Sunglasses

Sunglasses

Andromeda had set the invite for two in the afternoon. Knowing that Narcissa wouldn't arrive on time if it were to save a burning orphanage, Andromeda came at two-thirty. Narcissa showed up, like clockwork, at two forty-five, clad in sleeveless pale pinstriped robes topped by a broad-brimmed hat with a beige silk flower accent. Large sunglasses covered a full two-thirds of her face, and a gauzy netted scarf protected her neck.

"Shouldn't we eat outdoors?" was the first thing Narcissa said as she strode up to the table, heels a-click and irritation in her voice. Andromeda manfully suppressed a smirk.

"If you like," she said gracefully, and beckoned a waiter over.

A few moment later they were situated and seated at a table outdoors, sipping thier drinks, protected from the sun by a wide umbrella. Narcissa did not seem at all concerned by the uselessness of her attire, and did not even bother to remove her sunglasses. Andromeda, knowing she would have to tread carefully, did not comment.

"So," she said lightly, flipping through her menu. "How are things?"

Narcissa shrugged. Out of the corner of her eye, Andromeda could see her, looking off in the distance with her chin in her hand. She flipped her scarf over her shoulder with the back of her hand and tossed her head, very slightly.

Andromeda took a quick sip of her drink and tried not to choke. Laughing at Narcissa was something she had taken for granted before - knowing now how difficult it was not to, she resolved not to take it for granted again.

Still gazing at the menu, she tried again. "Well - how's Lucius?"

"Oh," Narcissa said blandly. "You know."

She did indeed. Too well for her liking. "The same old, same old, then?"

Narcissa gave another tiny, one-shouldered shrug, still staring off in the distance. It was so very difficult not to laugh, knowing perfectly well that Narcissa had practiced all these poses and magazine-like expressions in front of the glass in her bedroom, because Andromeda had watched her practicing, in various outfits and with various expressions, all through her life.

The thought saddened her abruptly. Even if she did manage to make things up with Narcissa, she would never get to see her make a fool of herself in front of the glass again - she remembered Narcissa, all of twelve or thirteen, posed with her legs crossed and her arm dangling with painstakingly choreographed carelessness over the back of the chair, struggling to see out of the corner of her eye the magazine lying up on her dresser to check if she had it right yet, and Andromeda and Bellatrix peering around the door, clutching each other, shaking with spasms of silent laughter.

"Are you ladies ready to order yet?" Asked the waiter, startling Andromeda out of her reverie. She glanced over quickly to see Narcissa had been staring at her. Well, Andromeda assumed she had been looking at her - it was difficult to tell, with the sunglasses.

The two girls ordered and the silence returned. Narcissa was beginning to look slightly uncomfortable - a small, delicate frown line between her eyebrows. Andromeda was debating whether to speak up or wait her out until Narcissa said, quickly, "How was the wedding?"

As if they were mere acquaintances! Andromeda nearly stiffened, then consciously relaxed. There had been a time when they had talked about having their weddings together, to whomever they might be - and now this. Narcissa could be terribly catty when she liked. It ached to have the bladed end of her little sister's tongue turned on her, when she had so long enjoyed seeing other people squirm under it.

"Nice," Andromeda managed, trying not to reveal her hurt. She thought she saw Narcissa's jaw move slightly, but otherwise, she gave no indication she had even heard.

Suddenly weary, Andromeda sank back against her chair. She had planned everything so carefully - from the cool, removed tone of her invitation, to the place they would meet, to what she would wear - the robes Bellatrix had gotten her for her seventeenth birthday - to how she would proceed afterword - but suddenly it all seemed exhausting. Where would she ever get the energy and patience to see this all through? It stretched in front of her, calculated and methodical, and she felt at once heartsick for treating her family like a military operation. This alien Narcissa sitting in front of her, cold and aloof - the chilliness she usually reserved for when she was trying to impress boys - seemed to reprimand Andromeda with her presence.

Andromeda could feel Narcissa looking at her, and raised her eyes, slowly, to meet her younger sister's. Narcissa did not look away, but she still wouldn't remove her damnable sunglasses.

"I've missed you," Andromeda said suddenly, and her voice sounded weak, vulnerable, tender - wholly unlike her.

