Draw the Veil

XIII. The Marauders' Best Prank

Animagi

Because of my friends' efforts, I spent my first transformation in 7 years as a sentient, albeit bizarre-looking, young man. But I soon found that I was not completely human within. Every so often, I was struck with the desire to escape, to do damage, to kill. The wolf was still inside me somewhere, and it seemed to resent this sudden effort to silence it. I still hurt myself. I tore at the curtains and tipped over the chairs. But when I looked at my friends, I was able to push the wolf aside.

I still recall that night clearly. Sirius and I spent much of the evening rolling on the floor and posturing in mock fights. James pranced, much as he did in human form. He checked out his reflection in the broken mirror on the wall and seemed annoyed by the thick velvet on his antlers. Peter spent a lot of time sitting on his friends' heads. It was the easiest way for him to become involved in our, ahem, reindeer games when he was so tiny.

I had never before realised how long the night was. Normally, my transformations were similar to sleeping (well, sleeping through horrific nightmares while lying on a bed of spikes)_I would change, and then some time later, I would awaken on the floor, bleeding and exhausted. But that night, I felt myself change back, and it hurt just as badly as the change into werewolf form. I grimaced and collapsed to my knees, and then the world went black.

I was awakened by the sensation of something cold and wet on my face. 'Just 5 more minutes, Mum,' I said groggily.

'Mum?' came an incredulous voice. 'Oh, I don't want to know.'

My eyes snapped open. The large black dog was standing over me, panting happily. Behind it stood James and Peter, their eyes red and puffy. My body was human again and was once more wrapped in the quilt. I was in much less pain than I usually was on such mornings.

'James? Peter?' I looked at the dog. 'Sirius?' I waited for my friends to laugh at me for thinking this mutt was one of my closest friends; I firmly believed that the entire experience had been a dream.

'Yep,' Peter said, grinning. 'Surprise!' He and James burst into hysterics.

'Did you see his face?' cried James.

'He thought he'd gone insane!'

Tears were streaming down their cheeks. They were laughing so hard, they had to lean on each other for support. 'That has to be the best joke we've ever pulled. Cheers, mates!' said James, raising an imaginary glass.

I struggled to sit up. 'I'm confused.'

The dog in front of me morphed, becoming taller and less hairy, until finally my friend Sirius stood before me, laughing. 'Oh, Moony, I hope you can forgive us. We just had to do it!'

'Do what?' I was becoming annoyed, even a little angry. 'What the hell are you talking about? How did you do that?'

Sirius sat down on the floor next to me and threw his arms around my thin frame. He was still shaking with laughter. 'Remus...' he tried, but he was laughing too hard. He took a deep breath. 'Remus...we're sorry. It's just that James had this brilliant idea. He thought that maybe if we became animagi, you wouldn't hurt us. Then we could be here for you while you changed.'

I stared. 'You're animagi?'

'Unregistered, yes,' James said. 'Don't tell.' He put his finger to his lips and grinned.

'You became animagi? Shit! Do you know how hard that is to learn?'

'Yeah, we do.' Sirius punched me playfully in the arm. 'It took us a year to realise that was the best solution. And another few years to figure out how to do it.' He chuckled.

My mouth fell open. 'You mean...you've been working on it all this time?'

'We had to,' said James. 'When we found out you were a werewolf and that awful Madam Pomfrey was dragging you off to some dingy shack at night, well, we couldn't just stand by and do nothing, could we?'

'And so you...?' My brain was muddled from fatigue and surprise. 'You...'

Sirius looked at me. 'We researched it when we got the chance. We looked up possible spells, potions, crazy alternative remedies, but nothing worked. It was James who put two and two together.' James grinned proudly. 'Animagi keep their human minds. And werewolves don't attack animals. At the very least, you wouldn't hurt us, even if you still became a monster. And that was good enough for us because at least we could be here and help. But James, he had this theory that maybe it would help you even more than that. And damned if he wasn't right.'

'So you became animagi?' I said again, still in shock.

