To Love Us

A prisoner of war. A captive of the enemy. Someone who has lost all hope. Me.

I'm still not entirely sure how I got here, it's all a blur, but for the past three months (has it really been that long?) I've been a captive here. I don't even know where here is....

Most of what I remember of my capture is the battle and seeing a face before I was stunned. When I woke up next, I was here. They've kept me in this 8x8 cell the entire time I've been here. There's a pad on the floor that gets removed on the nights of my transformation so they don't have to repair it all the time, a bucket for waist that also gets removed, and a high window, so I can see the moon slowly drift by and tell me how long I've been here.

I've kept track of the days with a rock that I found that acts like a chalk. 90 tallies. 90 days. God knows how many hours of torture.

It's not even physical torture, unless I'm being questioned about Dumbledore's plans for the war. That's when they use pain. Most of this is mental.

I would question my presence here, but that would be rather stupid of me. After all, it's not secret that Voldemort is looking for werewolves to use for his cause. We're strong, we're powerful, we're immune to quite a few defensive spells, and we live longer and heal faster than any normal wizard.

They want to turn me. They won't torture me to turn me, they want me to turn on my own, to show the other werewolves that it can be done and that they are the ones we're supposed to turn to. But I won't be turned. Not when I've got a husband out there. I've got a husband and a son and three of the best friends any man can ever ask for.

The torture comes from being kept from them.

* * * * *

"Sirius, you need to calm down."

I shoved James away from me. "I'd like to see you fucking calm down if Lily went missing!" I shouted. It had been three months and there had been now word. Three months since he went missing. Three months...

"Sirius, get a grip!" James yelled. "You have a daughter who needs you! If for nothing else, you need to get a grip for her!"

I shook my head. "Not without Remus," I said softly before dissolving into tears.

"James, why don't' you watch Harry and Mena for a minute."

I heard James sigh as he left the room.

"We'll find him, Sirius," Lily said softly. "But James is right. Mena needs you; she can't take care of herself. Besides, if Remus saw you like this, he'd never speak to you again.

I couldn't help but chuckle slightly. I'm sure that was what Lily's goal was.

"Now go spend some time with your daughter. I swear, she's going to call me mom sooner or later if you don't."

* * * * *

I was sleeping when the Death Eater walked into the room. I sat up and gazed fearfully at the newest occupant of this tiny place. Was it time for more questioning?

"You'll never turn, will you?" asked a familiar voice from behind the mask.

"No one could ever make me," I said. I always trusted my instincts, and right now, they were telling me that this Death Eater was not my enemy.

"I don't know why I'm doing this, but give me a few days and I'll get you out of here."

"What?" I asked, confused and hopeful at the same time.

"The snake escaped," the Death Eater said softly. Code for 'I've switched sides.' He handed me a piece of paper and a quill.

Do you need to send a message?

Tell Sirius I love him, and that I'll see him soon. I wrote.

The Death Eater scoffed when he read what I wrote. "You Marauders are all the same," he said. "You never do anything without the other three. It only makes sense that you would want that."

Suddenly I recognized the person behind the mask.

"Severus?" I asked. "You became a Death Eater?"

"Are you honestly surprised?" he asked. "I didn't have many options open to me, Lupin. Stereotypes do that to people."

"We did this?" I asked, shocked.

"Well, you didn't help."

* * * * *

"We found Remus."

It took a second for me to realize what James had just said.

"Where is he?" I demanded as I stood. I grabbed the front of his robes and pulled him closer. "Tell me!"

"Captured," James revealed sadly.

I sat back down on the sofa, stunned. Captured? My love was captured?

"We've got a contact on the inside that's going to get him out. He delivered a message or you. Remus says he loves you and he'll see you soon."

"He will?" I asked breathlessly, looking up at my best friend in shock.

James nodded. "You didn't think we'd let him rot in there, did you?" he asked, smiling brightly.

I laughed. I jumped up and hugged my best friend tightly. I would have him back!

"When do we leave?" I asked, stepping back. I couldn't wait to see him again.

The smile faded from James' face. "We don't," he said.

"What?" I demanded. "But--"

"The contact on the inside will get him out, Sirius," he said. "He has to do this on his own. If we go, we'll mess everything up. Especially if you go."

"What do you mean, especially if I go?" I demanded.

