Prophesied

Chapter 22

Unwanted Feelings

Life with Harry was an odd experience. He and Draco were very physical with each other, always hugging one another, kissing all the time, brushing against each other...obviously in love....

Jeff and I had never been like that. Not once in all of our years. I had always shied away from his touch, always avoided touching him, always avoided looking into his golden eyes....

How could I have done this to Lamia? How could I have shoved Jeff away like that?

I should go back to him and tell him how sorry I am.

"I've got to go back, Harry," I insisted. "I need my clothes."

"No," Harry answered, firm as ever. He didn't like the idea of me going back and knowing what Jeff was capable of.

"Jeff's at work," I said, trying to make him see. I needed to go, I needed to fix things between Jeff and myself.

"Are you sure?"

He was so damned stubborn!

"I'm sure."

He looked like he was wrestling with himself. I could feel the internal battle between his conscience and my need. "One hour," he said finally. "If you're not back, I'm coming after you."

I nodded and Disapparated.

I knocked on the door to the apartment and waited. I didn't actually know for sure if Jeff was at work or not, so I didn't just want to barge on in.

When no answer came, I walked in.

"Jeff?" I called.

No answer.

I walked through the house, feeling as though something was wrong.

"Jeff?" I called again.

I walked into the bedroom. The door to the bathroom was open and the light was on.

I walked over to the door and knocked lightly before looking in.

"Jeff?" I tried to ask. My voice had died halfway through his name.

I was frozen in shock at what I was seeing.

Jeff, the man who had bound his soul to mine for so long, was lying in a tub, fully dressed, in water so red and dark that I couldn't even see what he had been wearing.

It was just like Michael.

*****

"Something's wrong," I muttered.

"What?" Draco asked. "She's only been gone fifteen minutes, Harry, I'm sure she's fine."

I shook my head. "No, something's wrong."

"Daddy?" came the voice of my three year old.

I turned around and saw her standing in the doorway.

"What, Lami?" I asked, kneeling down to her level.

"Something's wrong," she answered, sounding sleepy from the nap she'd just woken up from.

"What?" I asked, feeling almost panicked. "What's wrong?"

"Mommy."

I was gone a second later.

"Lita?" I called. The door to the apartment was open and I couldn't hear anything from within, so I walked in, hoping that nothing was actually wrong and that Lami had a bad dream or something.

"Lita?" I called again, wondering through the apartment she had shared with Jeff.

I had reached their bedroom and I glared at the bed, knowing that they had shared it, that they had slept together on it.

She was standing in front of a door, probably to a bathroom, and she was still.

Far too still.

"Lita?" I asked softly.

She didn't move.

I walked up to her and put my hand on her shoulder.

"Lita?" I asked again, softer still.

Her shoulders shook, she was crying.

"Lita?" I asked again. "Lita, what's wrong? What's happened?"

She didn't look at me. Her eyes were glued to something in the bathroom. I turned and looked and gasped.

Jeff had killed himself.

Lita began to fall and I caught her just before she hit the ground.

She was out cold.

*****

When I came to, I was back in my room at the manor with someone watching over me.

"It's about time you woke up," Harry said sadly.

Everything came crashing down on me at once. Jeff was dead, and it was all my fault.

I started to cry.

Harry had me in his arms in an instant.

"It's all my fault," I whispered.

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is," I insisted. "If I hadn't left him, he'd still be alive."

"But you could be dead."

"He wouldn't have killed me, Harry."

"I'd be going mad with worry over you and Lami. I don't trust Jeff," he confessed. "There's a part of him that..."

"Is dark and uncontrollable?" I asked, knowing what he was trying to say. "I know. That's the part of him that made me leave him the first time around. But--Harry, he killed himself!" I yelled, pulling away from him. "He killed himself and it is all of my fault! Just like Michael...."

"Your brother's suicide was not your fault, Lita!" Harry yelled, standing. "I know I don't know what happened all those years ago, but blaming yourself won't bring either of them back! Pull yourself together, damnit!" he yelled. "We've got a daughter to raise, you can't fall to pieces."

"Why not?" I demanded.

"Because she needs you!" Harry yelled. "Because I wouldn't know what the hell to do with her if I didn't have you! Hell, I'd probably send her off to live with your father, I'd be that clueless."

"I'm still responsible," I whispered. "Jeff wouldn't have killed himself if I hadn't left him. He'd still be alive if it weren't for me."

"More people would be dead," Harry said softly. "Draco would have died. I would have died. Say what you want about the lives you believe you're responsible for ending, Lita, but know that without you, we would have already lost the war."

"What are you saying?" I asked, suddenly extremely tired.

"I need you," he replied in a whisper.

Again, a kiss that should not have happened did.

*****

I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late. I don't think she realized it either. But even as I realized what was happening, I couldn't seem to stop myself. Truth be told, I didn't want to. In fact, I was doing exactly what I had wanted to do since the last time we had been like this.

Being with her, like this, is so different than being with Draco--not just because they're different genders, I can assure you. With Draco, everything seems almost...I don't know, chaotic, I guess. Everything with him is random, especially when it comes to this. With Lita, all the pieces seem to fit into place. Everything that we do seems as though it is supposed to happen. It's like magic with her, more so than with him.

But then the reality of the situation comes crashing down on me as I realize what just happened and what it means. Will I ever be able to tell Draco? What will he do if I did?

Over the next few days, Lita and I avoided all eye-contact. It wasn't until a week later that she announced that she was going back home for a little while.

"Why?" I asked her, long after Lamia and Draco had gone to bed.

"Because things are just a bit too weird around here, Harry," she confessed. "What we did...we should have. You know that as well as I do. If I don't leave, he'll figure it out. I want to take Lami with me--so she can meet her grandfather. It's been three years and he hasn't seen her, and he really wants to. I'll only be gone a few weeks, not too long, just long enough for us to go back to normal."

"What happens if Voldemort attacks and I don't have that power you said you could give me?" he asked.

She chuckled. "I already gave it to you Harry," she said softly.

"You have?" I asked, shocked.

She nodded. "Lamia," she said softly. "Lamia, and my heart, and my soul."

I looked at her, still confused.

*****

[I love you,] I said in Elvish. Now I know why Jeff kept binding himself to me. Now I know what he felt.

"What?" Harry asked.

"I said I love you," I clarified. "I'm Binding myself to you now. That makes you half-elf in a sense. More like Lamia than me, but you have full Elven powers. And don't you ever say those words in that language to anyone, understand?" I demanded. "It's permanent, got it?"

"But...you Bound yourself to Jeff, didn't you?"

"He's dead," I said shortly. "All is null and void if one is dead."

I stood up and kissed him on his forehead. "We're leaving day after tomorrow," I said softly. "Good night."

"Night," he replied.