Sirius rolled his eyes. 'In another hour, he'll get it,' he joked to the others. He spoke slower, as if I were a small child. 'Yes, Moony, we became animagi.' He ruffled my hair. 'But it's damn hard to get away from you, you know. We told you so many horrible lies so that we could sneak off to practise.' He hugged me tight again.

I looked at him. 'Why do you keep hugging me?' The feel of his strong, warm body against mine was making me uncomfortable.

He chuckled. 'Remus, Remus, Remus.'

James smiled at me. 'We're really sorry. I know you were mad at us. I know you thought we were plotting against you or something.' He laughed. 'We were plotting against a prefect. But we thought it would be so much fun to surprise you. And this close to Christmas, too! Happy Christmas, Remus!' James moved closer and patted me on the back.

'Fellows...' I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I was still angry that they had put me through this torture, but the magnitude of what they had done, just for me, took over all my senses. 'You...' I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

'It was nothing,' said Peter, softly.

'Let me see it again,' I said. 'Do it again.' And within seconds, James and Peter had transformed into a stag and rat, respectively. I laughed and clapped like a little boy excited at finding presents under the Christmas tree. 'That's bloody brilliant. Does it hurt?'

'No,' said Sirius, who had since released me from his death grip. He sat beside me and gently stroked my hair. 'It's not like...when you do it.'

I blushed. I had completely forgotten that my friends had seen me change. They had seen me as a monster. It was not dissimilar to someone walking in on you naked, or better yet, naked and in the loo. In fact, I realised, they had seen me naked. My face turned bright red. 'You...saw me,' I breathed.

'Yes.' Sirius looked up at the others. James was experimenting with his antlers, first trying to rub off the velvet and then trying to drape them in a colourful old shawl I kept in the shack for when I got cold. Peter was scampering around the floor, looking for...a mousehole, perhaps?

'I wish you hadn't seen it.' I wanted to crawl into a mousehole myself at that moment.

Sirius continued to stroke my hair. 'Why? It's not like it was a secret. We knew you were a werewolf, Moony.'

'But...but seeing it...no one's ever seen it before.'

Sirius shrugged. 'Is it that bad, really? You have nothing to be ashamed of, Remus. It's not your fault. It was...sad, really. It made my teeth hurt to see you going through that. But was it that bad this time? You retained your humanity some. Wasn't that better?'

'Yeah.'

'Are you mad at us?'

I thought for a moment. How could I be mad at someone for doing something so impossibly sweet? 'No, I'm not mad.'

Back to the Castle

I scribbled a quick note to Madam Pomfrey, knowing that she would worry when she went to get me and found me gone.

Madam Pomfrey,

I didn't hurt myself too badly this time, and I was bloody cold in here, so I went ahead and walked back to school myself.

Remus

I knew I would need to come up with a reason for her not to help me anymore now that my friends had found a much better solution.

James, Sirius, Peter, and I walked back to the castle in the ice-cold morning air. 'That will go down in school history as the best prank ever. It really will!' Peter said. 'It took you so long to catch on. Poor Sirius had to change back just to tell you!'

I smirked. 'I don't think any of you would have caught on any faster if the situation were reversed.'

'Oh, I like to think I'd have known,' Peter retorted, smugly. 'No one can fool me!'

'Uh-huh,' James muttered, yawning.

I felt guilty for a moment_my friends had given up a night of sleep for my sake. 'Maybe you fellows should go to bed. I can't believe you sacrificed sleep for me. Peter, especially.' The boy was known as a champion sleeper.

'We were glad to do it,' Sirius said. 'One night won't kill us. You do this every month, for Merlin's sake. And you're still in one piece.'

'But he's so thin,' Peter argued.

I scowled at him. 'Maybe a few sleepless nights will do you some good, then,' I said, looking at his belly. He had put on a few pounds in the past year. The others laughed.

'Git,' was all Peter could say.

We reached the castle, and James quickly pulled out his invisibility cloak. 'We can't be seen walking in,' he said to me.

