Water lilies

Water lilies

...Daddy's a dark riddle
Mama's a headful of bees
you are my little kite
carried away in the wayward breeze...

When I was young, I used to believe in love. I used to adore the sight of snow-white water lilies, thinking that my noble knight's horse would be the same colour as they were. I could sit and stare at the water lilies for hours, dreaming of my One True Love.

When I was nineteen years old, Lucius Malfoy came into my life, and he was just as handsome and noble as I could ever have wanted. I fell for him. He used to take me out to fancy restaurants, he kissed me and told me how beautiful I was. He said that he loved me, and I believed him. I never had a reason not to.

Our wedding was beautiful. I remember afterwards, standing outside and watching the water lilies in the pond, and being happy. I don't think I can remember that feeling anymore. It was so long ago.

Nowadays I can't stand water lilies. They remind me too much of the life I left behind, a life that will never exist again. As soon as the wedding was over, it started. He seemed to get some sick pleasure out of hitting me, and he did it as often as he could. At first I was terrified, but after a while I got used to it. As long as I shut my emotions off while it happened I could stand it. But the worst wasn't that he beat me. I could take that. No, the worst was that our son, Draco, started to take after him.

Draco was my everything. From the day he was born I watched over him, and I loved him more than anything else in the world. Those four years after his birth were the happiest of my life. Every time he smiled or laughed, every time he put his small arms around my neck and whispered in my ear, I was overwhelmed with such happiness that I almost thought I was dreaming. I tried to keep him as much away from his father as possible, and in the beginning I succeeded. Then, after his fourth birthday, his father started to show a sudden interest in his son. He started to spend more and more time with Draco, and I couldn't stop it. He used to take away the boy to go hunting and fencing, and soon the thing I had feared the most happened. Draco started to slip away from me. When he had used to laugh, he now instead smiled coldly and turned away from me. When he once had come running to my waiting arms, he now walked at a distance with his father. It didn't take long until I heard him say 'Mudblood' for the first time. That night I cried silently while Lucius beat me.

One time, when Draco was just a little boy, he asked me why I hated water lilies so much. I looked into his big, innocent eyes and said that I couldn't tell him now, because he wouldn't understand. He nodded slowly and then kissed me on the cheek. I never got to tell him and now he will never ask again.

He is seventeen now. Seventeen, and already a heart of stone. He rarely talks to me anymore. Sometimes he spares a short nod in my direction when we pass each other in the long halls of the mansion. Sometimes he just pretends he doesn't see me. I know I am a stranger to him, yet I still love him. He is handsome, my boy, and I know that he is popular among the girls. The first time he brought a girl to the mansion I was thrilled. I had made dinner and sat patiently in the dining room, waiting for them to come inside. They entered the room, and I barely got a look at the girl, for Draco swept by my table without a word. The girl followed him immediately, and I saw that she was blindly in love with him, just as I had been with Lucius. History repeating itself.

Next time it was another girl. And then another, and another. He is using them all, and every day my heart seems to break a little bit more. This night, he and his father have left the house. Lucius haven't said anything to me, but I know that he is taking Draco to get his Dark Mark. When he has gotten his Dark Mark there will be no return. Once he has joined the Death Eaters, he will never leave them. I know that. I tried to stop him, to talk with him, but he only snapped at me and left the room. I know he thinks I'm weak. Am I weak? Maybe. For I have stayed in my prison all these years, even though I could have opened the gate if I wanted to. But opening it would have been to leave Draco, and I can't do that. I still love him. So I stay silent behind my bars, watching my son grow and thinking of snow-white water lilies.