Coming Back To Me

"I HATE YOU!" he shouted throwing one of our crystal glasses in my direction. I narrowly dodged it as I shot daggers at him with my eyes. How dare he? Does he know how much those cost?

"TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW!" I yelled. This was out third fight today. Our seventeenth this week. Sad thing was that this is only Tuesday and it isn't even noon yet. I can't even remember what caused this. It could have been anything. These days, all we ever did was fight. All we ever knew in our house was yelling. We would do nothing together any more. We couldn't agree on anything, we couldn't stand eachother for more than ten minutes without one of us saying something to hurt the other.

It's been going on for two months. At least five fights a day every day, every week. I'm loosing him far too fast. I can't bare it any longer. I can't take the thought that he won't be there in the morning, that he'll be gone from me and there's nothing I can do about it.

"You're a bastard," he continued. The words hurt because they were true. My parents weren't married until I was eight. And as for my attitude, I was vile and insincere, inconsiderate and rude. I could be the worst person if the situation called for it.

This one did.

"At least I didn't kill everyone around me."

He froze. I knew I had hurt him. I knew I had cut deep. He believed those words were true, even though they were the farthest from the truth they could possibly be. He didn't kill anyone, save Voldemort. And he'd saved so many others, like me.

"How dare you," he said near tears.

"How dare I?" I asked. "You're the one who just broke a thousand Sickle piece of crystal!"

I couldn't help it, the materialistic weasel in me had to come out sooner or later. That's why he broke the damn thing.

"That's all you care about, isn't it?" he demanded coldly. "All you care about is what money can buy. Well let me tell you this, Draco Malfoy, you just bought your ticket to freedom. I'm done, through, gone."

And he was. He left right then and there. He had no clothes except what was on his back, he had no money except what was in the bank and in his pockets, he had no soul left, for I had just murdered it. I knew in my gut that I had.

What goes around comes around, I guess.

"Fine," I whispered to the closed door as the slam echoed in my ears....

There were nights when the wind was so cold

That my body froze in bed

If I just listened to it right outside the window

There were days when the sun was so cruel

That all the tears turned to dust

And I just knew my eyes were drying up forever

I wouldn't allow myself tears. I could not give him the satisfaction of my crying, even if he didn't know.

I wouldn't give myself the memories either. He was gone. Everything about the last three years was cleared of him. If something happened and he was there, he wasn't. I would not allow myself his presence in my mind.

All of the people we associated with knew of our break up within hours. They all knew not to discuss it, they all knew we no longer existed to eachother. It was almost as if we were back in school, except in school, we had eachother, and we knew eachother was right around the corner.

There were times at Hogwarts when we both were mentally exhausted from friends, exams, practices, anything and everything. It was those times we fell in love. When we finally realized...

When I finally realized he was nothing to me. I placed the last memory in my pensive...our first kiss. I sighed, not knowing what was there, not caring. I placed it in the safe and locked it with the most powerful spell I knew, so that I would not be tempted to open it, and so that no one could find out what I was leaving behind.

I locked the room where the safe was located and instructed the nearest house elf to tell all the others that no one, not even me, is allowed in that room, no questions asked, and that no matter how much I insisted, they were not to let me in. I had no idea if I would give in to my desires to remember, and I didn't want the pain remembering would cause me.

I went about my daily life. Work, work, work, it was all I ever did. It was all I needed in my life. In my free time, I read. Potions books mostly. I had a legacy to uphold. I had to follow in my dead father's footsteps. I had to make my dying mother proud of me any way that I could.

I finished crying in the instant that you left

And I can't remember where or when or how

And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

I saw him just the other day. I was walking out of the apothecary at Diagon Alley and he was walking out of Quality Quidditch Supplies. We both froze and waited. What we were waiting for I wasn't entirely sure. Part of me remembered something...something I had chosen to forget.

...The feel of his skin on mine....

...The taste of his lips....

I shook my head and looked at him in shock as the memories came back to me as though someone had taken a small rock from a dam and the water was starting to leak out.

"Malfoy," he said in much the same way that I felt.

"Potter," I answered the same.

The name felt weird coming from my mouth that way. He was Harry, not Potter. I felt something in the pit of my stomach that for some reason could only be described as love. Why?

I shook my head and continued on my way, the meeting continuing to confuse me until I reached the manor.

I passed the door I remembered locking, but couldn't remember why. Were some of the answers I was looking for on the other side of that door. I gripped the handle and one of our elves popped up in front of me.

"Sir, Master cannot enter this room," she squeaked. "No one can, sir. Not under your orders."

