While You Slept

While You Slept

He's so peaceful while he sleeps. He has to take a Dreamless Draught every night, however, to save him from the nightmares. So many horrors in this war. If he didn't have that draught, his peaceful slumber would be entirely non-existent.

It seems I'm always watching him sleep. Ever since we moved into the same dormitory room, having both received the position of Head Boy (a never-before occurrence, I can assure you).

At first neither of us would sleep, not daring enough to trust the other to be civil. Then, after a few months, he began sleeping out in the common room. We had both begged our Heads of House to get us out of the situation (how dare I condescend to that level, I know) but they all said no. After that, we each went to the headmaster himself (I personally believe he planned this) and he even refused to change our rank. He said we "couldn't leave Miss Granger behind."

Miss Granger. Heh. Of course Granger made Head Girl. She's the smartest student in this school, and Harry made it because he's Dumbledore's pet. And I have absolutely no idea how I made it. Luck of the draw I guess. Father was furious when he found out I had to share the position, but at the same time, proud that I had made it.

Anyway, back to Harry.

At first, when he finally trusted me enough, I listened to his breathing, letting it lull me to sleep. It was the first time I had to share a room with another person (father had personally assured that I received my own living space) and I was finding it oddly comforting.

There were times when he didn't take his potion, however. Those nights were horrid. I would have to shake him to wake him so I could sleep.

I think I finally realized there was more to Harry Potter during those nights. I think it was then that I finally realized I had been wrong about him all these years.

He wasn't just the world's savior; he was an actual person. He wasn't just the Boy-Who-Lived; he was the Boy-Who-Cared.

I had always thought him to be stupid--which he still is, mind you--or some bloody Gryffindor intent on making the world belong to him (they're all the same), but it wasn't true.

He truly was a Gryffindor, though. He was what everyone thought him to be, but only on the outside. Inside, he was nowhere near what the world wanted him to be.

In fact, on the inside, Harry was a true Slytherin. He was loyal only to those who benefit him, his eyes were the Slytherin color, he spoke Parseltongue (only a Slytherin trait), and he has many more qualities possessed of Slytherins.

But his eyes....

When I met him, his eyes were so bright, so innocent, and so curious. By the end of our second year, they had become darker with the horrors only he has seen. There was so much more to him then, so much more to him now, and if I could just get close enough to him to find out, I wonder if I would be able to help him.

Harry Potter was a thousand things and more, and I would never have reached the tip of the ice burg had we not both been chosen. Nor would I have known had I not stayed awake long enough to learn.

He stirred restlessly as I watched him, making this the fifth time he's rolled over in the last fifteen minutes. Time to check and see if he's taken his potion tonight.

I crawled out from under my warm comforter and walked over to the goblet kept on his bedside table. Of course, the stupid git had forgotten. He always forgets. My pale face stared back up at me as I stared down at the cold potion whose only purpose was to ensure that he got sleep.

Not wanting to suffer a night of his screaming, I shook his shoulder to wake him up.

"What the hell do you want, Malfoy?" he asked groggily, not even opening his eyes yet.

"Take your bloody potion and go back to sleep," I ordered. "I am not listening to you without it one more night."

"Don't know why you care so much," he mumbled sitting up. "Don't my nightmares give you something to laugh about?"

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but your nightmares are no laughing matter. Scared the bloody hell out of me first night I heard you."

"That would make you the first to say so. My cousin laughs about it, and no one else will talk about it. Guess now you know what it's like."

"What what is like exactly?" I asked.

"Dealing with a piece of shit like me."

"I didn't ask for this, Potter," I snapped.

"Do you always think everything is about you?" he demanded. "I said nothing about you being here. I said nothing about us both being here. All I said was that now you knew what it was like. Now, is that any reason to get on my case?"

"Who said I was on your case? I merely informed you that I don't want this job: Head Boy or looking after your sorry arse at night. From now on, you make damn sure you've taken that bloody potion, and don't give me shit about caring!"

He blinked in surprise. "You care?" he asked.

Fuck. Does he really wake up that fast? He should still be too groggy to pick up on what I'm saying!

"Not about you," I lied angrily. "You keep me awake with your mumbling. It's a wonder any of your dorm mates ever got any sleep."

I hate having to cover my own arse. I should think before I speak.

"That's not what you meant and you know it!" Harry yelled.

