Going Home

Going Home

I walked in through the door of my American apartment and dropped my bag on the nearest chair. Looking around, I saw the signs of my roommate. I chuckled. Yes, she was definitely home. Plates lying on the coffee table, the TV on mute while the radio played her favorite rock music.

I walked up to the CD player and shut it off, causing her to come in from the kitchen. "Oh," she said dryly. "You're back."

I nodded. "I am."

"I thought you were going back to England," she said hurrying to clean up her mess.

"I did," I replied. "And now I'm back."

"You were gone only three days. How could you possibly have done what you needed to do in that short amount of time?"

"Easily," I answered. "It wasn't that hard, and I didn't have a lot to do."

"Did you see her?"

"No," I replied stiffly. I never see her.

"You need to go back for good, damnit," she nearly yelled. "I'm getting sick of you going over to England once a month and coming back only to sulk around for days!"

"I can't go back, Natalie," I replied. "I can never go back."

"Next time you go, you're not coming back. I'll change the locks if I have to, and put up an anit-Appartating spell."

"Then you'd have to disconnect the furnace from the Floo-Network, and being a Muggle, you'd have a hell of a time doing that."

"I do have other wizard friends you know. They could do what I can't."

"Fine, I'll go back."

"Good," she said brightly. "I knew you would."

Extraordinarily tired, I picked my bag back up and walked to my room. I tossed it on the floor, not even caring where it landed, and tossed myself on my bed, falling asleep instantly.

Of course, it was only nightmares that greeted my unconscious mind.

Fighting. Everyone fighting. Fighting to live, to die, to conquer.

Before I'd even started fighting Voldemort, I saw three of my friends fall. First Ginny, then Neville, and then Remus. Merlin, I had to stop this madness.

I saw him. He was standing on the top of the tallest hill I could see, surveying the damage he and his Death Eaters had caused. He had a smile on his face. Or at least what could be closest described as a smile, if you used that term in the loosest possible way.

We fought.

"Avada Kedavra," we both shouted.

That golden cage surrounded us and the phoenix's song filled my ears. My arm shook violently as the beam of light connecting our wands neared me.

What's the point? I began to think. Everyone was already dead or dying, why save what wouldn't live past the night?

"No!" I heard. "Harry, don't give in!"

Hermione. That's why I had to fight. That's why I had to defeat him. I pushed the beam into his wand.

Voldemort's wand shattered and I surveyed the damage. So much blood, so much carnage. And then there was Hermione. Beauty in the midst of battle. In those golden eyes, I saw her love. I knew then, that no matter what, she'd always be there for me. Then I killed Voldemort.

And I left.

And then I woke up. Tomorrow would the fifth year anniversary of the Final Battle. I wondered what it would be like at that damned memorial they set up for me, believing I was dead. Maybe I should go there tomorrow, see what happens.

Will she be there?

Fed up with not knowing if she still cared or not, I Apparated again to England.

I went directly to the memorial I didn't want to see. The memorial dedicated to my death though I did not die and was not the only one who did. It was enough to make me sick.

There was a crowd already gathered, so I stayed away. I wouldn't go until I was sure she was there.

I saw Ron. Merlin, he must hate me. I'm the reason his sister died. I'm the reason their family has no daughter. I'm the reason...

Flash Back

"Harry, watch out!" Ginny screamed. I looked behind me at the green light coming my way and narrowly dodged it. I hit the ground hard, and panting, looked to see if Ginny had managed to escape its path.

"No," I whispered, as my eyes fell upon her lifeless form. She had a look of relief on her freckled face. Merlin, what have I done?

End of Flash Back

I shuddered at the memory. Ginny, why did you save me? Did you really believe that I would win?

Cho was standing in the crowd too. She was crying again. A part of me wonders if she'll ever stop crying, or if she ever has. I didn't know why she was here, and it didn't seem to me as though she really had a reason to join the crowd to mourn my passing.

After all, I was the reason she lost Cedric.

Parvarti's there as well. Lavender, Seamus, Neville, Dean, the old Gryffindor crew...they're all there, waiting for something. You can see it in the way they're gathered. Something's supposed to happen next. Something that hasn't happened yet....

And then the quiet pop signifies the arrival of what they're all waiting for. She walks toward the crowd and they part. She's wearing a black dress and her hair is pulled away from her face by a braid. She holds a single red rose.

I remember that rose. I gave it to her.

Flash Back

"Hey, Hermione," I said plopping down on the couch next to her.

"Hmm?" she asked, not looking up from her book.

"I have something I want to give you, but I don't know how to do it."

"What is it, Harry?" she asked.

