Sweet Revenge Bitter Regret

Sweet Revenge. Bitter Regret.

It started in seventh year. Two months into term, possibly sooner. I'm not entirely certain. I remember the day it became obvious to me though. We were just starting this day's potion when professor Snape knocked my cauldron over on purpose. I had yelled out that he was an asshole and he had fixed me with those impenetrable eyes of his and had said

"Detention Potter, and do be on time."

That night I had just thought that I'd get an unpleasant assignment, I had not expected for him to give me lines.

"Sit down Potter. You will write out 'I will not call my superiors assholes' until I tell you to leave."

I sat down and did just that until about twenty minutes into my punishment. That was when I noticed that he was no longer in his chair. He was standing beside me. I looked up.

'Did I do something wrong sir?'

He did not reply with words instead he knelt down and forced my mouth onto his. If I said that it was disgusting and I had hated it I would be lying. I was relatively inexperienced and had thought that it was the most wonderful thing I had ever felt. He had skill and a great deal of passion. So much passion that I thought he really meant it. He the pulled away and looked at me with an indescribable emotion. It made me shiver. I could feel his hand lower itself down past my stomach. I did not dare to look because that would have made it real. He leaned in closer and whispered in my ear.

"If you don't want this say so and I will stop."

His hand undid my robes and then moved to my trousers. I can still remember the way that he lowered himself onto me caressing me with his body. How warm he was and yet so cold.

That was how it started and after that he told me not to tell anyone. He was a teacher and I was his student, even though I wouldn't be his student for long. We would meet whenever possible, usually he gave me detentions for that express purpose. I was true to my word, I didn't tell anyone, not even my two best friends knew. He would talk to me sometimes and eventually he had me convinced that I wanted to be a woman and that I would go and live with him after graduation. When I asked how I was supposed to pay for the operation he looked at me rather peculiarly and replied 'You didn't think that transfiguration was solely for turning turtles into teapots did you?'

Things started to get bad when I told him that I wanted to tell Ron and Hermione but he told me that in order to make the transformation successfully I would have to cut all ties to who I was. I accepted it until graduation day, I had to tell them because there were some things I wanted them to have to remember me by. I went to the common room and found them. I asked them to come up to the dorm with me. They followed with worried looks on their faces.

"What's this about Harry?"

"I don't know how to start, but I suppose that the beginning would be best. Snape and I are lovers and he wants me to move in with him and he will transfigure me into a woman because that is what I'm supposed to be. I don't want to forget about you but I'm not going to be able to meet with you after that so I'm going to give you something to remember me by." I brought out the trunk and had started rifling through my possession when Hermione grabbed my arm and made me look at her.

"You do realise that this is insane right?"

"But I love him."

"Does he love you?"

"He says that he does."

"So what are you going to do with all of that?"

"Throw it out, burn it. Why?"

"Well what if Ron and I were to look after it for you so that it will be there if you ever want it? You know that we're getting married and are going to be living in Ottery St.Catchpole right?"

"Sure if you want to but I'm not going to need it. It will be nice to have an excuse to visit you anyway."

I could tell that she wanted to say more and that Ron was having difficulty not saying anything but they let me go. They could tell that this was what I wanted, or thought I wanted. Ever since the fall of Voldemort I had been having trouble finding what I wanted. Snape seemed to help me find it.

So it was after the graduation ceremony that Snape took me away without a chance to say good-bye to my friends. He told me that Harry Potter was dead and that I would be better off to forget about them. He then transfigured me into a woman and tore my clothes off and then he- I guess that the closest word that comes to what he did is rape but that implies struggle. I didn't, I thought I wanted it. He told me I did.

I became pregnant a year later and I remember the joy I felt when I first felt the baby kick. He wasn't moved though, even when I coerced him into feeling my pregnant belly. He insisted that we sleep in separate rooms on opposite ends of the house and that I stay indoors at all costs. So it was that I started to wonder why I had come here and why he insisted that this was what I wanted.

The night my water broke I remember very well. Snape had told me that it would be for the best if he were allowed to put me under with a dreamless sleep potion so that I wouldn't feel any pain. I refused, I wanted to be awake for every second of it, but he convinced me that it was what I wanted. So I woke up expecting to find a nice warm bundle in my arms. Instead I was alone and cold. I got up and walked out and found him almost immediately. He was shutting the door to one of the lesser-used rooms. He looked odd. I asked what was wrong. He told me that the baby had been stillborn. I couldn't believe it. I had felt the baby moving inside of me. He convinced me that it was true. I wanted to see the baby, but he convinced me I didn't want to.

Two months after the baby was born he went out to visit a friend of his, Lucius Malfoy. They came back and I was standing in the sitting room looking out the window, Lucius didn't recognize me. They left and went into that room I saw Snape come out of two months ago. Curious I went and listened at the door. I could hear them. The silencing charm did not stop the, sound just muffle it. They were laughing.

"Who was that wench out there?"

"Some mudblood who got knocked up and can't afford the child. She'll be gone when you take this child as whatever you need it for."

"An heir, Draco decided to disown us and we can't very well have no heir. So who was the father?"

"A pureblood I assure you."

"How much does she want?"

"Nothing but I demand the cost of takeing care of them for the couple of years. About a hundred galleons."

"Good. We'll celebrate tonight and tomorrow the deal will be sealed."

They moved back towards the door and I backed off to the kitchen. I pretended that I knew nothing. I waited until they were gone and then I went to my room and cried. I don't know how long I cried for but I knew I had to do something. There was a child depending on me, one I had thought was dead. I got up and transfigured myself into a man again and put on what was left of the clothes that I had worn the first night and went to the room.

The house-elf was not in there thankfully so I took my baby and left. I used the Knight Bus to get to Ron and Hermione's house and here I am with you in my arms, under my shirt to keep you warm. I am on their front step waiting for them to come home. You cry softly for milk, I don't think I can give you any but I let you nurse anyway.

I gasp as I feel a burning sensation while my body feeds you. Maybe in the wizarding world it's different, I don't know, I just accept it. I cry softly to myself and rock on the front stoop. I hear them come up the walkway they see me before I see them. Hermione touches my arm and I look up. I see Her and Ron and Draco. I try not to choke on my tears.

"You were right Hermione. You were right."

Five years later.

I come back from a long day at work. I find you, little Damon, asleep on your daddy Draco. He has you and our other children gathered around him on the floor. He makes a shushing noise as I walk up to him and sit beside him. He loves large families and intends to spoil every one of our babies. You stir and look up at me with your beautiful green eyes, Damon, and you stretch your arms up at me and say in your sweet voice,

"Up Papa." I lift you and you smother me with your baby kisses. Your sweet little mouth covered with the chocolate ice cream that your daddy gave you. I know that I'll have to tell you the truth before you go to school but I know I will tell you that I love you and that every day I will tell you I love you. Snape must live with the regret he has of what he has done to us in his quest for revenge. As for me the only thing I do not regret from my time with him is you, and my revenge will be for you to not hate him.

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