Just Don't Look

Marietta Edgecombe was sitting in the Ravenclaw common room, trying to study. It was easy to do there--for the most part, her housemates were not a constantly rowdy bunch. Studying was sort of a way of life some nights. But Marietta was having trouble concentrating all the same, and it unnerved her.

Her best friend, Cho Chang, had been moping around in her dorm room quite a bit lately. Cho's boyfriend, Cedric Diggory, had been killed by Lord Voldemort during the Goblet of Fire tournament. It had happened the year before, and it had torn her apart inside.

Marietta wanted so much to help her best friend out. She had tried to talk to her. She had tried to cheer her up. She had even tried to feign a deep funk of her own, thinking misery loved company (although in fairness, she hadn't had to feign it too hard). She had been keeping something from Cho for a little over a year now, and she only seemed to feel worse and worse the harder she tried to push it away.

"Marietta, could you read over my Potions essay?" It was Lisa Turpin, and she was holding out a piece of parchment. "I think it's OK, but I can never be sure, and you know how hard Snape grades."

Marietta nodded and took the essay, tucking a strand of curly long hair over her ear. She spent a few minutes reading over the other girl's assignment and nodded. "It's good."

"It's good?" Lisa frowned. "It's just that I thought I missed a step in the potion-making process? Didn't we need to grind the beetle wings first?"

"You're thinking of today's class," Marietta muttered. She was really in no mood to discuss the finer points of insect grinding. Cho was up in their shared dorm room, and from the sound of it, she was listening to The Weird Sisters at the highest volume, wallowing in its angry lyrics and splitting guitar chords in true teen-angst style. "I'm going to go see if Cho's OK," she said to no one in particular, and she hurried up to her room.

She heard the lyrics to one of the band's newest songs as she neared the door:

You're my curse, you're my unforgiveable...

You rape my heart, you rape my soul. You'd rape my body if you could...

Marietta opened the door and put her hands to her ears. "Turn it down!" she cried. "People are studying!"

"And I'm not allowed to have fun?" Cho replied. She was lying on the bed in her t-shirt and panties, waving her wand in the air in time to the beat. "I'm not allowed to relax? It's my bloody music, isn't it?"

Marietta walked over to the wizard stereo and waved her wand at it. The music stopped abruptly. "No, it's mine," she retorted.

Cho pouted. "Well, you let me listen to it."

"Well, not right now!" Marietta sat down on her bed.

"You're mean." Cho pursed her lips and put her arms across her chest.

Marietta didn't respond. Her eyes had suddenly alighted on her best friend's soft, pale legs stretched out over the blankets, and she had utterly forgotten whatever it was she was going to say.

Cho got up off her bed, still clutching her wand, and began pacing. "So if I can't listen to music, what am I supposed to do?" she asked.

"Do your homework?" Marietta suggested.

Cho waved her hand. "Already did it."

"Wow. How did you manage that?" But she knew the answer--Cho was quick. Damned quick. She wasn't very good at creative endeavors, but she had a mind for facts and figures and could regurgitate them like a human encyclopedia. "OK, I know how you managed it," Marietta muttered. "And I don't know what else there is to do." Although that wasn't entirely true--she knew what she wanted to do. But Cho wasn't like that. Or was she? Marietta was suddenly struck with an idea for a way to test her friend. "If only we were more like Terry and Orla," she said, chuckling. "They sure know how to while away the time in their room!"

Cho stopped pacing and turned to Marietta, one eyebrow raised. "Oh? What do they do?"

She didn't know? "Oh, you haven't heard?"

"No. Heard what?"

Marietta turned slightly pink. She hadn't wanted to have to explain any of this; she just wanted to gauge her friend's reaction. "Well, they...you know..."

Cho dropped her wand. "They...you mean they're..."

"They're 'together,'" Marietta finished lamely.

And much to her dismay, Cho began to laugh. "They're together? They're...oh Merlin, that's rich! It's just a big old lesbo pornfest in their room, huh? I'd never have guessed it. They look so...girly."

Marietta's stomach had sunk to somewhere in her pelvis, but she tried to play it cool. "Now come on, Cho, that's just a stereotype."

"Well, it's a pretty bloody accurate one."

"You just said Terry and Orla are girly, so I don't follow that," Marietta retorted.

Cho frowned. "OK, they're the exception to the rule. Unless they're not dykes? Maybe they're bi." She snickered. "Just like everyone else these days. It's so last year."

Marietta feigned a laugh and tried to think of a new subject to discuss. "So anyway, have you seen the new dress Mummy bought me? I wasn't sure I'd like what she picked out, but--"

"Hang on," Cho interrupted. "How do two girls...I mean...how?"

Marietta sighed. "Do I really need to explain this to you? Can't you use your imagination?"

"Well, I'm trying, but...neither of them has a penis!"