"Here," I said laying a red rose, not yet open, over her book. I got up and walked away before I could see how she reacted. I didn't want to see her reject it. I didn't want to know how she felt. Tomorrow was the Final Battle, I couldn't die without her knowing how I felt, but I could without knowing her feelings.

"Harry," she said before I got too far, "come back here."

"What is it Hermione?" I asked, turning, but not walking back to her. She stood and faced me with tears in her eyes.

"Is this your way of saying goodbye?" she demanded. I looked away; I couldn't handle that look. That was a look despair, of anger, and of something I couldn't quite place.

"Yes," I said to the floor, rather than to her. I couldn't face her at the moment, and I wanted to get away. Why did she have to look at me like that?

"No," she countered.

"No?" I asked.

"How dare you say goodbye, Harry Potter. How dare you. I can't believe you would do that! To me of all people! Don't you know what you mean to me? Don't you understand what it would do to me if I were to never see you again? I would die."

"What are you trying to say?" I asked, still looking at the floor.

I heard her put her book down on the table and her footsteps bring her to me.

"I love you," she said, the tears that had been threatening since she called me back finally spilling. "I love you. Don't you dare say goodbye, and don't you dare die on me tomorrow. I swear, if you do, I will not rest until I find a way to bring you back, and keep you here."

I nodded unable to look at her still. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, how much I cared and didn't want to die. I wanted to give her the world, but there was something wrong with my voice.

She turned and walked back to her book. Picking it up, she went to her room and shut the door.

That night, we both sobbed, dreading the day....

End of Flash Back

She knelt down at the tombstone and I still watched. I watched from the end of the aisle they formed for her to walk down. She kissed the rose and began to sob.

I couldn't help myself. I was drawn to her. I began walking down that aisle. I had almost reached her when I heard her whisper three words that saved my life that night.

She placed the rose on the glassy stone and I knelt down beside her.

I picked up the rose, causing Hermione to glare at me. Her face changed, as she knew exactly who I was. She looked as though she'd stopped breathing.

"I love you too," I said, telling her what I couldn't five years ago.

Her eyes locked with mine and I wondered if she was going to pass out on me.

She didn't, thank Merlin. She did however, throw her arms around my neck and start laughing. And the wetness on my neck revealed that she was still crying.

I turned my head to look at her as she did the same. I couldn't hold myself back after that. After five years of longing and waiting on top of seven years of fear and lust and rounding it all out to 12 years of loving her, I kissed her. I kissed her for the first time and I lost myself in that kiss.

The cheering of the crowd brought me back to the memorial.

I stood and held out my hand for her, which, thankfully, she took without questioning who I was or why I was there.

Ron shakily walked up to us. He held out his hand, as if he wants me to shake it. I take his hand, yes, and pull him into a one-armed hug. This was my brother, and shaking my brother's hand didn't feel like the right thing to do, especially since I haven't seen him in years.

"Missed you, Harry," he whispered.

"You too, Ron," I answered. "You too..."

They all formed a line, and were coming up to say how happy they were that I really was alive and that they never once believed that I was truly dead. A part of me knows this is not true, and I know that that they'd never say it, even if I were right. That's all right though; they've never truly believed me. Not once in the entire time I've been alive. There have always been skeptics. People who believed the reason Voldemort was after me because I was stronger than him and was just as evil, if not more so.

I'm silent as they walk past me, shaking my hand, kissing me, staring up in awe that I survived the battle. I knew Hermione had known all along that I had been alive. There would have been no doubt for her. That rose I had given her would have told her if I were dead or not.

Cho was the last to come up to me. "Welcome back, Harry," she said with a weak smile. Without warning, she wrapped her arms around me and gave me a quick kiss. Then she turned to Hermione. "I'm sorry I never believed you," she said holding out her hand. Hermione took it.

"It's alright," she said. "At least you can be honest about it."

I knew everyone had been lying.

She smiled and walked away, leaving the three of us united alone again.

I turned and looked at my memorial. How dare they construct such an abomination to the memories of those who died that night? How dare they think I died without sending anyone to look for me? I'm not dead, and I won't die, not as long as I'm needed.

"I'm not the only person who was at that battle," I said bitterly. I pulled out my wand and transfigured my pitiful memorial into a statue with a plaque of all the people who've died for this world. I know every name on that list. I wish I knew every person; maybe then their memory could have been avenged rightfully.

Hermione looked up at me curiously.

I put my arm around her shoulders and turned away from that night, my memories finally laid to rest. Ron is with us, and I know we will be brothers to the end.

I'm suddenly glad I listened to Natalie. Maybe I'll write her a letter about this. And I'm glad I came for Hermione. I'm glad I know that she still feels the same after five years. That after so long, she still loves me. And that, that means more to me than anything ever could.

Maybe we'll all come back again. This isn't my memorial anymore, it's theirs.