'Let me under, too,' I said. I had been left out of their fun for too long.

'But you don't need to!' James said. 'And besides, I'm not sure there's room.' He frowned, holding up the cloak.

'We'll huddle really close,' said Sirius, and he winked at me.

'Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you, Padfoot?' James said.

'Padfoot?' I asked.

Sirius laughed. 'James thought our animal forms needed their own names. Merlin knows why. So I'm Padfoot, he's Prongs, and Peter's Wormtail. Cute, huh?' He rolled his eyes. 'And you're Moony! So now we all have daft nicknames.'

I turned over Sirius's new doggie name in my mind and tested it on my tongue. 'Padfoot...' I smiled. 'I like it.'

'Oh, you just like it because James came up with it,' Sirius teased. 'Come on, we'd better get back in before breakfast. I'm starved!'

And so it was that the four of us found ourselves sneaking back into Hogwarts, huddled tightly under James's cloak and walking at the speed of an aging tortoise.

'Hey!' I whispered as we trudged along. Someone's hand had brushed up against my bum.

'Sorry,' Sirius whispered back. He was grinning.

'Fellows,' said James, impatient. 'Please don't goof around until we're safely back inside!'

'Sorry,' said Sirius in a singsong voice. But his hand returned to its previous position. For me, with the front of my pants swelling, walking became even more difficult.

With some effort, we crept back through the Gryffindor portrait. None of the other students were around yet. 'Whew,' said James, and pulled off the cloak. Sirius's hand, however, did not move.

'Sirius,' I said scoldingly.

'Aw, you're no fun.' He removed his hand from my backside, but instead he just moved it to my back, where he traced a pattern down my spine.

'Sirius...'

'Remus...' he replied, mocking me.

'Sirius!'

'Remus!'

Laughing, I turned and grabbed him by the arms. 'Cut it out!'

'Oooh, someone's being dominant! I think I like this!' He grinned and made no move to escape my grip.

'Someone won't stop feeling me up!' I retorted.

'Would you shut the fuck up about it already?' James said crankily, and stalked off to the dorm room. Peter hurried to follow, grabbing a handful of lemon drops from a nearby dish as he passed.

I suddenly realised that I was still holding Sirius by the arms in the middle of the Gryffindor common room, and I let go. 'I suppose we should go get changed or something,' I muttered.

'No.'

'Well, I will.' I turned to walk away.

'Remus...'

'What?' I was halfway up the stairs already.

'Remus, come back for a second. Please?'

I stopped and sighed. 'What is it?'

I turned around and came face-to-face with Sirius, who was standing two steps below me. I staggered slightly from surprise and gripped the handrail. 'What_'

In a flash, Sirius moved closer and planted his lips firmly on mine.

Sirius is kissing me! I was overwhelmed by the feeling of soft warmth on my mouth. My stomach did flip-flops.

Sirius broke away and looked at me. I looked back at him, flustered and blushing. 'Sirius...did you just...?'

'Kiss you? Yes.' He grinned and tilted his head cockily to one side.

Before I knew what was happening, I had flung my arms around his shoulders and kissed him back. I drove my tongue forcefully into his mouth, knocking him up against the wall. He desperately sought a grip on the flat surface, his feet teetering precariously on a step.

'Remus,' he managed to say, breaking free. 'Remus, this isn't a good place!'

I stopped and looked at him. He was clinging to me desperately with one hand; the other was sliding down the wall behind him. And I realised that any minute now, the other boys might come down the stairs. I could already hear movement above us.

I helped him stand up properly on the step, and then I grabbed his hand and pulled him down the stairs with me. 'Remus, where are you taking me?' he gasped.

I did not answer. All I could think was that we had to get out of that common room. I pulled him through the portrait and out into the corridor. I glanced to the left and right and chose the right passage, where I thought I had seen an unused classroom once.

'Remus!'

I reached the door of the room and pulled him inside, shutting the door behind us.

A 'Sirius' Chat

'Remus?' he asked. The room was pitch black.