"Sirius, you're too emotional. If they had Lily, you wouldn't let me go, now would you?"

"No," I huffed. "You'd be too rash."

"You've just proven my point," James said. "Now sit down, relax, and Remus'll be here before you know it."

* * * * *

Severus returned a week later.

"We've got ten minutes," he said, "before someone comes by to check on you. We've got to be gone--we'll, you've got to be gone--before then. I can take you as far as the wall, then you're on your own. Got it?"

I nodded.

Severus led me through the dungeons, dodging Death Eaters at every turn.

He stopped me as we got outside.

"Lupin," he said. "Warn the Potters. The Dark Lord knows about a prophecy and he knows that their son was born at the right time. He'll be coming for them. They must go into hiding."

"Voldemort knows the prophecy?" I breathed. Severus' eyes narrowed.

"Don't say his name," he said. "Now go. Don't Apparate until you reach the forest. Once you're there, you're safe. Go."

I ran, staying as low to the ground as I possibly could. The area was open and were I to be seen...I may never see Mena or Sirius again...I couldn't let that happen.

I waited until I was a good way into the forest before I Disapparated. I didn't want to risk being detected.

I went straight home. I couldn't wait to see Sirius again.

The baby was crying when I Apparated into the house. I followed the sound to find Sirius holding Mena as he paced in front of the fireplace. I watched as the baby calmed down and fell asleep in his arms and he walked back to Mena's room. He came out five minutes later.

He glanced in my direction without actually seeing me before he turned to the mantle and rest against it.

I chuckled.

He snapped around. "Remus?" he breathed, his eyes wide.

"Honey, I'm home," I said, smiling.

He jumped over the sofa and pulled me into his arms. Merlin, how I missed this.

"I can't believe you're really here," he said, his voice thick with tears and shaking. "I was beginning to think I'd never see you again."

"I'm here," I said, relaxing into him. "I'm not going any where."

"Yes you are," he said.

"I am?" I asked, confused.

"Bed," he said.

"Are we sleeping?" I asked, chuckling.

He laughed. "Never," he said.

* * * * *

"Voldemort knows about the prophecy," Remus said in a private meeting with the five of us and Dumbledore. Peter whimpered as James held Lily. We all knew the prophecy Remus was talking about. Born at the end of July and has the power to kill Voldemort...Harry. My grip on Remus' hand tightened. "He's coming for Harry," Remus said softly.

"No," Lily softly sobbed into James' chest. My own heart skipped a beat. That monster was going to come after my best friend's family? Not on my watch.

"James, Lily, you knew this day would come," Dumbledore said softly. "The Fidelius Charm. It's your only hope of defense. James, Lily, think carefully on who you want your Secret Keeper to be. I want you to know that I will gladly take on this responsibility myself."

"Sirius?" James asked immediately.

"Of course," I said without hesitation.

James looked at Lily. "Lil?' he asked.

She nodded.

"We'll do the spell tomorrow then," Dumbledore said softly. "James, Lily, may I speak with you privately for a moment?"

Lily looked up at Remus and I as the three of us stood. "Will you take Harry?" she asked. "We left him with Molly."

I nodded. "We left Mena with her as well," I said. "We'd be happy to take him."

"Thank you," she said.

"Hello, Molly," Remus said as we entered the rickety house. I smiled my greeting. Molly didn't really approve of me. Must be the bike.

"Lily sent word," she said. "You're not riding that thing, are you?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Remus wouldn't get on that bike if his life depended on it," I said. "We're Flooing, if that's alright with you."

"It's better than the bike."

I knew it.

I took Harry home later that night, unsure of why James asked me to. He usually picked up Harry himself....

I rode the bike. Don't tell Molly.

"Sirius, we've got to talk to you, it's urgent."

Confused, I handed my godson to his father. "What about?" I asked.

We walked into their front room. Lily sat on the sofa, looking as though she were about to cry, and Peter sat in a chair across from her, his beady eyes looking at everything as though it were about to jump up and attack him.

"What's going on?" I asked, feeling like they were keeping something from Remus.

"Dumbledore says we've got a spy," James said. "He says that it's someone close to us."

"And you think it's my husband?" I demanded, my anger rising quickly.

"Unfortunately, yes," Lily said sadly.

"Why?" I demanded harshly. "How could you think that?"

