Blaze of Glory

Blaze of Glory

Lyrics & Music by Jon Bon Jovi

I wake up in the morning

And I raise my weary head

I've got an old coat for a pillow

And the earth was last night's bed

I don't know where I'm going

Only God knows where I've been

I'm a devil on the run

A six gun lover

A candle in the wind

I opened my eyes to the unfamiliar room I had slept in last night. The world had forsaken me, threw me out on my arse because they believed, yet again, that I was crazy, evil, that the reason Voldemort had attacked me was because I would be a greater evil than he.

I wasn't.

The sun shown through the beams in the boarded up windows and the beams of light could be seen through the thick dust that would eventually settle and cake everything yet again.

I was so close to home, now staying in the Shrieking Shack.

Last night I looked in a mirror for the first time in two years.

My face had looked foreign to me. Hollow, sunken in, much like Sirius' when he'd first escaped from Azkaban. I was unrecognizable, and wouldn't have believed what I had seen if I didn't know I was standing there. My hair had grown matted and was now passed my shoulders. My eyes had been fixed magically before I'd been cast out, and were now black. Dark and lifeless black. No longer the eyes of my mother.

They don't hunt me down, not when I'm needed to rid the world of Voldemort. A lunatic as well who, last I heard, had taken over the Ministry.

And to think, they're all afraid of me...

When you're brought into this world

They say you're born in sin

Well at least they gave me something

I didn't have to steal or have to win

Well they tell me that I'm wanted

Yeah, I'm a wanted man

I'm a colt in your stable

I'm what Cain was to Abel

Mister catch me if you can

Countless times, I have wanted to go to Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, or any other member of the Order. But I can't. Voldemort will find me, and when he does, one of us will die.

I can only pray to God that it isn't me.

I can't put them in danger, so I've kept them away. Yet now, as I migrate back to Hogwarts, I find myself longing for the familiarities I once knew. I find that I stray close to the houses of the people I care about, never going to, always going passed.

But my goal is Hogwarts. It always has been.

I'm getting restless; I need to see something I love. I need to see anyone who cares.

I sat up in the dusty bedroom and saw the footprints I didn't bother to look at last night. I could clearly see the events that unfolded in this very room at the end of my third year. I can still see Snape slumped against the wall, Scabbers squirming like mad to avoid being caught, Hermione, Ron, and I staring in shock as Sirius and Lupin gave each other a hug after 12 years of separation.

Will the same happen for me?

And then I notice another set of footprints, not caused by my own worn out boots. They're bird tracks, probably owl.

And then I hear her hoot.

I look up to the bars holding the curtains of this four-poster up and see the white snowy owl that was one of the very first friends in my life.

I'm going down in a blaze of glory

Take me now but know the truth

I'm going out in a blaze of glory

Lord I never drew first

But I drew first blood

I'm no one's son

Call me young gun

Hedwig.

"You've found me again," I said, my voice rough from lack of use.

She hooted again and flew down to me. I pet her as she nipped my arm affectionately. She's the only one who has been able to find me since I left, ten years ago.

She held up her leg to me, and I noticed the letter strapped there.

Harry,

If this finds you, please reply. We don't know if you're alive or dead; please give us the comfort in knowing of your safety.

In case you don't already know, Voldemort took the Ministry. Muggle borns who haven't gone into hiding have been put into chains and are forced to serve the purebloods. Half-breeds are kept for breeding purposes only, as are all Purebloods who opposed Voldemort. You're our only hope, Harry, we need you. Meet us at Hogwarts. Whenever you get here, we'll be waiting.

Hermione

I crumbled up the paper and threw it as hard as I could against the wall.

"Bastard," I said quietly.

I shifted into my Animagus form, a red-tailed hawk, and took off up the dirty chimney, the same way I got in last night.

I was going to Hogwarts.

You ask about my conscience

And I offer you my soul

You ask if I'll grow to be a wise man

Well I ask if I'll grow old

You ask me if I've known love

And what it's like to sing songs in the rain

Well, I've seen love come

And I've seen it shot down

I've seen it die in vain.

The castle was deserted. I flew in through a broken window and changed back into the unrecognizable me. I wondered out of the dusty classroom I had entered and made my way down to the main hall. I hadn't replied to the letter, so no one knew I was coming. They didn't expect me; they just hoped I would be their savior, yet again.

I heard footsteps coming from around the corner, so I ducked behind a statue. A short woman with long curly brown hair came into view, crying. She walked right passed me and continued on her way. I followed.

She stopped in front of the stone gargoyle that served as guardian to the headmaster's office. She spoke the password and was carried up the spiral staircase. I waited a minute before following.

