' Lily moved a little closer to Remus, rubbing briskly at her upper arms as she did so. 'Next time, however, I'm wearing something warmer.'

'Next time?'

'Well, I - - '

Remus cut her off before she could finish, brushing a strand of hair away from her face as he spoke. 'I'd like that,' he said, so quietly that James had to swivel his ears even further forward to make out the words.

'James?' Lily said in response and for a moment he thought that he had been spotted. Her gaze remained on Remus, however, and after a few seconds of guilty panic, James remembered that she would not recognise him even if she did see him in his current form. His relief was short lived, however, the true meaning of the question slowly filtering through the mist of curiosity that had been clouding his brain.

Oh

, he thought, and then Oh again, as Remus's hand drifted down to fit loosely over her own.

'Don't worry about James,' he said in a voice that James had to strain to recognise. 'You know what he's like - all talk and posturing and none of it real.'

'I thought that perhaps he might actually believe some of the things he says,' Lily said quietly, her words almost drowned by the harsh call of a raven in a tree somewhere nearby.

'Who knows with James,' Remus replied and James's stomach felt odd all of a sudden, as though he'd eaten something that wasn't quite right. 'He and Sirius... Well, they only listen to themselves, really, only care about fun and the easy sort of friendship, except perhaps when it comes to each other.'

Lily nodded, and James wanted to step into the clearing at that very moment - eavesdropping be damned! - and tell Remus that he was wrong, that he'd walk to the ends of the earth for him, that he'd twist his own body with the Unforgivables and throw himself in front of the Hogwarts Express for him, if only Remus cared to ask. But he didn't move, because somehow he knew that those words were meant to remain held deep inside him, just as he would soon bury this memory beneath a haze of blinding smiles.

Instead he watched, rough bark pressing into his flanks and a shower of foliage covering his ears and neck, as Lily's hand twisted and curled into Remus's. He watched as Remus smiled and turned his body in towards Lily, as he stretched his other hand upwards to form a loose semicircle around her neck. He watched as the rich green of Lily's eyes was lost beneath her eyelids and as her lips were flattened by soft pressure when they kissed. He watched even as his knees grew shaky beneath his own weight and as he staggered forward slightly, his antlers dipping towards the ground.

James watched and, as Remus drew back from the kiss and turned towards him, he knew he'd been seen.

His broom was where he had left it, but he walked back to the castle, his head down and a circle of leaves caught in the back of his hair. When he reached the common room, he sat cross-legged at the foot of Sirius's chair, and closed his eyes as his best friend smoothed away the knots and snarls with surprisingly gentle hands. He went to bed early and pretended to be asleep when he heard Remus's familiar footsteps on the stairs.

---

Returning from his last class of the day, James met Lily in the hallway that led to the Gryffindor common room. She paused when she saw him, her arms tightening a little around the books that she carried. His stomach twisted and he gathered his robes into crumpled bunches at his sides, dropping his gaze to the floor in front of him.

'James?' she said tentatively, when it became apparent that he was going to walk past without any attempt at conversation.

Lifting his eyes, he bent his mouth into a weak smile. 'Evans.'

Lily's brows were furrowed, her eyes suspicious. 'Shouldn't you be asking me out, or trapping me here for hours while you prattle about Quidditch?' she asked, watching him closely.

'I'm busy.' He pushed past, his fists clenching compulsively in the thick fabric of his robes.

When he reached the end of the hallway, she was still standing frozen in the same place.

---

Sirius moved aside to make room for James on the couch closest to the fire. He took the offered seat gratefully, leaning back against the cushions and closing his eyes for a moment as he took a deep and shaking breath.

'Are you okay, Prongs?' Peter asked, his eyebrows pulled together in a worried frown.

'Fine,' James said, opening his eyes.

Sirius turned, giving him an appraising look. 'Sure.' He shook his head and went back to eyeing a cluster of third year girls on the other side of the room.

Remus remained silent, compulsively picking at the threads of the rug beneath him. He hadn't looked at James, instead keeping his gaze on the repetitive movement of his fingers. The only indications that he had even noticed James's arrival were the tight set of his shoulders and the rhythmic movement of his jaw as he clenched and unclenched his teeth.

'I can't believe how much Transfiguration homework we have this week.' Peter jiggled nervously, aware of the tension that hung in the air. 'I just know I'll be spending the entire weekend stuck in the library doing research. And then there's the essay we have to do for Charms. I don't know how I'm going to get it all done.'

'Chill out, Wormtail,' James said, with a condescending pat to his friend's shouder. 'I'll help you with the Transfiguration stuff. It'll take an hour, tops.'

'That's very loyal of you,' Remus muttered from his seat at Peters' feet. 'I thought you'd be too busy showing off in front of Lily.'

James met Remus's eyes, his hands tightening around the edge of the couch. 'Friends first,' he said calmly, the slightest note of strain apparent in his voice. 'I told you that yesterday.'

Remus held his eyes for a moment before looking away.

Sirius curled a hand around the back of James's neck, squeezing lightly. He leaned into the touch, the line of his shoulders easing a little.

Peter looked back and forth between James and Remus, his eyes wide. 'What's going on?' he asked finally, a slight quaver in his voice.

'Nothing.' James stared at Remus, willing him to meet his gaze. His friend didn't look up, but a surprised smile lifted the corners of his lips. 'Nothing,' James repeated, his voice a little stronger. 'Nothing at all.'

Peter nodded and returned his attention to the open book on his lap. James watched him for a moment before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the battered Snitch. Uncurling his fingers, he tossed it into the air. Sirius caught it with a sharp movement of the arm and gently returned it to James's hand.

'Don't let it get away from you,' he said, the words filled with meaning.

James's throat stung as he met his best friend's eyes. 'I don't intend to.' Raising his hand, he released the Snitch again, letting it hover over Remus's head for a moment before stretching out one arm and capturing it. It fluttered for a moment, then stilled.

~fin~
© Augustus, 11^th September 2004