Oblivious

Chapter 2: First Kisses

~H~

The graduation ceremony has just ended. Everywhere I look, I see the crying faces of those with whom I've spent the past seven years with: Parvati and Padma Patil, Lavender Brown, Neville Longbottom, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnegan, Justin Finch-Fletchey, Millicent Bulstrode, and Pansy Parkinson, just to name a few. Even Draco Malfoy and his thugs Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle have the appearance that they are holding back some form of emotion.

Finally, I spot Harry and Ron.

"Ron!" I call to them. "Harry!"

They see me and push through the throng toward me. Harry reaches me first, and I lock him in a tight embrace.

-H-

Near the end of fifth year, I started to develop a crush on Hermione. Maybe it was just hormones, but began to see her as a girl, a very pretty girl, and not just my best friend. So, over that summer, I built up the courage to ask her out, which I did after our sixth year start-of-term banquet.

I pulled her aside as everyone filed out of the Great Hall and headed towards their dormitories.

"What is it, Harry?" she asked, full and content from the banquet.

I locked my eyes on my feet and mumbled, "Willyougooutwithme?"

"What?"

I looked up, took a deep breath, and asked more clearly, "Will you go out with me?"

She was taken aback at first and seemed to ponder my question. But she eventually smiled and said, "Yes, Harry. I would love to."

I couldn't hold in the great sigh of relief that escaped my lips. "Great. So . . . I'll see you around?"

"Yeah," she said, planting a kiss on my cheek and turning to join the crowd.

"Great," I said again in a whisper, falling in line with Ron, who was hanging his head and not looking at anyone.

"Ron?" I said as we opened the door to our dormitories.

"Yeah?" he responded sullenly.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, pulling my robes over my head. "You've barely said a word all evening. You usually talk my ear off about how Fred and George blew this up or how Per--"

"It's nothing!" he said forcefully, looking up at me with fire in his normally cool blue eyes. He changed into his pajamas and got into bed. "It's nothing. Don't mind me."

I thought I detected a hint of sarcasm in that comment, but I shrugged it off and crawled into bed.

During the next couple of weeks, things between the three of us seemed to become more and more uncomfortable. I felt a kind of tension coming from Ron whenever I was around him; it was worse when Hermione was with us, too. Hermione and I had a talk about how Ron seemed to have more of a problem with us dating than he would say. We felt that it wasn't worth it to ruin our friendships over, so we eventually called it quits. But that wasn't the only reason my dating Hermione didn't work out.

~H~

Kissing Harry was like kissing my brother! The first, and ultimately last, time had been a few weeks into the school year. He took me aside just after our last class of the day to talk.

"So, how are things?" he asked nervously, glancing between the floor and me.

"Good," I said, trying to meet his darting eyes.

If this works out, I thought to myself, Mum would be pleased! She may only be a Muggle, but she knows of Harry's importance in the wizarding world. I would be Mrs. The-Boy-Who-Lived!

Finally, I grabbed his face and forced him to look at me. "Harry, what's the matter with you?"

His emerald eyes found mine, and he raised his hands to cover mine where they rested on his face. He leaned in and met my lips in a soft kiss. Immediately, I felt an odd sensation come over me. It's not that it wasn't enjoyable; it just didn't quite feel right. There was no chemistry there, other than the familial chemistry that had long since been there.

When he pulled back, I could see in his eyes that he felt the same way. He lowered his head, uttered a quiet, "See you, Hermione," and walked away.

I watched after him and waited until he turned a corner to run off in the opposite direction, thinking, I gotta find Ron.

-R-

As I watched Hermione cradle his face in that tender way that I had long fantasized her cradling my own face, I shuddered slightly underneath Harry's Invisibility Cloak. Then, when he leaned in to kiss her, I felt a stab of violent jealousy as my heart was torn in two. Hot tears of fury formed behind my eyes.

Sure, I felt bad about spying on Harry and Hermione, but I needed to know, needed to be certain.

Seeing them kiss was good enough for me.

