Monody

May 18th. 1998.

    I just can't write to him. I dunno why, but I can't. When Alicia, Lee, and I visited the Weasleys the other day, Fred was...dare I say...depressed. I hate seeing him like that. It's like You-Know-Who has already won. He's just not the cool, funny guy I fell in love with anymore. I want to help him through this, but he won't let anybody in. Everybody's been trying so hard…but he hasn't responded to anything.

    Goddamn it, I love him so much, but he won't fucking speak. At all. Not even when Ol Wood visited him a few days ago. Before Ol died...

     It's so frustrating...

     I can't say that I'm not sad, either. Katie was my best friend, apart from Alicia. All three of us were so close, from being room-mates at Hogwarts, and Chasers on the Gryffindor team. And George.... he was Katie's fiancé, my boyfriend's twin...and someone who helped lighten the mood when there were hard times.

     When I found out about them, I broke down in tears and wouldn't leave my room. Two of my best friends....gone in one day. The funerals were even worse. I went to both, to show both families emotional support. The Weasleys were bleak...hollow faced, and…well…scary.. Mrs. Weasley looked like she'd been crying for days, as did Ginny. The boys and Arthur sat stony-faced, not letting any emotion show. The Bell's reaction was similar...with some exceptions. Dylan, Katie's older brother, gave a beautiful eulogy that madeeveryone in the church burst out into tears. Her older sister Susie and younger brother Paul, sat looking like they were in shock.

    Sad thing is, there was supposed to be a wedding. A union between two people, who were really and truly in love. They had the best relationship I've ever seen, and I've always wished that Fred and I could have what they had.

    I was going to be a bridesmaid: Alicia was to be the maid of honor. We were both Katie's best friends, and she had always been much closer to us than to her sister. Katie always wanted to be fair, so she drew our names out of a hat. Alicia won. Anyways, Alicia and Katie had always been really close to begin with, since they'd grown up together, and shared more similar interests than they did with me. I didn't really care, cause I knew the circumstances well and, since I had boyfriends nearly every year, I was preoccupied.

    Fred was to be the best man. Bill, Charlie, Percy, Ron, and Dylan Bell were the ushers. The remainder of the bridesmaids were Ginny, Susie Bell, Katey MacPherson (one of our friends from school), and Colleen O'Neal (one of Katie's cousins). Paul Bell was going to be the ring-bearer, and Katie's niece was the flower-girl. All in all, it was supposed to be a spectacular wedding.

    Katie had to be best Quidditch player out of the three of us, but she never actually wanted to turn pro. Katie wanted to work in the Ministry, like her Da. Katie always wanted to live up to her da's expectations of her.

    Katie loved her father much more than her mother. I could never figure out why. There was this visible resentment that shone through whenever Katie was with her mother. She didn't think that I noticed, but I did. Katie went to great lengths in order to stay away from her mother. It was that obvious.

    She and Dylan were inseparable. Whenever I visited the Bells during summer hols, Katie would drag him on all of our little adventures and excursions. He put up a big fuss, as all brothers do, but would always eventually give in. One of the reasons why they were so close was because Dylan was only a year older than she was. They looked very much alike; tall, slim, blonde-haired, and gray-eyed. Most thought that they were twins.

    Another thing about Katie was her music. She loved the Rolling Stones, and lots of other Muggle bands from the '60s to the '70s. Bon Jovi and Creed were some of her other favorites, though she wasn't as obsessed with them as she was with the Stones. She was perhaps the only girl at Hogwarts who listened to that type of music. Katie was always trying to smuggle in her damn tapes and records, even thought she knew that they would not work on Hogwarts grounds.

    Her part of wall in the dorm was covered with posters, records, and such of all her bands. At one point, she even attempted to attach a guitar to the wall. When her plan failed, she taught herself how to play it, and was awesome. She and Alicia would play a couple duets every holiday in the Great Hall, Kate on the guitar and Alicia on the piano, sometimes with me singing.

    Kate was such a beautiful person, somebody who should have shone brightly. Her life was like one of her records, wild and crazy, and then halted to a stop by the Headmaster. Katie would have been something great, I just know it. Because she was an smart, caring person. Sure, she was sometimes sarcastic.

    I remember wishing that she was my sister, cause I never had one.

    I don't think that anything, or anyone will ever replace her. She, George, and Oliver were some of the best people I've ever known.

    Ol is gone too...Alicia came and told me an hour ago. She's really sort of depressed. Another person gone. But that is what war is....death, destruction, and hatred all under the front of peace.

    War lost Katie, who did not get the chance to have a family. Katie, who will never get married or have children or do anything at all outside of school. She didn't have the chance to live. Katie, my best friend.

    No more about Katie. This entry'll be the last about her. I wrote so many while I was fucking depressed. I don't need to write any more, and besides, I can't afford to keep thinking about her. I'm not going to turn out like...like Fred. Never.

    To Katie: I love you like a sister. You and Allie both. I'm sorry that I couldn't do all I could. You know that. I really have to forget. I'll never forget you...but I'm putting the thoughts and memories of you in the back of my mind. I don't want to feel any more pain at the moment. You and George and Ol...can't think about that anymore. Can't.

    Turning over a new leaf...that's what I'm going to do, in a nutshell. Am going to break things off with Fred. He needs stability right now. And he's not the guy I fell in love with. I will try to forget that all this shit ever happened to me.

        I wish that Katie could be with us, I really do. In fact, we all do. But, as she would say in this situation...or rather, sing...

    "You can't always get what you want..."

    And, she would be right.

    Love,

    Angelina Johnson