'Snog me. Now,' I growled. All of my pent-up sexual desires had come bubbling to the surface in one raging torrent. I no longer cared if anyone thought I was gay. I figured my friends had seen the worst of me already in that shack.

I heard Sirius chuckle. 'I won't say I'm not tempted. Because I am. You have no idea. But this isn't how I want it to happen, mate.'

'Snog me,' I pleaded. 'Or I'll snog you!'

I felt his arms grip me hard. 'Remus, please, shut up.' His voice was cold. I felt it wash over me like death.

'But...'

'No.'

'You snog everyone else in Gryffindor! If any other bloke jumped you like this, you'd have his pants off in seconds!'

There was silence. 'Is that what you think?' he asked. 'Remus, I snog boys because it's fun. But do you really think that I just get into everyone's pants at the drop of a hat? Have you ever seen it go that far?'

'So it's only snogging, then. You're just play-acting, joking around?' I was humiliated. I should not have outed myself like this. Damnit, damnit.

'Shit, Moony,' he said. 'Damnit, can we get some light in here?' I heard him reach into his pocket. 'Lumos!' The tip of his wand lit up. 'Moony...' He fell quiet again, unsure of what to say next, or perhaps how to say it. 'Yes, I suppose I joke around a little. But inside...I do it because...I want to do more, Remus, but I can't.'

'You can't?'

'If I let it get that far, Remus, I'd have to face some truths about myself. What I do is just...I don't know how to put it into words.'

I thought for a moment, turning these strange comments over in my mind, and took a wild guess. 'You fancy boys. But you don't want to admit you're gay. So you play around and pass it off as a joke, but you get a little secret thrill that keeps you satisfied. Is that it?'

He smirked. 'God, you're good.'

'So you're gay?' I asked.

He frowned. 'I fancy girls, so I don't think I'm gay, exactly.'

I took a deep breath. 'I am.' I do not know why it was so hard to say; it was not like it was not obvious.

He smiled weakly. 'I know.'

I looked at the floor. 'So now what? How long before you tell the whole school?'

'Sorry?' he asked.

'Well, when it came out that Stephen was gay, everyone teased him and made rude remarks about it.'

'People can be so cruel,' he agreed. 'But shit, you know I'm not like that!'

'You called him a pouf,' I said quietly.

Sirius was silent for a moment. 'Bugger, I forgot that.'

'I didn't.'

Sirius looked up at me, panicked. 'Remus, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that.'

'Am I a pouf to you now, too?' I asked.

'Merlin's beard, of course not! Listen, I don't know why I said that. Maybe it was because I was having such a hard time coming to terms with my own feelings. Even back then, I knew I fancied you.'

I froze. 'You fancy me?'

'Motherfucker, Remus! Hadn't you picked up on that by now? How dense are you? I told you I wanted to kiss you. And I kissed you! And I went through so much just to be by your side last night. Christ, Remus, I was holding you and stroking your hair!'

I chuckled. 'I just thought you were playing around again. And you said you wanted to kiss me, yes. But there was a damned long break between saying it and doing it, a break in which you snogged everyone else senseless.'

'That should have been your first clue!' he exclaimed, throwing up his hands in despair and causing the magical light and its shadows to flicker wildly across the walls. 'I was scared to kiss you! You made me nervous, Remus. And I knew...I knew it wouldn't just be goofing around anymore. I said it before: it would mean something.'

'I see,' I said thoughtfully. 'Well, you know I fancy you, I guess. I think I've made that pretty clear today.'

He slipped his arm around my shoulders. 'And I enjoyed it. A whole lot.' He kissed my cheek. 'Tell me, was that kiss on the stairs your first kiss?'

I nodded.

He grinned and started laughing. 'Because you know, I don't think it was.' I looked at him, confused. 'I kissed you last night, several times.'

My eyes boggled. 'I don't recall...'

'Remember this?' he asked, and licked my cheek.

'Sirius!' I exclaimed, elbowing him in the side. 'You old dog, you!' And I kissed him again, falling against his chest.