When they left, I allowed the Cloak to fall from my head and land in a pile at my feet, and I stood dumbfounded. Coming back to reality, I picked it up slowly and carried it to the boy's dormitories, placed it back in Harry's trunk, and threw myself onto my bed, jerking my bed hangings closed and allowing myself to cry in my heartache.

The following day, Hermione called to me in the hall right after Charms. "Oh, Ron! I've been looking everywhere for you." She ran up, a frantic look in her shining brown eyes. She seemed on the verge of tears.

Despite my extreme pain at the very sight of her, I knew I couldn't just abandon her. I grabbed her shoulders, trying to calm her down and get her to tell me what the problem was. "What is it, Hermione?"

"Oh, Ron, I can't find Crookshanks anywhere! I've looked all over the grounds, I've asked every teacher and student to keep an eye out for him, I've looked in all his regular hiding places, and he's nowhere to be found!" At this, tears began to leak out of her eyes.

I hated to see Hermione cry, for those reasons more self-serving than the fact that she was one of my best friends. It made me feel important that she came to me before going to Harry. I took her hand instinctively and said, "Come on, we've got a couple of hours before Defense Against the Dark Arts. Let's go look."

After a thorough, hour-long search of the Hogwarts grounds, I finally found him, but it was a gruesome sight: it appeared that he had been attacked by a wild animal in the Forbidden Forest, as he was torn apart, limb from limb, and covered in blood. Since Hermione and I had split up about fifteen minutes into the search to cover more ground, she should have been on the other side of the grounds.

What should I do? I thought to myself. I can't let her see this. Maybe I can convince her that he just ran away and --

"Ron!" Hermione appeared on the horizon. "Have you found him yet?"

I began to get frantic. She was fast approaching.

Think, Ron, think!

I ran from the sight in a desperate attempt to keep her away. "I didn't find him!" I yelled as I climbed the hill toward her.

Suddenly, her eyes widened. "Why, Ron! Look behind you!" A broad grin broke out over her face as she took off in a run down the hill, right past me and toward the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

She had apparently seen Crookshanks' bright ginger fur from the distance.

"No, Hermione! Stop!"

But it was too late.

A blood-curdling shriek ripped through the cool, autumn air. I dashed down to where she stood, gazing down at a mutilated Crookshanks, intense fear in her wide eyes. She couldn't peel them away, as horrible as it was.

I came to a stop behind her, put my hands on her shoulders, and turned her around, forcing her to look away. She fiercely embraced me, burying her face in my school robes, sobbing. I stroked her hair and rubbed her back, whispering reassurances. Finally, she calmed down enough to look up at me with watery eyes.

My heart leapt within me as she locked her eyes on mine. But, as much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't do what my brain was telling me.

She's Harry's girlfriend! You can't, Ron, you just can't.

But there was something in the way she looked at me, something in the way her arms felt around me, something in the way time seemed to stop in that moment.

She smiled suddenly, slightly, as if in nonverbal consent. Or maybe I just imagined it, but I could stand it no longer. I wiped a tear from her eye and stroked her damp cheek with my fingertips. She took in a slightly ragged breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them, they were just screaming, "Kiss me!" Leaning down my head, I closed my eyes and met her lips in a soft, gentle kiss.

There were instant sparks. It was so perfect, so right. An electric feeling coursed through me; there was a tingling feeling everywhere we touched. I knew that one didn't feel that way for just anyone. I had kissed a couple of girls in my time at Hogwarts, and none of them had ever made me feel this way.

At first, she seemed somewhat reluctant, as if afraid, but as soon as our lips touched, she gave in and returned the kiss. Somewhat hungrily, it seemed. My arms tightened around her as I pulled her closer. I ran a hand through her hair, leaving it to rest on the back of her head, and began to deepen the kiss.

Suddenly, after what seemed only a second, she jerked away with a gasp, as if she had just realized what she had been doing. She stared at me, with eyes that revealed her happiness, confusion, nervousness, and excitement. She pulled from my embrace, turned toward the castle, and ran away.

I stood stunned and motionless, watching after her, shocked at what had just taken place. Then a wide smile spread over my face.

I just kissed Hermione . . .