"Sirius, he was gone for three months in Voldemort's--" Peter flinched "--captivity and he escaped without so much as a scratch."

"Remus isn't--"

"We're not taking that risk," James said firmly. "And we're going to change Keepers just in case. Peter says he'll do it."

"Do whatever the fuck you want," I spat angrily. I whipped around and left, slamming the door behind me. I kicked the tire of my bike as I heard Harry start to cry. I heard the door shut again and I knew James had followed.

"Sirius wait," he said as I jumped on my bike.

"What?" I demanded coldly.

"We're not changing because of you, Sirius--"

"No, it's because you think my husband is a Death Eater."

"It's not that either, now will you come back inside so we can talk?"

"Look, James," I said. "I don't care who the fuck your Keeper is, but you know you're safer with me. You're my fucking brother, for Merlin's sake!"

"We don't want you to get hurt, Sirius, that's why we're changing."

I sighed and got off of my bike. "Remus is not a Death Eater," I whispered.

"I'm glad to hear it," James said.

"How can you think that he's working for them?"

"Voldemort's had captives of ours before, Sirius, and none of them have come back to us in as good of shape as Remus has. Merlin knows none of them have been able to walk the next day or felt well enough for a meeting. He doesn't even look as though he's been starved."

"You haven't looked close enough," I scoffed. "He's not one of them."

"How do you know?" James asked. "Maybe this is some sort of initiation."

I opened my mouth to protest, then realized he was right. They made Regulus do some crazy shit when he joined the Death Eater ranks, and if Voldemort wanted them badly enough....

But he didn't have the Dark Mark....

Regulus didn't get his until he'd succeeded....

"My God," I whispered, near tears. I looked at James in shock. My husband, the one man I lived more than anyone or anything else in this world, was a Death Eater. "James?" I asked just before my knees buckled. He caught me just before I hit the ground and helped me to stand.

"Go home," he said. "Act normal. Tomorrow we'll do the spell, and then we're going to send Peter into hiding. No one will know we switched. I can't risk it."

I nodded, too shocked to do anything else.

"Tea?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Remus will suspect something if I stay too much longer," I said softly, climbing back on my bike. "Apologize for me, kay?" I asked as I started the engine. James nodded and watched me leave.

* * * * *

Sirius didn't return until midnight.

"Where have you been?" I asked as he walked through the front door. I rushed to him. He was pale, sickly pale, and he was shaking. He took in a shaky breath and ran a trebling hand through his hair. He ignored me as he walked into the front room. I followed.

"Sirius?" I asked. "Love, what's wrong?"

"I...I almost..."

Worst thought: "Did you crash?" I asked. I knew I hated that bloody bike.

"Almost," he said roughly. He cleared his throat.

I could see a sheen of perspiration on his face. He was white as a ghost and shaking like a leaf. Dear Merlin...

I wrapped my arms around him. "I'm so glad you're safe," I said softly. "I don't know what I would have done if anything had happened to you."

He pulled himself out of my grasp and went back to Mena's room. I followed, not understanding his odd behavior.

"Sirius?" I asked.

"Just give me a minute, alright, Moony?"

"Alright," I said, feeling as shaken as he looked. He walked into the room and shut the door.

My instincts ran wild. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. I didn't believe Sirius' story--after all, he'd jumped on the first thing I had said. Something happened over at James and Lily's.

I walked to the front door and looked out. His bike was sitting in the driveway as whole as it ever was.

I walked into the kitchen and fire-called James and Lily.

"What's wrong with Sirius?" I demanded.

"What are you talking about?" James asked.

"Something's wrong," I said. "He's...he's freaked out about something."

James shook his head. "He was fine when he left," he said. "Is he just now getting home?"

I nodded. "What happened?" I asked.

"I don't know," James said, confused. "He left here about an hour and a half ago."

I pulled out of the fire, furious. I could smell the lies.

"Spying on me now are you?" I heard my husband's voice ask from behind me. His voice sounded cold, angry, almost hateful.

"What's wrong?' I asked, standing but not turning.

"What did they do to you?" he asked. "When you were a prisoner."

"They did a lot of things, Sirius," I answered. "They tortured me for information, they fed me bread and water once a day, they laughed when I transformed, they.... I didn't see a single Death Eater walk passed me without them throwing the Cruciatus my way until Severus came in to tell me that he was going to get me out, and when he showed up, I thought I was dead."

