Dark Blue

Dark Blue

I'm tired from exploring you,

Draco and I married shortly after our graduation from Hogwarts. It was meant to be, why should we wait any longer. And in 'meant to be' I do not mean like in fairy tales. "Meant to be" as in our parents fully intended on forcing an arranged marriage on us if we didn't do it ourselves. We both knew. I was now Mrs. Pansy Malfoy. I am so tired now from trying figure out Draco. From the start I was always digging for some key to his heart or something to make this relationship tolerable. I explored every part of him. Draco was just so closed off nothing worked. He was like ice.

I'm sorry; you've had some scary days

I'm lucky; they had me on a leash

I knew Draco had a terrible life as a child or at any point when he lived with his father. Yes, he got everything and anything he could ever want or dream for, except love. The Malfoy Manor was like some terrible mix between heaven and hell. I feel sorry for him. It ruined him. He will never be a happy person because of the emotional scarring his father inflicted on him. I feel very thankful my parents had a tight grip on me throughout my childhood and teenage years. Never let me get out of control or spoil me too much. Though it did result in some serious partying when I got older, not much else ensued. Though I do feel like they were selfish with my life, and me, but I guess some people need you more than you do.

Exposing, sometimes you frighten me

Draco does scare me sometimes, I must admit it. He'll get in a flurry of rage and run around the house like a lunatic, screaming and smashing things. Or even worse, he'll withdraw into an extreme introversion. It's chills my bones the way he'll look at me when he's like that. Like there's no soul inside him. The doctors say he's Manic Depressive, but even after medication Draco still gets this way. I think he must be a prisoner of his own past.

And it's too bad, you're so sad

Wish you could've had what I had

I still find Draco crying in his sleep sometimes. It makes my heart sting. Though it doesn't show, I do love Draco. I hope I make him a happy, comfortable home here. I would have traded my childhood for his in one heartbeat.

I'm loathing some of you history

Draco used be very close with him. The Dark Lord. I never said a word; I thought it might make him happy to belong somewhere. And besides, it really wasn't my place to say anything. I was only the wife. It scared me. He was always out all night, in masks and drawn cloaks. I was left alone in our great manor, wondering whether some ex death eater would come here seeking information or revenge. He drifted away slowly, trying to make an exit gradually from the inner circle and it seems to have succeeded. He hasn't been into the dark arts for a long while now and it set my mind to peace. I think he realized the path he was heading down, and even though The Dark Lord had power he could offer Draco no promises or loyalty. Watching Draco progress away from the dark arts was like watching a pinhole of light split through the blinding darkness. I hope the pinhole grows larger with time.

Hesitation but then you siphon me

Your potential, well I'll indulge in that

Sometimes I'll sit and ponder what Draco might have been like without the emotional torture from his father. He has great potential. Draco is smart, talented, charming. He could have gone far in this world. I daydream about what kind of life we would have had. It's like a drug to trip on. A happy, healthy relationship - kids even. Draco refused to have children; he was too scared he would repeat the cycle his father set into spin.

Violent timing, expose the aftermath

Draco's father put so much emphasis on the fact that Harry Potter was in school with him. Draco just had to beat him in everything he excelled at. Potter got good grades, Draco had to have better. Potter made the house Quidditch team, Draco had to also. The pressure almost made him snap in his 5th year. Anxiety attack nearly killed the poor boy. Now look at him. It's like looking at the ruins after a war.

And it's too bad you're so sad

Wish you could've had what I had

And it's so sad it's too bad

Maybe I can make you feel better

Oh maybe I'm supposed to make you feel better

I want to comfort you

I cry too sometimes. I feel so helpless and hopeless. Draco needs someone to reach out to him and I feel I should be the one to do it. I am his wife. I need to comfort him, hold him, and make everything better. I long to reach out to Draco but he's like the sand in a timer, slowly running out but you'll break the glass if you touch it. I hope to slowly turn the timer right side up again.

Unlike you, I had it easy

Your dark blue, stained from previous days