"You don't need a penis to have sex," Marietta pointed out, rolling her eyes.

"Well, I know that! But..."

Marietta felt her face getting pinker, but now it was out of frustration. "It's the same with girls, Cho. Don't be so thick."

Cho eyed her friend warily and grinned. "Gee, you seem to know a lot about this, Mari dear. Don't tell me you're one, too."

"Merlin, you're impossible!" Marietta cried, and she stalked out of the room and headed straight for the girls' showers. All she could think of was hiding from her best friend, being alone and warm under the hot water, so she quickly stripped and got into a shower stall.

"Bloody silly bitch," she muttered under her breath, but she wasn't sure if she meant herself or Cho. Maybe both. "Merlin, why did I have to share a room with you?" She hugged herself. Rivulets of hot water ran into her eyes and made her strawberry blonde hair look brown. "Stupid bitch."

***

"I'm just not sure," Marietta whined. Cho was trying to pressure her into joining some underground, French Resistance sort of a club run by none other than the famous Harry Potter. She'd noticed some time before the way the boy eyed Cho, and she knew it was only a matter of time before she finally ended up in his arms.

"But we can't do anything with that old cow Umbridge at the helm!" Cho pointed out.

"Do we need to do anything? Is there anything to do?"

Cho sighed. "Voldemort--"

Marietta winced. "Don't say that name!"

"Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort," Cho mocked. "It's just a word, Mari. Honestly. Anyway, he's come back to power, and someone needs to stop him."

"But why us? I don't know anything about fighting Death Eaters. I don't even want to fight Death Eaters." Marietta lay down on her bed, tired and impatient.

"But Harry says--"

Marietta laughed. "It's all about Harry, isn't it? You just want to be near him is all. You have no idea what he's doing or why or whether it's even a good idea, despite the enormous amount of trouble we'd be in if Umbridge found out. I'm surprised at you, frankly. You're usually so level-headed." Well, except for all the crying and moping over Cedric, Marietta realized.

"So what if it's Harry's club? It's still a good idea. Honestly, what do you have against him?" The other girl chuckled silently. "Anyway, we're to going to meet him and see what he has to say. If it sounds terrible, we won't do it. Simple as that. There's no harm in meeting some students for a butterbeer and a chat, is there?"

"There is when it's subversive."

Cho flopped down next to Marietta and grabbed her by the shoulders. "And haven't you always said you wanted to have a little fun? A little adventure?"

Marietta's shoulders burned from her friend's touch, and she felt her stomach flip over. "Well," she started, blushing. "I have said that, yes."

"This is our opportunity then, isn't it?"

"I suppose..."

Cho grinned. "Excellent! You'll see. I'm sure Harry's got a good plan."

***

Cho smiled as she and Marietta walked out of The Hog's Head. "Harry's plan sounds pretty good," she said. "And he's looking cuter and cuter every year." Then she frowned. "I shouldn't think about him like that."

Marietta shrugged. "It's OK to move on."

"Is it?" Cho asked. "I'm not so sure."

Her friend remained silent; she found herself mesmerized by Cho's long black hair fluttering in the breeze.

"Do you think Harry's cute?" Cho asked.

"Well, yeah, I guess..." She noticed her friend's sweater was looking particularly snug and flattering. Perhaps she had chosen one slightly too small to impress her new love interest? Marietta shuddered.

Cho stopped in front of a clothing store and peered in at the beautiful dresses in the window. "I love that red one," she sighed, eyeing a long red sequined gown. "Maybe I'll write Dad and see if he'll send me some money." She looked at the price tag that hung from the dress and gasped. "Oh, he'd never send me that much!" Cho looked at her friend's reflection in the display window. "Isn't it pretty?" she asked.

Marietta eyes had been roaming all over her friend's body, marveling at its soft curves, and she looked up suddenly, terrified that she had been spotted. "Yeah, it's great!" she said. "Red always looks good on you."

Cho seemed to be pondering something. "You don't seem too impressed by Harry," she pointed out. "So, who do you like?"

Marietta shrugged. "No one."

"Oh come on, there must be someone," Cho said. "There must be some boy you fancy."

Marietta shrugged again. "Not really..."

"Or perhaps a girl," said Cho, looking at the dresses again. She spoke with an air of finality that Marietta didn't know how to respond to. Should she protest? Should she remain silent? "Come on, let's go get some candy," Cho said, turning around and heading up the path.

"Cho," Marietta said, not moving.

"Yes? What is it?" Cho stopped and turned around where she was, several yards ahead.

Marietta swallowed hard. "Why did you say that?"

Cho chuckled. "It's true, isn't it?"

"No!"

"Bullshit," Cho said. And she walked on ahead again.

