Over the Rainbow

Chapter 5

Hermione stared after Ginny. Ginny was a lesbian? Ginny was a lesbian? Of all the things she'd expected her to say, 'I'm gay' was the last on the list. Hell, it wasn't even on the list.

Not that she minded, exactly, but... Ginny? Somehow 'dyke' and 'Ginny' just didn't seem to want to go together.

Ginny looked too straight. Felt straight, acted straight. Hermione wasn't sure what exactly a dyke was supposed to look like, but whatever it was, Ginny wasn't it. Ginny was pretty, sensitive, fun and more than anything else, she was normal. Not that being homosexual wasn't 'normal' per se, but... Ginny looked and acted exactly like every other girl Hermione knew, except for being a bit more intelligent. She even dated boys, for crying out loud. How on earth could she be a lesbian?

Actually, if she was a lesbian, why on earth had she dated Michael? And what about her infatuation with Harry? Where did that fit in with all this?

On the other hand, if Ginny thought she was gay, that did explain a lot of things. Like why she had been trying so hard to spend time with Hermione. She'd been wondering why Ginny, who always got such good grades, suddenly found herself unable to perform the most elementary of spells without Hermione's help. And it explained why she'd been so distracted lately, though really, it wasn't such a big deal.

Well, except for the fact that she's in love with me. Now how am I supposed to deal with that?

****

When she came downstairs, Hermione found Ginny sitting in the common room talking to Harry and Ron about Quidditch. She joined them, seating herself next to Harry, feeling suddenly uncertain how to behave with Harry. She really didn't want to make Ginny uncomfortable...

Harry absently slid his arm around her waist and she glanced at Ginny. Ginny had tensed a little and was focusing her attention on Ron, carefully not looking at either Harry or Hermione. Hermione forced herself to relax and picked up a book. She felt safer, somehow, with a book in her hands: more confident, more like herself. She opened the book and pretended to read, absently listening to her friends' discussion. Eventually she got bored with their debate of strategies and endlessly insulting the Slytherin team and got up to go down to the library.

She smiled at Madam Pince as she entered, and Madam Pince smiled back warmly. Most students thought Madam Pince was a strict, coldhearted woman who cared about nothing but her precious books, but that wasn't the person Hermione had come to know. For whatever reason, the old, pinched librarian seemed to have taken a liking to Hermione. Maybe it was that Hermione always returned her books on time and in good condition, and never talked loudly or brought food into the library. Maybe it was just that Hermione spent so much time here. Maybe Madam Pince had simply recognized her as a kindred spirit. Hermione didn't know, but she was glad Madam Pince liked her so much.

Hermione often came here to escape the tediousness of the other students and found herself recruited into re-shelving books or other such tasks. And since there was no one else there, the two of them would end up talking. Hermione would tell Madam Pince about her tests and school assignments and ask for ideas for projects. And Madam Pince would give advice and recommend books she thought Hermione might like.

Hermione lifted a stack of newly returned books and set about putting them on the proper shelves.

Magical Me by Gilderoy Lockhart was the top book. Hermione made a face, remembering her second year, and made her way over to the biographies.

"How has school been going?" Madam Pince asked.

"Not so bad. We had a test in potions today, but I think I did all right." Madam Pince nodded in approval.

Dragons of the Far East by Alaster Cheng.

"And how are your friends?"

Well, Ginny just came out to me, but other than that..."They're fine. Right now they're talking about Quidditch up in the common room."

Hermione had to summon over the ladder to put away 100 Years of Magic: Wizarding Inventions of the 20th Century on the top shelf.

"And what about Ginny? You're still tutoring her, aren't you? How's she doing?"

Hermione flinched at the sound of Ginny's name, but nodded. "She's fine."

Greasy Grimy Goblin Guts - A History of the Goblin Wars by Orluk the Weak, and probably the only goblin ever to learn to write, was next.

"And how is Victor doing?"

Hermione smiled. Ron and Harry never asked about him. They seemed to want to pretend he didn't exist. "He's fine. His team won a game last week."

"That's nice," Madam Pince murmured politely, not particularly interested in Quidditch.