"Severus?" Sirius asked. "As in Snivellus?"

I nodded. "We did this to him, I said, turning to Sirius at last. "We turned him into a Death Eater, but something else turned him back."

"He was already a Death Eater, even if he didn't have the Mark."

"It's thinking like that that turned him," I said.

"Then why the fuck aren't you a Death Eater?" Sirius demanded. "You're a werewolf, aren't you? Everyone knows werewolves are Dark and are the first to join up with Voldemort."

"Is this what's wrong?" I asked, suddenly figuring it all out. "You think I turned?"

"You don't have the Dark Mark," Sirius muttered, going to the icebox. He pulled out a beer and opened it on the counter. He took a rather large drink and moved to leave, attempting to end the conversation.

I wasn't about to let it all end like this. I pushed him back into the counter. "Say it," I growled. "Tell me that you think I'm a Death Eater."

Sirius sighed heavily, apparently too weary to fight me.

"I didn't," he said, tears forming in his eyes. "Not at first, and I don't want to.... But...three months...how do we know?"

"This is how you know," I said pulling the left sleeve of my robe up. "And this too," I said, taking his left hand in mine. "You trusted me enough to marry me," I said, feeling my own tears burn at my eyes. "I may not have gone through everything other captives have, but I was kept away from you. Not being able to see you and Mena is the worst possible torture anyone could ever dish out to me. You are my life, Sirius, I couldn't betray you, not matter what."

Please, believe me.

"Remus--"

"Sirius, you know werewolves are just like real wolves, don't you?" I asked. "We mate for life, we love for life, and, no matter what, we can't go back on that. One person for our entire lives. You're my one, Sirius. I love you. I would never become a Death Eater."

Sirius nodded, but I wasn't sure if he believed me yet. I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Do you remember how I was before you knew about the lycanthropy?" I asked.

Sirius nodded. "Skittish and unable to look anyone in the eye," he said.

"Exactly," I said. "If I were hiding something like being a Death Eater from you, don't you think I would be just a bit more paranoid?" I asked. "Hell, do you think I would have let you see me naked again?"

Finally, I got Sirius to chuckle.

Leave it to Mena to cry as soon just as I got him to trust me again.

Sirius sighed heavily and placed his bottle on the counter.

"I'll go," I said letting him go. "You've done this on your own for three months, it's my turn now."

* * * * *

I wanted to believe him, I really did, but...I couldn't. I couldn't believe him at all. Three months is a long time and anything can happen. Anything.

That includes betraying the one you love.

* * * * *

I knew the second they were done with the spell. I could not for the life of me remember where James and Lily were or anything like that. I couldn't even remember how to get to their house!

* * * * *

I took Peter to his hiding place after the spell. He told me James and Lily's address. As long as he stayed there, he'd be safe. As long as he stayed there, we'd all be just fine.

Halloween night, Remus and I took Mena out for her second time of trick-or-treating. Living in a Muggle neighborhood, this gave us the chance to ignore the children that came to knock on our door. We couldn't exactly give them wizard candies could we?

After we finished, I went to check on Peter as Remus took Mena home.

He was gone. He should have been there--he had promised he wouldn't go anywhere.

I walked around the hide out. There was no sign of struggle, no...no nothing. There wasn't anything moved or disturbed, nothing to indicate he was taken from the place forcefully.

"Peter?" I called. "Pete, are you here?"

I looked in every room; anywhere he could be hiding...he was gone.... Why had he left?

Worried, I rushed to James and Lily.

I flew that bike faster than I had ever flown it before. I got to James and Lily's in less than five minutes. Even flying that trip should have taken me fifteen had I been going safely.

Their house was...gone. Destroyed. There was wreckage everywhere. Hagrid, the Hogwarts Keeper of Keys and Grounds (he'd given us a few telling offs in our day) was sifting through the wreckage.

I stared in utter shock, not knowing what to think, or even being able to think. My heart felt as though it had stopped before it began to thunder in my ears. My breath didn't come.

James lay in the front yard, as peacefully as though he were sleeping.

I heard a big crash and looked up to see that Hagrid had fallen. He shoved pieces of the walls away from him and picked something up from the ground carefully. Lily.

She was curled up around something protectively. Hagrid walked back to where he had laid James down and uncurled Lily. A baby began to cry. Harry.