I felt the blood drain from my face. He was getting too close to the truth, reading too far into what I was saying. Merlin, please don't let him figure it out....

He stood and walked over to me. He kept walking and I backed up, until I was pressed up against the wall. Still he walked closer, until we less than an inch apart.

"You care about what happens to me," he said softly. I could feel his breath on my face, blowing any self-control I had away. This could not be happening!

"Don't be so presumptuous, Potter," I managed to say. There was no meaning behind the words, however, and I knew he picked up on that immediately. He knew now. And he knew I knew he did.

"Why do you care?" he asked quietly. I couldn't stand the quietness in his voice. The need I heard there.

"Get away from me," I said pushing him to free myself.

Reflexively, he grabbed me to steady himself. I wasn't any closer to getting away from him than before my attempted escape. I could see his green eyes clearly in the moonlight. "Why do you care?" he demanded again.

"Why do you?" I shouted in his face. I couldn't take this anymore; I had to get away. I felt like a caged animal that was meant to be wild. I pushed him again, but he still held on to my arms. So I pushed him again, harder this time. He stumbled back and I ran out of the room.

Granger was sitting by herself in the common room, apparently finishing her homework.

"You two are always going to fight, aren't you?" she asked before she even looked up.

"Keep your nose out of it, Granger," I ordered.

She closed her book and stood up. "Keep my nose out of it?" she asked. "You have no idea about anything when it comes to us, do you? First of all, we stick together, always. Second, Harry doesn't need you constantly telling him how worthless you think he is, or you reminding him that he doesn't have a real family. What he needs is for you to back off. Leave him alone."

"I don't care about what your precious boyfriend needs, Granger," I spat. "I care about being able to sleep at night, and if you love him so much, I'll trade you rooms. Maybe you can sleep with his screaming."

She huffed and stormed off to her room. I sighed and sat down heavily on the couch, unwilling to go back in that room until I was sure Harry was asleep. Now that he knew, he would press me until I told him how I felt, why I cared. That was something I simply could not do.

"You want to know why I want to know?"

I looked to the open door that gave entrance to our bedroom. He was standing there, in his boxers and a t-shirt with his arms folded over his chest. I hadn't shut the door, I realized, so he knew exactly what I had said to Granger.

"I need you to say it for one reason and one reason only," he continued, walking into the room. He sat on the floor directly in front of me. "But I'm not going to tell you until you tell me."

"Don't hold your breath," I muttered, retreating back to our room, knowing even then he wouldn't hesitate to follow me and press me for the answer.

Sure enough, the door hadn't even finished closing before he walked in.

"God damnit, Malfoy," he hissed shutting the door behind him. "Tell me."

"You stay the fuck out of my face, Potter," I snapped. "You have no right getting into my business, so stay the fuck out!"

"Why can't you just tell me?"

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I answered. "Why do you insist on knowing something that isn't true, that doesn't exist? You think I care about you? Ha! I couldn't care less! Like I said, I didn't want this job, and I don't want to be anywhere near you. Take your damn sleeping potion and leave me alone. I would like to sleep at some point, and I can't do that with you tossing, turning, and screaming."

Believe the lie, I hoped. Please, Merlin, believe the lie....

"Of course you can't sleep under those conditions," he said with a smirk, "but you can do so much more."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I asked, raising a finely tailored eyebrow.

"Take a wild guess."

"No thank you."

"Come off it!" he cried. "Everyone knows about you and Pansy Parkinson."

"Just as everyone knows about you and Granger, I suppose."

"There is nothing between us," he growled.

"Ditto," I agreed blowing out the candle on my desk. It was the only one lit in the room, so we were left with the moonlight creating a line between us. I turned away from him, pulled back the dark green comforter on my bed, and slipped under it. This conversation was over.

I think maybe twenty minutes passed before he drank his potion and feel into a deep sleep.

I sat up and watched him as the wind from the open window played with his hair. He is so peaceful when he sleeps. It made me want to wake him up and tell him the truth. Only one person knows that truth, nobody else. I can't risk that kind of torment form these people. I'd probably get demoted back to prefect and, aside from being humiliated beyond belief; I would be even less respected as a Malfoy. As it stands, things are bad because I have to share the job with him. Well, at least it's not the weasel.

I finally fell asleep as the sun started to come up.