***

Marietta found herself in the girls' showers yet again that evening, trying to wash away her worries and failing miserably. "Why did I have to look at her like that? Aw hell, now she knows I'm...what am I, anyway?" She had been trying to decide if she was lesbian or bisexual for a few months, and she had only gotten to that point after overcoming her original theory that she was just confusing friendship for something more. Marietta had liked a couple of boys in her life and had never thought of girls in "that way" before Cho, so she felt she couldn't be lesbian, but she hadn't liked boys in "that way" ever since, either. "Maybe I was just in denial. Maybe I still am," she muttered to herself. "But damnit, how long is she going to put up with my ogling her? I wouldn't put up with my best friend doing that to me if I were straight."

"Mari?" came a voice.

Cho had entered the bathroom. "Oh hell," she whispered. Then she spoke aloud. "What do you want?" Marietta asked.

"I thought you were in here," Cho said, standing just outside the shower stall. "Anyway, I wanted to know how long you were planning to be."

Marietta sighed. "I don't know. As long as I want."

"It's just that I need to take a shower," Cho pointed out.

"So take one. There are other stalls."

Cho snickered. "Not while you're in here. No thanks."

Marietta's face turned beet red. "What do you think I'm going to bloody do? Rape you?"

"I just don't feel comfortable showering with you in here," Cho replied.

"You've showered with me plenty of times. I've never done anything," Marietta growled. They'd been friends for years, and now suddenly Cho thought her capable of...what, exactly? She started shaking.

Cho frowned. "You weren't lesbian then," she pointed out.

"And who said I am now? You're just assuming I like girls. I don't even know why you think that. I've never touched you!"

"You didn't have to. I've seen the way you look at me. And not just today, either. All the bloody time. And you blush whenever I get near you or touch you."

Marietta chuckled softly. "So why do you keep touching me then if it bothers you so much?"

"This isn't about me," Cho muttered.

"It most certainly is! It's about you being frightened of me raping you, by the sound of it!" And before she knew what she was doing, she had flung open the shower curtain and grabbed her friend by the shirt collar. "Are you scared of me now?" she asked.

Cho's eyes widened. "Well, a little..." she gasped.

"Maybe you're just scared of yourself," Marietta replied, her face an inch from her friend's and her eyes wild and fierce. "You're scared you'd like it."

"What? Don't be an ass, Mari! I don't like girls!" Cho sputtered.

Marietta inched even closer. "You're not exactly fighting back, are you?"

Cho didn't respond. She appeared to be wracking her brain for a suitable reply. "Mari, please. Please stop," she finally said.

Marietta watched her friend for a moment and then released her grip. "Take your shower," she said, grabbing her towel and wrapping it around herself. "I'm going to bed." And with that, she stormed off to their dorm room and threw herself down on her bed.

"Bitch. Some best friend she turned out to be," she muttered. Her wet hair and tears were making a soggy mess of her pillow.

Then she heard the dorm room door open. "Really nice, grabbing me like that," Cho muttered as she stalked in. "What a brilliant way of proving I shouldn't be afraid of you." She tried to keep her voice low to avoid waking their two roommates.

Marietta looked up from her bed and saw that Cho hadn't taken her shower. "So you are afraid of me?"

Cho shrugged. "I think you've given me good reason, don't you?" Then she glanced at Marietta. "Are you going to get dressed?" she asked.

"I don't care," Marietta muttered.

"Well, I do."

"What, now you can't look at me? I thought it was the other way around," Marietta retorted. "Anyway, I'm covered up."

Cho got into bed, still dressed. "You'll catch cold."

"It doesn't matter if I get sick. I'm sick already, according to you. You think I'm a dyke." The girl sleeping in the bunk above her turned and muttered in her sleep.

"I didn't say that!" Cho hissed.

"You didn't have to."

Cho lay down and stared blankly at the bottom of the bunk bed above her. "You're probably right," she admitted.

"Anyway, you clearly aren't comfortable with me being here, so I'll request a transfer to a different room in the morning," Marietta said, sitting up. The towel fell down a couple inches.

"You don't need to do that! You're...you're still my best friend," Cho whispered. Her voice sounded shaky.

Marietta glanced across the room and saw that the other girl was staring at her with a slightly panicked look in her eyes. "Are you OK?"

"Mari, I..." Cho smiled. "You really should put on your pajamas. What if there was a fire and we had to run out of here?"

"The castle's all stone. It's not going to go up that quickly. Anyway, if it bothers you, just don't look."

Cho coughed. "Mari, please, get dressed already."

Marietta eyed Cho, trying to read her thoughts. "Fine," she said. She swung her legs off the edge of the bed and grabbed her nightshirt from under her pillow. "But please, don't watch. Or I might think you're a dyke."

"You don't need to worry about that," Cho replied.

But as Marietta removed her towel and pulled her shirt over her head, she noticed her friend's eyes darting towards her all the same.