Last Thoughts

Blind these eyes who never tired

to lose temptation...

She couldn’t do anything else. It was done. The end. She couldn’t take what he had done back. Sure, she knew it was wrong. Heck, she had killed how many people with only so few words? Many people. Too many people for anyone’s liking. Especially her. She had never meant to. But it was so tempting...that man had promised not to harm her friends. She should have known better. She did know better. That was what really hurt. She had done it. Not him through her. She had done it. Of her own free will. Oh, why had she done it...?!

I’m so scared; where’s the hesitation?

She had just done it. Just told the Death Eater. Just given him the information. And she hadn’t regretted it until he didn’t keep his end of the deal. How could she? How could she have done it without a second thought? Even afterwards? It didn’t make any sense to her.

The guilt of it was consuming her. It had haunted her for many years. So many that it seemed to her like she had lived to be fifty. Maybe more. The strain of it was so much. The secret knowledge that she had done something so horrible. She couldn’t hold out much longer. The knowledge that she had caused so many people so much pain with so few words...it disgusted her to no end. No end...

She wished it were just a dream...

It’s better off this way,

to be deaf, dumb and lame,

than to be the way I am, I am.

It’s better off this way,

than be groping for the flame,

than to be the way I am, I am.

They had met underneath two trees in the Forbidden Forest, known as the Twin Trees for their identical features, except for one thing: One had a black circle on it, the other had a white one. Legend has it that, when you unknowingly lean on one or the other, it can alter your fate. If you leaned on the white tree, your fate would be altered for the good. If on the black, for the worst. She must have leant on one of them while waiting for him, and it must have been the one with the black circle. But that is a stupid excuse...she had done it, not the tree...not any tree, just her...

She had told him that the maze would be the third task. She had told him that there would be a cup at the end of it. She told him about the different obstacles. She told him everything she knew. And she had regretted it with every breath she took. She hadn’t even told her boyfriend that stuff, even though he was in the competition. He wouldn’t have listened, anyway. He was too noble, too gentlemanly. He was too good. Much too good for her. Especially after what she had done to all of them. To all of them...

Still this tongue for I am hung

by this wicked notion.

There was nothing else to do. She had done it. She had blown it. And what did she get for her troubles? Fifty Galleons. Fifty stinking Galleons. She’d give all the Galleons in the world away just to have things back to what they were those three years ago. If only it could all be taken back...

Tame the beast, release

the noose I’ve woven

.

O, wasted tears dripping from my tongue.

Well, I’m hung, hung.

She had been mistaken. Her boyfriend had been taken away from her. He was gone. Dead. And now, because of her foolishness, she had let the most vile of things come to life. How could she have?!

He didn’t keep his promise. He had promised not to hurt her friends. But he had killed her boyfriend. He had broken his word. But, she supposed it was to be expected; this was Voldemort, not Dumbledore!

Anyway, hadn’t she broken her words to be forever truthful to her Cedric? But it was too late to tell the truth. He already knew. She couldn’t ask forgiveness, because he wasn’t there to give it. She couldn’t have faced him, anyway. Not with all that guilt...

Sometimes, she felt like just taking her life away. There would be no more pain, no more sorrow, no more tears, no more emptiness. Just a wonderful feeling of nothing. But what if she met Cedric up there? But she wasn’t going up there. Not after what she had done. She was a Judas. A betrayer. Nothing but scum on people’s feet. She didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve it. Unworthy! So unworthy...

Crooked path you never asked.

You just left me there,

and I deal with the aftermath

and you don’t even care.

O, crooked feet you nimbly meet the place of my fears.

She wondered where that Death Eater was. She hoped he was rotting his brains out in some dungeon somewhere. But, more likely, he was at the right side of Voldemort, drinking and "being merry," if you can be merry and a Death Eater at the same time.

But it was time. Time to end the pain. No more sorrow, no more torture from memories or sad faces or hurting looks or wrenching sobs...

Now, that her time had come, she let the cool liquid glide smoothly down her throat. She shivered as she began to lose feeling in her feet. The feeling of relief began to envelop her as she slid to the floor. She couldn’t hear anything. Her eyelids were heavy. Her tongue was like a heavy rock in her mouth. It would soon be over.

It is better off this way...

than to be the way I am.

She felt herself lose grip on reality. Then, she felt nothing, thought nothing. She was dead.

*If you didn’t realize, the "she" was Cho Chang.