When I reached the top, I could hear her pacing in the room.

"The Shrieking Shack, Dumbledore! I watched Hedwig fly to the Shrieking Shack! He can't be there, can he? How can he be so close and we don't even know?"

I realized the woman I'd seen was Hermione.

"Perhaps he is coming," Dumbledore replied, calmly. I decided I was done hiding for the moment. I opened the door.

Hermione screamed, Dumbledore's eyes widened, and Fawks burst into flames.

"Who are you and how did you get in here?" Hermione demanded.

I shrugged. "I'm an outcast," I replied. "I've been shunned away by my own people because I've been branded a lunatic. I'm dangerous. I fight fire with fire only when I know I'm going to win. My parents gave me the name Harry Potter, but I don't deserve that name. They were loved by all. People run from me in the streets. You said Voldemort took the Ministry? Well he won't have it long."

"You're--you're Harry?" she asked, disbelieving. I don't blame her, I didn't recognize myself last night either. "But you don't look like Harry," she said, stating the obvious. "You don't have his eyes."

"Years of not having a comb, a haircut, a conversation.... Months between baths, of meals, of real beds.... Days between killing and walking.... Is it any wonder I don't look like the Harry you knew?"

"Prove it," she ordered. "Prove you're Harry."

"How?"

"What did you do when I told you that Ron and I were getting married?" she asked.

"You never told me that, how was the wedding?"

She shook her head. "We never.... What about the Halloween in our second year, what did we do?"

"We went to Sir Nick's deathday party, but we left early when I started hearing voices in the walls. That was before you figured out that the monster in the Chamber of Secrets was a basilisk."

"What form does your Patronus take?" she demanded.

The one question that everyone asks me to learn who I am. I sighed. "Nothing, not anymore. Can't do it. But when I could it was a stag."

"What do you mean?" she asked. "Can't you still do the spell?"

"When you live in despair, nothing really affects you. No need for the spell when you can just shrug off the memories."

"Your eyes..." she whispered, taking the seat across from Dumbledore. Finally she believes me.

"Time changes people," I spat. "Don't expect anything to be the same."

"But things are the same," Dumbledore cut in. "You came to help, the old Harry has done the same thing."

"I didn't come to help," I replied harshly. "I came for information. If I have to do what that fucked up prophecy says, than I'll fucking do it, but I'm doing this for me, not to help any of you. This is my chance for revenge, and you'll tell me what I want to know, or you'll kiss my ass."

"Harry!" Hermione gasped.

"I didn't know what was happening before I got your letter, Granger, that's why I came. And don't forget, Dumbledore, you shoved me out of this castle. You're the one who first told me never to come back."

"And I can do it again."

"Don't bother," I scoffed. "I can show myself out."

I left.

Shot down in a blaze of glory

Take me now but know the truth

'Cause I'm going down in a blaze of glory

Lord I never drew first

But I drew first blood

I'm the devil's son

Call me young gun

I hovered just behind the forest border, watching the castle. Leave it to Hermione to remind me why I left Hogwarts in the first place. Leave it to both of them to remind me that my home had become my hell.

I was more like Voldemort that Dumbledore liked. I was too much of a Slytherin at the end. He threw me out, literally, for being too uncontrollable. When the reporters found out, I became nothing. I wasn't a hero, a villain, nothing but a madman turned loose on the streets. I had nothing but the clothes on my back, the wand in my hand, and whatever gold I had left in my Gringotts account.

Ten years fly by in the blink of an eye. I ignored any and all letters that found me; I learned how to become an Animagus. I did everything I possibly could to prepare myself. And now, the time has come for me to prove myself. If I die, they'd better not celebrate me, they don't deserve to, not with this kind of treatment.

Hermione came out of the castle. I knew she would. She always did come looking.

"HARRY!" she yelled. "IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, COME HERE!"

I laughed. If she thought I would go out there just because she wanted me to, she had another thing coming.

"HARRY, I SWEAR, IF YOU DON'T COME OUT HERE RIGHT NOW, I'LL--" she dropped to her knees and I could hear the tears in her voice. "--I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF! WE NEED YOU HARRY, AND YOU NEED US!"

She crumpled in on herself and sobbed. "HARRY!" she screamed. "HARRY, PLEASE!"

"Fuck," I whispered as I wiped away my own tears. I was not some softy anymore. That was the old Harry, not me. He died a long time ago.

But old habits die hard, and I needed to go to her, if not for her, than for me.

Slowly, I walked out of my hiding place.

A twig snapped under my right foot and I froze. Did she hear that? No, she's too far away, too far swallowed up in herself to notice. I continued.