"I can enter any room of this manor that I wish, elf," I spat. "Now let me pass."

"Sir, elf cannot obey your order. Master told elf that no one was to enter, not even you. Does Master not remember?"

"Apparently not," I answered. "So let me pass."

"Tis not possible, Master. Master has instructed that no one enters, not even the Master himself. The elves must obey the order."

"FINE!" I yelled, leaving. I went to the Three Broomsticks, looking for some strong Firewiskey. I'm not entirely sure why, but in the last few years, my alcohol consumption has increased. I strode up to the bar and demanded a shot from Madame Rosmerta. Then I sat down in the darkest corner.

He walked in minutes later, and did the same thing.

He was about to come to this very table when he saw me. Again, we both froze and waited. Again, memories I could not remember were trying to surface in my mind. He seemed to make a decision and so he sat down across from me.

"Explain this," he said pulling a picture from his robes.

He set it next to my glass, face down. I picked up the photograph and stared in shock. That was us, smiling, our photographic selves kissing occasionally.

"What is this?" I demanded. "Who did you convince to forge this?"

"Hermione had it. She didn't want me seeing it. Then she handed me a letter, my handwriting, though I can't remember writing it. What is this?" he asked pointing to the photo. "What does my letter mean?"

"I don't know, Potter," I answered curtly.

"That picture is not a fake," he continued. "What did we choose to forget?"

"The time for answers has come," I decided. "Come with me."

"Where to?" he asked.

"My manor."

But when you touch me like this

And you hold me like that

I just have to admit that it's all coming back to me

When I touch you like this

And I hold you like that

It's so hard to believe that it's all coming back to me

(It's all coming back it's all coming back to me now)

I burst through that locked door, threatening any and all elves with severe punishments if they didn't let us through. I even had to threaten clothes with a few of them.

The only thing in the dark room was a safe. Why did I have a safe?

I tried unlocking it with a simple charm, but it wouldn't budge. Then I started to think as Harry looked around the room.

"I've been here before," he said thoughtfully.

If I told them that I didn't want anyone in here, than I was hiding something from myself. The answers were in that safe. If I didn't want myself I would use the one curse I didn't know the counter curse to.

"Harry, what's the strongest unlocking spell you know?"

"Why?"

"Because I don't know the counter curse to the spell on this safe."

After he cast the charm, it occurred to me that I did not call him Potter, I called him Harry. It must have occurred to him as well for his brow suddenly furrowed in confusion, but that quickly passed. Apparently he was getting used to these oddities.

There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light

There were things we'd never do again but then they'd always seemed right

There were nights of endless pleasure

It was more than any laws allow

Baby baby

Emotions overwhelmed me as the safe opened suddenly I remembered that I truly loved him. We looked at eachother momentarily before...before we kissed.

I never thought that something like that would ever happen between us.

The kiss surfaced more memories and I knew exactly where to touch, what to say, how he liked his kisses, and he knew the same for me.

If I kiss you like this

And if you whisper like that

I t was lost long ago, but it's all coming back to me

If you want me like this

And if you need me like that

It was dead long ago but it's all coming back to me

It's so hard to resist

And it's all coming back to me

I can barely recall

But it's all coming back to me now

But it's all coming back

The next thing I knew, it was morning and he was in my bed. Neither of us were dressed, and the both of us were tangled in eachother's embrace. I knew what had happened last night, I just didn't know why. It was like my body remembered something my mind did not, and that scared me. What was so painful that I had to hide it from myself? That I had to lock the door and throw away the key.

There were those empty threats and hollow lies

And whenever you tried to hurt me I just hurt you even worse and so much deeper

"I HATE YOU!"

The voice echoed in my head and I knew it was his voice.

"You're a bastard!"

I shook my head as his voice insulted me even more, with painful words and hateful truths.

"At least I didn't kill everyone around me..."

That was my voice.

There were hours that just went on for days

When alone at last we'd count up al the chances that were lost to us forever

It took me three weeks to watch three years of memories in my pensive. After that I wasn't sure if I wanted to see him ever again. That last memory was the most painful. What had caused us so much pain? So much fighting? So many lost hours, days, months, and years?

SLAM

I couldn't tell if it was here or if it was a memory.

But you were history with the slamming of the door

And I made myself so strong again somehow

And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

But if I touch you like this

He was in my arms again.

And if you kiss me like that

His mouth was on mine.

It was so long ago but it's all coming back to me

I remembered everything. But there was hope. We knew how it ended between us, maybe this time, we could fix it.

His friends, my friends, they were all happy for us, but they were scared, just as we were, that we might slip and the manor would become a fighting rink once again.