I let out a sob. "Oh, God," I heard myself say.

Hagrid looked up at me. "Sirius," he said, startled.

"Give him to me, Hagrid," I said thickly. "I'm his godfather."

Hagrid shook his head. "Sorry, Sirius," he said. "I got me orders from Dumbledore. He's ter go ter his aunt an' uncle in Surry."

I am going to kill Peter for this.

I nodded and took a deep breath. "Take my bike, Hagrid," I said. "I won't be needing it any more."

Remus, can you ever forgive me?

* * * * *

I had been listening to the radio when I heard the news. The anchorman interrupted our song saying, "This just in, You Know Who has just attacked the Potters residence. The house has been completely destroyed. Both Mr. and Mrs. Potter are dead, as well as You Know Who! Their baby, his name is Harry, is alive!" the reporter yelled. "Merlin, this is amazing! The boy is just over one year old! Rumor has it that the boy has a lightning shaped cut on his forehead. Well, now we know what to look for in case we meet this kid on the streets someday. I guess this makes him the Boy Who Lived, doesn't it?"

James and Lily were dead?

How did Harry survive?

The front door opened. I rushed to it.

I found a letter.

Hey love,

I'm sorry. For everything. Hagrid took Harry to Surry, he's fine. He's got this lightning bolt-shaped cut on his head though. I'm sorry, I may not see you again for a long time. I love you, Moony. Don't ever forget it.

Sirius

"What?" I whispered.

* * * * *

"PETIGREW!" I shouted.

"K-Killed them!" he shouted, turning to face me. "M-My b-best friends! He--HOW COULD YOU?"

I reached for my wand to attack, but before I'd even gotten my hand on it, there was an explosion. I was laughing as the people were screaming in terror.

I saw a rat with a bloody foot run passed me and I laughed harder. I couldn't stop myself. Faking your own death, Petigrew? I guess that's the only thing that can save you now.

Aurors appeared and I was arrested. Even then I couldn't stop laughing.

* * * * *

Sirius Black Arrested for Murder

Sirius Black was arrested early this morning at the scene of a mass murder. 12 Muggles and one wizard, Peter Petigrew...

I dropped the newspaper in shock. My Sirius did this? I forced myself to pick it up and read further.

Witnesses report Petigrew screaming that Black had betrayed the Potters to You Know Who and he was killed for it.

I buried my face in my arms and sobbed. How could you, Sirius?

"Remus?"

I jumped up out of my chair and looked wildly around. Panting, I saw Molly standing in the kitchen, near where I had been sitting.

Mena began to cry.

I went to her, glaring at Molly.

"I just heard," she said, ignoring the look I had given her. I pulled Mena from her high chair. "I'm so sorry."

"You never liked him," I said setting her down so I could clear away her supper. "I guess you were right."

I set her plate in the sink before I began sobbing again.

"Daddy crying?" I heard Mena say as I dropped to my knees.

"Yes, honey, your daddy's crying," Molly said.

"Why?"

"I'll tell you when you're older," Molly said. "Remus?" she asked, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"Why?" I whispered, looking up at her. "Why did he..."

"What of Harry?" she asked, skillfully changing the subject. "Is he safe?"

I nodded. "Living with his aunt and uncle," I said.

"Jenny and Oswald?" Molly asked. James' sister and her husband. "When did they move to Surry?"

"No," I answered. "It's too dangerous to be in the magical world," I said softly. "He's with Petunia and Vernon."

"Lily's sister?" Molly asked, pulling me to my feet. "Why on earth would Dumbledore send the boy to Muggles?"

"Because no one would look for him there," I said. "Death Eaters would search every wizard house and orphanage looking for him if they could, but they would never look for him in Surry. There isn't a wizard living out there."

"Do you think You Know Who is really gone?" she asked.

I turned to the window above the sink, the tears still falling down my face. I looked out at the night sky. His star was out there. Haunting me. Forever haunting me....

I never did answer Molly's question.

"Take Mena," I said, tears falling faster. "Give her to someone you trust. Don't tell her about us."

"What are you talking about?" Molly asked.

