Through Crystal Tears

Through Crystal Tears

By: Lady Mione

The air was thick as Hermione trudged through the vacant halls of Hogwarts. Light flickered on the walls, casting shadows down upon her as she headed for the Astronomy Tower. Winter at Hogwarts was harsh. The bitter coldness had become second nature to them all. Hermione pulled her cloak a bit tighter around her shoulders. She had become fond of the cold weather. The chillness of the air allowed her to think a bit clearer. She needed to think clearly. After all, tonight was the night she would end it all. Tonight she would tell Draco why they couldn't see each other anymore. It was killing her. Inside she felt helpless, like a small child lost in the dark. The ache that pounded in her chest caused her to gasp lightly. She had procrastinated long enough when it came to their relationship. If you could even call what they had a relationship at all.

She wasn't sure when it began, but she knew it was wrong from the beginning. For six years, he had tormented, belittled and caused such emotional exertion on her body. She had loathed him for so long. Wanting nothing more then to rip each bleach blonde strand of hair from his perfect little head. She wanted to make him miserable. She wanted him to pay for all the sleepless nights he had caused her, all the crying and all the pain. That's when she devised a plan. She would make him fall in love with her, and then when he least expected it, she would crush his entire world in the palm of her hand. Yet she never expected to fall in love with him.

It had taken her a while to catch his attention. She had considered concocting a love potion at first, but the consequences seemed too much if she was ever caught. Instead she began following him around, staring at him when she knew he was looking at her. Purposely she wore appealing clothes and was sure to primp herself just enough to catch his eye as he passed in the hall. Finally, when all seemed ready, she asked him to accompany her to Hogsmeade. His reaction was priceless. The way his features contorted on his face would be imprinted into her memory forever. She had expected him to say no, and she was prepared to beg for one single date, but instead he replied with a barely audible yes. The shock nearly knocked her off her feet. Yet all was settling into place, and soon they found each other spending ample amounts of time together. Rumors flew about the school like a brush fire, but for some reason neither seemed to care. Hermione actually began to enjoy his company. In fact, he had stopped calling her Mudblood and Granger and began calling her Hermione. At night, she smiled to herself; the plan was working splendidly. Soon, she would break his heart and prevail high above him.

Then one morning she awoke with an awful feeling inside of her. She had been dreaming of Draco. It seemed innocent enough, but something inside of her told her differently. The denial came first, believing that it was nothing more then a stupid infatuation. It clawed at her insides for so long. It wasn't supposed to end this way. He was supposed to fall in love with her and she was supposed to break his heart. The plan had failed, and she found herself falling in love with her nemesis.

Her shoes scuffled as she turned a corner of the corridor. By now the figures in the paintings had fallen asleep and she listened carefully for any sounds of Mrs. Norris. Her hands began to sweat as she approached the stairs to the Astronomy Tower. A few months ago she had told Draco she loved him; it was meant to be a lie. He had told her he loved her as well, and when those words fell from his lips something inside of her sparked. It felt like a haunting weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and she realized that she really did love him. Why she loved him, she wasn't really sure. Maybe it was the way he touched her when they were alone, or maybe the way he whispered her name as he leaned down to kiss her goodnight. He had captivated her more then any other man she knew. It was an amazing feeling and she felt like she owned the world. But the rumors continued to fly. Draco was taunted relentlessly by his fellow housemates and Hermione had grown apart from Harry and Ron. They were forced to spend time together at night when no one was around. It bothered Hermione greatly. Being forced to hide in the shadows wasn't the way to spend time with the man you loved. It caused them to argue a lot, much more then she would have liked.

Summer approached, and they both decided to remain distant. Draco didn't want his father to suspect anything, and Hermione couldn't bear the thought of Draco facing his father's torture. Unfortunately when they returned for their seventh year it was obvious that Lucius had discovered their secret. Draco's face was badly bruised, and he looked a lot thinner then when she had last seen him. They spent the day in her bedroom; Head Girl did have its perks. He told her about the severe beating he received when his father learned of their relationship, and Hermione cringed. What had she done? Months ago she would have squealed with delight to learn of Draco's beatings. Now as she sat beside the man that held her heart all she wanted to do was cry.

Things grew worse over the next few months. They fought more frequently, mostly over his father and the constant howlers he received. Their relationship grew weaker, but their love remained strong. It scared her sometimes when she thought about how much she loved him. She usually had a grip on all things, but when it came to love she felt unknowledgeable. It was like the emotions blocked her brain from thinking logically, and she couldn't understand why that frightened her so much. Then it hit her. Her heart was blocking her from thinking logically because her logic was telling her to break things off with him. There was so much pain and worries, arguments and lies, and it was wearing them out. They had remained in the same position for the last few months, stuck, trapped, and beaten. Hermione knew what she had to do. Despite all the love she had for him, she needed to let him go.

Her legs wobbled as she climbed the steps to the tower. He would be waiting for her by the window. It was their special place. The last few steps were excruciating on her heart, and with one hard swallow she pushed into the Astronomy Tower. As she knew, he was waiting by the window for her. When the door clicked shut he turned to face her. Carefully she moved towards him, each step closer sending pain to her heart.

"Good evening, love. I didn't think you were coming." He moved towards her and engulfed her in a tight embrace.

"Draco, I-" She tried to pull away from him, but the warmth of his arms made it nearly impossible. "Draco, we need to talk." With as much strength as she could muster, she pulled away from his arms.

Draco furrowed his brow. Her voice sent a chill through his body, and it frightened him slightly. "What Hermione? What's going on?" His voice cracked the slightest, and she let a soft cry escape her.