After a moment, Hermione said, "I got a letter from Mum a few days ago."

"Oh?" Hermione didn't get letters from home very often.

"She and Dad are doing fine. It snowed back home and my sister built a snow-Vulcan. Mum sent a picture and it looks uncannily like ... one of the characters from the... story." Hermione had tried, once, to explain TV and muggle science fiction to Madam Pince, but the woman hadn't been able to wrap her mind around the concept of staring at a box and watching miniature people walking around and talking, much less the idea of making up fictional, futuristic worlds.

Her sister, Alice's snow sculpture really had looked amazingly like Spock. She had laughed when she saw the photograph, but it had also reminded her how distant she was growing from her family. It had seemed too strange to look at a picture with people standing still, caught forever in the same pose. And trying to explain it to her friends had only reminded her how much of a muggle thing Star Trek was. Ron had just stared at it for a moment and then commented that the man had a weird expression.

Hermione glanced down at the next book: Wizards From Around the World by Sinestra McDougall. It wasn't one she had read yet. She set down the stack of books on a nearby table and flipped open the book, checking the copyright date. It was 1996, just last year. How could she have missed this?

She skimmed the first few pages. It looked interesting. Suppressing the temptation to set aside the books that still needed to be shelved and start reading right then, she put the book by her bag and returned to shelving the books.

****

By the time she was finished, it was almost time for dinner. When she got up to Gryffindor common room, everyone else had already left. She flung her books onto her bed and went down to the Great Hall.

Sitting between Harry and Parvati and across from Ron, Hermione was uncomfortably aware of Ginny's eyes on her. She glanced up to see Ginny watching her out of the corner of her eye. For a moment, their gazes met, before Ginny flushed and looked away. No one else seemed to notice.

Hermione returned her attention to Harry and Ron. Ron was in the middle of a rant about something Snape had done during potions. Harry was shaking his head and grinning.

"Well, we already knew he was a bastard, didn't we?"

Ron snorted. "And then he told Draco to 'help' me and you could tell he didn't mean for Draco to be helping much. Draco spent the rest of class dropping things in my cauldron when I wasn't looking and then snickering when Snape took away house points because my potion didn't come out right. And now I've got a bloody detention!"

"Bastard," Harry said, shaking his head.

Ron nodded. "He's such a bloody faggot. And Draco--"

Harry snorted. "Sissy little queer."

Hermione flinched, glancing over at Ginny. Ginny was looking away, trying to act like she didn't care, but Hermione could tell it had hurt her. How could Ron and Harry say that about Draco, surrounded by a bunch of their friends who very well might be gay themselves? Couldn't they see that saying that hurt perfectly wonderful people far more than Draco? She had never really thought about it before - her friends insulted people like that all the time. They didn't have anything against homosexuals; it was just an insult. But what must that feel like if you actually were gay and all your friends are saying things like 'Snape's such a faggot' all the time? She almost snapped at Harry and Ron for calling Snape a faggot, but thought better of it. What if they thought she was doing it because she was gay? How could she prove to them that she wasn't without outing Ginny?

So as much as she hated it, she kept her mouth shut. After all, it wasn't like they meant it that way.

Looking back at Ginny, who was watching her again, and Hermione began to wonder who else at Hogwarts was gay. She had never really thought about it before.

She remembered reading somewhere that about ten percent of all humans are homosexual. Wizards were presumably the same as muggles in that regard, which meant that, logically, Ginny couldn't be the only lesbian attending Hogwarts. There were ten Gryffindors in Hermione's year and about the same in the other three houses, which meant that every year had about one homosexual student per house. So with four per year times seven years, that meant that there were about 28 gay students at Hogwarts at any given time. Twelve teachers brought that up to 29 homosexeals at Hogwarts, which was a whole lot, given that she didn't know of anyone other than Ginny.

Idly she began going through the students and faculty at Hogwarts, trying to figure out who might be gay. Not Harry, of course. Or Ron for that matter (one gay child was enough for any family, even one as large as the Weasleys). Lavender and Parvati both spent way too much time babbling about boys and fussing over their appearances. Seamus and Dean just seemed too straight to be gay. And anyway, they talked about girls to much. Neville might be gay, though. He never seemed to express much of an interest in girls, and somehow she couldn't see him with a girlfriend.