"Molly, I'm a wolf who has just lost his life mate. Right now, I haven't the will to take care of myself let alone another life. Take Mena; make sure she goes somewhere where she'll grow strong and happy. Don't tell her any of this, and make sure whomever she goes to doesn't know that she is the daughter of a werewolf. She hasn't got the lycanthropy, but most people can't see past the end of their noses when it comes to us. Promise me she'll be taken care of," I begged.

"She'll be taken care of," she said softly.

I didn't turn around. I couldn't see her take my baby away from me. I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to let her go.

I heard the door shut before I broke down in racking sobs again.

12 YEARS LATER

1993

Nervously, I broke the Hogwarts seal on the letter I had just received.

What Dumbledore was writing to me for, I didn't have a clue. Did it have something to do with Gilderoy Lockheart being unable to return in the fall?

Dear Mr. Lupin,

As you may already know, our staff is vacant two places for the upcoming school year. As you have expert knowledge in both of these areas, we would like you to choose one of the following courses if you wish:

Defense Against the Dark Arts

or

Care of Magical Creatures

Please send us your decision by no later than August first.

Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

I stared at the letter in shock. They wanted me to teach? Knowing my condition, they want me to teach?

* * * * *

The Minister of Magic stopped by Azkaban for his monthly check while I was in the commons area. Free time. Right.

He sat down next to me at the table I was sitting at and looked at all the nut jobs. He sighed and shook his head as he pulled out his paper.

"Why aren't you like the rest of them?" he asked without so much as a glance in my direction.

I looked up from my writing. "I'm innocent," I said. "That keeps me sane."

"Sure you are," he scoffed, adjusting his paper. I looked at the front page. Molly and Arthur were there with the Egyptian pyramids behind them. What were they doing in Egypt? And their kids.... Merlin, are they really that old? Has it really been that long?

"Are you done with that?" I asked. "I like the crosswords."

Puzzled, the Minister handed me the paper.

I looked more closely at the youngest Weasley boy. On his shoulder, a rat with a toe missing.

I'd know that thing anywhere. Haunting my dreams, plaguing my nightmares....

Petigrew.

I'm going to kill him.

* * * * *

"Sirius Black has escaped Azkaban Prison," the announcer on the radio said, interrupting our song. I gasped in shock. "Authorities are puzzled at how such a act was possible and are not saying anything. Once again, if you are just tuning in, Azkaban's most notorious prisoner, Sirius Black, has just escaped."

Back? Sirius is back?

Dazed, I walked back to my bedroom. I closed the door behind me and walked to the wardrobe. I pulled a shoebox from the top and carried it over to my bed. I sat down and slowly opened the box. Inside I saw pictures of us, our wedding rings, and other things from our life together.

Legally, I had divorced Sirius a month after he was arrested. In my heart...in my heart he would always be my husband, my lover, my soul mate....

I felt tears burn at my eyes. I was no longer surprised that he could still make me cry, rather I was surprised that I still had tears left.

I went through this every time Sirius was mentioned. Either something someone said, or if I thought about him for too long.

I pulled the divorce papers from the top and pulled out the pictures. I set them aside and saw our wedding rings. They had allowed Sirius to write one letter and he had written to me and put his ring in the envelope. His letter was full of lies. I'm not a Death Eater... I didn't kill Peter...

I had thrown that away long ago.

I turned my attention to the dog collar in the box. A joke for our one-year anniversary of dating. The dog tag on the collar said Padfoot.

I took out the stuffed wolf that was also in the box. Sirius had bought it for me when they told us we shouldn't have children for the risk of transferring lycanthropy to the child. He said that this way we'd always have a young cub around.

I set the wolf next to the collar and looked back in the box. Our marriage license.

I traced a finger over the gold border and blinked back a tear. I failed to stop them, and a drop landed on Sirius' name.

I pulled the marriage license out, exposing Mena's birth certificate. She would be 14 on 19 September. A third year at Hogwarts....

I wonder what House she's in, what kind of grades she gets, who her friends are....

I sighed and wiped my tears. I put everything back in the box and put it away. With a determination I hadn't felt in quite some time, I walked back into the kitchen and replied to Hogwarts. I would be their new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. If I had anything to say about it, there would never be another good person who turned to darkness.

* * * * *

When I saw Harry walking down the street, I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought I was looking at James! Same hair, same build, same glasses even. Merlin, it was like they were the same person! Except that Harry had a lot of Lily in him.