For a while she stood there silently. She couldn't get the words to leave her mouth. Tears welled in the corners of her eyes, and she quickly wiped them aside. She needed to let him go, but now as it came down to it she found it incredibly difficult.

"Draco, we can't go on like this." The words were choked and strained from her mouth.

His smile faded quickly. Everything around him whirled together and he gasped for breath. "What do you mean we can't go on like this? I know we are having problems Hermione, but it doesn't mean we can't work though them." There was a hint of desperation in his voice and Hermione choked back again.

"I'm tired of all the arguing. I'm tired of worrying about you when you're home with your father. I'm tired of living our life in the dark. Draco, I love you with my entire being, but I can't live like this anymore. I just can't."

There was a silence that ripped through the room and for a moment Draco just stood there with a vacant look on his face. Hermione reached out for his arm and he pulled away abruptly.

"I gave up everything to be with you, and now you think you can just walk away from me so easily?" He grabbed her harshly by the elbow, his eyes darkening drastically.

"Draco, please, you're hurting me. " She tried to pull away but the hold he had on her was too much.

"I changed everything because I fell in love with you, and now you just want me to stop. I can't stop loving you, Hermione. I can't just wake up tomorrow and pretend I don't love you anymore. It doesn't work like that."

"Well that's the way it has to be, Draco. We need to let each other go. In the end it will be better this way, believe me. "

"How do you expect me to go on without you?" He cupped her chin in his hands and stared intently into her eyes.

"I love you Draco. I love you more then I could possibly express, but we just can't do this to ourselves anymore. We just can't. "

"I love you too much. I won't let you just walk away from this." He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. The electricity that flew between them was fierce. She shivered at his touch and he deepened the kiss slightly. Abruptly she pulled away. She couldn't succumb to this any further; she had to leave. Her eyes locked with his, the tears on his face shimmering like delicate crystals in the moonlight. But through the crystal tears she could sense his grip loosen on her. He was letting her choose.

"If you love me, you will." With one last look into his eyes, Hermione turned and fled from the tower.

The winter here's cold, and bitter
it's chilled us to the bone
we haven't seen the sun for weeks
to long too far from home

Hermione felt the tears run rapidly down her face. Her feet flew beneath her as she ran from the tower. Her emotions ripped at her as she moved through the corridor. Love was supposed to be an immaculate feeling. Something that made you feel alive with feelings indescribable. What she had done was right. She loved him too much to see them both suffer. It needed to be this way; they needed to be apart. Then why did she feel so utterly dead?

I feel just like I'm sinking
and I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go

She moved with frightening speed to the Gryffindor tower. Upon reaching the portrait of the fat lady she wiped at her eyes.

"What is it, dear?" The fat lady yawned as Hermione neared the painting.

"Nothing. Feather Quill." She whispered the password and waited patiently for the fat lady to open the portrait door.

"But dear, you look dreadful. Is there anything I can do?"

"Feather Quill, just open." Her voice was barely audible.

"I'm only suggesting so I can help you out, dear."

"I said Feather Quill... now please open." By now the tears had begun to sting at her skin and she quickly rushed inside as the portrait door swung open.

The common room was empty as she ran towards the staircase. It wasn't until she reached the top of the stairs did she realize where she was. She couldn't run and tell Harry or Ron. They wouldn't understand her pain. Turning quickly on her heel she descended from the stairs and fled from the Gryffindor tower. Her feet carried her to her private room, and once inside she flung herself onto her bed.

if all of the strength and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
my love

Across the castle in the Astronomy Tower Draco was grounded to the floor. He wanted to run after her, but his legs just wouldn't carry him. He had known this day was inevitable. They had been stuck in the same position for too long now, and it was eating them both apart. He didn't want it to end like this, not in the least. The day he allowed Hermione into his life could be considered a huge mistake on his part. She was the know-it-all Granger, his worst enemy. She was everything he hated, but at the same time she was everything he had been looking for. He didn't understand why he had fallen in love with her, but he had. It struck him odd that someone who he hated with all of his heart could suddenly become everything he wanted, everything he needed, and everything he was afraid to live without. It's funny how quickly things can change.

so it's better this way, I said
having seen this place before
where everything we say and do
hurts us all the more

His knees finally buckled beneath him and he found himself falling hard onto them. Damn her for making him weak. He was a Malfoy and he was not supposed to live by emotion. He was strong and he would prevail. Wiping his hand across his face he sighed. It's better that they live their lives apart. For Granger and Malfoy were two names that were never meant to be together.

it's just that we stayed, too long
in the same old sickly scheme
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go

Draco fell slowly to his stomach, the pained emotions coursing wildly through his veins. The cold floor struck his face and he cursed softly to himself. His father would be pleased of the separation, and he was more then positive that Scarface and Weasel would be as well. He smiled a bit. Hermione would be glad to have them back in her life. They would dismiss her mistakes as a silly love potion. It was just unfathomable that she would ever care for Draco Malfoy. The thought caused him to chuckle lightly to himself. He knew tomorrow he would sneak glances at her across the Great Hall, and he knew she would no doubt be staring back. So they weren't meant to be happy together forever. Nothing in this world ends with roses and smiles. His heart lurched and he grinned. She had provided him with memories that would surely last forever. She had taught him the value of friendship, loyalty, trust and above all love. She had truly loved him and he had truly loved her.

"Good bye, Hermione. I love you."

if all of the strength
and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
my love

Across the castle, in her room, Hermione smiled through her own crystal tears. "Love you too Draco...love you too..."