"Hey," I said softly.

Her head sprang up. "Harry!" she cried, throwing her arms around me.

"I'm not doing this for you, for him, or for anyone else. This is for me." I tried to sound angry, but I was failing horribly.

"I don't care, as long as you do it."

"I don't want Dumbledore around," I informed her.

She broke the hug and slapped me. "How dare you," she cried. "Dumbledore is the only reason we've survived thus far! You fight with him, or you're on your own."

Wow, she couldn't have given me an easier choice to make.

"Bye then," I said, standing. I walked back into the forest, changed, and was gone. I would have nothing to do with Dumbledore ever again.

Each night I go to bed

I pray the lord my soul to keep

No I ain't looking for forgiveness

But before I'm six foot deep

Lord I've got to ask a favor

And I hope you'll understand

'Cause I've lived life to the fullest

Let this boy die like a man

Staring down a bullet

Let me make my final stand

I boldly walked up to the phone booth that served as entrance to the Ministry. Guessing, I gave the first code I could think of--a number I knew Voldemort hated: 7-31-80.

It didn't work.

7-31-81

Bingo.

"Who are you and what do you want?" the voice of Bellatrix Lestrange demanded.

"Harry Potter," I shouted.

"Ha-Harry Potter is dead," she informed me. "Who are you?"

"I'm coming in, have Voldemort waiting. Tell him that today, he dies."

"I'll be waiting."

The elevator started moving downward. I knew Voldemort had been listening the entire time, and I also knew he knew I was never dead. I had been alive the entire time, waiting, killing his Death Eaters when they strayed too close to my path. Undoubtedly, he's known where I've been since my first act of brutality. My first act of defiance against him.

Indeed he was waiting for me at the bottom of the ride. I stepped off and my eyes--dark now, no longer the emerald they had been praised for--met his, no longer red and snakelike, but black and bottomless.

"Will we be expecting company?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Who would come to the aid of a madman?" I asked. "As far as I know, it's just you and me."

"Everyone," he called. "Leave us! This is a one-on-one duel between wizards and you are all to do as the victor says. If both duelists die, I expect you all to complete my work."

One by one, the faithful left. A familiar pair of gray eyes peered at me from under one of those masks and I knew the Malfoy Death Eater legacy had continued on to its last member. How proud Lucius must be to know that his only son assumed his role as the right-hand man.

Three doors closed, leaving the atrium to just us. We were circling each other, waiting for the moment to strike.

I made the first move. He opened himself to my attack when he glanced away, only for a second.

I used the curse Dolohav had used on Hermione back in our fifth year. I was right when I assumed the curse would have been more powerful if it had been spoken. This attack could kill you if you weren't strong enough. Hermione, it seems, was strong enough to survive the weakened version. I had no idea if she could stand it at its full strength.

Voldemort stumbled backward. That was all I expected of this curse. I hit him with it again, to weaken him before I could kill him.

Shot down in a blaze of glory

Take me now but know the truth

'Cause I'm going down in a blaze of glory

Lord I never drew first

But I drew first blood

And I'm no one's son

Call me young gun

I'm a young gun

"Damn you, Harry Potter!" Voldemort yelled as I cursed him again, this time using a different curse. He spat blood at my feet and I cursed him again. I was ruthless. I didn't care if I lived or if I died anymore. But if I were to die, I wasn't going without a fight.

"Damn me?" I asked as he fell to his knees. "You, who are a monster, who takes over a world of people just for your won selfish reasons, who rapes women and children--Muggle and wizard alike--are damning me? I may be forsaken in this world, but I know what is right and what is wrong. And you will pay for EVERYTHING!"

I used the Killing Curse then. I wasn't expecting it to kill him, just knock him down further, keep him down long enough for me to show him what real pain was.

But the curse did kill him. He toppled over, seemingly unconscious, so I bent down to check for his pulse. There was nothing. I checked for any signs of life and found none. Voldemort was dead.

I picked up his wand, a brother to my own, and snapped it against my knee. I looked at the phoenix feather core. It had turned black, not with age, but with hatred. The phoenix was a powerful bird, but its power held no sway over good or evil, and with the neutrality, anything was possible.

Voldemort was dead. The war was over. I wonder if he knew it would end this way.

I walked over to the line of fireplaces and tossed a handful of floo powder into one of them.

"Hogwarts, headmaster's office," I shouted clearly before I stuck my head in the flames.

Dumbledore sat calmly behind his desk, his eyes following Hermione as she paced.

"Voldemort's dead," I said. "It's all over."

I pulled my head out of the flames before either of them could say a word.