* * * * *

I arrived at Kings Cross early. No one had arrived yet, so I had the entire train to choose from. I picked a compartment near the end of the train and shoved my one suitcase into the luggage rack and sat down, exhausted.

I hadn't slept well since Sirius escaped, and traveling this soon after the full moon was even more tiring than normal. I sighed and rest my head against the window and closed my eyes, just for a second.

The next thing I knew, it was freezing cold and I kept seeing Sirius accuse me of being a Death Eater and the article saying he'd been arrested. Next I was telling Molly to take Mena away.

Suddenly realizing what was going on, I woke up and dispelled the Dementor.

Once Harry was revived and chocolate was served (a must for any werewolf just before or just after the full moon) I went to the conductor.

I got a better look at the three of them when I returned. The tallest was obviously a Weasley. He looked so much like his father. I'm assuming this is Ron, as he's too young to be any of the others.

There's Harry, of course. He's got Lily's eyes and is the spitting image of James. And he's got the scar. He really does have the scar....

And then there's the girl. I don't know what it is, but there's something so familiar about her. Her eyes, her nose, and her hair...they all look just like...

Merlin, could she be?

As time went on, I became more sure of it. I had found my daughter.

She was happy, she was healthy, she was a Gryffindor, and she was best friends with Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter.

Apparently Fate had decided to keep the three of them together.

I wonder, were Ron and Hermione raised together?

I was looking at the map, watching Harry, Hermione, and Ron make their way out of the castle. They stopped at Hagrid's for a time and left when Dumbledore, the Minister, and the executioner arrived.

And when they left....

Petigrew was alive? Sirius wasn't lying after all....

Then that means....

I rushed to the Shrieking Shack.

When I saw Sirius, all I wanted to do was hold him and tell him how sorry I was, that I hoped he would be able to forgive me, that I couldn't believe how blind I had been....

All I did was hug him.

"He's a werewolf!"

Merlin, how had she known?

* * * * *

2 YEARS LATER

1995

When I went to Remus' house, I didn't know what to expect. I took a deep breath and raised my hand to knock on the door. Would he hate me? I've been gone all year, doing my best to escape the Ministry, and nothing had been said between us since the night Harry and Hermione saved my life.

The door opened before I had the chance to knock.

"Sirius!" Remus said, clearly surprised.

"H-hi," I said nervously.

"What brings you here?" he asked.

"Can we talk inside?" I asked.

Remus nodded and moved aside to let me in.

"So Voldemort's back?" he asked when I had finished telling him Harry's story.

I nodded. "Dumbledore wants us to reform the Order," I said. "We should get started on that right away. He said that he wants me to lay low here--if that's all right with you. If not, I'm sure I can find a rock to climb under...."

"Sirius, can I ask...why...all year...."

"I wasn't about to lead the Ministry to you," I said. "Now it's my turn," I said. "Why...Remus, you had to know that I would never--that I could never--why did you divorce me?" I asked, feeling a lump rise in my throat.

Remus shook his head. "I was too shocked," he said. "I thought you'd killed Peter, and everyone had heard him accuse you.... I didn't want to believe, Sirius, but I started thinking that the reason you had accused me was because you were covering your own tracks. I guess I followed your footsteps and believed the unbelievable."

"And Mena?" I asked. "Does she know?"

Remus hung his head.

"The day you were arrested, I told Molly to take her and give her to someone who could love her as much as we would. I couldn't keep her, I couldn't take care of her--hell, I couldn't even take care of myself at the time.

"I have a pretty good idea of who she is, though," he said.

"Who?" I asked.

"Hermione."

* * * * *

When we moved to Grimmauld Place, Sirius and I were almost back to the friends we had been before we dated.

When Hermione arrived, I constantly found Sirius watching her, his thoughts clearly on the parts of us that could be seen in her. He was torn between joy that he'd found his child, and pain at not being able to tell her.

Then there was the Dementor attack and Harry's arrival.

The night of the party, Sirius and I left early. I showed him the shoebox.

The only things he seemed to care about were the divorce papers. He started to cry when he saw them.

"When the Ministry official came to get me to sign this," he said, "it broke my heart. More than anything, I wished I were dead at that moment. You once told me that your worst torture was being kept from Mena and I. I want you to know that mine would be losing you forever. Have I lost you, Moony? Are you gone?"

I felt tears fall down my cheeks. "Merlin, no," I whispered. I took the papers from his hands and tore them in half.

