Better than Chocolate

Jerk, Remus thought. Leaving us for a...girl? He watched James' retreating form and noticed how close he was walking to Lily as he went. Oh, you're just jealous, said a voice in his head, mocking him and laughing at him. You just wish you had someone worth abandoning your friends for.

"Moony?" Sirius' voice cut through Remus' reverie. "Moony, you coming?"

Not yet. Maybe later tonight. "Yeah, Padfoot, I'm coming," he muttered, and hurried over to his friend, who was standing in front of the brightly lit front window of Honeydukes.

"I think I've got a sweet tooth today," said Sirius. "Not sure what I'm in the mood for, though."

Remus shrugged. "Sugar is sugar."

Sirius eyed him suspiciously, his hand on the handle of the shop door. "What's eating you? It's not your time of the month yet."

Remus shot him a mean glance and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that never ceases to be amusing."

"Well, if you're just going to be a bitch," Sirius said, and disappeared inside the shop.

Ass, Remus thought. He stood outside Honeydukes for a few minutes, blocking other people's entrance, trying to decide whether to go in. Well, gee. James abandoned us for Lily. Peter abandoned us for Helen and her friends. And Sirius seems to have abandoned me. Now what?

"Get your butt in here," said Sirius, opening the door and pulling Remus inside. He dragged him in front of a display of chocolate bonbons and let go of his arm. "Eat some chocolate. It'll cheer you up."

Remus scoffed. "Only girls rely on chocolate to cheer them up."

"And people who've faced Dementors," Sirius reminded him. "Well, eat some, don't eat some. I don't care. I'm just trying to help." He walked off to look at the giant lollipops.

Chocolate? Remus thought, looking at the decorated candies. Well, it can't hurt. He scooped a pound of chocolate cremes into a bag and took them to the cashier to pay.

Sirius came up behind him as he was standing at the counter and threw an arm around him. "I see you took my advice," he said. His face was only a few inches from Remus'.

Remus shrugged his friend's arm off and took his change. "Well, I'll test your theory," he muttered, reaching into the bag and pulling out a chocolate. He popped it in his mouth and felt a rush of sugar and happy chemicals hit his bloodstream. "I admit it tastes good."

"And does it make you happy?" Sirius asked as they walked back out into the sunshine and down the busy street.

Not as happy as you could. "Yeah. I think it helped."

"Now, are you going to tell me what was bothering you?" Sirius asked. He reached into Remus' bag of candy, ignoring his friend's glare.

"I don't know," Remus muttered. "We were having a good time, and then Peter left. And then James ran into Lily, and..."

Sirius chuckled. "Well, they're teenage boys. What did you expect? Of course we're going to get shrifted occasionally. If you liked a girl, you'd chase off after her and leave us...Don't look at me like that. You would. So would I."

The two boys left the main road and walked into the woods next to Hogsmeade. Remus marveled at how different the trees and grass looked in the daylight. It's not quite as scary in the daytime.

He thought about what Sirius had just said. Would I abandon them for a girl? Well, for a boy? Yeah, I would. "It's just...annoying," he said, and ate another candy.

Sirius grinned. "Somebody's jealous!" He laughed and prodded Remus in the arm.

Remus turned pink. "Jealous? Of Lily? Of Helen?"

"You're jealous because they have someone to snog, and you don't," Sirius said. He smirked. "Maybe we could find you a girl?"

Or a boy. A dark-haired, pureblooded boy with an ass to die for. "I don't need your help. And what makes you an expert? Here it is, a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and you're spending it with me." Alone. In the woods. He tugged at the collar of his shirt and cleared his throat.

Sirius frowned. "I could get any girl I wanted. I just..."

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"So here we are, two loveless, pathetic guys. What fun." Remus chuckled. "What do you want to do now?"

Sirius shrugged. "No idea. I could just keep eating your candy." He reached for another piece.

"Or you could stop eating my candy," Remus suggested, holding the bag up in the air.

Sirius made a grab for the bag, and Remus moved it away again. "Give me some!" whined Sirius, lunging for the candy again. Oh, how I'd like to, Remus thought.

"Come on!" Sirius said.

"You'll have to catch me first!" Remus exclaimed, and he took off into the trees, laughing.

"Bastard!" Sirius shouted, tearing off after him.

