Never Upon Now

All fairy tales start with Once Upon a Time, and once upon a time, I was happy. That was back when I still believed in fairy tales and fairy tale endings, when I believed that Happily Ever After was real. Back then I knew who my Prince Charming was, and who my evil villain was. Now, it’s different. Lines are blurred. There is no good and evil. No black and white. Just gray.

                Prince Charming isn’t supposed to break your heart. You’re not supposed to be angry at him. You’re not supposed to fall for the bad guy. You’re not supposed to want vengeance. You’re not supposed to kill Prince Charming.

                Every little girl dreams of being a princess. I was the only one foolish enough to hold onto my dreams, and to start believing in them. I picked my Prince Charming when I was still very small, innocent, and naïve.  I waited for him, and, like I knew he would, he came and snatched me from the jaws of a horrible fate. But foolishly, I leapt into Happily Ever After without waiting for true adventures to test our love.

                And this is where my fairy tale ended. Our love was not true, and my prince found another princess, one who I had trusted and loved like a sister, and who was more beautiful to him than I was. My Happily Ever After shattered like a pane of glass, and I shattered with it. Broken, I looked for love and revenge with the enemy of my former love. And he was there for me. He was only too happy to take what his nemesis had so foolishly thrown away. My prince had held my heart, I held his destruction.

                We joined forces, my enemy and I. He trained me, and slowly, as I fell further and further into his darkness, I fell in love with him as well. When I had learned all I could, we set out, and together, we destroyed my one-time prince and his lady.

It was not clean, it was not merciful. I was not merciful. I murdered his princess first, giving her as much pain as possible without granting her the oblivion of death. I smiled as he begged for her life, promising me all he had and more, and asking me with tears in his eyes why I had turned on him.

                I killed her first, and then him. I will not forget the look of betrayal that was on his face at the moment that I struck him down. At this moment, with my true love and former enemy at my side, I feel more real and whole than I ever have before. And I realize that Once Upon a Time never has, and never will be, real. Once Upon a Time is for those who are young and idealistic. I am neither. I know what is true and what isn’t. I know now that in real life, all stories start with Never Upon Now.