Prophesied

Chapter 13

Pain and Suffering

I somehow knew the way to the headmaster's office. Thankful for the Elven magic, I bypassed his password by telling the statue that I needed to speak to him in Elvish. Wonderful, how easy it is to get around things.

I knocked on his door, not entirely sure what I was doing here yet. He opened it, and looked at me in surprise. "Arinlita," he said moving aside. I walked in and the door shot out of his hand and slammed. He looked at me thoughtfully before sitting down and suggesting that I do the same.

"What, may I ask, brings you here?"

"I don't really know," I answered.

"Then may I inquire the sudden burst of magic?"

"Anger," I answered shortly.

"And you come here?"

"My father hasn't answered me yet."

"What's wrong?"

"One of them is the other foreign exchange student, the other is the world's savior."

Dumbledore nodded. "That's understandable," he said softly. "I myself have had many instances where Harry has agitated me enough for me to question if what I am doing with him is the right thing. What, may I ask, is troubling you with them?"

"I left Harry so he could save Draco's life. He did, and now I'm suffering through my choice. I'm wondering if I made the right one, and if that was the best way to save his life."

"Draco's near suicide," Dumbledore replied nodding slowly. "And Harry's near failure at saving him due to his timing. Continue."

"You know?" I asked.

"Very few things in this castle escape my knowledge."

"Oh. Well, now I have to suffer through their pathetic lubby-dubby stuff. It's maddening, being around him, feeling like this, feeling them, and not being... what am I doing talking to you about this?" I asked standing suddenly. "You know, I almost hate this place. I spend more than half of my free time outside because I can't breathe inside. I've got to live with them--both Harry and Jeff--and I really hate it."

"Do you want to go back?"

"I can't go back, that's why I left."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Yes, I want to go back, and no," I sighed, "I'd much rather avoid America and everything about it for as long as I possibly can."

~*~*~*~

Draco and I left Hermione alone with her thoughts and wondered the school, together once again. I never wanted to leave his side. I couldn't believe that I hadn't believed him before. But the facts....

The facts didn't matter now, not anymore. The only one that did matter was that I had him back, and I wasn't letting him go again. No matter what.

"Draco," I asked, coming to a decision.

"Hmm?"

"Will you marry me?"

We stopped walking and stared eachother in the eye. There was a happiness beyond any other that I had ever seen in his eyes. "Yes," he answered.

I pulled him in my arms and we kissed like we never would again.

~*~*~*~

"Lita," Jeff rushed practically running up to me as I exited the headmaster's office.

"What?" I whispered.

"I-I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for what I did back then. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to hurt you, and if you can ever find it in your heart to forgive me, I'll be waiting forever for you."

Already near tears, I started to cry. I ran away from him, not caring where I was going. Turns out I was headed straight into the forest.

I dropped somewhere just inside the boundaries and picked up a long sharp rock. Will physical pain be enough to hide the emotional?

Not knowing, or caring, I stabbed the rock through my arm, watching the tip come out through the other side.

I almost cried out in pain. I let myself feel it, let it override the emotional trauma I was going through.

Then I stood, and went back, leaving the rock in my arm.

I saw Harry and Malfoy standing a few yards away, kissing and for the first time, I didn't care. My vision was red, and I kept walking.

Maybe Jeff really would have to wait forever for me, I thought distantly as I dropped to my knees. Guess I was loosing more blood than I thought...

~*~*~*~

I don't know what made me look up, but when I did, I saw her fall.

"Shit," I whispered moving past Draco and running to her. "Lita," I shouted just before I got to her. I dropped to my knees and saw Draco's shadow come up behind me. "Go get Pomfrey," I ordered.

There was a rock in her arm, and she was crying blood. Why was she crying blood?

She screamed, still unconscious. It was a scream of pure agony, and made me cry.

I tried to wake her up, and failed at every attempt. Finally Draco came back with Madam Pomfrey at his heals as Lita screamed again.

"What happened?" Pomfrey demanded as she conjured a stretcher for Lita.

"I don't know," I whispered, silently pleading with Lita not to die. The wound on her arm had to be self-inflicted. How else would a rock like that get stuck in her arm?

I watched Pomfrey take her away, completely oblivious to everything else. What would happen to her? What did she do? Why did she do it?

"Harry," Draco said, crouching down beside me. "Come on, we can check on her later."

"What did she do?" I whispered, looking at the forest without seeing it.

"It appears that she stabbed herself with a rock, and lost a lot of blood."

"She was crying blood."

"I know, I was--"

"Not now, Draco, please."

"Sure, love."

"Have you seen Lita?" asked Jeff's voice from somewhere above me.

I looked up at him sadly. "Hospital wing," I answered. "Pomfrey just took her. She...she's lost a lot of blood..."

"Fuck," I heard him whisper sharply as he took off running. Running straight to her.

~*~*~*~

[Lita....]

Jeff?

[Lita....]

I opened my eyes and noticed that I was still seeing red.

[Merlin, Lita, why? Why did you let this happen again?]

[To love is to despair....]

[Don't you dare go all Elvish on me now, babe. And don't you dare decide to off yourself. You're stronger than that Lita. I know you are. Michael knows you are.]

[Michael was stronger than I.]

[You've lived longer.]

[I don't want to live any longer.]

[Don't you dare do that to me, Lita. I need you here. I can't let you leave without putting up a fight, do you understand?]

[It's too hard, Jeff. It's too hard to see them. To see you and her. I had love once. I let it go. Now all I have is despair.]

[Why the rock?]

[For the physical pain. I was hoping it would drown out all the rest.] And it didn't work.

[I love you, Lita; I need you here, with me.]

I sighed and felt more tears fall from my eyes. Jeff wiped it away with his finger. [Which one of us broke your heart this time,] he asked looking at my tear of blood. [I know that's the only time an elf cries blood.]

I shook my head. It was both of them, and I couldn't tell either of them how much pain they caused me.

"Why won't you talk to me?" he whispered, resting his head on my pillow. "Why won't you tell me what I did? Why won't you let me be with you anymore?"

"Her," I answered softly. "She's almost a best friend now, Jeff. I cant be the reason she got hurt."

"Serena was," he answered. "Remember that?" he asked. "You told me about it once. You were dating someone and she stole him. You, Hermione, everyone, knows that [I love you]. Why won't you bind yourself to me? I've given you all of me countless times."

"Is she the only one after me?" I asked. "Or were you with someone else the next day?"

"Why so bitter, love?" he asked me. "She's the only one, yes. Not even one I want."

"So what's the deal then?" I asked. "Why are you sticking with her?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "She's something else, you know? Excellent in more ways than one. But...she's not you."

"No one is," I answered. "No one else is a damned half-breed who's hated by both species. No one else is suffering from the man she loves and the man she left...no one else wants to die so much right now..."

"That's not true," he said, trying to convince me to live. "And what did you mean, 'the man she loves and the man she left'? You...you don't love one of us?" he asked hurt, yet hopeful.

Did I? I left both of them, and...I loved both of them, didn't I?

Then why...why did I say that?

I looked up at the ceiling, searching for answers that may be hiding in the plaster. My heart ached for both of them, Jeff more than Harry if only because I knew Harry was happier now, but I still loved them...didn't I?

No. I didn't.

[I love you,] I said, making my decision. I felt a heavy weight on my left ring finger and I held up my hand so I could see it. There. It was final now. I belonged to him, and still I could not be with him, for he was still with Hermione.

Hermione....

How much have I hurt you?