We kissed then, and shoved the box to the floor.

All else was forgotten.

2 YEARS LATER

1997

"Molly?" I asked. It was the first anniversary of Sirius' death.

"Yes," she said. It wasn't a question, it was an answer to the question I had been trying to ask for the last four years.

"What happened that night?" I asked. "After you took her?"

Molly sighed.

"Donna and Edward were friends of mine when I took a year away from the magical world. It was so long ago...

"They'd never been able to have children and they had wanted a little girl so badly...

"When you told me to give her to someone who would love her, they were the only people I knew of that would take her, no questions asked. I told them her birthday, her name, and your wish that she never know anything. They took her, and never asked a single question."

"So it is Hermione then," I said softly.

"It is."

"Should I tell her?" I asked.

"Being adopted myself, it's better to know. If I were you, I would. She needs to know, Remus. After all, she may not be a werewolf herself, but you know as well as I do that her children may be."

I nodded. Molly was right.

The three of them joined us at Christmas. Harry and Hermione announced that they were getting married.

I took Hermione aside that night.

"What is it, Remus?" she asked.

I don't know where to begin....

"Hermione, what do you know of pregnancy in this world?" I asked.

She blushed. "Is this supposed to be the birds and bees talk?" she asked. "Because my parents gave me that one a few years back."

I chuckled. "No," I said. "This isn't a sex talk. Let me go a different route. Did you know that Sirius and I were...."

"Together?" she asked. "I figured."

"It was more than that, Hermione," I said, hanging my head. "We were married," I said. "We had a daughter."

"What happened to her?" she asked shakily. I could sense that she was scared and hopeful at what I was about to say.

"The day Sirius was arrested for Peter's murder, Molly came over to see me. I told her to take Mena, our two-year-old, and give her to a family who would love her and raise her right.

"Molly knew a couple. They were unable to have any children of their own, but they had always wanted a little girl.

"Their names were Donna and Edward Granger," I said softly.

Hermione gasped.

I looked up and met her eyes. She was crying.

"I-I knew I was adopted," she said softly. "My mum and dad told me when I received my first Hogwarts letter. I've...I've been looking for you," she said, her tears falling faster. "Dad."

I couldn't help it; I started to cry myself. She stood up and walked over to me. I stood up and wrapped my arms around my daughter for the first time in sixteen years. She cried on my shoulder.

"What's going on?" I heard Harry's voice ask.

Reluctantly I let my baby girl go.

"Harry," she said. "Do you remember when I told you I was adopted?" she asked.

Harry nodded. "Yea, last year," he said. "Why?"

"Do you remember that I told you that I've been looking for my parents since first year?" Harry nodded. "I just found my dad," she said crying harder.

"You?" Harry asked, looking up at me in shock. I nodded. "Who's her mum?" he asked.

I chuckled. "Technically that's me," I confessed.

"How so?" Harry asked.

"I carried her," I answered, sitting back down. "Sirius is your father."

* * * * *

Two years later, I watched the last battle of the war. Harry defeated Voldemort, but not before Voldemort struck Remus down.

I was by his side the entire night. I did what any sprit would do and stayed by him as he died.

Remus sat up, but his body stayed down. He looked around, saw the Death Eaters being arrested and then turned to me.

"Sirius?" he asked breathlessly.

I nodded. "Welcome, my love," I said softly.

Hermione and Harry walked gingerly towards us and knelt down.

"Dad?" Hermione whispered. "Dad, please wake up..."

That was when Remus turned to see his body lying on the ground. "Oh," he said softly. He looked back at me. "I'm dead...."

I nodded. "But we can make ourselves seen one last time," I said softly.

"He's gone, love," Harry said softly.

Remus nodded and we became visible. "I'm not really gone," he said softly.

"Dad?" Hermione gasped, looking up.

"Sirius," Harry breathed.

They both slowly stood.

"Everything will be fine," I said softly. "We're not leaving you, we'd never do that."

"We'll see each other again," Remus promised.

"Dad?" Hermione said as we began to disappear.

"We love you, Mena," I said.

"Dad!" she cried.

We disappeared entirely.

"DAD!" she screamed.

Harry held his wife as she sobbed on his shoulder. She had found us just in time to lose us.

"Not to lose us," Remus said softly, "to love us."