Footsteps

I stand here, for the first time actually looking at my best friend's grave. The day he died was a memorable day. It was the day Voldemort was killed. It was the day I felt all the burdens fall from me, but it was also the day, all the burdens got really heavy.

This day, so long ago, had been the result of a year-long war waged by Voldemort and his Deatheaters. It hadn't really been a war up to that day, there had been no open fights or battles but they surely made it clear to everyone who was the stronger one. Mothers would not let their children play outside and if anybody couldn't avoid going outside in the dark, they would rush and always stay hidden as well as they could. Everybody knew, nighttime was the time the Deatheaters went to have dinner.

Everyday we heard new stories about kids they had killed or stores and even whole villages they had demolished. Their number increased over night. It seemed as if all the old Deatheaters had come out of hiding upon seeing their Master's power return. It truly was a horrendous time.

We didn't really get to know much about it at Hogwarts. We lived in a secure world far away from any trouble. Noone would have imagined, that they would come to Hogwarts. Noone.

But they came and ripped everything out of me that made my life endurable. They took many of my friends, my best friend died and they put a wedge between me and my other best friend.

Since Ron died, Hermione and me, we haven't really been talking anymore, we spend our days trying to avoid each other. We can't stand the sight of each other, it reminds us too much of what we have lost andof how it can't be the same anymore. How everything changed!

How everything is still changing!

It's not time to make a change,

Just relax, take it easy.

You're still young, that's your fault,

There's so much you have to know.

Something in me tells me to let everything stay the same. To not have it change. To do everything in my power to make it possible for me and the world to stay like we once were!

I know it's not possible, but I don't know what else to do. The life I have now, it's just not a life. The images of that night still haunt me. I guess they will never leave me. They'll stay and they will always remind me of my best friend ever.

That night marks the turning-point in this stupid and insane war. It marks it's beginning and at the same time the beginning was the start of the end. From that point on my world was in open and official war, but from this point on we started to win. Slowly one by one we made sure every last one of them got what they deserved.

We did it for Ron and the countless others that died because of him.

It was Neville who killed him. It wasn't me. It wasn't me at all. This relevation makes me want to scream. All my life I was followed, I was threatened I was nearly killed almost once every year I can remember and all this time he had been wrong.

I have often tried to tell myself that he's just human, that he makes mistakes. But this is something I will never be able to completely forget. Just like I'll never forget Neville's voice ringing in my ear, just when I thought it was finally over for me. Neville's voice that was both to me, destruction and salvation.He saved my life that night, but at what cost?

I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,

To be calm when you've found something going on.

But take your time, think a lot,

Why, think of everything you've got.

For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

I'm making my way towards my best friend's grave. I've never been there. I spend the day of his funeral in a hospital. I was unconscious. I was unconscious for two week straight. Hermione once told me she nearly died of horror seeing me there, thinking I had died too. That was one of the last things we said to each other. Before we started not talking....

I've reached his grave now. It's a simple one, the headstone forms a cross. On it is his name, birthdate and date of death. Nothing more. No inscription , no cheesy last words, no rest in peace.... even though I'm sure he is resting in peace whereever he is right now!

I like to think he'd like it like that. He was no hero , he made sure to tell and show that to everyone around him. He didn't like people going overly emotional. This headstone shows enough. The grave is covered in wild flowers , it looks natural but at the same time looked after. Just simply Ron. There's no better way to explain it.

How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.

It's always been the same, same old story.

From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.

Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.

I know I have to go.

Before I know it I am on my knees in front of his grave, I am kneeling there and for the first time since that night, tears are streaming down my face freely. I cry for all I have lost and for all I can't find anymore.

The wind rushes through the trees above me and I loose track of time while kneeling here crying and thinking of my friend.

I'm thinking of his red hair and his freckles, him being at least one head taller than me, his stupid jokes and his adoration for chess. I think of all the adventures we had together, of the stupid conversations about girls we had late at night in the dorm. I think of all that was good, and all that was bad. He was really annoying sometimes, just not wanting to grow up, but that was his way of resisting going crazy with the world around him.

I think of the countless hours in the library with Hermione and the way she always had an advice for us. How we used to copy her homework when she wasn't looking and how I just knew she knew we were doing it. I'm thinking about her smile and her neverending patience with us.

And suddenly I'm thinking about my other best friend. I'm thinking about her, I guess I finally made it out of the deep black void I lived in since that night. I finally found a way to stop the endless recording of "Ron's dead, Ron's dead, all your fault" that was playing in my head. I suddenly see the light reflecting beautifully on a small partie on the headstone, I hear the wind make music with the leaves and branches of the old trees standing all around me.

All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,

It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it.

If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them you know not me.

Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.

I know I have to go.

And I can finally hear the footsteps coming up to me. They are strong and steady walking the familiar paths up to one particular grave. I can hear the exact moment she sees me, because in that moment the footsteps stop and I can clearly see her standing a few feet away regarding me kneeling in front of the grave. I can nearly sense how she feels at peace, now I am finally here.

She came here week after week but I couldn't. I just couldn't. Don't ask me why, because I don't know it myself. Don't ask me why I suddenly decided to come here this morning, but I did.

And, now I did, I am free to move on...

Find a girl, settle down,

If you want you can marry.

Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.