Narcissa stiffened in her chair and bit her lip. "Yes," she said. "Well. You should have thought of that before."

Andromeda lowered her head, her eyes shining with tears she was too proud to shed. "I did," she said, still in that small, alien voice. "I did. You don't know how I did. It tore me apart. But I couldn't - I can't - " She looked up at Narcissa again, desperate, and finding her receptive, went on. "It wasn't about you and Bellatrix. It wasn't about - me choosing him over you, or vice versa, it was about - about not letting my family live my life for me. I can't let their morals decide who I love, and if they think I can, well, then they don't know me well enough to be my family at all."

"It's not about morals! It's about standards! They - we - the family just wants what's best for you, and throwing yourself away on a mudblood - " She shook her head, and went on, quietly. "You were the best of us, you know. You had it all. You could have been great. You could have really been somebody, and they just - they don't want you to give all that up."

Andromeda shook her head, slowly. "I'm not giving anything up. All this cant about greatness, and standards - maybe by their standards, I am a nobody, and I am wasting my life. But I don't live by their standards. I live by mine. By my standards, in my life, I am somebody. And that's what matters. They don't count."

"But why?" Narcissa asked, softly. And all at once Andromeda could see through her eyes, see through her - for Narcissa, it was impossible to conceive of a world not ruled by her family's standards, when her every waking moment - her every mannerism, her every sideways glance, every word she spoke, every outfit she wore - were governed by what her family deemed as proper, what was done and what was not done. And Andromeda felt a sudden pity for her, a sharp pang of regret that she hadn't been able to free her sister from this.

Andromeda covered Narcissa's hands with her own. Narcissa stared down at them, seeming lost.

"I know you feel like I betrayed you," Andromeda said, softly. "I know you were hurt. It hurt me, too, knowing none of you - knowing no one - " She swallowed. "But I love you all the same, so much, whatever you might think. You're my world, Narcissa, you and Bellatrix. You're more important to me than anyone. I couldn't betray you or give you up for anything."

But please, she begged, don't ask me to choose.

Narcissa was silent for a long time, staring down at Andromeda's hands covering hers. When she spoke, her voice shook slightly.

"I couldn't, either," she said. "I almost wish I could, after what you did to us, but - oh, God," she said, reaching up and taking off her sunglasses so she could dab at her eyes. "I missed you."

Andromeda half-smiled. "I guess I kind of missed you, too."

"Shut up," said Narcissa, snifflingly. "Oh, God. I had to lie to Mother to come out here today. And Lucius. He wanted me to meet him and some of his friends for lunch."

"I always say there's nothing better to start off an engagement with than lies and betrayal," Andromeda said breezily.

"Shut up," said Narcissa. "I can't believe I'm engaged. It's otherworldly. Bellatrix still thinks he's scum, but I think he's really in love with me."

Andromeda laughed. "Let someone else be the judge of that, please. The last time you thought someone was really in love with you was when Evan Rosier put love notes in your books on accident."

"Oh!" Narcissa laughed. "I'd forgotten about that. How embarassing."

"Especially when we found out who he meant for the letters to go to."

"Hopefully the last time in my life I get passed over for an Avery," Narcissa said ruefully. "I'll still never know what he saw in Almira."

"I know! And that was when you had that really cute haircut, too, with the fringe."

"Yeah, it was cute," Narcissa said fondly. "It's so sad when you find you've outgrown fringes."

"When they start making your face look short and pudgy."

"And make your forehead breakout. Especially with your hair."

"I know, it's so thick. I'm thinking of cutting it. My God, where is our food?"

"This place takes forever. Say - afterwords, let's go over to my house for cocktails. Lucius will still be out, we can use all his little umbrellas. I love them, they twirl and dance."

"Dancing umbrellas? Oh, Narcissa, don't do this. We want what's best for you, but you're throwing your life away on a gay man."

"Andromeda!"

"I'm only kidding. Mostly."

"They're really cute umbrellas, anyway." She paused. "Andromeda?"

"Mm?"

"Let's not ever not talk for this long."

"What, two months?" Andromeda tipped up the last of her wine and drained it. "Perish the thought."