Remus ran as fast as he could, deftly avoiding protruding tree roots as he went, and then he saw a close-growing clump of pine trees and headed straight for it. Ha, he'll never catch me. But at that moment, he felt himself knocked to the ground, facedown in the soft grass. Damn.

He heard a panting sound above him and cursed. "You cheated!" he said. He became aware of the feel of soft paws on his back, and just as quickly, he felt the paws turn into hands and the weight on top of him increase.

Sirius moved off to let Remus turn over, laughing hysterically. "I got you!" he said, still panting slightly from the run. "And your candy!" He pinned Remus down again and made a grab for the bag in his friend's outstretched arm.

"You cheated," Remus breathed, looking up. Sirius was on top of him, grabbing at his wrist in an effort to pull the bag of candy closer. He felt the front of his pants tighten and his whole body tense. Oh, Merlin, no, he thought. "Get off me," he choked out, suddenly terrified that Sirius would feel his erection.

Sirius grinned. "You never said I couldn't transform. Give me some candy." He pulled on Remus' arm again. "Come on, just one?"

"Will you get off me if I do?" I'm about to get off myself.

"I promise," said Sirius. "But candy first."

Remus relented. He handed Sirius the bag. "There. Have it. Have it all. I don't care," he muttered. "Just...move."

Sirius took the bag, still holding Remus down by one shoulder, but his eyes suddenly widened. "Remus," he began, and stopped.

"Just take it!" Remus exclaimed, turning red.

But Sirius had dropped the bag and was gazing into his friend's eyes. What? What? Just take it! Remus thought desperately. Please, get off me already! And before he knew what was happening, Sirius had leaned down and kissed him.

It lasted only a second, but to Remus, it felt like a lifetime. Sirius' lips touched his, softly, gently, and explosions went off in his head.

Sirius moved away and blushed. "I'm--"

But he never got to finish the sentence. Remus pushed Sirius down onto the ground and shoved his tongue into his mouth.

But the other boy struggled against him, and when he felt Remus grind his crotch against his thigh, he finally pushed him off. "What in Merlin's name are you doing?" he yelled, scrambling to his feet.

Remus blinked. What am I doing? What were you doing? "You...You kissed me," was all he could say.

"I didn't mean to!"

Remus got to his feet, brushing off the grass and dead leaves and feeling his whole body shake with anger and humiliation. "What do you mean you didn't mean to? How can you accidentally kiss someone, Padfoot?"

"I didn't mean to do it now."

Remus blinked again. "I'm sorry?" he said. "When exactly were you planning to do it?"

Sirius was flustered. "I hadn't planned it, moron."

Remus stared at him. "I'm thoroughly confused, Sirius."

His friend looked at him, searching for the right words, any words. "I don't want to discuss this," he muttered.

"Maybe we should plan when to discuss it, then," said Remus, rolling his eyes.

"Ha ha, Moony."

Remus looked at him. "Sirius, why did you kiss me?"

Sirius scratched his head, looking everywhere but at Remus. "I don't know. It was just a...It was just one of those things."

"Do you...like me?"

"I really don't want to talk about this."

Remus wasn't sure what to say. He thought for a moment. "I mean, if you like me...that's OK."

Sirius laughed. "No, Moony, it's not."

Remus sat back down. Why isn't it OK? he thought. Well, gee, moron, if it were so OK, you would have told him how you felt by now. But...I thought he'd hate me. It's not...normal.

Sirius was staring at him. "See what I mean? You can't even argue it. Come on, let's go back to the castle. I'm sick of all this sunshine."

But it felt OK, he thought. It felt...It was...How can that be wrong? He glanced up at his friend. "Padfoot, did it feel wrong to you? When you kissed me? When I kissed you? Did you...hate it?"

Sirius frowned. "I wish I had. But I guess...I guess I didn't." He sat down next to Remus on the grass. "I've been fighting this for a long time. I thought I'd finally gotten it under control. And then there you were, lying under me, and you..." He glanced at Remus' pants. "Well, you seemed OK with it."

Remus turned pink.

"You scared me, Moony."

"I scared myself a little. It just all came over me at once." He glanced back at the fallen bag and the chocolates scattered all over the ground and smiled. "I'll buy you a new bag of your very own," he said.

Sirius shrugged. "Don't bother. I don't want it anymore," he said, slipping an arm around his friend.