Colin Creevey might be gay, too. Hermione suppressed a smile as she thought of a new reason for why he was always running after Harry with his camera. Draco was probably straight. Unless he had a crush on Harry and that was why he was always tormenting him. She almost choked at the image of him writing Harry's name in his diary with little hearts around it or making eyes at Harry when he thought the other boy wasn't looking.

But no, despite what Harry and Ron said, Hermione just couldn't see Draco with a boyfriend.

Hermione spent the rest of dinner amusing herself with her internal speculation on her classmates' and teachers' sexualities.

****

Other than Madam Pince, Hermione was alone in the library. As usual, she had bolted her lunch and rushed up here before anyone else finished eating. She liked being alone in the library. It was quieter without the sounds of other students turning pages or whispering and giggling to each other. The only noises came from Madam Pince and Hermione herself, which was just the way Hermione liked it.

She dumped her bag by her usual table near the window and took out her homework. She had almost finished her potions essay when she heard someone else enter the library. She didn't bother to look up, having already recognized the footsteps. Ginny, as usual. It was strange that she could recognize her footsteps so easily. Or maybe not. It had become such a routine for them to meet here after lunch.

A soft thud as Ginny dropped her bag on the carpeted floor, a muffled scrape as she pulled out a chair across from Hermione.

Hermione still didn't look up, suddenly afraid to look at Ginny. She hadn't actually spoken to her since Ginny had come out to her, and she had no idea what she was going to say. She stared fixedly at her textbook.

"Hi," Ginny said softly, nervously.

Hermione finally looked up at her, racking her brain for what to say. What do you say to someone who just told you they were gay? What do you say to someone who just told you they love you when you're completely uninterested?

"Hi," she responded, settling on the first thing that came into her unusually blank mind. She tried to smile as warmly as she could. "So, do you still need help with your homework, or--"

Ginny blushed and shook her head.

They worked in silence until more students began to flood into the library, marking the end of lunch. Then both girls packed up their bags and left. They walked in awkward silence up to the Gryffindor dormitory.

"Hey Ginny," Hermione said suddenly after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. "This might be a bit too personal, but how do you know? That you're lesbian, I mean."

For a minute, Ginny didn't say anything, and Hermione thought she wasn't going to answer. "Well ... I ... I guess I just like girls better than guys."

"But how can you tell? You've never kissed a girl or anything, have you?"

"Because I know. Because I'm attracted to girls and not to boys."

"Then why did you date Michael Corner last year?"

"I never really loved Michael or anything. I was just dating him because I didn't want to, you know, be gay. I guess I was just sort of trying to convince everyone that I was straight and forget the way I felt about girls."

"Well, how do you know you're not bi? Even if you didn't feel for Michael, didn't you have a crush on Harry a couple years ago?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure if I ever really did have a crush on him or if it was just some sort of hero-worship thing or what. But I was never... attracted to him, you know? Not the way I am with... girls."

"How do you know that your feeling for girls aren't just friendship or hero-worship or something?"

Ginny hesitated. "Because - because I do. I know what friendship feels like, and what I feel for you isn't it. And it's not hero-worship either."

"I'm not saying it is, but how do you know?"

Ginny closed her eyes. "I don't know how I know. I just do."

"You know, you don't really seem lesbian," Hermione said after a few moments.

"And I don't feel lesbian either. I look, act, feel normal. Except for one thing: the part where I like girls not boys. But yeah, other than that miniscule little detail, I'm not lesbian. Too bad that's the only part that really counts."

"I'm just trying to understand, Ginny. You certainly acted like you had a crush on Harry."

"Because I thought he was cool because he saved the world from You-Know-Who and that's the way girls supposed to act around boys they think are cool. But I never really understood why until I realized how much I cared about you. It was like, before that, acting like an idiot around a guy was something I was supposed to do if I liked him. But with you, I can't help it. With girls, it's like all the clichés suddenly make sense."

They walked the remainder of the way back to the common room in silence, Hermione mulling over what Ginny had said.