Caste

Caste

I've come to the decision that I don't care whether someone is pureblood or not. Not really. Don't get me wrong. I haven't become a Gryffindor. But I've found out that my former behaviour wasn't that smart either.

I, however, think that it was somewhat natural.

When I started my fifth year many things happened at once. Things endangering many people, yet I knew that I was on the save side. Voldemort and his Death Eaters wouldn't touch me because my father is actually one of them and they think I'll join them one day anyway.

And Dumbledore and his countermovement of Good Guy People wouldn't hurt me, for they are, what they've always been: The Good Guys!

So, while everybody else was worrying what would come, I had a lot time to do some thinking. And I noticed something very important. Before that time I had let my father pour his outlooks on life, his beliefs and his opinions in me rather than thinking for myself.

I don't feel sorry for this, since I think that's just what every child does. Or how do you think the Good Guys became good and the Bad Boys bad? It was just as natural for me to trust my father as it was for most other children. He never gave me an actual reason not to, so I believed what he said to be right.

And I still trust my father. I don't think he's evil... Oh okay, he probably is, but he beliefs his ideals to be right, so in his opinion he's doing the right thing.

The only difference now was that I've noticed that his beliefs weren't mine anymore. That's all! I still have my principles and I certainly won't wander around now apologizing to everybody I ever hurt and pretend to like them all of a sudden. Because I don't.

However, as I said before, since my fifth year I thought certain things over and realizing some thing or the other, I neglected some old habits. I stopped starting quarrels with the Famous Three. I didn't join those peculiar discussions anymore, which the Slytherin common room was famous for. And I broke it with Vince and Greg. Something I should have done ages ago anyway!

When there was still no war at the end of our fifth year, the students at Hogwarts calmed down a little. We all knew that danger was far from over, but one can't maintain in that tension forever, can one?

Now I'm in my sixth year. And for the first time in my life I'm seriously confronted with the question what to do next.

My father asked me to spy for the Death Eaters. Didn't came much a surprise though. I was prepared I declined.

Now he's daggers at me. But I don't care. I know he's a dangerous man and having him for an enemy can be deadly, nevertheless, I'm his son and I seriously doubt that he would lay hands on me, if not for my sake, than for my mother's, since she loves me deeply, as deeply as he loves her.

Yes even Lucius Malfoy is capable of love...

And that's probably the problem, for I'm still his son to a certain extend.

I realized that I had no friends anymore after breaking it with Crabe and Goyle. If they've ever been my friends...

The other Slytherins still respect me but I don't want to befriend with any of them for I have nothing in common with them anymore.

As I said before, it's natural that children stuck to their parent's beliefs up to a certain age and when they get older some of them think it over and others do not. I don't blame my fellow Slytherins for belonging to the latter group.

"Draco? Wanna join us for a game of Exploding Snap?"

"No thanks."

Believe it or not, this was Potter just offering me to join them. I mean Harry, of course. We're on firstnames now, but I still have problems to get used to this.

I'm spending my evenings in the Gryffindor common room lately. Strange how things can change, isn't it.

One day, when I was sitting in the library alone again, Granger and Weasley came over to where I was studying. Or better Granger dragged Weasley. They sat at my table and Hermione said a simple hello followed by a greeting grunt from Ron.

Then we started talking civilly to each other for the first time in our lives. Hermione told me that she had noticed me being alone all the time and after she gave Ron a little kick under the table he admitted that even he had noticed that I have been civil lately.

That day, at the end of our fifth year, they brought me to the Gryffindor common room for the first time, where I came to talk to Harry too.

Becoming friends with them was easier than I would have thought. Well, I guess they made it easy for me. Ron needed a little more time than the other two did, yet even he really tried his best. And now he's my best friend even closer than Harry although I know that for Ron Harry and Hermione will always come first.

I can live with that though. I realized that he has an appealing sense of humour, when one doesn't insult his family or hints on how poor he is. He was easy to talk to. He wasn't as bossy as Hermione sometimes was and he wasn't as saintly and perfect as Harry sometimes appears to be.

In some ways we resemble each other for we both know certain feelings, which the Goods aren't supposed to have, which, however, are only human. That's why I could talk easily to him and that's why he even tells me some things, he wouldn't tell Harry or Hermione.

We had only one quarrel since then. And this was about a girl.

As I said before, even my father loves. And so do I for I'm his son and a generally human being.

After spending my evenings in the Gryffindor common room for about two month, I fell in love. She was so beautiful. She caught my eye even before I started to do all those thinking and now I saw her so often and was finally able to be near her not only because I was in the same room with her but because I allowed myself to think of her as the wonderful witch she was and not as somebody with an unworthy family.

"What are you writing again? Come on over, join us. I'm missing you!"

"Let me just finish this, beautiful. I'll be there in a minute."

That was her. As you may have guessed...

I was never much of the talking guy, yet I had to tell Ron, best friend or not, that I had fallen for that certain witch. We yelled at each other senselessly and so we both failed to notice that she was standing at the bottom stair when I finally shouted: "You say I'm your friend and that you trust me, but you don't seem to trust me enough to entrust me with your sister. Damn, Ron, I love her and I wouldn't hurt her even if my life depends on it!"

Then Ron was quiet. First I thought it was because of what I had said, but then I saw that he was staring at something behind me. And sure enough it was her I saw, when I turned around. She was looking at the two of us and then... then she came over to me saying: "I believe you:" And then she stood on tiptoe and touched my lips with hers. This was the first of many wonderful kisses we shared.

From that day on Ron didn't say anything about it anymore. I can even talk to him about us, which I do for he's my best friend. Best friend... That still sounds strange...

I still don't know what'll happen next, for I'm sure my father will demand a decision anytime soon now and he won't be pleased with what he'll hear.

I don't know my role in the upcoming war yet. We'll have to wait and see.

I thought starting this diary will probably help me to keep my head clear in the times to come.

And come they will...

Draco closed the small black leather book and sighed.

Come they will...

Then he went over to Ginny. He gently placed his arms around her waist.

"There you are! I was wondering if you've forgotten about me completely." She teased.

She turned around in his embrace and leaned in for a kiss.

"How could I possibly forget the most beautiful witch in the world?"

"Same way as you could ignore her all evening." She said mockingly.

He looked her in the eyes, pure silver locking with perfect blue. Then he kissed her again, failing any words to retort. She was actually the only one to make him lack of snide remarks. As he pulled away she smiled.

"Apologies accepted! Come, you've got to return to your common room. I'll walk you over."

Draco gathered his things together and they said their farewells to Harry, Ron, Hermione and some of the other Gryffindors, for not all of them had accepted Malfoy in their midst yet.

Then they made their way to the Slytherin dungeons and kissed goodbye in front of Draco's Portraithole.

Draco lay awake for some time that night, thinking. Then he opened his Diary again.

I think I was wrong before. I will protect the witch I love and help those, who'll try to make this world worth living for her. For this I'll fight!